Warning: There is reference and scenes that shows self harming.

It might be triggering so read at your own risk.

Also always remember...

Life is worth living no matter what happens. Love yourself.

[Harry's P.O.V]

I have never ran faster in my entire life, within seconds I was in front of Louis' door.

It was locked.

"Louis open the door" I harshly knocked, my voice laced with panic and desperation.

The conversations I had with him thinking that he was an honest fan came hurling back, suddenly everything made sense and the result was awful.

All this time I basically threw insults directly at his face when in return all he ever did was tell me how he thought 'the real Louis loved Harry more than anyone ever could' but one thing struck me hard...

Anon convinced me to come here just because he thought Louis might be hurting more than he showed that means it wasn't an assumption...it was a confession.

Emotions overwhelmed me as I started banging on the door.

"Louis please open the Goddamn door" I yelled, my fists pounding the wooden surface, to the point where it was surely going to bruise tomorrow.

"Lou I know, I know everything, please let me in" I let out a sob.

This can't be happening...He won't do this to me.

"I didn't mean any of it, not a single word...please my love" I leaned my forehead against the door as I choked out the words.

No, I can't give up like this, not again.

"Ben! bring me the spare key to Louis' room immediately" I hollered and seconds later a frantic Ben came running with a set of keys jingling in his hand.

"What happened? Is everything okay?!" 

"No, give me the key" he gave me the key.

"I don't want you to come in the room but... be ready to call for emergency services" I patted his tensed shoulder.

I turned around and with shaking hands inserted the key in the hole.

As soon as the door opened I entered and quickly shut it behind me. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest as all the scenarios from the fan fictions I have read started reoccurring in my brain, I didn't wanted to turn around just to find Louis lying there lifeless on the bed, covered in blood, I would rather kill myself than be the one to find him like that.

My fear faded as i heard the beautiful voice of my angel.

Louis was singing, his voice smooth as honey, just like I remembered but somehow it was more breath taking. It was so pure but yet so different from the times he sings to Freddie. His tone was suppressed and laced with misery...agony.

Louis was probably just sitting on the bed, meters away yet he sounded so distant.

I gathered the courage to turn around.

Just as I thought, Louis was sitting on the bed, his back towards me, shoulders slumped and head bowed.

Finally I registered the words of the anonymous song he was singing.

"Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumber less, dearest the shadows I live with are numberless" I didn't know the song but the lyrics captivated me.

"Little why flowers will never awaken you

from not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you,

Angels have no thought of ever returning you

Would they be angry if I thought of joining you

Gloomy Sunday" It was a song about death, Louis sung it with so much passion, the grief of loss came through crystal clear.

'Is this about Jay?' I wondered wiping away a stray tear. 

"Gloomy is Sunday, with shadows I spend it all,

My heart and I have decided to end it all

Soon there will be candles and prayers

that are said I know,

Let then not weep, let them know that I am glad to go" 

This is a 'suicide song'....

"Death is no dream for in death I 'm caressing you,

with the last breath of my soul-"

"STOP!" I bounded to him and enveloped Louis in my arms but I froze when I heard him hiss.

"No no no no no no" I forcefully turned him around.

"H-Harry?"

"Lou..." both his arms were littered with fresh cuts, blood trickled out of them freely which matched the pace of the tears flowing out of my eyes.

"Haz! Don't cry, I am okay, I am not doing anything, this is as far as it goes" I noticed how he was clutching a framed picture of me and Jay.

"B-But the song, you can't leave me! I-I-" 

"Shhh, I won't commit to it, she made sure of that" Louis whispered rubbing his finger over Jay's face.

"I am so sorry! I j-just want to know everything, I want the truth and never...never scare me like that, I love you too much...to let go" Louis turned round so fast that I almost thought he might get a whiplash.

"Well too bad, I don't...love you" I sighed and buried my head in Louis' shoulder.

My old Louis was back...and he still couldn't lie for shit.

 ...

Author: The main events will take place in the next chapter so be prepared for that! 

THE SONG I USED IS CALLED ' GLOOMY SUNDAY'/'THE SUICIDE SONG', its one of my fav songs evaaa! I hope you all give it a try but make sure to listen it with a positive outlook since it fuels negative thoughts! :)

All of you were freaking out about Louis so I made sure to give you this update ASAP!

I hope I stood up you you guys' expectations :)

This story is slowly coming to an end and honestly I am so sad, its a little hard to keep up with the fandom and its activities, the new singles, babies, Dunkirk, Eleanor, more singles, Album and drama... too much too add in one book so...

I am thinking of starting a Larry AU next week! 

I hope you all like it and support it just like you did for this one <3

But for now...

Enjoy the Sweet Agony :D

Love Emerald xx