most of the angst i've written has been "poor Remus" type shit which yes. poor Remus. but this time it's poor Sirius, you're welcome luvs xx i've had this idea for a year

They want to cut his hair off.

He keeps telling them no but they won't leave him alone. Apparently his head is bleeding and they can't heal it if they can't see the wound.

He can't bring himself to care.

"Pads, they split your fucking head open," Remus says, his voice tight with frustration.

"I don't care, I'm not letting you shave it all off!" Sirius snaps back, not quite as loud as he had intended. He's too tired to be talking.

"I didn't ask for your permission. We can't heal it if we can't see where."

Sirius shakes his head violently, then immediately regrets it when he has to grit his teeth to hold back a yell of pain. He feels a bit dizzy and everything hurts so fucking bad. He wants to be in Remus' warm bed in his warm house, laying on his warm chest while Hope makes them warm cookies and Lyall plays his warm music. He feels tears in his eyes, remembering how Remus was half asleep and mumbling in his warm voice how he loved him and he said something in Welsh, too, and Sirius had to say "Translation?" But Remus had just yawned and hugged him. He didn't object, of course.

But now he's here. He's not sure where but he hasn't been there before and when he asked, James just shushed him. He was too tired to argue. In one fucking day, his parents found out he was gay and tricked him into going over and he doesn't know exactly what happened because after getting hit with crucio three times he couldn't focus on anything other than pain.

Euphemia had come in with hair scissors and he had freaked out. He's embarrassed about it now, but in the moment he had yelled and kicked and cried. Then James owled Remus to come calm him down.

And now Remus is here. Sirius is pretending it doesn't hurt as bad as it does because the full moon was just two days ago and he can see how tired Remus is, see how he's holding back tears at the bruises on Sirius' body. Remus had always pretended the full moons weren't bad, so why couldn't he pretend with this?

Before he knows it Remus is trying to convince him to let them cut his hair off and Sirius is mad. He feels horrible for snapping so much but he's so mad at the world and his parents and himself and they just can't cut it. He knows it's stupid and immature but he's so attached to it and he feels like it's all he has left against his parents. They have the fact that he's gay and a blood traitor and a coward but he had his hair that he could dye pink if he wanted to, and he did once and they flipped out and it's all he fucking has.

But now Remus is giving him this horrible look, his eyes all panicked and it makes Sirius ache inside. Then Remus whispers "Please," and Sirius looks away before he starts crying again, his jaw tight as he gives a little nod.

He squeezes his eyes shut as Remus presses a soft kiss to his cheek while grabbing the scissors. There's the quiet sound of them hacking at his hair, and Sirius has to swallow the bile rising in his throat. He thinks he's about to throw up.

Remus pulls his hand back with a lock of matted black hair and when Sirius peeks he can't hold it in anymore. He starts sobbing.

"Pads," Remus whispers, and he thinks he wails when the werewolf wraps his arms around him carefully. He buries his face in his chest, ignoring the pain in his shoulder yelling at him to stop and sleep. "It's okay, puppy, I can grow it back, I promise." Remus' voice cracks. Sirius starts to respond but chokes on his tears and stops, just curling his fingers in Remus' sweater.

After a minute, when Sirius can at least breathe again, Remus carefully pulls his hands back and grabs the scissors again. Sirius whimpers and Remus kisses his head, avoiding the spot where Sirius' hair is wet with blood.

"Shh," he whispers, cutting more hair carefully. Sirius is shaking so hard Remus has to steady him with his forearm.

When Remus is done, he gently dusts the hair off Sirius' shoulders and presses a kiss to his temple.

Sirius' ears and neck are too cold and he starts bawling again. He feels like a baby and he's so fucking embarrassed but he can't stop.

Remus covers his ears when he yells for Euphemia, then immediately hugs him again.

He kisses Sirius' forehead and mumbles, "You're gonna be okay."

this didn't turn out the way i wanted it to so that sucks lmao