"I am so sick of Toolshed's puns!" ranted Kite to Wonder Tweek. "Every day it's I'm going to nail you against the wall, or after I'm done screwing the bad guys I'll screw you too! I don't know what to think! He doesn't seem interested in Call Girl anymore, and he grabbed my butt the other day! But apart from that, I have no idea whether he's actually into me! He just enjoys tormenting me! My Mom thought I had sunburn the other day, because I was still blushing from his stupid comments when I saw her! It's infuriating!"

"G-Gah! I-I am with you there Kite, but at least you're not in a f-fake relationship with Super Craig! He seems to sadistically enjoy making me flustered twenty-four seven! And I don't know what to think anymore man! I mean, we got back together with no pressure from the town, but I wonder if we're just together because that the easiest thing to do! Super Craig doesn't like being confronted by things! He likes having a nice boring life! I have no idea how to bring up how I actually feel!"

"Are you ukes done with your bitching?" asked the Coon, from across the room.

"We've been over this!" yelled the Human Kite, clearly irritated. "Wonder Tweek and I are not ukes! Uke was a term thought up by teenage girls, who fetish gay relationships, and have no understanding of how complex, non 2D relationships work! If you asked a gay couple who was the top and who was the bottom, they'd likely be very offended!"

"Whatever Kite, could you keep the volume of your uke meeting to a minimum? I'm trying to work over here."

"You know what? This is a uke meeting! And if you don't get your fatass out of here, everyone will label you a uke too!" shouted Kite. The Coon let out a slight screech, ran up the stairs, and out of the basement. If you could call the Coon moving faster than usual running that is.

Kite was just starting to enjoy the peace and quite of Tupperware's now Coon free basement, when the basement door was swung violently open, and Professor Chaos extravagantly marched down the stairs.

"I heard my fellow bottoms are having boy problems."

"What?! How do you even know that?!" said Wonder Tweek, pulling at his hair.

"A man has his ways."

"The Coon told you, didn't he?" said Kite, unimpressed.

"Maybe, but that's not important. What matters is you listen to me, and listen closely. This plan was meant to be a solo mission. A plan to defeat Mysterion once and for all! But, I'm willing to share it, in order to help out my fellow ukes. You see, we have been teased for too long! For far too long, we have suffered under the whims of our semes. But today I say no more! Today, we show that each of us are power bottoms. Today, we make a stand, and show the world that these men are wrapped around our fingers. Not the other way around!"

"What?! That sounds like way too much pressure!" screeched Wonder Tweek.

Kite, on the other hand, looked very unmoved by Chaos's speech. "So, what is it exactly that you propose?" he asked sceptically.

"Pick up lines."

"Pick up lines?" questioned Kite.

"Pick up lines!" yelled Wonder Tweek, who was hyperventilating in a corner.

"Yes, pick up lines. And they have to be sexual."

"Sexual?!" yelled Wonder Tweek, sounding as though he was about to have a heart attack.

"Yes, sexual," said Chaos, impatiently. "Do you want to make Super Craig flustered or not?" Wonder Tweek just glared at him, until the man took his silence as agreement to the plan. "Excellent, I am going to use them on Mysterion. Kite, you're going to use them on Toolshed, and Wonder Tweek, you'll use them on Super Craig."

"I don't know any pick up lines!" yelled Wonder Tweek.

"Google it! Have an arsenal ready for when you next encounter your seme! I wish the two of you the best of luck!" And with a flourish of his cape, Chaos promptly exited the room.

"Please tell me you think this idea is stupid," begged Wonder Tweek to Kite.

"Actually, I think it's quite ingenious. Come on Wonder Tweek! Let's plan our attacks!" said Kite, passion already burning in his green eyes, as he dragged Wonder Tweek over to the computer. Soon, the pair of them were brewing up a storm.

Xxx

Kite and Toolshed had just finished taking out a drug gang. Toolshed seemed happy, off guard, and a little bit exhausted. It was the perfect time to strike.

"Hey, Shed?" asked Kite, innocently.

"Yeah dude?" replied Toolshed, blissfully unaware of the attack he was about to be faced with.

"Do you wanna go get hammered? And then nail me into a wall?" said Kite, with a seductive lilt to his voice, and a lustful expression that Toolshed had no idea how to handle. He was red and flustered. The poor guy already felt like he was malfunctioning. The surprise attack was working like a charm.

"Um, Kite, I, what-"

"You're eyes are like wrenches; they make my nuts tighten." Toolshed's face started turning from red to a little green. Smiling, Kite continued, "I always have to wear my hard hat around you~" he sang, as he walked a little closer towards Toolshed. "Fuck me if I'm wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?" Toolshed looked as if his brain had short circuited. His face was getting greener by the second, as if Kite's words were increasing the rate of a chemical reaction. "I'm a sucker for a man who knows how to use his equipment," said Kite, smirking. At this point, Kite was stood right up next to Toolshed. He grabbed fistfuls of Toolshed's white top into his hands, and whispered into his ear, "Do you want to see my tool?" Toolshed promptly threw up all over  Kite, who smiled and basked in the horrible stickiness. Who knew victory smelled so disgusting?

Xxx

Wonder Tweek and Super Craig had returned to Super Craig's layer (i.e. his bedroom). Super Craig was sat on his bed, happily stroking Stripe, and Wonder Tweek realsied it was now or never, because he'd have to go home soon, and as terrifying as telling Super Craig pick lines was, Wonder Tweek had decided Kite's and Chaos's wrath was more so.

So, he took in a deep breath. "S-Super Craig?"

"Yes babe?"

"I-If you were an elevator, w-what button would I have to press to go down on you?" Super Craig looked so shocked that he almost dropped Stripe. Wonder Tweek decided to gently bring the creature into his arms for its safety, before continuing, "Hey, Super Craig, the underpants gnomes stole my underwear. Can you take yours off and give them to me?"

Super Craig stared at Wonder Tweek, as if he were some new entity before him. Was this an imposter? Was someone pretending to be his boyfriend? "What, the fuck, W-Wonder Tweek, w-what-"

Wonder Tweek cut him off quickly before Super Craig could adapt to the situation, "Are you a burger? B-Because you can be the m-meat between my buns!" Super Craig was starting to look pale. Wonder Tweek smiled, the more flustered Super Craig became, the more confident he grew. "I-I don't need a s-spoonful of sugar to swallow you~" sang Wonder Tweek, before continuing, "Why don't I come over and sit on your lap? We can talk about the first thing that pops up," said Wonder Tweek innocently, as he slowly walked over and sat across Super Craig's legs. Super Craig looked like he was about to explode. Wonder Tweek then licked his index finger seductively, and wiped it on a smooth, winding trail down Super Craig's jacket. "Let's get you out of these wet clothes," he whispered into Super Craig's ear. There was a loud thunk as Super Craig fainted onto the bed behind him. Tweek grinned, proud of himself, and carried Stripe away to his cage.

Xxx

Mysterion slowly came to, feeling groggy. He tried to move his hands, but they wouldn't budge. He was trapped. Chained to the wall. There was only one name that came to mind. Chaos. He opened his eyes, and, sure enough, the man himself was in front of him, smirking, as if Mysterion's thoughts had summoned him.

"Why hello, Mysterion," said Chaos, slowly pacing before him. "I was wondering if you could help me out. I have an itch that's buried deep in my butt." He said smoothly, smiling happily to himself. Mysterion felt his cheeks heat up. Had Butters seriously just said that?! Sweet and innocent Butters!

So this was Chaos's game? Mysterion wasn't even gay! He was as straight as they got! Boobs were his bread and butter! Although, that was kind of hard to remember, with Chaos looking so appealing in front of him, in that sexy costume, the tinfoil glinting in dim light... Mysterion mentally slapped himself. This was no time for lewd thoughts, he was a superhero! He needed to get his act together! If this was a battle of dirty pick up lines, there was no way Mysterion would lose. He spent his life reciting those!

"Perhaps I could. Did you know my dick's an 8.0 on the rectal scale?" responded Mysterion, the pick up line sounding strange in his husky voice.

Chaos smiled back at him, sinisterly. He hadn't been even remotely phased by Mysterion's line! "Well, I hope you're not a vegetarian, because I'm going to feed you some meat," said Chaos, now standing directly in front of Mysterion, who was feeling his throat go dry, as his hands got sweaty.

Mysterion was now finding it hard to breath. This was bad. Very bad. "You remind me of my pinkie toe, you're small, cute, and I'm probably going to bang you on my coffee table later tonight."

Chaos just grinned at Mysterion again, and took a step further towards him. Then, looking Mysterion straight in the eyes, said, "Hey, Mysterion, I'm cold, can I use your thighs as ear muffs?" asked Chaos, in a such a cute and innocent voice that Mysterion thought he was going to have a nosebleed just listening to it.

"Hey, I'm from the middle east, and I have a weapon of mass destruction in my pants," said Mysterion, barely able to keep the stutter out of his voice. No reaction. No reaction at all! Why wasn't this affecting Chaos?! Was it because he'd used them all on Butters before? Maybe he'd become immune! 

Chaos took another step forward. "I think you need something to shut up that big mouth of yours."

Mysterion's mouth started watering from Chaos's words. "I-I can teach you how to handle a c-cucumber if you know what I mean," Mysterion was losing the ability to speak. Chaos took another step towards him. He was now right up in front of him. He could feel Chaos's hot breath on his own face. He could barely think.

"I would tell you a joke about my weiner, but it's too long." All Mysterion could think about at this point was Chaos. His brain was full of images of him. He was living and breathing the man.

"Y-Yeah I'm an asshole, but will that stop me from getting yours?" Mysterion's words came out in a squeak. And not as Mysterion's gravelling voice, but as Kenny's. Chaos had broken him.

Chaos leaned into Mysterion's face, bit his lip seductively, and whispered right onto his lips, "Ouch, I just bit my lip, can you kiss it better?" Mysterion smashed his lips against Chaos's, who smirked happily into the kiss.

Xxx

The Freedom Pals stared in horror and amazement, as Toolshed followed Kite around obediently, like some puppy, carrying things for him, and obeying his every command/ You could practically see his tail wagging.

Super Craig was trailing Wonder Tweek around like some zombie, entranced by Wonder Tweek and only Wonder Tweek, as far as he was concerned, no one else existed. Mysterion wasn't even with them. He hadn't yet left Chaos's layer, and the remaining Freedom Pals feared the worst.

"You guys," whispered the Coon to Mosquito, Fastpass, Captain Diabetes, Tupperware, Doctor Timothy and Call Girl. "I propose we never do anything which could possibly agitate the ukes ever again."

"Agreed," said Dr Timothy, telepathically, the others nodded along with him.

Xxx

Hey guys~ thanks for reading this chapter. Disclousure, I didn't come up with any of the pick up lines myself, I just dug around the internet for a while. Thanks to trashy_p0tat0es and Hello_Im_Crazy279  for requesting this idea. Trashy Potats first requested a superhero one shot, but because I'm working on a long superheroes story, I thought I wouldn't. But then, Hello_Im Crazy279 gave me such an awesome idea that I just couldn't not write this (hopefully I've done the idea justice). 

The longer story will probably be called 'The Fractured Love Square' and if that title makes no sense, then let's just say it's going to have quite a miraculous story line (I apologise, my puns are worse than Cat Noir's and Toolshed's) if that still makes no sense, then no worries, you just haven't watched the show I am badly referencing. 

Anyways, leave a comment if you have a request! Please vote if you enjoyed this one shot, and thanks again for reading. Have an awesome day guys~