Harry woke up in his bed groaning at the sunlight. "Fuck! I woke up again," he thought to himself. Harry has been miserable. It has been nearly two weeks since he had been released from the hospital after being kept for three days. He has not been anywhere. He has been closed off from everyone; his home being his hideaway. He has been refusing calls, emails, and ignoring knocks on the door from everyone. He is sure everyone is going mad wondering if he is ok and when he will return to the club and his restaurants. He doesn't have to worry though, he knows he has great staff and that Liam and Zayn will keep things in order along with the manager of the club, Perrie Edwards. She is a great manager and always does things the way Harry would. He couldn't have chosen anyone better for the job. However, after almost a week and a half away, Harry felt it was time to return to his beautiful club. So reluctantly, he sat up to begin to prepare himself for the day.

With the doctor choosing to keep Harry for three days, he had missed the rest of the auditions which he hated. Not that he wanted to necessarily be there for the auditions, but he did want to see Louis. "I have to see my Louis." He thought to himself on a few occasions, only to shake his head in realization of his thoughts. He wasn't his Louis. He belongs to Jim or whatever his name was.

He was hurting so much after their talk. After the medicine the doctor had put into his drip wore off, Louis was gone. He had said so much in that short time before the medicine took its effect. Louis looked taken aback at his words and Harry surprised himself by his confessions. One thing he did remember better than anything was his promise to Louis to pay for his pain. Harry had thought about this a lot these past two weeks. Thoughts of Louis were beginning to drive him insane and he was more determined than ever to keep his promise. His past was back and in full swing in his mind.

After what seemed like walking a mile, he made it to the bathroom. He had been very inactive since he left the hospital. He had barely eaten or drank anything and almost completely neglected his personal care. "I haven't had a shower in eight days," he thought to himself. He was in a truly pitiful state. He felt more lost and broken now than he did back then. He tried and tried to find serenity so he could make the most of his last days. He could not take life anymore. It was just too hard.

As he looked in the mirror, everything seemed to be in a deep haze. It seemed as if a deep steam covered the bathroom and mirror, only the shower wasn't running yet. He bowed his head and wiped at his eyes, but his vision didn't clear. He sighed deeply as he stared at the dark circles under his eyes and his pale, sickly looking skin. Before he knew it he broke down. He began to sob uncontrollably and sank to the floor with his back against the wall. He wanted to die. He was going to do it. Louis didn't want him. Why should he go on?

He thought about his past with Louis and how he could never have him again as he looked through his medicine cabinet to pick his poison. He could barely see from the thick tears filling his eyes, rushing in rivers down his face and crashing like waves on his bare chest. He began to yell out random things to no one, ripping the cabinet off the wall. He didn't know what to do. He just screamed and cried and tugged his hair. He knew he needed help but he didn't want it. He wanted to fix it himself the only way he knew how. Taking his own life.

Harry POV

"Why can't you love me Louis?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "I am sorry for what I have done. I wish I could take it back. I love you Lou. I love you so fucking much," I screamed as spit flew from my mouth and tears streamed own my face. I am a mess. I am nothing but a loser. I don't deserve any of the good in my life when the one good thing I need, I can't have. All I need is Louis. If I can't have him, I can't live. I realize that now after our talk. I need him. I need him like I need air or food. I can't have him, so I have to go. I have to leave this place. "Fuck my life!" I yelled as I grabbed the bottle of Klonopin from the floor.

I poured two of the pills into my hand and slowly began to add more. By the time I stopped, I had nine pills in my hand. I grabbed the cup from the counter and filled it with water. I wish I could see Louis again but I can't take it. Seeing him will only make it worse. Besides, I can't let him see me like this. He already knows how pathetic I am. I can't let him see me in this state. I don't want him to pity me. I don't deserve pity. He should hate me. He should want to kill me himself.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize I had taken the pills. I then went to prepare a text on my phone to send out to everyone once I felt myself begin to weaken. I didn't want to send it too soon and someone makes it here in time to call for help. "I want out. I want out. I want out!" I continued to scream as I stumbled down the stairs and fell to the couch. I reached on the table and grabbed my pen and paper. I felt my eyes begin to close and I hurriedly wrote a few words on the paper that I needed to remind him of that I knew would trigger a memory for him. I scribbled it out as best as I could. I hope he never forgot what I told him back then. As my eyes began grow heavy, I sent out the text and waited for death to come.

Pain began to rip through my abdomen and I groaned in pain. I knew the end was coming and quickly. Just as I was fading out I heard my phone begin to go off. I knew the text had sent and everyone was texting back. Maybe I am selfish for this, but I have to do what is best for me. Is it selfish of me to leave at my own will if I can't deal with life anymore? I don't think so. It is my life, and I'm taking it. Everything will be better soon. "I love you, Louis," I said aloud one final time as darkness began to engulf me. "Goodbye to a fucked up life! Please don't be angry. Please," I thought to my self as I released what I hoped to be my final tear. Darkness

NOTES:

He really did it. I cried writing this. For anyone who may read this and are thinking about hurting themselves or ending their life, please know that is never the answer. It doesn't solve anything. It just gives you a quick and easy out. Life is a beautiful thing and there is no problem that can't be solved. Get help from someone and stay here. Fight for your right to live and be happy. Don't ever give up!

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