Harry's POV

As I sat thinking about what I should do, all I could think of was Louis. Did I want to try to get him back? I wanted nothing more actually, but at the same time, I just wanted to give up. I had already caused him so much pain. My doppelganger, who I have found out is my guardian angel, walked before me yet again awaiting my decision. I hesitantly looked up and said, "I won't go back. I have hurt him enough. He has found happiness and I won't be selfish and get in the way of that." If you love something set it free right? Sadly, this is a love that won't be able to come back if it is true because I won't be there to receive it.

As soon as those words left my mouth, I could see myself lying on the table in the hospital. I could hear the long beep signaling my death. Everything seemed so strange. My body looked so pale and sickly. My lips were a purplish-blue color. My eyes were closed and I looked finally at peace. I let out a puff of nothing and ran my hands through my hair. I watched as the doctors left out of the room after covering my body with a white sheet. Moments later, I heard wailing screams and cries. Fuck, it was Louis. The doctors must have told him I was gone. He is screaming for me so loudly. I don't understand why. He is happy with Josh and has a new life. Why is he calling for me?

The sound of his voice is tearing at my soul. After what seemed like forever, the cries died out and I felt awful. I know he would be better off and that this hurt he feels will pass. I could hear someone calling Louis' name, but what surprised me was Louis called mine. I wanted to go to him. To hold him in my arms, but I had made my decision and it was for the best. Louis needed to go on with his life, get married, and start a family. He was in a major movie and I knew he was going to be a star. He just has to focus. I was nothing to him anyway, so he should be fine. 

As these thoughts went through my mind, I found that I was not completely convinced. I knew Louis still cared for me, but he was in love with someone else. That was still hard for me to believe even when I see him lying in Josh's arms as he comforted him. Though he was unconscious, he was still so beautiful. It is sad that I caused him to be in this state. I love him so much. It was still best if I go away. He deserved so much better than me. I could never be enough for him. So why should I try just to fail?

Louis' POV

My eyes slowly fluttered open and I was met with a sad looking Josh. He looked so hurt. I looked around to take in my surroundings and everything came rushing back to me all at once. Harry was dead. My Harry was dead. I could not believe this. Everything hurt. It hurt to think, to breathe, and to even think of Harry laying cold on the table in a hospital room caused me to burst into tears again. I broke free of Josh and ran to the room. There were two nurses inside and they looked up when I entered. They turned to each other before the male nurse looked to me and said, "We will give you a few moments alone with him before we take him away." I just sobbed and nodded my head. He pulled the cover back from over Harry's face and I felt like another part of me died at that moment. This was not supposed to happen. I found myself shaking Harry asking him why. Why didn't I get there sooner? Why didn't I call him before I went over? Why didn't I try harder to see him? I am so angry with myself. I just lay over his body and cried... again.

"Why Harry? Why would you do this? I feel like a part of me left with you. I have never felt pain like this. I wish I could have gotten there sooner. Maybe if I hadn't stopped to talk to Josh I would have gotten to you in time. What am I supposed to do now, huh? We just found each other again and now you leave me! You are so fucking selfish, still! I am so angry at you! Why would you leave me like his? We only got to talk once and now you are gone. Fuck Harry! I hate you for doing this. This is how you pay for my pain? This is what you came up with? Well, fuck you, Harry. I will never forgive you for this, not that it matters. So many people are hurting right now Harry. How could you? What about your mom and Gemma? How do you think they feel right now? I am sure Liam and the rest of them will be here soon. I guess I will go now. Josh is waiting for me," I said and lowered my head as a hard sob racked through me. 

I looked at Harry once more before leaving and asked a question I didn't realize until after it was out of my mouth. "Why wouldn't you stay and fight for me." I heard a gasp and looked to the door. Once again Josh was standing there with his hand over his mouth and tears in his eyes from my words. I could not bring myself to care. My first love was lying on the table dead, having taken his own life to do what he called 'paying for my pain'. What he didn't realize was that he could never pay for my pain. You can't pay for something you don't owe anything for. I just wished he had realized that.

I took one last look at Harry through my red, teary eyes and turned to walk out. I heard something that caused me to freeze in my tracks. It sounded like Harry called my name. I turned and ran back to the bed calling his name. He didn't respond and I began to shake him, becoming more frantic by the second. "Harry, please. Harry, wake up, please. Don't leave me. Please come back." I cried over and over again. I continued to shake him and before I knew what was happening, I was being pulled away. It was Josh. He kept saying he is gone babe, just let him go. I was pushing at him frantically trying to break free. I wanted to go back and stay at Harry's side. I could hear him calling my name. I know he is alive. He is just stuck. At least that is what I tried to tell myself.

"Let me go Josh," I kept screaming trying to get back to Harry as he dragged me out of the room. "Harry please... Hazza!" I continued to cry as Josh continued to drag me into the hallway. I pushed away from him and began to run towards the exit. I needed to get out of there. Just as I reached the doors, Anne and Gemma were coming through. They looked completely shattered. Anne saw me and held her arms out for me. On instinct, I ran into them and began to sob loudly again. All I could manage was calling for Harry over and over again as Anne and Gemma tried to comfort me. I hugged them tightly as we all stood there and cried together. I was so glad she still accepts me. She was always like a mother to me when Harry and I were together. Some things never change.

As our sobs died down, Josh walked over to me and rubbed my back. Anne and Gemma looked to me and waited for me to speak. "Anne, Gemma, this is Josh. My fiancé." I said but the words seemed to leave a bitter taste on my tongue for some reason. However, I didn't let it show on my face. He wrapped his arm around my waist as he shook their hands. "Lovely to meet you," Anne said as she smiled. Gemma nodded her head and turned away. "Mom," Gemma said. "I am going to Harry now." Anne nodded her head and after giving me one last hug and wishing me good luck and giving me her number again, she made her way to the room Harry was in. You could hear their cries as I finally made my way out of the exit, Josh's arms still around me as I begin to sob quietly.

As we reached the car, Josh opened my door and waited for me to get in. I felt dead inside. I plopped in the seat and swung my legs in. I rested my head against the door as it closed. I felt like complete shit and there was nothing that could change that right now. Josh made his way around to his side of the car. "Babe, you have to put on your seat belt," he encouraged. I made no move to do so. He reached over to my seat and strapped me in. Babe. Please, don't call me babe right now. It just doesn't feel right at the moment. Just give me some time.

We arrived home and I went to our bedroom and climbed into bed. I don't know how I managed to still have tears left. My head ached so badly, but I could not stop my tears from falling. My chest felt like it had a hundred pound weight on it. I have never felt this way before and I don't understand why I feel so strongly about Harry's death. Sure he was my first for most things in my relationship life, but that was it. Yes, I loved him more than anything at one point in my life, but that was long ago. I have moved on. I have a beautiful apartment, a wonderful career, and a man who loves me to the moon and back. So why does it feel like a part of me died with Harry?

I decided to text Anne and tell her if she needed anything to let me know and to give her my love. She was such a wonderful woman. She loved Harry so much. She was always so accepting of him even when his father was not. She always encouraged him to be himself and told him to be proud of who he was. However, his father was the opposite. He would ridicule Harry for being gay and would always make me, as well as Harry, feel like our love was wrong. He always had hurtful looks and words for us whenever we were together in their home. I never liked him. He was an ass and Harry was so glad when he and Anne divorced. He was not Harry's real dad anyway, so oh well. His real father was a caring man and he accepted Harry and me as his boyfriend. He was a great guy.

After I was done with the text, I got into bed. I decided to call my mom and tell her what happened with Harry. I told her I didn't really want to talk now and I would call her back tomorrow when I hopefully felt a bit better. She agreed through her cries and told me to be strong and that she loved me. Once I finished the call, I lay in bed staring at nothing. How can I miss him so much?

 As I sit thinking to myself, I remembered the note Harry left me. I pulled the note from my pocket that Harry wrote to me. I know I was supposed to give it to the police, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I still can't believe that this is the last thing Harry wrote before he...  before he-- I can't even think it. I just want to go to sleep and sleep until the pain is gone. Before I doze off to sleep, I grab my phone and turn on Spotify. I make a new playlist with only "Be Still" by the Fray and I put it on repeat. I know this will not help the pain I feel to go away, but the words are soothing. As the song began to play, I placed my phone on my pillow and drifted off to sleep. 

My phone began to ring a few hours later waking me from my nap and I couldn't bring myself to get up to answer it. I just lay there. I didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. I didn't want to feel anymore. I was just so sad and all I could think about was Harry. I just wanted him here. Well, not here, but at his home safe and sound. I wanted him to be resting getting ready for work the next day. It will be so strange on the days we have to be in the club and he won't be there. What will happen to the club? I just feel like crying some more but it won't help. Nothing will fill this void in my heart. I keep hearing Harry whispering my name. Between that and my phone ringing, I think I am going to go insane. Why do I keep hearing his voice? Is it because I know I can't let him go? I just need it to stop before I go crazy.

My phone begins to ring again. This is the fifth time, consecutively. I turn my back to it and just then I feel a slight coolness brush over my skin. It causes the hairs on my body o stand up. "what the fuck," I say out loud. Just then Josh comes into the room and asks why I am not answering my phone. I just shake my head as he picks it up. Before he can turn it on the ringing stops, only to start again before he has a chance to put the phone back on the table. He presses the button and says hello. He asks the person to hold on and passes me the phone. I shake my head no, not wanting to talk to anyone. He tells me it is Anne so I immediately take the phone. 

"Hello," I say in a small voice. All the crying, sobbing, and pain coming through. I listen intently as she begins to speak. "Louis, can you come back down to the hospital?" She asks me. I don't understand what is going on, but I love Anne and if she needs me I am going to her. "I will be there in about half an hour. Is that alright?" I ask. She says it is fine and I regrettably get up, plug up my phone, and head to the shower. After I am dressed I tell Josh I am going to the hospital to meet Anne and he says he will come with. Even though there is no comfort he can offer me right now, I smile and take his hand in mine. I am glad he understands and still wants to be with me through this difficult time. I thought for sure he would bolt after what he had witnessed today with me. However, he smiled and led me to the car and we made our way to the hospital.

When we arrived I prepared myself for only God knows what. Anne had not given a specific reason for wanting me to come back. I did not need one anyway. She asked me to come, and that was all it took. Even though I had not seen her or talked to her in about three years, nothing has changed. She still always treated me the same as she had when Harry and I were together. I loved her. She was such an awesome woman. 

As we made our way to the entrance, I could see her sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting room. Her face was red and flushed from crying. It just broke my heart to see her like that knowing it could all have been avoided. I am still so angry with Harry. I hope I dream of him tonight so I can kick his ass. I just want to beat the shit out of him. As my breathing begins to pick up, my anger taking over, Josh notices my change and squeezes my hand. I look at him and he flashed me his beautiful smile, it offers somewhat of a small comfort and I find myself a bit calmer as I finally reach Anne. She stands up saying hello and hugs me tightly. I found it so comforting and hugged her back just as tightly.

She motioned for me to sit down and I did. Josh said his hello and took the seat beside me. Anne looked me in the eyes and sighed before she began to speak. "Louis, I just want to explain some things to you that you may not understand," she said and I nodded my head in understanding. As she took my hand, she began to speak again. "Harry has had a hard life since high school. I won't bring those bad memories up but you know what I am referring to. His life has been a literal nightmare roller coaster. Despite everything though, he went on to make something wonderful of his life. Well, to those on the outside looking in it was wonderful. However, I knew it was all a mirage. All the drinking, one night stands, failed relationships, and all the medication were signs that he was a complete wreck emotionally. He could never move on and leave the past. Although he tried his hardest, it always seemed to chase him and he could never get away. I told him many times he should find you so you two could talk about it and maybe it would help. He always said he had done enough and that he would fix it one day. I never knew this was what he meant"

I sighed and tears began to escape my eyes again. As she wiped my eyes she continued saying, "After he told me he had met you again, I thought things would get better. However, I see they only got worse. I talked to him quite a few times over these past two weeks. He tried to sound happy but I could tell there was so much underlying hurt there. He tried to mask it, but he can never hide anything from me. Well, he did hide this from me because I never saw this coming. I just wish I could have helped him more so it would not have come to this. He had seen therapists and was on medications that helped him so much. However, he did not take them recently. He told me he had stopped but that the doctor told him not to take them because they wanted to see if he could function without them. I should have known he was lying. In a way I did, but what could I do?" She began to sob and shook her head a bit. 

"Anyway," she continued saying. I called you to come back for a reason and I need you to come with me." I nodded my head and let her lead me down the hallway, afraid of what was to come. We reached the room Harry was in and my heart began to speed up. I looked at Josh not knowing what to think. He gave a small uneasy smile as if he knew something I didn't that made him feel a bit on edge for whatever reason. Anne looked at me and pushed the door open.

The room was filled with Harry's long-time friends from the club and they all smiled when they saw me. I smiled back as I walked in the room, not paying attention to much else. Niall and Liam came up to hug me as well as Perrie. We all had gotten pretty close these past two weeks, although I was not like that with Zayn. He was ok but we didn't' have that friendship like I did with the others. Anne called my name and I looked to her and walked over, still not wanting to look at the bed. 

As I got closer, I noticed a beeping noise. I was afraid to look because I was scared I was imagining it. As I reached Anne, I heard Harry call my name. "Yes Harry," I said as I snapped my head to look at him. Fuck, he was alive! "He came back about an hour after you left. Gemma and I were sitting by his bedside and he moved. I called the doctor in and he indeed found a heartbeat." Anne said as tears streamed down her face. I was ecstatic, to say the least. I began to sob and I fell over Harry's chest and begin to hug him. I was so happy at that moment. I could barely breathe I was crying so hard. Sob after sob shook my body as Anne rubbed my back soothingly.

"Why would you do a thing like this, Harry?" I asked thinking he would respond. "Harry?" I called again peeking up from  his chest but still nothing. "He is in a coma," was the next words I heard from Anne's mouth. How am I still hearing him call my name. Not really caring now I just held Harry tighter, whispering it would be alright and that I would be right here for him always. I was not even thinking as I spoke. I was just speaking from my heart. Then I did the unthinkable. I sat up and brushed my hands through his hair and whispered, "I love you." Then I kissed him softly on his lips. I didn't even realize what I said and did until I heard a gasp and the room door was closed abruptly. As I turned back to look, Josh was gone. Oh shit, I just kissed Harry! What the fuck have I done?

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I know this chapter may not be the best, but it gets good from here. Thank you to those who are reading the story. I am very proud of it. I am so anxious to get the next chapter up, which WILL be this Saturday as it is supposed to be!! I promise I will start to update weekly like I said originally. So, if you like the story, please share it and vote. I would really appreciate it!! Thanks, lovelies!!