Luke's POV

'Sleep well my friend, there will be another moment we'll meet again'

My heart throbbed as I listened to the lyrics of Mayday Parade all night. That one line continuously keeps replaying in my mind as I thought of my mother. I can't imagine what I must be doing to her. How bad she must be hurting, knowing that her only son doesn't want to be in this world that she brought him in to.

I'm sorry.

I want to go in to her room and tell her that I'm truly sorry, but choking that out would be harder then anything. She's my mom, and I love her. Yet, I know that she would be better off without me. She wouldn't have to worry and wouldn't have to deal with the fear of possibly coming home to her sons attempt of suicide that she had barged in on multiple times before.

Bless her heart, she's tried everything she could to make me happy. It just doesn't work.

I sat up, taking out my headphones as I glanced around my bed for my phone, which was at my side. I picked it up and paused the song that was playing, throwing my phone and headphones back on to my mattress. I moved my legs to the side of my bed and got off, stumbling around my dark, clothing covered room.

I eventually made it to the door, tripping only twice.

I needed to talk to my mother, or at least lay with her for a few minutes. She comforts me most of the time.

I sleepily walked down the hallway towards my moms room. I wiped off the tears that remained on my face as I walked in to her room. I looked down at her, sleeping peacefully. I glanced out her window while I walked over towards the side of the bed my dad used to sleep in.

My dad.

I shook the thought of him out of my head, facing my back away from my moms as I rested my head on to the pillow. I shut my eyes, feeling my muscles relax as the mattress outlined my body, and within a matter of minutes I was asleep.

My dad had left a few years ago, I was about 9 years old, so he's been gone for about 9 years. I've gotten used to him not being here, and so has my mother. I don't know and will never know why he left, my mom has and most likely will never bring it up.

My mom has been through living hell when it comes to my dad and I. I'm mainly the stressor now, but he is definitely a man who impacted her life greatly.

* * *

Morning eventually came after a long night that consisted of 4 hours of sleep. The sun abruptly woke me up, causing a shade of red to be seen instead of black. I groaned, throwing the pillow that was too my side at the window.

"Damn sunlight.." I muttered out, sitting up and sliding off of the bed. I walked over to the pillow that had landed under the window and picked it up, then threw it back on to the bed.

I am definitely not a morning person, getting up is easy when something is truly irritating me and in this case it's the sunlight.

I walked out of my moms bedroom, then down the hall to my room. I stopped in my tracks as I heard a familiar voice coming from downstairs. It was a female, she had a sweet and raspy tone, but who is it?

My curiosity took over, which sent me in the direction of the stairs.

I walked sluggishly down the stairs, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes as I took a sharp left turn in to the living room, I saw a brown haired women, then realized who it was. I quickly turned around, soon being stopped by my mom.

"Good morning, Luke. Come and sit with us." She says, patting the spot next to her on the black leather couch.

I took a deep breath, walking over to the couch and sitting next to my mom, then staring up at Megan, my counselor.

"Hello, Luke. How did you sleep?" She asked. I gave a simple shrug, then stood up and past the two and walked into the kitchen.

I didn't like my counselor, she was very positive and it amazes me on how happy she always is. It's just something that I will never understand- how does someone enjoy life?

Wait, back up. Why is she here?

"Luke, please get back in here and sit." My mother pleads

"Can I eat?" I asked, the words slipping out of my mouth rudely.

"Not with that attitude you aren't, come here, Mrs.Megan would like to speak with you about something." She spoke sternly.

Groaning, I walked back in to the living room and threw myself back on to the couch. I looked across and focused my eyes on Megan.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, keeping her back straight as I leaned over on to my legs.

"The usual." I mumbled out, fiddling with my lip ring and putting pressure up against my knuckles, causing them to crack.

"And the usual as in you're having suicidal thoughts, or you're just not feelings the best, mentally?"

"I didn't know that I had a session today." I spat.

My mom nudged my side "Don't be rude, Luke, she's just trying to help."

I shake my head, placing my face in to the warm palms of my hands.

"Well Luke, there is a session today. Tell me your thoughts, all of them." She says, leaning back on to the cushions of the couch. She knew when to be stern with me, I'm an ass to her, hell- I'm an ass to everyone from what I've been told, but oh well.

"How is that ever going to help?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Its good to get things out, and I can't help you out much if I don't know what exactly is wrong with you at this moment, not in general." She reminds. I've heard that sentence way to many times throughout my teenage years.

I groaned, "My thoughts? hm" I glanced over at my mom, then back at Megan. "Well, to start it off, I don't want you here. I don't like these sessions, they don't help. Second, I'm thinking about how lonely I-"

"What were you thinking about before you went to bed last night?" She interrupted. I took a deep breath, looking down at the carpet. I couldn't say what I was thinking last night out loud- not with my mom in the room at least.

I glanced over at my mom "Mom, could you leave for a few minutes?" I asked, biting down on my bottom lip as I keep my eyes on her. She nodded, standing up and leaving; I watched her walk out, then looked back at Megan.

"I was thinking about what I must be putting my mom through. Hell, obviously." I admitted. Megan usually got me to speak about a few things, but not much. Im a closed book that you need a key to open, yet that key to open me up is lost. Hopefully forever. "But I started thinking also about how much I want to tell her that I'm sorry." I whispered.

Megan kept her brown eyes on me, she is a very good listener, and tries to pry as many things out that she can before helping me. I hate it, she knows my breaking point which is when I become annoyed.

"Then why don't you do it?" She asked. "It would mean a lot to her, because I couldn't possibly imagine how much pain she's in while seeing you in pain as well." She spoke to me softly, keeping her hands cupped together.

I sighed. "Because I'm scared that she'll get her hopes up about me not being depressed anymore." I admit. Megan nodded "Speaking of that, you do understand that people won't be consistently watching you while you're on watch, right?" she asked. I nodded; that brought some relief.

The rest of the session I zoned off, thinking about how my life is about to change for the next unpredictable amount of months. Im on lockdown, practically. An adult or someone has to be around me at all times, making sure that I don't jump off of a cliff, although not being free will push me towards doing that even more.

"Ill bring her by tomorrow," Megan spoke as she stood up and smoothed out the wrinkles on her shirt.

"Bring who by?" I asked, my mind switching back in to the reality of things.

"Oakley."

"Who's Oakley?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows.

"You didn't listen to a thing that I said, did you?" She asked, picking up her purse off of the ground. I shake my head.

"Well at least you're honest. You'll see, Just, try not to be rude- please." She begged.

I rised an eyebrow, watching as she walked out. I heard her and my mom speak to each other, although it was muffled as my mind took over again.

Who's Oakley?

Yes, Yes, I know it is boring, but if you've given my story a chance after reading the prolouge, thank you. cx.