Much to my displeasure, the two men and the woman from earlier also join us at our table as Harry and I sit down. They seem to be preoccupied with speaking to another older gentleman at our table so maybe I will be spared from having to converse with them through the night. Several people greet Harry as they pass him, presumably on the way to their own tables. Harry doesn't bother to introduce me to any of them as they chat, though I get a couple of nosy looks as they pass us by. I feel so completely invisible to Harry, and yet everyone else in the room is staring at me.

"Welcome everyone, thank you so much for joining us this evening. As many of you may already know; my name is Lisa Robertson and I will be your host for the evening" The glamorous woman on the stage pauses as she is showered in applause, I politely clap along with the crowd.

"I have worked with Stand Up To Cancer for the last fifteen years and I am honoured to be here with you tonight so let's make it a great one. We will be beginning the evening with our dinner service before we have a short break that will be followed by the charity auction"

As though by magic, a flurry of waiters in white suit jackets appear from nowhere carrying plates of food and begin to place them down in front of the diners. I guess fancy events like this start with a small plate of salad, as I find out when a plate is placed down in front of me.

Everyone begins to eat and idly chat around is, a bundle of nerves start to bubble up within my stomach. It's causing me to actively loose my appetite as I take small bites of the lettuce leaves.

"What have you told these people about me?" I lean close to Harry's side and whisper to him, so that only the two of us can hear. If he spun such a story about how we met with some confidence then he must have some idea of the girl he wants me to be.

"Nothing" he simply replies after having a small sip of his drink. His eyes are on me, but I feel as though he's looking through me. The only time I've ever seen him have a similar is when he's talking to his staff, or even John. There's an odd emptiness to him, like he's speaking for someone he has little regard for. And fuck does it hurt, but I brush it aside. Stick to the contract, don't make a scene.

"If they ask me about myself, do you want me to lie?" I ask him in a voice barely above a whisper, though there is a slight tilt to my voice.

"If you wish, if you do decide to embellish just make sure you can remember what you've said" his tone conveys one of kindness, but his words cut like a knife. He's not telling me to lie explicitly, but it's not the answer that I hoped I would get. No 'be yourself, I like who you are and if they don't like you well I don't give a rats ass' or anything like that. He barely knows anything about me really, apart from the very little I've told him and yet he still doesn't want me to tell the full truth about myself. He seems to be very comfortable with lying, it makes me wonder if anything he's said to me has ever been really true. Maybe the only true things he's said to me have been when he's in stressed situations: I'm childish, a whore, an employee.

"What do you want me to do?" I reiterate the point. I'm terrified of having to talk to these other people about myself, and I don't want to embarrass either Harry or myself if we get caught in some kind of lie.

"Just make yourself look good" He looks back towards the group and starts to eat his food, effectively ending the conversation between us. And it's in that instance that all the compliments he has given me disappear into thin air. He doesn't think I look good on my own, in the surface level he knows me at. He wants something completely different to who I really am. My outward packaging is fine for him, but the second someone starts to take a closer look he wants to change me.

I nod my head and stare down at the freshly green salad still sitting in front of me, willing myself not to cry and run out of there. I push my fork around my plate and manage to eat a few leaves before, mercifully, the waiters appear to clear everyone's plates away. However the relief is only short lived as they appear a few minutes later with a much larger plate of food. And though the smell emanating from the plate is mouth watering, I can only manage a few small bites of the steak and vegetables.

"Not feeling very hungry Elena?" I lift my head as Lenny's cocky voice calls out from across the table. I manage to shrug my shoulders and nod my head, I am not about to explain my sudden loss of appetite.

"You know who could probably use that food? The homeless people that camp outside of my building in their smelly tents. No matter how many times I call the police and have them removed they find their way back, it's ridiculous" Boyce's words make my skin crawl and my stomach knots flip on a loop.

"Part of my tax goes towards feeding those ungrateful bastards and what's the thanks I get? Drunk old men sleeping in front of my building"

"I'm with you on this one Boyce" Lenny chirps up, the two couldn't be more excited to talk about how annoying they think homeless people are. They sound like two grandparents, groaning about how things were so much better in their day, when everyone just looked after themselves and 'got on with it'. I can't stand these men, they sound ridiculous and yet no one is speaking up to challenge them, well not exactly no one.

"Oh cut it out you two" One of the women at the table rolls her eyes with a smile, seemingly amused by their own ignorance. Do these men not realise they are at a charity event?

"I just think they all need a kick up the arse. Some days I don't want to go to work either, but I do it because I am not going to laze about on the streets and get other people to take care of me"

"Homeless people aren't lazy" I don't even realise I've spoken up and said it aloud until the tables eyes are all on me. I've just inserted myself into this conversation, and I'm going to have to find a way to get myself out of it. On top of that I've broken one of Harry's rules: speak when spoken to when out in public, I don't even dare to take a sneak peek.

"Yes dear, they are" Lenny grins at me, an evil grin, one that I last saw worn by a cartoon woman making herself a coat out of Dalmatian fur. Dear, like I'm some seven year old who's stumbled into the conversation and started to try and be a grown up. The nerves have now doubled into anger and fear. How dare he talk about other people in such grotesque ways, and how could everyone at the table just let him do it. Why didn't Harry say anything?

"I disagree" I say as I reach for my drink and take a rather large sip. Out of the corner of my eyes I can see the people around the table moving their heads back and forth between the two of us. His eyes are focused on me, his head tilted to the side with that wicked grin plastered across reddish tan skin.

He clears his throat before he speaks again. "Well what would you know, you're so young. Soon you'll learn that the world isn't full of good people. There are some people who are happy to let people do the hard work for them"

"And there are also some people who have fallen on hard times and have nowhere else to go" I quickly retort back to him, everything inside of me is screaming to shut the hell up but the messages aren't reaching my mouth, as I keep speaking. "I was homeless, when I was younger"

Yeah, that shut him up. It shut the whole table up actually; including Harry, who's posture stiffens beside me. One of my darker secrets that I carried around with me, one that very few people in my life actually knew about. Now that I've dropped this bomb, I have to start cleaning up some of the debris.

"My dad lost his job when I was 5, my mum stayed at home and looked after me. It took a long time for either of them to find work so we didn't have a place to live for a while. Eventually they both found work and we were able to move back into a home again, but we were very lucky. We fell on hard times, but we got back up again, as many people try to do when they have nowhere to live" So much for trying to make myself look good or keeping up some high standard of appearance. I may have broken every clause in the contract in one evening, a world record perhaps? Maybe I'll get an award of some kind.

"There are jobs everywhere, if you look hard for them" Lenny's smirk only slipped off his arrogant face for a moment before it was plastered back on. What a stupid fucking thing to say. Two older looking women who are sitting to my left are rubbing their heads in their hands as he makes the statement. I wait for someone else to say something in my defence, but the table is silent. Who did I think I was, waltzing into this event and standing up for myself?

All I can do is shake my head. I don't want to have this conversation anymore, especially not with someone as grotesque as these men. Mercifully, one of the other women at the table suggests a change in subject and the conversation tentatively begins to pick up around me. Harry is silent, choosing not to engage in anything except his drink. I can feel that he's mad at me, and that chews me up inside.

"I'm sorry I embarrassed you" I lean over and whisper to him as the others around the table discuss the stock market. His chest moves in a heavy sigh before he turns his head to the side to look at me. I honestly have no idea what he sees in me at this moment. A small smile appears on his lips as he leans over and gives me a gentle peck on the lips. The smile doesn't reach his eyes; he's not doing it to comfort me or to 'forgive' me, he's doing it because we are in a room full of people and he's not going to yell at me in front of them.

I decide to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the dinner service, even despite how much I wish I could tell Boyce to stop staring at me from across the table. People soon begin departing from their seats and begin to mingle around. Harry takes my arm and leads me out of the dining room to an outside court yard area, overlooking a spectacularly manicured garden that stretches back for what seems like miles. I feel like I'm being taken to talk to the principal, to answer for my actions. Surely he won't yell at me at a charity event, not with all of the people inside.

He lets go of my arm as we round a corner, away from the prying eyes of the fellow guests so that he can begin to pace around in front of me. I just stand and wait, my boss is about to tell me off and I'm just going to have to stand there and take it. Be tough, don't cry, he'll just think you're weak if you do that, and weak girls don't end up with men like him. And even I can admit that that's what I want, despite everything, I just wish he was different.

"What the hell was all of that?" He runs a hand through his hair as he stops pacing, standing in front of me with a hand in his pocket. His eyes are stern, and they laser focus on me.

"I'm sorry, but he can't just talk about people like that. It's disgusting, and I couldn't sit by and let him do it" he sighs and shakes his head at my response.

"What? You agree with him?" My question sounds more like a remark of disgust. Harry immediately shakes his head and steps closer to me.

"Fuck no, of course not. Lenny and Boyce are old jerks, they have a lot of controversial opinions. But that doesn't mean I go head to head with them on certain issues"

"Why not?" I'm genuinely curious. Harry's a strong, opinionated man. And I'm sure he can convince anyone to believe anything, the way he has convinced me he cares so many times over the last few weeks.

"Because, there are certain people who you don't want to piss off. Lenny and Boyce are those people" He's scared of them?

"Bad for business?" I can't help the snarky remark that falls from my lips. He rolls his eyes at me but doesn't tell me I'm wrong, so maybe I'm right. He would rather that his business be in good standing than to tell people how he actually feels about them. What does that say about our relationship?

"Were you lying? About when you were a kid?" He asks me quietly after a few moments. I widen my eyes.

"Why the fuck would I make that up?" I snap back to him. He probably thinks I made it up to get sympathy from the table, to turn everyone there against these men. He shrugs his shoulders.

"I didn't know that about you" he mumbles softly.

"Why would I tell you about it? Why would I make myself so vulnerable to you when you are so up and down with me?" He looks genuinely confused as I speak.

"One minute you're telling me that I'm special, that I'm different and that you want things to be different than your previous 'situations'. The next, I have to follow the contract, I'm childish, I need to make myself look good in front of your friends. The minute I begin to feel even remotely comfortable with you, we are sent flying back to square one" I decide to be honest with him, fuck what a roller coaster we have been on today. Everyday is a roller coaster with Harry. Some days it's a thrill, other times I can't wait to get off the ride.

"I only told you to follow the contract because you were nervous and you didn't know how to act. I was trying to help!" He raises his voice microscopically, I can see the tense strain in his shoulders from here. Don't worry Harry, I'm frustrated too.

"You could have said 'be yourself' or I don't know, tried to comfort me like a real boyfriend would. But I guess you aren't really my real boyfriend huh?" I say exasperatedly. He seems taken aback, I'm not sure which point he so badly disagrees with.

"This isn't some cheesy high school romance movie Elena, this is real shit. You are here as an extension of me, and I need you to behave a certain way. Of course I want you to be yourself, but I need..." He trails off, appearing to have a hard time finding the words without sounding like a complete asshole.

"Need what? More refined? More classy? Maybe you should have got me some etiquette lessons or a fucking handbook. And maybe given me some warning about how much of a jerk you were going to be at these kinds of events" I bite back.

He narrows his eyes at me. "You think I'm being a jerk?" I nod my head quickly. My emotions are running high. I'm on the verge of either screaming at him or crying and I can't tell which one will give me more of a release.

"I've done a lot for you Elena, you should start being a little more grateful" His voice is harsh, it washes over me like I've stepped into an ice cold shower and am letting it chill me from the outside in.

"See? Right there. You started all of this! Paying me more money, buying me unexpected gifts, not giving me a choice about getting a new wardrobe. This was all you!" My voice is scratching in my throat, I want to scream at him but I won't do it, I still have a shred of my dignity left and I'm clinging onto it with all the power I have.

His hand rakes through his hair again, I'm surprised he isn't pulling it out in clumps. Poor bastard, he just wanted someone to go to events and look pretty and now look what he's stuck with. Shaking his head, he stares at a spot on the ground between the two of us, a crack in the pavement. The middle ground, I'm trying to find it too. A way that we can both be happy in this situation, where these issues don't have to pop up every few days. Every time we begin to move towards a place where I am happy and comfortable, the rubber band snaps and I'm thrown back into the bullshit.

"You can't have it both ways Harry, not with me. You can't expect me follow all the guidelines in the contract while you tell me that you want more than the contract. It's too hard walking that tightrope. Either this is real or it isn't, and I need you to tell me what it's going to be" he doesn't respond, but I know he's listening. There is a sense of sadness in his eyes as I struggle through this conversation. He's so overpowering, so intimidating, it's a miracle I've summoned up this courage. Maybe I'm stronger than I thought I was.

"I want you, Elena. But all of this" he gestures to our surroundings. "...this comes with that" Charity balls, asshole 'friends', creating a false version of myself to go along with him. That's what goes along with being with him.

"I don't like the way you snap at me" my voice is weak and quiet as the tears threaten to spill. I don't want him to feel bad. "You don't do it often, it's just when you do, it hurts. When you remind me about the contract and the rules, when you try and mould my behaviour. It makes me feel just, so awful"

He frowns sadly and takes a step closer towards me. I somehow have the awareness in my body to tell it not to take a step back, no matter how much my mind is telling me that I need to create some distance between the two of us.

"I'm sorry love, I really am. I guess I'm just not used to this, I'm not used to wanting more. It's a learn as you go sort of situation for me" he sighs as he speaks. I want so badly to just shrug it off, say that this is all fine, to allow the good times to come back around. But we would become toxic, slowly but surely it would become a cycle. And I want so desperately to break that cycle before it begins.

"I want to go home, is John still here?" I ask him quietly. He widens his eyes slightly before he blinks and nods, he wanted me to stay after all of this crap? 

"He will be out front. I'll tell everyone that you weren't feeling well" His words are resigned. Maybe he's given up on me, on this. Surely it would be a bigger spectacle. "I'll call you tomorrow?" My heart lifts slightly. We're gonna work this out, or at least try to. I nod my head and give him a soft smile.

"Goodnight Harry" I say softly as I walk past him and up the stairs to walk around the outside path down to the cars. I hear him mumble a goodnight of his own before he disappears back into the warm glow of the ballroom.