"My mother was shocked when you didn't leave the first moment you heard I was pregnant." I told Jem. There was a part of me that was also shocked that he didn't leave. Wasn't it to be expected that an unexpected pregnancy leads to single motherhood?

"I won't lie, I thought about when you first found out. Like you, I didn't think I was ready to be a parent but then I realised I was wrong." He smiled sadly at me. It's strange how at first neither of us wanted the chid but now that we can't have it we are both desperate for it. "Anyway I think your mother is shocked about all the good things I do. I'm sure she thinks I'm a drug lord or something." he joked with me. It was true that my mum thought something along those lines about him. She always said to me that I should be careful because behind the surface charm Jem has, there must be a sketchy past.

"Well my mum ends up being wrong about a lot of things. You're definitely not a drug lord." I try and joke back with him.

"Do you think she is wrong about me? How she thinks I'm bad for you." I can only stare at him at this moment in time. If he had asked me that a few months ago I would have said 'no, of course not' but now I am starting to feel that she could be right. It's only recently that I have been able to reflect properly on how Jem has treated me. Surely if he had truly loved me then he wouldn't have kissed my best friend but then again what about everything that had happened with the pregnancy?

"Honestly, I don't know anymore." I tell him.

"That's understandable I guess." he says. "Look at them that have just entered. Remind you of anyone?" Jem asks me as a young couple enter the diner. They couldn't be more than seventeen at the most. They remind me of Jem and myself when we first started dating, when we would come here in the middle of the night, just like we are.

"You just know they they'll both be grounded in the morning if their parents find out."

"Yeah, that's pretty much a certain. They look so in love."

"That will last for a while until one of them eventually cheats on the other and then everything breaks." I say too quickly without thinking.

"I'm glad to know you're not holding back you're feelings Eliza." Jem says which for some reasons really infuriates me.

"Stop being so sarcastic! I'm having enough trouble trying to figure everything out." I tell him while looking over at the teenage love birds. I wish I still had what they had, that feeling that nothing could go wrong. That you're definitely with the person who you should spend the rest of your life with. "Jem, can we leave here? It's not helping as much as I thought it would." I tell. He nods and we start to head out.

"Do you remember the old jukebox they had here? I still can't believe that they got rid of it."

"Of course I do. How could I forget?"

Back on our first date, before we kissed in the snow, Jem pointed out the old jukebox in the corner of the diner.

"Pick a tune." he said to me.

"I don't know. Why can't you choose something?" I asked him because I was still too nervous to show him all my true colours. Besides it was only a first date.

"Fine, we'll pick together. Come here, what do you like? Personally I love this song." I told Jem that I also loved that song though at that the time I had honestly never heard it. He grabbed my hand and we started dancing right there, in the middle of the diner to Elton Johns 'Your Song' which somehow ended up becoming our song. Jem held me so close to his body and everything felt so right in that moment. That whole night ended up being one of the best nights of my life. Every time we came back to the diner we would always play that song which would remind us of that first night.

"It's a shame they got rid of it." says Jem and I have to agree with him, it is.

"I guess nothing good lasts forever." I tell him. 

Back in the car and and everything is silent. It's hard to think of something to say when you're not sure what you're even thinking. I look at Jem, really look at him for the first time tonight. His eyes look different, they're still the same green I've always known but they look sad tonight and his hair looks longer than it has ever been. Maybe I'm not the only one who's hurting throughout all of this.

"Jem, how are you doing through all of this?" I ask him with genuine concern.

"Annoyed with myself. Annoyed with life. Annoyed with whoever took our baby away. But never annoyed with you . I feel sad that I'm not seeing you everyday like I used to." He tells me while looking at me whilst he's driving.

"Jem, I know I asked the questions but please keep your eyes on the road. I don't want to die in this car with you." Personally I think this is a reasonable thing to ask. He nods and we remain silent for a while. Again.

It's nearly 2am and nothing is feeling any clearer. Except I keep thinking about something nestle that happened in the past. Something that Jem will definitely not want to bring up.

"Ahh pick up the phone! Pick up the god damn phone James!" I yelled at the voice mail machine. It has been two weeks with no word of Jem, he had just disappeared with no contact.

"I'm sure everything is alright. He is an adult, he'll be able to look after himself." Lexi told me one night when I was crying over him.

"It's not just that. Why would he leave like this in the first place? I thought we had something special?"

"He's an idiot. You don't need him in your life if this is the kind of thing he's going to do."

"But I want him in my life." I told her.
About a week later Jem came back and wiggled himself back into my life. At the time he told me he had urgent work business which is why he needed to leave immediately but it didn't explain why he couldn't phone me while he was away. Jem knew I didn't believe him and he knew that I knew about his sketchy past and the people he used to hang around with. They used to mess around with drugs but when I met Jem he had been clean, and clean ever since then. I chose to forgive and move on because I thought everyone deserves a second chance which he got.

"I keep thinking that this is the first time you've hurt me but it's not is it? A couple of years ago when you disappeared for nearly a month, that was the first time and I was stupid enough to give you a second chance then wasn't I? Maybe it's for the best that we lost our baby-"

"Eliza wait, don't do this!"

"No Jem you listen.  If we had had the baby it would have never have worked out. For a year we would have probably have tried the happy family charade but you would miss the nights out with the lads. Eventually down the line we would end up breaking up because both us know deep down that we have a heart that cannot stay with each other.
You're like this old leather jacket I got when I was 16 which I thought was really cool. Over time it has gone out of style but I've kept it thinking it will come back into fashion again. That's what I've done with you. I should've broken up with you a couple of years ago but I didn't thinking that one day we'll be truly happy again, which we were but not like before. I need to throw the jacket out and I need to throw you out because you and the jacket will not come back into style. At least not like before." Suddenly the truth hits you and everything is clear.

"Eliza is this what you really want? I love you. That's not something you can just throw away."

"I love you too but not in the way I used to. Not in the way we can live happily ever after with each other. It's for the best. Please can you just take me home." and he does.

It hits me what I've done. I've broken up with the man who romantically kissed me in the snow, danced with me in a diner as if we were the only two people, the man who was there by my side when I lost my child. But I've also broken up with the man who disappeared for almost a month, the man who kissed my best friend when life got to hard, the man who I keep going back to when I know I shouldn't.

"Will I be seeing you around?" Jem asks me as we reach my house.

"Honestly, I don't know. Goodbye Jem." I say to him and go towards my house.  My mum is sat in the living room, waiting up for me.
"You know I'm 22 don't you mum? You don't have to wait for me."

"I know I just want to know how it went."

"That leather jacket, the one I thought would come back into style? Well it won't. I've realised that me and Jem won't come back into style either." I tell her.