I feel so much better now that Aaron knows I restarted taking my antidepressants. I didn't want to hide it from him; I was hoping to take them when needed, but after seeing how proud and happy he had been with me while I was on the meds, I told myself I needed to continue taking them.

Since he noticed the difference in me and questioned me on my sudden change in mood, I couldn't hide it from him anymore. He needed to know.

Even though the meds help balance the chemicals in my brain, improving my mood and making me feel more content, happy, less depressed, and less irritable, I can now sleep better. But they increase my appetite, and I hate that. I feel like I'm constantly hungry while on the medication. And I don't want to gain any more weight—I've gained enough since the accident.

Hopefully, I can quit taking them altogether soon. I purposely went as long as I did without taking what I was told I needed, hoping my depression would go away on its own. And I really thought it would after Aaron forgave me and said he wanted to give me a second chance, and I for sure thought it would disappear after he said he wanted us to take our friendship to the next level as fast as he did, but it didn't.

All it did was worsen my thoughts because of the fear he put in my mind about walking away from our relationship if I refused to accept what he was trying to do for me. I longed for him for twenty years, and that's the last thing I want to happen after finally getting what I've wanted for years.

I wanted to and tried to do what Aaron wanted me to do. Like believe him whenever he told me I was gorgeous, my curves were perfect, that I was more beautiful now than ever before, and everything else he tried getting me to acknowledge.

Only, I couldn't do what he wanted. My mind was fighting all the beliefs he instilled into me.

Then, he brought me to the club, and that's when I knew I needed to do something to change. I enjoyed what I saw—more so, my body relished it. Seeing the area on the top floor and how the doms were punishing their subs made me think more about what I needed in life to change. It helped me believe discipline and punishment were exactly what I needed to get me out of the funk I'd been living in for years.

Subsequently, after visiting Trent, the talk we had, and how he suggested I listen to Aaron and allow him to use bondage tactics on me, discipline, and punishment—exactly what Aaron had been urging and suggesting I needed, I decided to have Aaron to try it on me. And my God, Aaron, and Trent were right. Everything they claimed would happen did—it helped open my eyes and mind even more.

Granted, Aaron claimed the punishment he did was pretty mild since he wasn't sure how well I'd take or react to what I asked him to do to me. But the little he did helped me see things I wasn't allowing myself to see. And now I'm anticipating him punishing me again. Hopefully, he'll push and test my limits even more than the last time the next time he punishes me.

A little over a week ago, as much as I knew it would hurt, I pushed myself to be with Aaron and go into the room with him while Eloise gave birth to her son. I'll admit it was hard. It immediately brought me back to when I gave birth to my daughter and son. I wanted to cry after remembering what I did.

Boy, did I ever want to break down, but because I was testing myself and my limits and wanted Aaron to be proud of me for witnessing something so beautiful with him beside me, I pushed myself to get through that difficult moment.

It warmed and melted me when I observed Aaron holding Everett. It was such a beautiful moment watching him have him close to his heart as he held him, studied his features, slid his finger into his tiny little hand, and looked for Everett to squeeze it. How Aaron smiled, the entire time he gazed at the newly born child made me feel like I was in heaven.

Aaron holding Everett also had me picturing what it would be like if it was our child, he held dear to his heart. Only while thinking that, the thought of bringing another child into the world also scared me, and it had me thinking I was a terrible person again because I loved my kids. I'd been crying over them for two years, yet I was the one who tried leaving them.

I never wanted to leave them. I felt I had to and that they'd be better off without me.

Then, Aaron handed me the little guy. At first, I was about to lose it and hand him back to Aaron, but I couldn't, not after seeing him trying to focus on me, seeing his cute little button nose, lips, tiny hands, and feet. And when I lowered to kiss his forehead and smelled him, it was like he whispered a message to me—from one of my kids.

After that, I didn't want to hand him back. I just wanted to hold him, cuddle him, and love him.

Now more than ever, after that message, I want to get better.

I have to get better not only for myself but for everyone.

***

I've been awake for hours watching Aaron sleep, breathe, dream, and snore. All while thinking about my life, past and present. What I need and don't need. What I want and don't want.

And what I want right now—Aaron.

I want to do something that would bring a smile to his sexy face by trying something I've never done and blow him away; that would have him thinking about me all day.

Good or bad.

Aaron's alarm would sound off in about an hour, so I moved out of the arm holding me against him, quietly left the bed, and headed to the kitchen to make coffee. After preparing the coffee, I searched the fridge to see what I could make him for breakfast. Something that could be baked in the oven while I join Aaron in the shower—the first thing he does when he awakes.

It'll be my first time joining anyone in the shower. So I'm nervous.

After seeing he had everything I needed to make him an egg bake, I set everything on the counter, quickly headed to my purse hanging on the chair by Aaron's kitchen table, and grabbed the needed meds.

The day I don't need to take these things anymore will be the day I act like a child by jumping on the bed.

I prepared the egg bake, placed it in the oven, poured Aaron a cup of coffee, brought it to the room, and set it on his nightstand.

Seeing the time and realizing his alarm was soon to go off, I grabbed fresh towels from the linen closet, set them in the bathroom, and then hurried back to the room to slip into bed before he awoke.

But I was too late.

He was already awake, sitting up and taking a sip of his coffee, his eyes on me the entire time I headed toward his bed.

"You're up early," he said, lowering the cup from his mouth.

I climbed in underneath the covers, saying, "I couldn't sleep."

His arm extended toward me with a look in his eye that made me wonder if he was thinking I was back to being depressed. To end that thought, I snuggled into his side, lowered my cheek to his shoulder, and said, "I'm not depressed. I just had a lot on my mind."

His hand soothed me as he softly slid it up and down my arm. "About what?"

"About what I could do this morning to make you smile."

He set his coffee on the nightstand, lifted my chin, and lowered his mouth to mine, slowly kissing my lips. And I couldn't help but melt into him from the adoring kiss.

He rested his forehead on mine, gazed into my eyes, and said nothing momentarily, causing my stomach to twist from anticipating what he wanted to say.

I don't think he believes me.

"You've been making me smile." His lips pecked mine. "So gorgeous. Tell me the real reason why you were awake. You've told me before that this was what you did every night for years. Did you quit taking your medication, and you're having a setback?"

I shook my head. "No. I didn't stop taking them. I want to. I wish I could. But I know right now it's not something I can do. I was thinking about what I could do to make you smile."

He pulled back, lifting a curious brow. "Truth?"

I nodded once. "Truth. I made you breakfast while I couldn't sleep. It's in the oven, so I suggest you hit the shower so you can eat before you need to leave."

Mostly true. I was also thinking about everything that's happened the past week and a half. But I won't tell Aaron that since I don't want him to grow concerned, thinking I'm back to being the depressed Sloane he's been dealing with.

He hummed as if he knew there was something I was keeping from him.

"If that's the truth," he said, pulling me to his mouth and kissing me slowly and passionately. Leaving my lips, he continued, "Then I won't push you for more of the truth."

He knows there's more.

Of course, he does.

Sigh.

"I promise you. All is good." I playfully shoved him. "Now go shower so you can eat before you leave."

And so can I...

He gazed into my eyes; his mouth opened as if he wanted to say something, but it quickly closed. His lips parted again a second later, and an eyebrow lifted as he said, "You're awfully persistent this morning. And up to something." I am, and I'm fucking nervous about what I'd like to try. "I feel it. But you're right, I need to shower. Whatever you're cooking smells fucking good, it's making my stomach growl."

Without warning, I squealed and laughed when I was picked up and flipped over to the opposite side of the bed. I was on my back, Aaron was on top of me, and he was playfully growling while his lips ravished my neck.

"I'm more hungry for you, though," he managed to say, my skin being assaulted by goosebumps while his lips devoured my neck and tickled my sides.

Aaron playing with me like he was brought back memories when he'd do this to me when we were in his room, supposed to be studying, or whenever he was helping me with my math homework. Whenever I'd screw up, he'd tackle and tickle me.

Since I wanted to surprise him in the shower, I pushed on his chest and insisted, "You need to shower."

"Yeah, I do. But this is more fun," Aaron returned before his mouth crushed my lips.

Now, I'm torn. I wanted Aaron to continue kissing me, but I also wanted to surprise him in the shower.

He smiled when his lips broke from mine. He knew I was wet, and he knew I knew his cock was hard since I had to squirm when it was poking me. "I better hurry and shower. I've already wasted about fifteen minutes of my breakfast time. Not to mention, I'm hard as fuck right now, and if we continue, I'll be late."

You'll be late anyway. So you'll only be eating breakfast if you take it to work.

Once I heard the water running, I removed my shirt while tiptoeing across the room. Then I peeked between the crack of the door and the frame, saw him standing underneath the running water, and headed further into the bathroom.

As his head was tipped backward underneath the running water, I carefully slid the glass door open, stepped inside, and then quietly closed the door. Aaron's head flung forward when I poked him in the gut.

"Sloane," he said, grinning. "What do you think you're doing?"

Aaron's already seen me naked, but with my body image issues, I was still nervous about being in the shower with him, and I tried my best not to let it show. But I'm sure he already can see it on my face. He always does.

"You thought I was up to something. So I figured it was time to show that I was," I answered, stepping up to my best friend—my man, my hands going to his hips. His hands moved around me, and he tightened his body to mine. My eyes immediately closed when his lips covered mine in a sensual, slow kiss.

My lord, this man can kiss...

"Had I known you enjoy showering with your partner, I would have had you in here sooner with me," he said, leaving my lips.

"It's my first time showering with anyone," I truthfully and quietly admitted. There was also a hint of embarrassment in my admission.

His lips returned to mine, and he turned me sideways, securing me against the wall as his mouth devoured my lips harder. There was something else getting harder, too—his cock, and it was digging into my hip.

My body grew more excited the longer we kissed and the firmer I felt his cock growing against me. My nerves were also taking over me as I thought about breaking free from his lips to see if I could make him smile.

My belly warmed, my pussy pulsated, and my heart gained speed when I told myself not to think about it anymore and just do it.

So I broke from his mouth, and with his eyes on me, I dropped to my knees.

"Sloane. What do you think you're doing?"

I looked away from his eyes and to his overly hard, thick as fuck cock. I nervously wet my lips, then swallowed.

"I'm curious to see if this will fit in my mouth," I finally said.

"If it fits inside your pussy, it'll fit in your mouth. But, you don't have to see if it will."

After Aaron had me watch the woman give the guy a blowjob the following day, and every day since, instead of working, I took time to watch fucking porn to see how other women were sucking cock.

Aaron was right. Every video I watched of women giving head, including men providing them, curious to see if they did it differently than the women, was corny.

However, not only did I watch videos, I read about how to do it right and what not to do. The articles I read also stressed listening to your partner's breathing, actions, and noises while you're blowing them, saying it will tell you what they like and don't.

Since I feel I learned something from what I saw and read, I'm ready to learn Aaron's cock and see if I could even do it.

I took Aaron by surprise, silencing him when I said, "Just shut up and let me do this. I want to."

He immediately gasped when I opened my mouth and closed my eyes as I wrapped my lips around his cock and swallowed him in.

His hands went to my head, and his fingers gripped my hair when my mouth moved.

My heart also thumped hard against my chest, feeling nervous I wouldn't do this right and disappoint him. But as I envisioned and mimicked everything I saw, my heart slowed, especially after hearing the sounds from his lips. He was enjoying it.

"Fuck, Sloane. For someone whose mouth had never fucked a cock, you're doing a fucking tremendous job," Aaron praised, giving me more confidence to continue doing what I was doing.

As my hand held the base of his cock, I pulled back and slowly circled the crown of his dick with my tongue. He moaned, and in just a whisper, he cooed, "Fuck, yeah..."

Then he pulled my hair when I let him know I was starving for him when I thrust my mouth down his cock, and my tongue slid along the protruding and pulsating veins, going a bit too far that caused me to gag and choke when it got lodged into my throat.

"Easy there, gorgeous. My dick's not going anywhere."

I swallowed the extra saliva that quickly emerged and continued doing what I set out to do—have him come into my mouth. Hopefully, I don't screw that up or ruin the moment when that happens.

I can see myself gagging again.

Letting that thought slip from my mind, I continued pleasing his dick.

Pulling back, I looked at him to see what he was doing. He looked proud, and he was smiling while watching me take ownership of his cock.

With my eyes still on him, I freed his cock from my mouth, then slowly licked the backside of his cock, from base to tip, and teased the head by flicking it with my tongue. He gripped my hair, closed his eyes, and deeply moaned when my lips slid down his cock again.

"Fuck, Sloane. I'm about ten seconds away from blowing my load."

Good.

I'm ready for it.

My mouth sped up, and so did my hand, helping to work the cum to explode.

He tried pulling me away, and I shook my head, letting him know I wasn't stopping until he orgasmed into my mouth.

"Sloane, I'm serious."

So am I.

I'm enjoying this.

And I enjoy seeing him squirm, his moans, and his tugging my hair. It's telling me I'm doing something right.

"Fuck!" he shouted. "Sl—"

Just as he started to say my name, his body was peppered with goosebumps, and his hot load erupted into my mouth. Without thinking about what just warmed my mouth, I immediately swallowed, hoping not to ruin the moment by choking and spitting out what he had just given me.

"God damn it," he groaned. "That felt fucking amazing."

I did it.

I sucked his cock. And I swallowed without ruining the moment!

My eyes found his as I ensured I swallowed everything while wiping away whatever was left on my lips.

He helped me up by sliding his hands in my armpits, and when I got to my feet, he buried his hand in my hair and pulled me to his mouth, moaning delightedly as our lips moved in a heated kiss.

"You're a naughty girl," he said, our lips still moving. "I should punish you for disobeying me when I told you to stop."

I stopped returning the kiss and smiled. "I liked being naughty." I could also use some more punishment in my life. So don't threaten me with a good time or with something you and I both know I need right now.

His forehead landed on mine, grinning as he said, "So this is why you were awake. You were planning this whole thing the entire time."

"Yes," I admitted. "I hope I did okay."

The back of his hand caressed my cheek. "Sloane, for your first time, you did fucking amazing. Are you sure you've never done it before?"

I playfully shoved him. "Nice try, Aaron. It wasn't that good. Don't worry. I won't be offended if you tell me my blowjob skills need work. I already know they do."

His arms tightened around me. "You did good. There are women out there who always give head and can't get it right. You, beautiful, did an excellent job for your first time. I'm proud of you. It was unexpected and a nice surprise. So don't sit around all day wondering about how you did or what you did wrong because you didn't do anything wrong."

I know he's just saying what he is to help boost my pride, and that's okay. I'm just happy with myself. I finally did it. I always wanted to try giving a blowjob, but I was always told it was disgusting and that they never understood what the hype about it was.

Sorry, Logan. But it's the most incredible feeling my pussy's ever felt. And it's the most exciting thing seeing your partner's facial expressions and hearing the sounds they express while letting you know they're enjoying their dick being sucked by the one they're involved with.

Oral sex isn't just phenomenal. It's amazeballs.

***

Aaron ended up being an hour late for work this morning. And the food I made for him was burnt to a crisp.

After giving him a blowjob, instead of Aaron hurrying to get dressed for work, we ended up on his bed, where he devoured my pussy, and made love to me. I'm enjoying how he's been having sex with me. It's so much different than I'm used to, but I still can't wait for the day he finally fucks me the way I feel I need him to do to me.

So all he left to go to work with was just a thermos filled with coffee.

Now, I'm sitting in the waiting area of Shayla's practice, looking at the pictures on the wall, waiting to see her.

When I saw the woman behind the desk eyeing me, and knowing why she was, I looked down at the phone in my hand, contemplating messaging Aaron to let him know what I did so he'd punish me later for it. But he doesn't know I'm here to see his sister.

At least, I don't think he does. I never told him, and since Aaron never said anything about wishing me luck with his sister this afternoon, it means Shayla never did, either.

With my head down, I rolled my eyes up to see if the woman was watching me again—she wasn't. And it eased my mind a little.

God, I wish I had the guts to ask Aaron if he could help me fix these ugly scars. I'd ask him, but it scares me. I don't want him to think I found him only to see if he could fix them. We've been together long enough that if he wanted to fix them or knew he could do something about them, he would've brought it up by now. Right?

A door closing to my left had me lifting my head. A man was leaving the room, looking down at the ground as he headed toward the door. I noticed nothing on his face where he'd need to hide. But how he looked at the ground, refusing to eye the woman behind the desk or even look my way, I related to him, and it made me realize I'm not the only one out there with self-confidence issues.

"Sloane, Shayla is ready to see you."

I slid the strap of my purse up my arm, and without eyeing her, I thanked her, headed to Shayla's door, and knocked. My nerves went haywire when I got the affirmation I could enter.

When I entered, Shayla was pouring water into a couple of glasses. I didn't know what to say or where I should go, so I stood by the door.

"You don't have to stand against the door, Sloane," she said, lifting one of the glasses she had just filled with water and turning to face me. Smiling, she relaxed me more when she joked, "Whatever Aaron told you about me, I don't bite."

I stood frozen, still unsure if I should sit in the chair by her desk or the couch beside the window.

"You can sit anywhere you'd like. Wherever you'd feel comfortable."

I looked from the chair to the couch, and because I was nervous to see the girl who knew how much Aaron despised me over the years, I chose the couch, hoping it would help me relax even more.

When I sat, she walked over, handing me the glass of water. "Thank you," I quietly said.

She sat in the chair beside the couch, crossed a leg over her other, and smiled when her eyes landed on mine. "It's so nice to see you again."

She's being warm and friendly—something I always remember her being. So, it helped me relax a little more.

"It's nice seeing you again as well."

"I'm glad Aaron finally talked you into coming to see me," she said with a grin, warming me.

"He doesn't know I'm here," I admitted, testing her, curious to see if he knows where I am because of her filling him in.

It surprised me when she said, "He doesn't?"

I shook my head. "No. I never told him. He offered to give me your number a few times, and I turned it down every time. Finally, when he pushed again that I should see you, I told him I would, but never said when. I came here today on my own. I figured you might have said something to him, and he was waiting for me to tell him."

"I never told him. It's called patient confidentiality. So, just to let you know, whatever you tell me inside this room stays here. Kind of like Vegas. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." She smiled, softly giggling behind that genuine smile.

I slowly nodded—Aaron's her brother. You'd think she'd tell him everything. But I've already told him everything that I felt he needed to know and that I can remember. So whatever I tell her today won't matter anyway. However, what I tell her will help her more since it's coming from my mouth, not her brother's.

"As you most likely already know, Aaron filled me in with what happened to you and your family and what's been going on with you since high school." She reached to me and squeezed my hand, saying, "I'm so sorry, Sloane. I want you to know I'm here for you, and I've been thinking of you since he told me what happened. So please, if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me or stop in."

I swallowed the nervousness down my throat, took a sip of the water, and said, "Thank you."

"Aaron mentioned he's been working with you to help you heal. How's that going?"

I thought about everything he's done and said so far, how I had him punish me a couple of weeks ago, and how much I'm looking forward to having him doing it to me again, hoping it'll help even more.

"He's doing good. I think he sometimes gets frustrated with me," I laughed quietly. "But it's going well."

She grinned. "That's good. I told Aaron he needs to be patient with you and that it can be frustrating."

"He's been patient. I know he wishes he could fix me with a snap of the finger, but he also knows it's impossible. I'm trying as hard as I can to get through this. And honestly, I've had more help here than in California."

Her smile widened even more. "Aaron told me he'd love to be the one to fix you. But I also told him it's not as simple as he thinks it will be, especially for as long as you've been dealing with your depression. If you don't mind, can I ask if you're taking any antidepressants to help get you through the day?"

"Yes. I am now."

She lifted a surprised brow. "So you're seeing a psychologist in Chicago now?"

I shook my head. "No. I finally had enough of how I'd been feeling, and I was so scared to lose Aaron again that I called my doctor in California, asking them to refill my prescriptions. They gave me a three-month supply until I found one here to see."

"That's good. If you're comfortable with seeing me, I'd love to take you in as a patient. Whatever happened to you and Aaron is left in the past. I don't care about that—I never did. I'm not here to judge or make you feel worse than you already do. I'm here to help. I want to help. I enjoy helping people that want to be helped. And I'd love to help you get through this."

Helping people must be in their blood.

"You're a lot like Aaron, then."

She laughed. "Some things, yes. Most things, no. Aaron claims you're stubborn. He's the stubborn one," she laughed again.

"We're both stubborn. But it warms me knowing I've got people on my side willing to help me when I didn't have the same support in California. All I had were doctors to talk to, and all they wanted to do was load me up with medication, expecting to heal me that way. I needed support most, and I'm thrilled to receive that here in Chicago."

"I'm happy to hear that. So. Because of the circumstances, you're now in with Aaron. And what you're admitting to me now. Are you willing to let go of what you did to him in the past and allow me to help you as well?"

My eyes wandered away from her and around the room as I thought. Aaron claims she's good at what she does and can help me. She wants to help me and declares she won't judge me for my past with Aaron. I want to make him proud, and I don't want him walking away from me. I also don't have another psychologist lined up to see. And I know Shayla.

Returning my eyes to her and knowing what I needed to do on top of receiving discipline and punishment from Aaron, I said, "I'll take you up on your offer."

I hope you enjoyed the chapter!!