chapter three;
- fear;

THE NIGHT ITSELF WAS EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL, THAN THE BLEEDING SKY AT SUNSET. Some stars were shining, and the dim light of the half moon dipped the dark streets in a lightened aura, which promised to keep the little creatures of the night safe. Even if Bleiz was normally walking the whole night, he has stopped today on a rock, just to watch the city. Some people were telling, that the night was quiet, almost dead. That the darkness would've meant death.

But they were wrong. They were all wrong. The night was full of life, if you would listen. Strong hooves of a deer made the leaves to rustle. Her light-brown eyes searching for any danger, or anything else, which could harm her fawn behind her long legs. A strong, bitter scent as mixed with the sweetness of the flowers. The clever fox ran after a fast rabbit, until it finally has caught it and sank its' teeth in the yet warm fur of the animal. The rabbit would be part of the fox after its' death, and the fox would turn to grass and be part of the rabbit. That was the balance of the nature, which has existed since the dinosaurs. It was a circle, which couldn't break, no matter what.

With his nose high, Bleiz tried to identify the several fragrances in the night life. It was almost too much to take, so he simply quit it and laid his head on the long, black, furry legs again. No animal would harm him. He was stronger than any of them, maybe even stronger than a bear, but he has never heard about bears in California anyway. Or wolves. At least, wild ones. A soft howl escaped his throat, ears standing straight up in the air, just to hear the replies. But there came no howling back. Only some barks of the several dogs, who were still awake, however shushed by their annoyed owners. With a sad whimper, Bleiz laid his head back down. What is the sense of a wolf's life with no pack? Nobody to protect or at least to take care of.

Like in trance, the giant wolf stood up, slowly walking back to the hotel. There was something different this time. Almost the whole weight of the world seemed to rest on his shoulders. Every step that he made, felt like another mistake. Another failure. It has been a huge mistake, to transform back some months ago. What was he without his inner wolf? A shadow. Only one of many. He would've lived his life. Frustrated, depressed, tired. Standing up, making coffee, getting ready for the job, working, coming back home and sleep. Every day the same stuff. How could people live with that? Maybe he was just weak, but Bleiz couldn't imagine for himself, to make this his whole life. It would destroy him.

Another whine escaped the throat of the wolf. There was something else, which destroyed him. The sweet scent laid again in the air, which pulled him like a magnet to the direction, from where it came from. Still, he couldn't reach it. It was almost impossible for him, to follow the fragrance. This other, bitter one was disturbing. It burnt in his nose, made the wolf whimpering. It was irritating, confusing, so he just shook his head, continuing his way to the hotel.

Like a blanket, the darkness was comforting him. He felt embraced and safe by the shadows of the night. It must have looked weird. Such a giant beast so calmly and peacefully, walking down the streets. Not even a single sound escaped him. Too much, the wolf was lost in his thoughts, ignoring almost everything else around him. The streets were quiet anyway, because almost nobody would go outside in the night. And if somebody would, they won't last longer. There could be far worse creatures than he, out in the night. The wolf looked up, the moon reflecting in his black pupil.

Sometimes, Bleiz asked himself, if there were any werewolves. The real werewolves. Those, who walked on two legs, can only transform during full moon and are even more unpredictable than his kind. Did even other ones like him exist? In his entire life, he has only met one other shape-shifter. But this one wasn't a wolf. And what was this thing with the soulmates, this person has told him? Will Bleiz ever meet his mate, or simply living forever alone, with a missing part in his heart and soul. Forever uncomplete. Probably. But who would be able to tell this? Sadly, the wolf looked down, just continued to walk. A strange, empty feeling made its' way through his skin, playing around every single bone, he owned, creeping until it got its' claw around the beating heart of the beast.

Every step felt heavy, the pain in his body causing him to stop. Shaking, the wolf stopped, looking up in the dark sky. Even the stars were not alone. A small lump was building in his throat. The stars also were there for something useful. A good thing. And he? Why was he alive, anyway? Where was his point in existing? Will he ever be someone's star? The reason, why they were smiling? Deep down, Bleiz hoped it. But on the other hand, he also knew that it was good to be alone. Nobody is going to hurt you and you can't hurt anybody. A very good thing normally.

A cold wind blew through his black fur, causing goose bumps on his back, so the wolf looked up, like he has just woken up from a dream. Again, the fresh air rustled around his ears, making the animal shook its' head. Even a light growl escaped his throat, before he simply walked again. But it felt so heavy, like he was drowning. Everything seemed to be so damn heavy again. Another, high whine echoed through the dark streets of California. Of course, nobody was answering him. Either because nobody could hear him or didn't want to.

His ears straightened against the sky, as soon as he could see the now familiar building of the hotel. It seemed like the letters wanted to be a concurrent of the stars, how they were shining in the night sky. Beautiful, but somehow a bit scary. The letter of the H was fluttering, like the hotel was an old building.

A bit nervous, Bleiz opened the side door with his giant paw, sniffing. Nothing. Well, at least he has thought. "Well, hello my dear. It's nice to see you again." The voice of James March reminded him of honey. The bitter one. Bittersweet, poisonous honey. A sweet melodic tone, yet full of darkness and the love of fear. This was the voice of James March. Slowly, the wolf turned his giant head to the ghost, his eyes sparkling with interest. "Good boy. You seem quite smart, huh?" James chuckled.

Softly, the wolf growled, tilting his head. What could this ghost want from him? Another deep growl escaped the animal, taking carefully a step towards. "Yeah, good pup. Just stop growling" Even if James' voice was still characterized with bitterness, he sounded softer, almost gentle. With a small hum, Bleiz poked lightly his hand. It was a bit weird, to have the company of someone, who didn't even have a beating heart, nor a fragrance, but still, Bleiz felt a little calm. Perhaps because this March didn't seem to be his enemy. At least now.

"You're such a good boy", he coughed him, the corners of his mouth twitching to a devilish grin. But the animal hasn't noticed it, simply enjoying the gentle pats on his back. "You still can remember, what I've told you about this guy, right?", March asked him. As an answer, Bleiz nodded, growling softly because of the gentle scratches behind his ear. "You'll see him in some days and since then, I want you to follow him, every time, he wouldn't be in the hotel, until I order you to stop, do you understand?" Small shivers went down the broad back of the wolf, indeed he just hummed, nodding. "Good. Now you're free to go." Grinning, March let go of the animal, turning around to disappear in the darkness again.

A light whine escaped Bleiz' throat, his body shaking. Somehow, he felt scared now. As quick as possible, the wolf turned and just ran. He has never run so fast. His long, strong legs carried him safe upstairs, only leaving small pawprints on the red carpet. At this moment, Bleiz didn't care of any trails, he forgot to clean up. He just wanted to run in his room, changing back his form, maybe taking a shower and hide under his blankets. Another whine came out of his throat, causing him to speed up. Already, his muscles started slowly to burn, exhaustion almost overwhelming him.
His heart was beating loud and hard, almost painful in his broad chest. Still, the wolf didn't stop running.

With a shaking paw, he opened the door, quickly changing his form. His breath was heavy, as he finally locked his room and stumbled in the bathroom. "Oh god, what does this psycho want from me?", he asked himself, looking at his face in the mirror. Carefully, Bleiz touched his cheek, which had a long, deep cut above his fine jawline.

"Where does this come from?", he wondered, whipping away the blood. It was dark. Even darker than wine. He squeezed the wound, flinching a bit because of the soft burning. The dark-red liquid made its' way down his cheek, coloring his almost pale skin also red. The blood reminded him of something. Something, which he always tried to forget.

"Did I hurt anybody?", he whispered, studying his face. For just a second, his chocolate-brown eyes turned to an icy blue. Empty, blue eyes from a monster, a beast, which was only there to tear something apart. Hunting, surviving and killing. These were the only instincts he had. No, not him. The monster, which he carried inside his beating heart. And it seemed to get stronger every day, taking slowly control over his body. He felt weak, almost fragile. It was so strong, and he was so weak. His stomach flipped inside, and Bleiz started to cough.

Quickly, he ran towards the toilet, opening its' lid. A tiny cry escaped his throat, his body shaking, while Bleiz tried to support at least a little his body with holding himself on the wall. Another cough escaped him, which made him to bow more above the bowl. His spit came out of his mouth, the sour taste of his own bile making its' way up to his mouth. Again, it felt almost too much. He was so weak and small at this moment. Several times, Bleiz blinked as he could feel the hot liquid forming in his eyes. Tears.

Tears, which were running down his cheeks. Tears, which were dropping in the bowl like a sad, piano melody. Tears, which made him feel even weaker. Tears, which made him realize, that only the animal inside him was strong. He was nothing compared to this beast. This beast was cruel, but at least strong, powerful, causing despair and terror under the people. And what was he? The real Bleiz? A nobody. Just one under thousands.

Another whimper escaped his throat, feeling the metallic taste of blood making its' way up. The tears were floating his cheeks like a river, while finally all the blood came out of his mouth. He hated to vomit. Still Bleiz didn't know, why he had to do this sometimes, but maybe he ate as a wolf, things, which he couldn't digest properly as a human. The blood just came out of his mouth, a dark-red beam, sinking in the bowl. Silently crying during this slight torture, he was already used to. It has been his life now for years, however Bleiz wasn't still used to some stuff.

It took some minutes, which felt like hours, until he has been finally done. His hand was shaking, even feeling a bit numb, just like the rest of his body. The horrible taste in his mouth, almost made him want to vomit again, but Bleiz tried to be at least a little strong. A tiny whimper escaped his throat, while he pressed the button of the toilet flush and closed the lid.

Heavy breathing, he sat down on it, holding his stomach. It felt like somebody has cutting a hole in it. Alone the thought made the boy gasped for breath. He needed to make himself ready and get some sleep. His body maybe was already too fragile now to carry himself into the bed. But Bleiz would try.
Every step he took, Bleiz thought like he was about to give in and just smashed with the knees on the ground. With a light growl, he finally stumbled in the shower, turning immediately the hot water on, heart pounding in his chest.

Even if the hot water hit his body like tiny slaps, he tried to relax and leaned against the wall. The coldness of it, made him smile a little. He loved it. No matter if it was ice, snow, or simply cold things, everything felt like a pleasure to him. A soft sigh escaped his throat, feeling how his heart calmed down, just like every other part of his body.

Bleiz let himself slide down the wall, until he sat in the shower, breathing loudly out in exhaustion. Besides his now relaxing body, he now realized, how tired he was. Yet he knew, he wouldn't proper sleep tonight. Another, small tear ran down his cheek. Who has he killed? Maybe a father or mother, who had children or other people, who have loved them. Bleiz pulled roughly his knees up to his chin, head burring against his long legs. He didn't know how many lives he has taken. But he has changed probably far more.

A monster. That's what he was. Nothing more than a stupid, horrible monster. A small sob escaped him. He has never wanted this, but he couldn't do a thing against it. With shaking hands, he grabbed the shampoo, roughly massaging his hair with it. The scent of coconut was laying in the air. Coconut was probably the only nut, he was able to eat, without dying. Besides, the oil and fragrance were calming him. Maybe it was the sweetness, or the intensity, which made him feel better. It felt just good. Slowly, he started to draw with his finger small patterns above his leg. He didn't really know what, just drawing some random patterns. An old friend of him has once told him to do this, whenever he felt stressed, tensed or something like that.

With a soft hum, he simply continued the exercise, trying to forget everything around him, expect for the coconut. The corners of his mouth were twitching, forming a little smile. He truly felt better. Still his legs were shaking, but Bleiz managed to stand up and finally rubbed his body with the gel. Carefully, he brushed over the scars, right above his heart, biting roughly down on his lower lip, as he tried to forget the memories about them.

In this night, he has often thought, that this would've been his last one. A shiver made its' way down his back, crawling across his skin. No, now it wasn't the time to think about this. He was now alive, and this was all, what mattered. At least for the next time, he hoped. Sighing, he finished showering himself and stepped out of it.

Immediately, he wrapped a towel around his hips, drying a bit his chest with another one. "They have a lot of towels", Bleiz muttered to himself, frowning a little. Usually, you could've been gratefully, if a hotel would've had at least one. But here, he counted five. Strange. Like he had thought before, this place seemed to get weirder every day. As fast as Bleiz could, he finally dried and put a pair of boxers on.

Exhausted, the young man laid down in the bed, curling up to a ball. He squeezed a little the blanket, pulling it closer to his body. Maybe he would be able to sleep at least some hours. Not much. He hoped at least. With a little smile, he closed his eyes. Bleiz was just about to enter the land of dreams once again, but a knock on his door woke him immediately up.

"Come in", he ordered, pushing the annoyed tone down, to sound a bit friendly and not pissed off. "Hey, it's me." Liz' familiar voice made him smile in honesty. "It's alright, come in. I have boxers on", Bleiz explained, followed by a soft chuckle. "Okay, that's all, I needed to know", Liz hummed, while she opened the door.

Even if his private part was covered, the young man pulled a blanket up. Maybe in politeness, he didn't really know why, it was simply a reflex. "Oh, you really didn't have to cover yourself completely for me." An amused smirk has been formed on Liz' flawless, defined face. "Uhm ... Just reflex, sorry", he murmured, blushing a bit in embarrassment. "It's alright", she waved off with her hand and sat down on his bed.

"Okay uhm ... what's wrong?", Bleiz wanted to know, tilting his head a little. His legs were a bit shaking. It made him somehow nervous, that she was here. Why would Liz come in the middle of the night, to visit him? Well, not just to say good night, right? A bit confused, he studied her.

"Well, I've heard some strange noises and I just wanted to check, if you're alright", she explained. "Uh ... which strange noise?", Bleiz wanted to know, his voice barely a whisper. Somehow, he was afraid, that she might has heard him vomiting. It was embarrassing for him.

"Like a dog would walk around. Strange, I know, because dogs aren't allowed in here." The woman chuckled a bit, making Bleiz only to grin a bit. "Yeah, maybe you've heard them outside barking", he explained, trying to calm his fast heartbeat down. On the on hand, he was glad, she hasn't heard him at least in his human form, on the other hand, he was scared that she has heard him in his wolf-form. He needed to be more careful in the future. Or else, he could maybe lose everything. So Bleiz just sat there in silence and forced himself to smile.