He didn't leave a note.

He wasn't depressed.

Or, was he?

I know I am writing about Smiling Depression a lot, but I feel we need to remember that anyone of our friends could commit suicide, and we might not even know why.

Suicide is an escape.

.
He wasn't popular, but he had one or two close friends. He read most of the time, or he wrote. He was a very talented artist, though. His grades had begun to drop because he was struggling to stay focused.

While the teachers worried about him, they knew he could pass the class. He just had to turn in assignments.

The thing they enjoyed most with him was seeing the detailed drawing that lay on the sides of the paper.

Or perhaps it was the conversations. He had a close bond to his teachers, and he spoke openly to them.

He had friends his age, really only two that felt genuine. Emily and Alex.

Emily was the girl that was friends with everyone, though she always put him first.

Alex had a large group himself, the gamer geeks. You know, Fortnite, Call of Duty, MarioCart, etc.

But him? He only shared two classes with them a day, and they all lived further apart than desired. When he was with both his friends, he was a completely different person.

He spoke, he laughed, he was him. He felt happy. Or, did he?

After pretending for so long, he began to doubt his emotions.

He wasn't suicidal, but when he refilled his medication container; he had a neurological seizure disorder (Epilepsy). Extremely common in teens, younger, and elders.

One day, when his close mother went to get groceries, he couldn't fight the urge.

It wasn't a voice telling him to kill himself, but silence. The dog barked. He didn't like the dog, he preferred a cat.

In his mind, there were no thoughts.

The feeling resembled curiosity, if not anything else. A little guilt, but that was hardly felt.

His mother wouldn't be home for another hour.

Do you want the truth? The brutal truth? He didn't think about her.

He just stood there, holding the bottle of pills.

No, you can't do this. You aren't suicidal.

He slowly raised the bottle and no tears fell.

He felt about ready to throw up. He hasn't taken it with water, so he could taste the pills. He drank some water, then swallowed the rest of the pills.

________

He received a call on his phone.

"Hello, are you the son of Reniel Butiges?"

"Yes? Why? I-Is she in trouble?"

"I am sorry to say this, but she's been in a car accident."

"Is she alright?"

" I-"

"IS SHE ALRIGHT?"

"She died on the operating-" He hung up the phone.

He hasn't been feeling the side effects, until that moment. He felt his knees buckle as he criticised himself.

Why aren't I crying? He thought angrily as his hands balled into fists. She was my mother! Why aren't I crying?

Two hours later, the boy was dead.

Toby was eleven.