TW!!!! (MENTIONS OF SU!C^DE, DEPRESSION, GRIEF, ETC.!!) READ WITH CAUTION! 

Chris's best friend, Josh (not a real guy) whom he had grown up with, had recently passed away due to suicide. Josh had depression and suicidal thoughts since they were in 8th grade. Chris had found out about his death through a goodbye text from Josh while sitting on his bed at 3 a.m. 

Josh 
chris. I can't do it anymore, 
by the time u read this I will 
be gone. the pain is 2 much for 
me, bro. I love u so much 
thank u for everything Chrispy Creme 

Chris
wait no.. josh 
pls don't do this bro
I love you man
pls, respond..

The rest of Chris's texts went unanswered,  and that's when he knew what his best friend did.  Chris dropped to his knees, sobbing. His best friend was gone. Forever. Chris curled into a ball on the floor, stomach cramping from his silent cries. Chris couldn't breathe. He didn't know what was going on. He needed his brothers. Now. 

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Where am I? Why can't I breathe? I need air. Chris panicked to himself. 

Chris got up ever so slowly. It felt like someone had their hands around his neck, preventing him from breathing. He made his way to Matt's room. He burst through the door. "Chris, what the fuck?" Matt said sitting up, and then he noticed his brother's face, soaked with tears, his brunette hair clinging to his face. "Chris? What's going on? What happened?" Matt said, rushing over to his baby brother.
Chris was barely breathing, becoming light-headed. "I-I can't-" Chris collapsed to the floor, breathing less, if that was even possible. His whole body felt numb. Matt rubbed his back, trying to soothe him, but it wasn't working. Matt grabbed his phone and texted Nick.

Matt
you need to come to my room.
its chris.
 I think he's having a panic attack
NICK HURRY

Read 3:29 a.m. 

Nick came sprinting up the stairs. He was incredibly worried, because never in his 20 years of life had his baby brother, Christopher Sturniolo had a panic attack. Nick has, and Matt has of course, but Chris- never. 
"Chris, you need to try to calm down, please. Just tell me what is wrong!" Matt was getting anxious.
Usually, he could calm Chris down when he gets upset, but this time there seemed to be absolutely nothing he could do to help him. Then, Nick burst into the room. "What happened? What's wrong?" he asked, rushing to his brother's side. "Breathe, Chris. You're okay." Nick helped Chris get his breathing under control, but he still couldn't form a sentence. Chris finally fell motionless, almost in a trance. He was dissociating. He felt detached from life. Matt and Nick moved him back into his room and helped him get comfortable in his bed. The brothers nestled beside Chris, waiting for him to come back to reality. 
"Josh..." Chris murmured. 
"What, Chris?" Nick cooed. "What about him, sweetheart?" 
"He-um-" Chris's eyes welled up again. "He's dead," Chris whispered, hyperventilating a little bit.  
"No, he's not," Matt said, placing his hand on Chris's chest. "He's not." 
Chris looked at Matt, so much pain in his eyes. "Get my phone." 
Nick got up and grabbed Chris's phone. Chris showed his brothers Josh's final messages. Matt and Nick were in shock, and tears sprung into their eyes. "No, there's no way." Nick kept repeating over and over again, as Matt pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, breathing deeply. In... Out... In... Out.  
Chris's blank stare remained. 

~ 6 Weeks Later ~

Chris wiped his eyes as he pulled his black dress pants on. He put his shoes on and buttoned up his jacket. He felt like this was closure, having a funeral for Josh. He was dead, and Chris sometimes wished he could be too. No more hangouts, no more car videos with Josh in them, no more late-night MacDonald's runs. Chris had never felt so alone. He felt like a part of his heart was missing; his chest physically hurt from how much he missed his best friend.  He just wanted a goodbye. 
Chris trudged down the stairs to see his mom, his dad, and his brothers ready and waiting for him.  Chris's heart felt incredibly heavy, seeing his family look so sad. His breath hitched, and then he was crying again. "Mama..." Chris whimpered, hugging MaryLou tightly. "I miss him so much." 
MaryLou just hugged her son tighter. The Sturniolo family got into the van and drove to the funeral home. 

Soon, it was time for Chris to do his eulogy. 
"Joshua Larson was my best friend. He had always been my rock, my person and the guy who I could talk to whenever I needed something." Chris spoke, throat thick with tears. "I knew he struggled with his suicidal thoughts and depression, but when we hung out-" Chris stopped. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Ever since Chris found out about Josh, panic attacks have been very common for him. Chris looked at Matt in the audience, tapping at his chest to signal his panic. Matt got up and led Chris to a separate room, as Nick continued the eulogy. 

"Chris, take deep breaths with me," Matt said, rubbing Chris's back. "You don't have to go back in there, okay?" 
Chris did what Matt told him to. He took shaky breaths as he reached into his pocket for the picture of Josh. He carried it around everywhere. He looked at it and pressed it to his chest. 

~ A YEAR LATER BECAUSE THIS IS SO LONG ~ 

Chris was finally getting better. His panic attacks stopped coming on randomly, and he'd learned a lot of things in therapy. He still missed Josh a ton, but he saw things and thought of him. He watched their old videos with him and looked up to the sky, wishing they could make more. Chris knew that Josh's pain had finally stopped, and he was at peace with that. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOLY FUCKEN SHITT
THAT WAS THEEEE LONGEST IMAGINE
EVER!!

im so sorry if that
was very sad, 
i am kind of running 
out of ideas so 
PLEASE LEAVE REQUESTS!

take care of yourself 
youre so loved 

- mia <33