Lights flash and skip across the exterior of the club as a paramedic tends to me, but I'm not paying attention to a word she says. Instead, I'm focused on the other paramedics, with little puffs of fog escaping their mouths as they count to three before scooping Enzo onto a stretcher. They wheel him to the ambulance and slide him inside, so I rush to him, despite my paramedic yelling that she's not done with me.

I don't care.

I can't let Enzo out of my sight.

"I'm going with him!" I shout to whoever can deliver the message to my brother and hike into the ambulance. 

Two of the paramedics continue working on Enzo and rip open his shirt to get to his wounds. I flinch when a button from his dress shirt hits my cheek, and there's a low humming in my ears as I watch their mouths move, but I don't hear a sound. I don't even hear the siren blaring or feel the bumpy movements as we navigate traffic through the city. Instead, it's my frantic heartbeats. 

There is so much blood oozing from countless stab wounds in Enzo's torso, and I want to plug them with my fingers, but another paramedic takes my hands to examine the cuts on my palms. She says something, but I don't hear a word. I'm too focused on the others as they work quickly yet calmly to stop Enzo's bleeding. My eyes widen when one practically straddles him to begin chest compressions. That's when the alarm on the EKG machine catches my attention. I wish Anika were here to tell me what the squiggly lines mean, but I've gathered enough to know that if they're giving him CPR, then it's not good.

When we arrive at the hospital, it's a controlled frenzy as two of the paramedics rush to haul Enzo out of the ambulance with the other paramedic still giving him CPR. The emergency staff takes over as a nurse climbs onto the stretcher to take over with chest compressions and they wheel Enzo inside like it's an Olympic race. I run alongside them until I'm told I can't proceed any further and have to stay behind. I fight with them—insisting that I cannot leave Enzo's side, but the medical team doesn't have time to entertain my demands. They push through another set of double doors, leaving me behind, frozen, trembling, and covered in blood. I don't even notice someone's hand on my arm until they snap their fingers in my face. My eyes flitter, then focus on whoever this rude person is.

"Ma'am, you're in shock." The male nurse takes my elbow and guides me away from the doors. "Let's see to your wounds. Looks like whoever attacked your friend got you pretty good, too."

I shake my head and point behind me. "But—" 

"They're rushing him into surgery. We'll know more in a bit. He's in good hands."

My feet are reluctant, and I keep looking over my shoulder at the double doors that separate Enzo and me. I need to be by his side, hold his hand, tell him I love him, and never let him go, but I follow the nurse into a room instead. 

◇◇◇

It feels as if hours have passed, but I honestly don't know how much time has gone by, and the scuffed linoleum tiles in the emergency room will need to be replaced from how much I'm pacing. With everything that happened with Enzo, I was too hysterical to notice my own wounds, and it turns out the coward who attacked us, stabbed me three times. Thankfully, the asshole missed my organs. I should be lying down, but I can't sit still when I have no idea what is going on with Enzo.

"Ma'am, you need to get back on the bed. We're not done addressing your wounds," a nurse says while attending a patient a few beds over.

"What's going on with Enzo." I continue pacing. "No one will tell me."

"Who?" 

"My boyfriend!" I whirl around. "The man who was stabbed and rushed in for surgery."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I don't have an update, and he's not my patient. However, you are, and I need you to lie down."

"I can't!" 

Another nurse walks in, this time with Lydia in tow. I freeze. I really need to remove her from my emergency contact list since she insists on behaving like a little shit when it comes to Enzo. 

"Mara!" She shoves past the nurse and throws her arms around me. "Oh, my God. Are you ok!"

"She won't be if she doesn't lie down," the nurse says. "We're not done cleaning and stitching her wounds, and she still needs to have some tests done."

"Mara..." Lydia narrows her eyes at me as if I'm one of her kids. "You need to listen to them. You were stabbed."

I shrug away from her. "They won't tell me what's happening with Enzo."

"Enzo?"

"He was trying to prote—" my voice cracks, and my throat tightens, so I slap my hand over my mouth as a deluge of tears start flowing. I brace myself against the railing of the bed, a deep breath catching in my esophagus. "He..." It hurts to speak. "Was stabbed, too."

"Shhh..." Lydia rubs my back. "It's going to be ok."

 "Multiple times, Lyd!"

"It's going to be ok."

"No." I shake my head, rubbing my sternum. "It's not good, Lyd. They had to do CPR and they rushed him into surgery, and no one will tell me what's going on."

"Probably because there isn't anything to report yet. No news is good news."

"No." I shake my head again, and my chest feels too tight, so I keep rubbing my sternum and taking deep breaths. "Something is wrong. I can feel it."

"You're panicking." Lydia places her hands on my shoulders to stop me from pacing and looks me in the eyes. "Speculating will only make it worse. He's in good hands, and right now, we need to take care of you." She studies my torso and swallows. "You're still bleeding..." 

I shove away from her. "I don't care!"

"Well, I do!" Lydia barks. "And I'm sure Enzo will, too. So, get your bony ass back on that bed, damn it!"

I freeze.

"Come on," Lydia says softly and takes my elbow. "One thing at a time. Let the nurses take care of you, and then we can hunt someone down to tell us about Enzo."

"Fine." I wipe my tears and climb onto the bed.

Lydia tucks the blanket around me and fluffs a pillow before placing it behind my head. She brushes the tangled curls away from my forehead and kisses it. For the next hour, she remains by my side and it seems like forever before an update comes. 

But it comes.

A doctor enters the room and slides off his sweaty surgical cap. I bolt upright, then notice Enzo's uncle Sammy is right behind him. He removes his fedora but doesn't make eye contact with me. Instead, he stares at the floor, and I swallow hard, my vision already blurring with tears.

"There is no easy way to say this," the doctor sighs heavily while gripping his surgical cap.

"No... please no." I shake my head.

"We tried everything we could. Unfortunately, the wounds were too severe, and Enzo lost a lot of blood."

"No..."

"He coded three times during surgery, and we failed to revive him during the last one. We tried everything we could, and I'm so sorry for your loss."

Loss. The word rings in my head over and over again. Loss. As if Enzo is a set of car keys that were misplaced. But he's not an object. Enzo is irreplaceable, and the man I love with my entire fucking heart! I don't want to hear anything else as I jump out of bed. 

"Take me to him!"

"Ma'am, we cannot—"

"Take me to him!" I yell. "He'll want to see me. He needs to know I'm ok!" 

The surgeon bites his lower lip with pity in his eyes. "You don't want to see him like this."

"Yes, I do! He wants to see me."

"Mara..." Lydia places her hands on my elbow and waist. "I don't think you understand what he's saying."

I shove her hands away and march forward. "Take me to him, damn it!"

"Mara," Sammy says this time. "Enzo is gone. He didn't make it."

"No..." I cover my eyes and shake my head. "No. Don't say that!"

"It's going to be ok." Lydia wraps her arms around me.

"No, it's not!" I push her away and jab my finger in her face as a rage boils in my chest so hot that fire practically spews with my words. "You didn't even like him with your self-righteous, stuck-up bullshit. You think you're so much better than everyone, but what the hell do you know about love, and you have the audacity to stand there with your fake pity and tell me it's going to be ok? Fuck you, Lydia!"

"Mara," Lydia steps forward, her tone gentle. "If you need me to be your punching bag, I'll be your punching bag. It's ok. I can take it. Just let it all out."

My face crumples with a sob. "Stop!"

"It's ok." She inches closer, her arms circling me.

"Stop, Lyd."

"It's ok, Mara."

Every part of my skin crawls with an overwhelming ache to feel Enzo's touch. To have him comfort me instead of my sister. However, I stop fighting Lydia and collapse into her arms as the emotional dam gives way and floods my entire being with the knowledge that Enzo is gone.

◇◇◇

It's been about an hour since finding out that the man I love died trying to protect me. Nothing makes sense, nor does it feel real. Instead, I'm floating somewhere high above everyone, watching things unfold like some distant being. Lydia touches my cheek and says something, then grabs a disinfectant wipe, and approaches.

For some reason that snaps me back.

"What are you doing!?" I block her hand.

"You have a blood on your cheek."

Furrowing my brows, I stroke my skin and feel that it has crusted. Then I remember. Enzo pressed his palm against my cheek...

"Don't touch me!" I bark.

"What?"

"I don't want you to wipe it off!"

"Mara..." Lydia tilts her head with a frown. "Let me clean you up."

"I said, no." I smack her hand away and swing my legs over the side of the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"To the bathroom. Is that ok?" I snap.

"Sure. It's fine, but Mara, let me help you." Lydia takes my elbow.

"I don't need your help."

But I do. My knees are like jello, and my head is throbbing from an apparent concussion, so I have to grip the railing of the bed just to get around it. Lydia knows this, yet steps back while I stubbornly Frankenstein my way to the bathroom. I don't even bother to close the door when I step inside, and Lydia watches as I wrestle with the IV drip attached to me while trying to hike up my hospital gown. I flop onto the toilet seat with a thud, and from the corner of my eye, I see her flinch or jump like she wants to help me but is fighting it.

When I'm finished, I use the metal handlebar against the wall to assist me up, then hobble to the sink. I begin washing my hands but freeze when I see the imprint of Enzo's palm on my cheek in blood. I stroke it... his hand. I'm never washing it off and I will wrestle everyone like a damn gorilla if they try to clean it. I exit the bathroom and glare at Lydia on my way back to the bed. A nurse arrives and says she's going to escort us to the morgue.

"The what?"

"So you can say goodbye to your friend," she explains.

"He was my boyfriend!" I bark.

"Mara..." Lydia scolds. "She's just trying to help."

"Fine. Take me to him." 

The nurse guides us through various corridors like a maze, until we reach a double set of doors with Morgue in big ugly letters above it. They might as well be flashing neon lights with how painful it is knowing that Enzo ended up here, instead of back at his apartment making love to me. 

We were supposed to start our future together...

The room with all of the refrigerated cadavers is dreary, cold, and eerie. It's perfect for a horror movie, which is exactly what all of this feels like. A shiver rolls up my spine. I don't like knowing Enzo will spend the night here alone. His uncle Sammy is here with Carmine and Dominic when we enter, and they're whispering with tears in their eyes.

Sammy approaches first. "I spoke with staff so they would allow us to say our goodbyes. It took some... persuasion, but it's all sorted." 

"Thank you," I say.

"Of course. Anything for my nephew," Sammy sighs. "Anyway, he's right over here." He guides me to a metal slab in the middle of the room with bright lights above it. There's clearly a body underneath the white sheet, and suddenly I don't want to look. I dig my heels into the cement floor, shaking my head. Lydia squeezes my elbows.

"It's ok. You don't have to see," she says.

But it's too late. Sammy folds the white sheet back to reveal Enzo's face and neck. He crosses himself, then kisses his fingers and presses them to Enzo's forehead.

"Love you, kid," he says and looks at me. "I made sure they cleaned him up for you. Just... don't pull the sheet down any further. You don't want to see the rest."

I nod and lift one foot in front of the other as I force myself to wade through the invisible mud, gluing my shoes to the ground. This isn't how I want to remember Enzo. He doesn't even look real, lying there on a cold metal table with the warmth drained from his flesh. I run my knuckles down his cheek, and it doesn't feel like Enzo either. 

My stomach recoils, and I shake my head while stepping back. "No. It's not him."

"Mara..." Sammy frowns and starts to say something, but I put up my hand. 

"No. Whatever you're going to say, don't. It's not him!"

"It is him," Lydia says.

"No, damn it!" I stomp my foot. 

"Let's get you out of here." She takes my hand. "We shouldn't have come here."

"Don't touch me!" I rip my hand away. "I want everyone to leave me alone!"

"Mara!" Lydia scolds.

"I need to be alone."

"It's fine," Sammy says. "We'll be outside of those doors."

Lydia lingers for a few beats but follows the men into the hallway. When the doors shut behind them, the weight of the room's emptiness hits me tenfold. Enzo is right there. Except he's not. He was my person, and now I'm alone again. 

It's probably morbid for me to do so, but I bend at the waist to kiss him repeatedly. With each kiss, I keep hoping he'll kiss me back, and that he'll open his eyes and smile, and all of this will just be some terrible dream. He'll hop off the table, and we'll leave this place together, then one day, we'll laugh about how hysterical I was because I thought he died.

I kiss him again and again, and squeeze him tight, waiting for him to call me his Tiny Dancer.

But he doesn't.

Having him gone is my new reality.

Tears roll down my cheeks onto him. So I wipe them off gently and blow out a breath. This is so unfair. 

How am I supposed to live in a world without him in it? Enzo entered my life when I was at my lowest and opened his heart to show me that some men are protectors and will go above and beyond to show you their love. I close my eyes and try to remember the sound of his voice when he told me he loved me. I want to hold onto how it made me feel to finally hear those words, and truly understand the meaning of it when it comes from your soulmate.

A sob from the back of my throat explodes, as I say, "I love you, Enzo Esposito, and I always will."

*
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First, I want to apologize for hurting everyone's feelings 🫂🫂🫂 I'm not one to promise happy endings since I write morally grey characters and themes, so sometimes characters have to die 🫣 Believe me, it hurts me too. I love Enzo!

That said, don't forget to check out the bonus chapter with an alternate outcome ❤️