10/04/21 I think I'm going crazy, I can't sleep anymore, I constantly wake up seeing shadows, sleep paralysis is always around the corner, I hear voices whispering to me, ears ringing at me, people sitting in chairs of the room or staring at me, the eyes that tremble, the view that moves, getting darker, sometimes I don't recognize myself, but I think that is the deeper side of me, I begin to become aggressive, almost psychopathic, for example I begin to have murderous thoughts towards people I love like my brother, one day as we were going to bed I took the ladder and was about to throw it at him. I think this side of me is evolving slowly, I have more and more desire to hurt people, including myself, every night before going to bed I plan or mentally prepare suicide / homicide plans with clues and leads, not I deny it, I took a little inspiration from the killer of the zodiac who has never been captured and his codes and clues have never been deciphered. I do not deny that many times I think that my path is that, sometimes I think if I want to do it for pleasure or to escape, of course I would like to kill people probably torture them but I would also like to be kira 2.0 and kill those who deserve it. About a week ago I visited a site, which I do not name for safety, which included violent videos / gore from there I started thinking about the method by which to kill my victims, I would be stupid if I described them. This is a revelation that will be very surprising for you readers, whenever you see me kind, calm, and smiling I am probably already planning your murder and analyzing you, don't believe people, like me. Controlling emotions is not that easy but when you get carried away, you never stop.