"Loneliness pours over you, emptiness can pull you through"

Lost in The Shadows

Byeol's piece lasted about 2 very long, very nervous minutes. She could feel a drip of cold sweat running down her slender back as she strummed the strings of her guitar, the melodies flowing smoothly.

She held her pick with long, shaking white fingers as she propped her note sheet up on one of the stage lights with her boot. She could feel at least a dozen eyes on her as she stood there, the lights hot on her face and shoulders.

Byeol could almost feel the dark-haired woman's eyes burning a hole through her as she played.

Creepy...

Despite all the pressure she was feeling at the moment, Byeol somehow managed to never miss a chord or fumble. She knew this piece and her instrument so well she could play it with her eyes close and one hand tied behind her back. Well, maybe not literally, but you know...

Finally she plucked out the last notes, lowering her pick as she cleared her throat and looked up at the two women sitting in front of the stage.

Byeol didn't know what to say, or if she should say anything at all.

So she just kinda... stood there, feeling painfully awkward.

The dark-haired woman, who Byeol now assumed was the band manager, nodded calmly and wrote something on her clipboard.

"Very promising... Interesting playing style... Lacks confidence, but has a lot of charisma..." She mumbled as she wrote. Finally she looked up, flashing Byeol a courteous smile. "Thank you, Miss Seong. You can sit back down now."

The Japanese girl, however, was clapping enthusiastically and smiling.

"Oh my God, that was amazing! You're, like, crazy talented!"

Byeol blushed as she kneeled and gently laid her guitar in its case, snapping the lid shut. "Oh, thank you! That means a lot."

The girl turned to her manager. She lowered her voice a bit, but Byeol could still hear her clearly. "Lisa, I've decided! I think our best fit for guitarist is her, Byeol Sejeong-"

"Seong." Byeol corrected.

"-Sorry, Seong- Anyway, I think she's perfect for us!"

The manager sighed. "Kaen, there's still so many auditionees, though-"

"But Lisa, she's perfect!" Kaen whined, grabbing at the manager's sleeve.

"Oh, for the love-" Lisa stood up and walked to the stage. "Congrats. You've been accepted into SUG4RPOP. Here's our card."

She pulled a business card from the puffy green jacket she wore over her black mini dress. Byeol took it with shaky hands.

"I-I- Um- Thank you so much! You won't regret this, I promise."

"Mhm. Directions to our dorms are on the back there. We'll expect you to be fully moved in by the 20th. If you choose to accept, of course."

Byeol jumped so hard she almost dropped the card. She looked down at Lisa with pleading eyes. "But that's only 6 days away! My mom-"

Lisa held up her hand, effectively shushing Byeol.

"Look, hon, if your mommy's the only thing stopping you from doing something with your life, you might wanna rethink your relationship with her," she turned away, brushing her curtain bangs out of her sharp eyes.

"And remember, fully moved in by the 20th at the latest."

Byeol looked down at the card, frowning.

What am I going to do...

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Byeol didn't want to go home that night.

She was madly conflicted right now.

On the one hand, she knew her mom would blow up on her if she told her she was moving out. Knowing her mom, she'd cut ties with Byeol completely, and then Byeol would have absolutely no one- she'd be alone in the world. Could she really risk that?

On the other hand, she was basically being offered a fast lane to the career of her dreams. Everything she'd hoped for up to that point, everything she'd worked so hard for, she was finally being recognized for it. Why shouldn't she choose to live for herself, just this once?

Why should she be so worried about what her mother thought?

But then again, her mother was the only family she had.

Byeol sighed, leaning back against the front yard's fence as she wrapped her jacket tighter around her body.

She ended up loitering outside on the sidewalk til the lights all shut off. Byeol took that as a sign that her mom had went to bed.

She crept into the garden, taking great care to close the squeaky gate quickly to minimize the noise, and stepped up onto the AC unit that sat below her window. She gripped the windowsill, pulling herself up as she opened the casement.

Byeol wiggled through into her room, falling onto her bed with a muted thud.

She sighed, kicking off her shoes as she walked over to her closet. She carefully tucked her guitar case in its designated little spot, dusting it off affectionately.

Byeol closed the closet doors, standing up and stretching with a yawn. "God, it's late..." She mumbled.

She almost jumped out of her skin when her bedroom door slammed open.

"O-omma!" Byeol cried. She then straightened up quickly, trying to brush it off. "Museun himdeun il inni?"

'M-mom! Is something wrong?"

"Jigeumkkaji odi issossoyo?"

'Where have you been?'

Byeol knew she was in it deep this time.

She shuffled, clutching the hem of her black dress. She cleared her throat.

Well, at this point what choice did she have? She had to come clean now...

"Um, naneun baendeu odisyoneul bogo issossoyo, omma..."

'Um, I was auditioning for a band, mom...'

"Odi?"

'Where?'

Byeol took a deep breath. "Um, naiteukeulrobe issossoyo-"

'Um, it was in a nightclub-'

Byeol immediately knew she messed up.

Her mother raised her voice, making Byeol flinch as she shouted at her about how irresponsible and ridiculous she was for going to a place like that, and for such a silly reason.

About how it was time for her to grow up, how she should focus on her work, and how music was a ridiculous hobby.

It was nothing Byeol hadn't heard before, but it still hurt to hear those words coming from her own mom, you know?

She stood there and took her scolding silently, her foot tapping anxiously as her face focused on a little spot on her mother's shoulder. Her eyes stung, but she was bound and determined not to let her mom know how upset she was.

After Mrs. Seong finished, she raised a hand to rub her temples, looking at her daughter in disappointment.

"Dangsineun jongmal silmangieyo..."

'You're such a disappointment...'

Byeol flinched when she heard her door slam shut. She could feel hot tears streaming down her cheeks.

She sat on her bed, holding her head in her hands as she openly sobbed. She ran her fingers through her short, choppy hair as tears drenched her cheeks and dripped down into her lap.

"Dangsineun jongmal silmangieyo..."

Her mother's words echoed in her mind as Byeol sat there, sniffling and wiping her eyes.

She knew she should've told her mom where she was going that night. She knew she should've been more open. It would've made things a whole lot easier in the long run.

But how did her mother expect Byeol to share things like this with her when she did nothing but insult Byeol's passions?

It was unfair.

Byeol stood up, pacing her room as she nibbled at her fingernails. The last few chippy remnants of her gel manicure were flaking off at last, but she couldn't be bothered to care right now.

I can't keep doing this... Byeol thought. I have to decide. Right now. Either I stay with Mom, or I leave. I have to decide.

I have to decide...

She sighed.

Without another word, she pulled her overnight bag out from under her bed and turned to her closet.

Byeol tucked all her clothes in her bag and turned to her desk, gathering up her makeup and her CDs, as well as her few small trinkets that she couldn't bear to leave behind. She untacked her photos and posters, folding them and tucking them safely away in her duffle.

She was glad for the first time that she kept her room relatively empty.

She zipped up her overnight bag, taking one more glance around her bedroom, now empty except for blankets and furniture.

She pulled on her shoes and grabbed her keys and purse. She hooked the straps of her bag and her guitar case over her shoulder, wiping off her nose once more.

I'm really doing this... She thought silently. Am I really doing this?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Across the hallway, Ji-yeon was sitting by her window in her bedroom and untangling her long hair, thinking over her argument with her daughter. She huffed.

Where did she ever go wrong with her?

She was pulled from her thoughts as she heared the sound of Byeol's shoes walking down the steps. She stood up from where she sat brushing out her hair, going to her door.

She could see Byeol at the end of the stairs, her guitar, purse, and overnight bag in hand as her keys jangled in her hand.

Ji-yeon gasped and hurried down the stairs, almost tripping over her long gauzy houserobe as Byeol unlocked the front door. Ji-yeon paused at the bottom of the staircase, catching her breath.

"Byeol Seong, mwohae?!"

'Byeol Seong, what are you doing?!"

"Gwichanke haji maseyo."

'Don't bother me.'

Byeol's voice was unusually sharp as she spoke, not turning to face her mother.

"Wae ttonaneun goya?!"

'Why are you leaving?!'

"Wae geuroke saenggakaeyo, Omma?" Byeol asked sarcastically.

'What makes you think that, Mom?'

Ji-yeon was taken aback.

Sure, Byeol had always been a rebellious child, a bit wild and odd, but she had also always been relatively obedient.

She had never talked back or disobeyed Ji-yeon. But now...

It's like the older she gets, the more she pushes back against me. Shouldn't it be the opposite? I thought she was through her rebellious years...

Ji-yeon reached for Byeol's coat sleeve as the girl tried to step out the door.

"Byeol, jebal haji ma. Jebal ttonajima-!"

'Byeol, please don't do this. Please don't leave-!"

"Geumanhaeyo, Omma!"

'Stop it, Mom!"

Ji-yeon stepped away as Byeol glared at her.

"Mi-chin-nyeon..." Byeol mumbled the insult under her breath, turning away from her mother and striding out the door.

Ji-yeon gasped, clapping her hand over her mouth as she stared at Byeol's back. The slamming door made her flinch.

"Byeol..." Ji-yeon breathed, her eyes stinging.

How could her own daughter say that to her? Surely Byeol didn't really think of her like that- surely! She was just angry.

Ji-yeon sighed in false relief, laying her forehead on the door as her eyes closed.

She's just angry. She'll be back, for sure. Just wait and see...

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Byeol sat on the bus stop bench as the night sky grew darker and the wind took a sharp chill, staring at the business card Lisa had given her.

Loopy pink writing over a background of purple, black, and blue boldly read out the name 'SUG4RPOP' followed by Lisa's phone number. On the back was directions to the dorm rooms, just as Lisa had told her there would be.

She shoved the card back in her purse, shivering as she pulled her jacket around her tighter.

It was late, and Byeol really hoped she'd be able to catch the last bus. Otherwise she'd have to walk to the dorms, and she didn't really fancy walking through the crappy part of Seoul in the middle of the night.

She sighed and let her eyes drift closed, just for a second, as she thought back on the day's events.

Particularly her fight with her mom.

Byeol knew she wasn't perfectly innocent in this thing. She should've told her mom where she was going today, and she probably shouldn't have called her mom a- well, y'know. Even if it was true.

Byeol's eyes opened as she heard the bus pull up, and she reached for her purse to pull out her wallet.

Oh well. No going back now...