Alright, I don't do many of these but I need to get this off my chest,

I'm terrified of my future.

I'm terrified of being an adult

I'm terrified of going to college

I'm terrified of high school.

I dread waking up tomorrow and going to school, not because of bullies or any of that, but because of the stress.

I had a stress break down over turning in all my assignments in a specific order, despite having it all done.

How am I going to survive college if I stress out over things like that?!

If I want to work in the animation industry, I'll need to go to college.

My art skills are good, but they're not mind blowing.

And the college will be extremely stressful.

I don't think I'll be able to handle that!

Am I commit suicide?

No. I have so many small but stupid reasons to live, such as

-I want to cuddle my dog to sleep

-I don't want my parents to blame themselves

-I don't want my friends to follow what I did

-I don't want to leave you all behind

-I want to see the official ending to the Madoka Magica series

-I want to live until 4/20/2069

-I love everyone to much to just leave it behind

-I want to achieve my dreams of being an animator for a large studio (not Disney)

-I want to mess around at school, having fun with the dudes and making stupid jokes

-I want to build a better relationship of trust with my family

-I want to go to a live Miku concert

-I want to one day meet my online friends

-I want to hug my parents again

There's so much that I don't want to throw away.

But I won't be able to afford college, I won't be able to handle the stress.

I'll take stress out on things, no, I won't cut myself, but I might be abusive to my loved ones irl.

I don't think I'll even be able to get into college, my parents said I'm smart but my grades are horrible, I make mistakes so much and I can't handle it.

I can barely get out of bed, just wanting to sleep all day and do nothing.

I've been happier, I really have! I just dread everything.

I'm scared of everything, I'm terrified of falling in love, I don't want to have kids but my dad doesn't want his family bloodline to end (my Dad isn't my Sister's biological dad)

The world is dying. The amazon rain forest is going to burn down and 20% of the world's oxygen is gone.

If I were to ever die, I'd take people with me.

I'm sorry, I was having a late night breakdown over this and I had to say something. I might tell my therapist about this, but I'm not sure.

In conclusion, am I going to kill my self? No. Hopefully I never will. I have things to live for, but I'm not sure if that will last when the growing years of stress fall upon me.

I was crying about this for 20 minutes, so I had to get it out

I might delete this later, I don't want my mom to find it