Phoebe's POV:

I love you.

The three words swirl around my head relentlessly. Somewhere in between our screaming and Mr. M sitting me on his desk to have sex, again, it clicked that I love this man.

I want exclusivity because I want him to be mine. I want to wake up beside him almost every day, excluding some days because he'll be gone on business trips or I'll be -whatevering. I see a long future with Mr. M, that's why I don't stop him from seducing me. I want this. I want him.

Each bite, each kiss, each groan, makes me feel light with happiness. After my orgasm shocks wear off, I open my eyes to see Mr. M starring at me. His eyes shine with the same light that mine shine with, does he feel the love that I feel?  All I do know is that the clarity of this moment isn't lost on either of us. 

I open my mouth to say the words, but they won't leave my throat. What if I'm just imagining the love swimming in his eyes? Why is taking the first step so hard?

'I will not punk out this time.' I tell myself.

Steeling my nerves, I take a deep breath- only for Mr. M to kiss me before I can forcibly exhale the words. I relax immediately knowing that our moment is over.

His bare chest against mine just feels right, and the feeling of him pushing my vaginal walls apart makes me lose track of all semblance of time as we make out.

The pressure of Mr. M inside me becomes too much and I swirl my hips around to ease it. Unintentionally I break our kiss to pant against his lips. He needs to move now, I can't take this torture anymore. I grab his butt to prompt movement and he doesn't disappoint.

Mr. M eases back only to crash his pelvis against mine, making me shriek. Fingers find their way to my clit and my entire body tenses knowing that I'm almost to my climax. Just a bit more....

I feel Mr. M moving away and I wince when he leaves my body. From the look on his face, I'd say he's angry but his eyes are full of fervor.

"Since you want to please yourself so much, I'll get out of your way and just watch." Mr. M huskily barks.

I watch him dumb founded as he grabs his rolling chair and places it right in front of me, as close to my vagina as space would allow. Mr. M then plops down into the chair and point blank stares at me, he's so close I can practically feel his hot breath hitting my pussy. The intimacy of this causes shivers to run through my body, goosebumps raise all along my skin.

A slap on my inner thigh has me reacting in two ways, the first being a grunt of surprise and the second is a rush of liquid warmth stating my arousal. Mr. M is impatient. 

I look down to my pussy and realize that Mr. M was talking about my fingers automatically finding their way to my clit. I didn't even notice that I was masturbating again until I feel Mr. M's fingers sliding in between my folds, making my sensational capacity overload. My head tilts back automatically and my back arches to give him a better angle.

A grunt from Mr. M has twisting my body to look at him and I halt everything just to watch as he strokes his lubricated dick. Our eyes connect and now we're just watching the other please themselves.

The heat in this office is unbearable. I'm sweating, panting really, and almost completely positive that my hair is an unruly mess. I can't find it within myself to readily care that his secretary probably knows what we're doing. 

"Now-" It's the only word that I can say. Everything else is either in grunts, groans, moans, purrs, and growls.

"Come-" Mr. M seems to have the same enunciation problem that I have, but our limited vocabulary isn't hard to follow.

I hop off the desk and nearly tackle Mr. M down in his chair. I'm giving nothing but kisses and bites until I feel Mr. M breach my entrance. In this moment I stay still with horrid anticipation for the pleasure I knows coming.

He grabs the back of my neck to keep me in place and then roughly enters me. I'm sure he doesn't expect me to swivel down further but right now I could care less about him, I want rough.

Mr. M sucks in his breath, tries to maintain his control of our situation, and then gives up because we're both ready to explode.

"Ride-" He pants while pushing his hips up to meet my thrusts downward.

"Couch!" I growl into his mouth before slamming our lips together.

Nothing more needed to be said, our primal urges take over. 

~~~

I wake up confused and too hot. I feel a hand stroking my thigh and my memories realign.

"Hot." I grumble.

The heat is replaced immediately with cool air and I sigh in relief. His arms pull me closer to his body, but now that the blanket's gone, I'm fine with it.

'Now!' My emotional core screams from inside of my chest, 'Tell him now!'

I keep quiet and snuggle closer to his body. Our skin on skin contact has me marveling over how malleable we are.

'Coward.' My heart sneers, I feel a pinch of disappointment but I give it little power to change my decision. 

Tired of starring at the office, I turn around to look at my lover. His hello is a soft kiss on my lips. His eyes are barely open but I know he's just relaxed, not exhausted. 

'NOW!' My heart changes tactics. 'This moment is too perfect, to waste, by being silent.'

I relent and hope my eyes can relay the message of my need for him, my love. They are the only part of me that I can't control.

Mr. M seems to understand but then his face shuts down. I open my mouth to question the change but the next thing I know, I'm under attack.

Kisses rain down on my lips, breasts, and neck making me laugh.

Allowing a small part of me to slip was a big mistake. I can't hold it in any longer, the pressure in my chest keeps building and it's getting unbearable.

"Mr. M, I-you-" I choke out.

My strangled voice gets his attention immediately and he stops his assault.

"You never answered." This three lettered phrase slips past my lips easily.

His body tenses up and mine does the same out of instinct.

Our skin is no longer malleable, it's taunt ready for impact. This can't be good.

"Phoebe... I can't. I went through so much with Nash, I'm scared of it happening again with us." His face is sincere and open.

I believe him but the rejection stings. 

"I only want a solid relationship." I snap. How is that so hard to get?

"You're young, you'll want the general milestones that come with long relationships. At some point you'll push for things I'm not sure I can give you." Mr. M doesn't stop me when I roll off of the couch to stand up.

"What are you blathering on about?" I ask not really paying attention. I'm so angry, nothing can ever be simple with this man. I grab at my clothes thrown around the room and start putting them on.

"What are your thoughts on marriage? Children? Relationships progress to those at some point." He says calmly.

"Yeah they do. What's wrong with that?" I nearly yell. A simple bitch would assume he doesn't want kids with me, I try to hold back my tears.

"I've already been there and done that Phoebe. I- feel- you but I'm not sure if I'll be able to go through it again."

"I am not her!" This time I try to yell. My chest hurts and I'm breathing too hard for my words to come out forcefully. 

"I know, but the scars from that make me wary. I want to get through this Phoebe, I just need time- we just need time." Mr M sits up and I grab his boxers and throw them at him.

I can't let his penis distract me when he's basically telling me that his heart has been through too much to try again. To love again.

"So you just fucked me only to dump me." I spit. I hear the "need time" crap and I know that he won't change.

He'll never change. If I stay he'll just work his way around the topic, again and again. 

"No. At first I was saying yes, then I thought of just breaking this off, but now I know that I'm too selfish to let you go." Mr. M sounds undecided.

I back up slowly until I stumble and fall into his chair. My head drops into my hands and I shake in my effort not to cry.

"What now?" My voice warbles, I'm not even sure he can hear me with my hands covering my face. 

He gets close, but he doesn't touch me and for that I'm grateful.

"We get through this." He says, as if it's that simple. He won't give me a chance and I want longevity.

This isn't what equality feels like.

I lift my head and take notice of some boxes in the corner.

Mr. M notices my gaze and follows it.

"I have to go back to HQ." He shrugs.

"What do you mean?" I stupidly ask.

"This was a temporary post for me. I was just here to start up this location and then move back."

"If I didn't come here, would you have told me of your leaving?"

His silence is my answer. Even though we were in a bad place, I would've told him about something as big as moving.

If I didn't come crawling back to him, Mr. M would've been gone with the wind and we probably wouldn't have ever seen each other again. His stubbornness is that strong that he won't bend ever to keep us afloat. Now I know how seriously he takes us.

I'm only worthy when I come back.

A shield drops and suddenly I am entirely done with this shit.

"I'm done." I say aloud. My voice is no longer weak, my legs support me as I stand up and my heart- is numb for now.

"Phoebe..." Mr. M's voice is a warning, he won't just let me walk away. His face looks a bit confused but his instincts know that a fight is coming.

"You would've left without a word to me. Am I that insignificant on your call list that you couldn't at least tell me that you were moving?" I want to sound outraged but I don't feel the fire anymore.

"That's not what I said." He counters.

"You didn't say anything."

"Why is it so hard to keep the peace Phoebe? It's a simple misunderstanding but now you're threatening to leave." He grabs the bridge of his nose and take a deep breath as if it'll give him patience to deal with me. As if I'm throwing a toddlers tantrum.

"I love you." My voice should be filled with passion but it comes out monotone.

His body freezes and nothing can beat the shock on his face.

"Say it back." I challenge, knowing full well that I'm pushing him away.

This has to end. I just need to know how he feels before I walk out of here. Again his silence, and the way his face shuts down gives me my answer. He may like me but when the "L" word comes out, Mr. M can't handle that.

He opens his mouth only to close it and then shake his head. I nod mine in understanding.

"I love you, you bastard. But I'm done. You have taken me through damn near every emotion on the spectrum and now I have nothing left to give you. Say you love me!" I yell the end in desperation.

I rushed into things and now it's biting me in the ass.

Mr. M's eyes leave mine in favor of looking out of the window. The dismissal obvious.

"Phoebe..." He sighs but I'm already opening the door.

I turn around and see him standing in the middle of his office, in nothing on but his boxers. He should look vulnerable but in all honesty, Mr. M looks like he could go to war in his underwear and win the damn thing.

"I hope one day, when your scars no longer hurt, you'll find someone able to love you like I do." Maybe I sound stupid, maybe I sound wise, but all I know is that I don't want my last words to him to be out of anger.

"Don't be like this Phoebe." He commands while not moving an inch to stop me.

"I won't be coming back."

I turn to damn near run out of his office. My resolve slipping with each step. I make it out to the hallway and then I hear my name being called by his secretary. Skipping the elevator, I bolt down the stairs as tears trail down my cheeks.

He won't even chase after me.

By the time I get to the bottom floor, I somehow manage to stop my tears and wipe my face. I'll be damned if I walk out of this building sniveling.

Moving briskly, I ignore the second secretary on my way out.

The sky is grey when I look up and if I could feel anything, I'd probably like that the sky decided to match my mood.

'Tonight,' the dark grey clouds promise me, 'there will be a storm.'

I manage to keep my face blank long enough to make it to Ross' apartment door.

AN: I suck at breakups y'all. BTW, I'm still looking for an editor!!