SORRY THE TITLE AND ENDING IS DUMB BUT I COULDN'T THINK OF ONE AND I JUST WANTED TO FUCKING PUBLISH IT ❗❗❗

Lily had left.

They had a fight and she just grabbed the car keys and left. James isn't mad at her. He knows she'll come back. He's just not used to fighting. They had argued before, but not like that. Lily started yelling, and it just got worse when he told her to be quiet so Harry wouldn't hear. He's not sure what the fight was even about.

Now James is watching as Harry lays on his play mat, kicking his feet randomly. It's been completely silent since Lily left and it's making him anxious. He doesn't even notice when he starts waving his hand back and forth, until his brain says Stop. Lily hates when you do that. So he does. He just blinks hard and fast instead.

Then Harry starts crying.

"What's wrong? Are you hungry?" he asks quietly, scooping Harry up. James hugs him to his chest as he stands and walks to the kitchen.

But then he realizes he doesn't even know if Harry can eat things other than milk, and his heart drops because he should know what to feed his fucking son but he doesn't so that means he's a horrible husband and father. He's only twenty and he was supposed to have his dad to tell him how to do this. But he doesn't. And he's trying to figure it out all by himself because he can't tell Lily he's scared, she had to do more than him. He's not allowed to be scared when he has it so easy. Harry is still wailing in his ear and he's starting to get that panicky feeling he used to have and that scares him because he's not supposed to feel panicky, he's supposed to be calm and happy and keep everyone else from getting panicky.

"Shh, shh, I'm sorry," he whispers while grabbing a bottle of milk from the fridge and warming it with a spell, his voice breaking. Harry does the opposite and starts screaming. James drops his wand in his hurry to feed him.

Harry latches onto the bottle immediately, and James sighs in relief, wiping his face on his shoulder. Shit, Harry got his shirt wet. Or maybe he did. That's when James realizes he's crying. Why are you crying? You have nothing to be upset about.

He wipes his face again, although it does nothing, and sits on the couch with Harry. And he doesn't even move to eat dinner.

...

It's late when Lily comes back.

James is sitting on the couch, Harry sleeping on his chest and blowing puffy baby breaths against his neck. James is still crying. He's not sure why, by now, but he hasn't cried in a long time and he can't stop anymore.

Harry is so small and all he knows is love, and James wants to keep it that way so badly it makes his stomach hurt. But he doesn't know how to be a dad so sometimes, at night when he wakes up to Harry crying, he goes and stands by his crib. Harry wraps his little hand around James' thumb and a corner of his mind worries he's going to be like Sirius' parents.

He told Lily that one time, but she just rolled her eyes and told him to go to sleep.

The door opens and James jumps slightly, his hand immediately moving to Harry's head to hold him in place.

"Hi," Lily whispers, taking her wand out and casting lumos. She smiles tiredly but it fades as soon as she looks at James. "What? What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Um, I don't know," he mumbles, voice cracking pitifully as he blinks against the harsh light.

Lily drops her bag and rushes over to them. One of her hands lands carefully over James' on Harry's head and the other takes his glasses off, carefully wiping his face.

She hesitates slightly, eyes searching his face. "I'm sorry," she mumbles finally. James just shakes his head and hugs her with his free arm.

He knows they'll still be mad at each other in the morning, but they'll figure it out.

When he falls asleep, it's three of them, and when he wakes up it's two.