I THINK YOU LOVE ME TOO.

[ 5.03 ]

In the basement of the Harris house, six were crammed on the couch and floor as they watched some kind of martial arts movie. Kitty was in between Xander and Riley on the couch, while Anya sat at Xander's feet. Teddy and Buffy were on the floor at Kitty and Riley's feet, both reading some book together and hardly paying attention. Anya's right arm was secured in a sling — courtesy of Harmony's minions and their attack the week before.

"Wish I had something food-like to offer you guys, but the hot plate's out of commission," Xander informed them, feeling a little bad about his lack of hospitality.

"We think the cat peed on it," Anya needlessly informed them.

"I do have Spaghetti-O's. Set 'em on top of the dryer and you're a fluff cycle away from lukewarm goodness," he said, gesturing to the dryer.

"Hmm. Yeah, I had dryer food for lunch," Riley joked.

"We're good, Xand," Kitty told him. It was a fairly slow day at the bakery that morning, meaning that she got to bring home lots of baked goods that had been out a little too long. Giles wasn't thrilled when Kitty and Teddy ate donuts for dinner, but it was dinner nonetheless.

Then from upstairs, they all heard a door slam. Xander looked up. "Ah, I guess the folks are back." The door sound was followed by his parents yelling at each other, which made them all uncomfortable — aside from Buffy and Teddy. "No, no, I was wrong. Just incompetent burglars." The yelling went on, and Kitty cringed as Mr. Harris' alcoholism was brought into it. Then there was a loud thudding sound and plaster dust fell from the ceiling as someone stomped their feet.

Xander, who was very embarrassed that they all heard that, winced. "Yeah, maybe it's definitely time to start looking for a new place. Something a little nicer," he said. "Buffy, you've been to Hell. They have one-bedrooms, right

That made Kitty and Riley laugh, and he noticed Buffy wasn't lying attention enough to laugh. "Hey Buffy, how's that book? Full of zippy dates and zesty names?" Riley asked.

"I'm fine," Buffy said, not comprehending his words. Riley then reached forward and over Buffy's shoulders to put his hand over the words on the page. It made both Buffy and Teddy frown. "Heyyy. I'm enjoying the studying."

"Who are you lately?" Riley asked in disbelief.

"Nerds," Kitty mumbled. But she knew how important this was to Buffy and Teddy, so she wouldn't have interrupted as Riley did.

"Give it up and watch the movie," he told them.

"I guess it has been a long day with the crusades. I can take a little break from the violence for some—" Buffy finally looked up and noticed the fight going on in the movie. "—ooh, fighting!"

"I think I'll keep reading," Teddy said softly. He took the book from Buffy and set it in his lap.

The others watched as one of the characters spoke. Since it was a foreign film with English voice actors dubbed over it, the sound didn't line up. Kitty would've just rather had subtitles.

"Incompetently-dubbed kung fu. Our most valuable Chinese import," Xander joked.

"Much more durable than their hot plates," Anya added.

Riley looked at Buffy before beginning to rub her shoulders. "Just relax."

Buffy seemed to enjoy it as she let out a tired groan and shut her eyes. "That feels good."

Kitty and Xander looked at them before sharing a look, getting the same idea. They cracked their knuckles in sync — and had to refrain from giggling and ruining the mood — before Kitty started massaging Teddy's shoulders and Xander did Anya's. Teddy, who was very ticklish, squirmed for a moment before settling down and getting used to it. But Anya let out a yelp as Xander touched her.

"Ow! What are you doing? I have a dislocated shoulder!" she exclaimed grouchily. Xander immediately withdrew his hands. She had been in a permanent bad mood ever since Harmony's minions got the drop on her.  "I'm trying to concentrate on the kicking movie."

"Hey! Rubbing went away," Buffy whined when she no longer felt Riley's hands on her shoulders.

"Oh, sorry, I got caught up in the action," Riley said, gesturing to the TV.

"Clearly, I'm the superior boyfriend," Kitty said, grinning as she continued to rub Teddy's shoulders. "I can watch TV and give a killer back rub."

"This is actually very uncomfortable," Teddy muttered, flipping to the next page. "Your hands are cold, Kat."

"Oh," she said, pulling her hands back. Then she curled them under a blanket to warm them up.

"I guess the fight is pretty good," Buffy said, focusing on the screen. But then she started to actually pay attention to the moves. "Oh, give me a break! This is all wrong. See, first, you would get the big guy, with a flying kick. Then you would take out all the little ones, bam, ba — see, now with the flying kick. From a dead stop! What's powering it, raw enthusiasm?"

They all watched as Buffy critiqued the movie. Riley forced a smile. "Hey Buff, maybe you oughta leave the work behind sometimes. You're not always on Slayer duty, you know?"

"But wouldn't it drive you crazy if we were watching an army movie and they were, like, saluting wrong?" Teddy chimed in, coming to Buffy's defense. "Or, I don't know, randomly invading or wearing the wrong identification patches."

As this went on, there was more shouting and banging from upstairs. Riley cleared his throat as Buffy leaned closer to Teddy and nodded at his point. "Yeah! What Theo said. And anyway, I mean, you know, you can't blame me for being critical. Willow's the same way when we watch a movie about witches, right Xander?"

Xander had been distracted by what was going on upstairs. "What? Oh yeah, she's all like, 'What's that, a cauldron? Who uses a cauldron anymore?'"

"I bet there's someone out there using one right now," Kitty said, shaking her head. "Like, there's a Giles-type witch who doesn't want to embrace modernity, so they're still using a cauldron to make their potions."

"How are modern potions made?" Riley questioned.

"Tara usually just uses the spaghetti pot and a hot plate. Gets the job done."

♡︎

Xander was being serious when he declared a need for a new place to live. He enlisted Anya, as well as Kitty, Willow, Buffy, and Riley to help look at potential apartments. There was one in a fairly new apartment complex near Main Street that he liked a lot and wanted to look at.

"If you get the apartment, this'll be your hallway," Willow said, looking around as they walked down the hallway. "We'll walk down this hall, and we'll say, 'La la, I'm on my way to Xander's.'"

"Just warning you, Xander, I probably won't be doing that," Buffy told him.

"Really?" Riley asked, grinning. "I will."

"Hey, we're just lookin'. Rent's way high, so don't get your hopes all carbonated," Xander told them.

"But you have references," Anya said, already anxious for him to move out of the basement.

"No, I have Albert, which is me doing an important voice," he said. Then he broke into said important voice. "Xander Harris? An excellent tenant. And a very nice-looking fellow."

"He also has Giselle, which is me just speaking in the fake British accent I use to mock Giles," Kitty said, rocking on her feet as they stopped in front of the door.

Anya opened the door, and they all walked in. They looked at the spacious and clean apartment with wide eyes. Just the living room and kitchen alone were twice as big as the basement.

"Whoa! Big!" Willow exclaimed.

"It's nice," Buffy said. "And not subterranean. It's very, uh, above-terranean."

Kitty was the only one to notice the less-than-thrilled look on Xander's face. It made him feel even worse about his living condition and inability to afford such a place.

"I want it," Anya said, turning to Xander. "Pay anything."

Then the apartment manager entered from one of the side rooms. "Xander Harris?" she was smiling at Riley.

"Uh, no, Riley Finn," he told her while shaking her hand. Then he nodded to Xander. "This is Xander."

Xander smiled and wiped his hand on his shirt before holding it out. "Hey."

The manager looked less than thrilled with his appearance. "Ah."

"I brought my friends."

"I see," she said, watching as the several nineteen-year-olds smiled at her.

"They wouldn't always be around," Xander quickly told her in case she was worried about noise.

"But we're clean and - and quiet," Kitty lied. The manager didn't seem to be buying it. "My, uh, father is — was a librarian, so we know all about clean and quiet."

"We can have the scooby meetings in the living room, and-and Giles can explain the boring things over there," Anya said while gesturing to the living room.

"Oh, there's a microwave!" Willow said, looking around the kitchen. "It would be like having hot and cold running popcorn."

"Phone and electricity are hooked up," the manager informed Xander. "There's a private balcony, ceiling fan, closet space, and that's the bedroom."

Xander went to open the door only to find Buffy and Riley sitting on the mattress and kissing. He rolled his eyes, knowing this wasn't helping him make a good impression. "Guys, you can't save it for the bedroom?" Buffy and Riley looked around pointedly, silently reminding them that they were in a bedroom. "Okay, good point."

As Xander walked away, Kitty leaned against the doorframe. "I think he meant one of your bedrooms," she said, shaking her head. Buffy and Riley got off the bed and exited the room with their heads down.

"I brought an application for you to fill out," the manager said, handing the piece of paper to Xander.

He looked at it unexpectedly. "An application? I can't just... tell you my references? Because there's Albert and uh, Giselle."

"We run your credit check based on the application," she explained.

"Oh! Credit check," he said nervously. "Little check on the credit. See how credible my checks are."

The manager ignored his attempt at a joke and pointed to the bottom of the application. "And we'll be asking for first, last, security, and a small cleaning deposit. The total's at the bottom of the sheet there."

Not only did Xander look, but everyone else leaned in to look as well. Kitty frowned. Sure, if Xander had a steady job, it'd be doable. But soon, the construction on campus would be done and he'd be looking for work again.

Anya didn't seem to have the same thought process though. "He'll take it. Xander, go get the furniture, I'll wait here," she instructed before looking at the manager. "He's been living in his drunken parents' basement where something urinated on the hot plate."

Xander laughed nervously, now wishing he hadn't brought her. "Anya, can we talk quietly over there? Excuse us."

Xander pulled Anya over to the living room. Everyone tried to look like they weren't listening in even though they were. Kitty was focused on the nice hardwood floors as Xander tried to explain to Anya that his construction gig was ending soon. He just needed her to wait a little longer, but she wasn't having that and brought up how he wasn't moving his life forward at a rate she was pleased with.

"Anya, what is this?" Xander asked, clearly upset. "What's going on with you?"

"What's going on with me is my arm hurts, and I'm tired... and I don't really feel like taking a tour of beautiful things I can't have!" she said loudly. Then Anya stalked out of the apartment angrily, making the uncomfortable vibes even worse.

The manager eyed Xander suspiciously as he faked a smile. "I guess I'll just start on that application. I think you'll like it. I've been told I have lovely penmanship."

Kitty slid onto one of the barstools next to Xander, looking at it over his shoulder. "Probably should've just brought Giles and no one else for help making a good impression."

"Now you tell me," he muttered.

♡︎

Giles probably would've preferred to be apartment browsing as opposed to being attacked by a demon at the Magic Box. He and Teddy had been unpacking inventory boxes when it attacked, though thankfully they were both unharmed and the demon soon left.

With everyone at the Magic Box and going through boxes, Giles was re-enacting the fight with a big fertility statue. "Like this... and this... and this!"

"Sounds quite action-packed," Kitty said from her spot on the floor. She was eating Cheese Puffs instead of helping go through boxes.

"That thing's pretty heavy," Riley noted, looking at the statue.

"That's Oofdar. Goddess of childbirth," Willow informed them. "She's got some nice heft to her."

"How badly did you guys hurt him?" Buffy asked.

Giles and Teddy shared a look, knowing they hadn't hurt the demon at all. "Well, hurt, uh, maybe not hurt," Giles muttered.

"Well, I-I'm sure he was startled," Willow said to help them out.

"Uh, totally," Teddy said, nodding. "Giles gave him a real, uh, clobbering."

Buffy grinned at them both. "He ran away, huh?"

"Um, sort of more, uh, turned and swept out majestically, I suppose," Giles admitted. "He said we didn't concern him."

"So a mythic triumph over a completely indifferent foe?" Buffy asked.

"Well, I'm not dead or unconscious, so I say bravo for me," Giles said, a bit insulted.

Willow then held up a book. "Some good demons in this one. See if your guy's in here."

"So you bought the magic shop and you were attacked before it opened," Xander noted.

Kitty excitedly sat up on her knees and looked at Giles. "Oh, I've been waiting four and a half years to throw this back in your face. I told you so!"

Giles simply rolled his eyes playfully at her while Riley picked up the Oofdar statue. "Owning this place does seem kinda dangerous," he said while taking a few swings.

"Toth," Giles said suddenly, looking up from the book.

"What?" Riley asked.

"He called you a Toth. It's a British expression," Buffy told him. "It means, like, moron."

"No, Toth is the name of the demon," Giles informed them. "Be careful with that," he said, seeing Xander pick up a random crystal. "Ancient demon. Very strong. Last survivor of the Tothric clan. It also says that for a demon he's unusually sophisticated."

"Sophisticated. So I should discuss men's fashions with him before I chop his head off?" Buffy asked, raising an eyebrow.

Giles sighed and shook his head. "They're referring to the fact that he does not fight bare-handed. He uses tools, devices. Oh, he's also supposed to be very focused. And since he mentioned the Slayer, I think we know what the focus is."

"He mentioned Buffy?" Riley asked, setting the statue down. "Where do we find him, and how hard can I kill him?"

"I mean, Buffy will probably kill him," Teddy claimed, and they all nodded in agreement.

"Well, there's no mention of the types of places he might frequent, but I have an idea," Giles said, closing the book. "He had a very specific olfactory presence."

"Well, I guess we're off to the ol' factory. I hate that place," Xander joked. Most of the others rolled their eyes, knowing it wasn't his best, but Kitty at least snorted. "I'm joking, I know what it means. He smelled. Right?"

"Some demon rituals involve anointing with oils," Willow said. "Was it sort of sandalwoody?"

"Um, not even remotely. But he was very, um, distinctive."

Kitty eyed the disgusted look on Giles' face, not liking it one bit. "When you say distinctive, you don't mean like a Bath and Body Works, do you?"

♡︎

"This is not a Bath and Body Works!"

The distinct smell that Giles picked up on was the Sunnydale dump. Kitty wanted to stay at the shop, but Teddy dragged her out. Buffy was leading them through the mountains of trash, a large ax thrown over her shoulder.

"The city dump. Where smells go to relax and be themselves," Buffy muttered.

"People say they're recycling. They're not recycling," Riley said, looking at all the trash that would only grow each day.

"I found a spell so you can't smell anything, but it does it by taking your nose off, so... no," Willow mumbled, shaking her head.

"I think it might be worth it," Kitty said, pressing her nose against Teddy's shoulder to keep out most of the smell.

Then they all heard a noise and spotted someone rooting through the trash. As soon as they spotted the platinum hue, they all knew who it was.

"What are you doing here, Spike?" Riley asked, clearly unimpressed.

Spike quickly stood up and saw them all there. "Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who set up a charming tea room over the next pile of crap," he answered sarcastically. Then he held up a lamp. "What do you think I'm doing? I'm scavenging, ain't I?"

"Very pretty," Willow said, smiling politely.

"That'll make your nightstand look fancy," Kitty added.

Teddy looked at her with a smirk and whispered, "You've seen his nightstand?"

Of course, the implication flew right over her head. "Yeah, the lower level is really coming together."

Giles cleared his throat, hoping Spike could help them. "Spike, um, we're looking for a demon, um — tall, robed, skin sort of hanging off. Deep voice?"

"He glows like a lava rock!" Teddy added.

"You mean a great tall robe-y thing like that one?" Spike asked, pointing directly behind them.

They all turned to see Toth standing there. He was holding some kind of staff, which he pointed at them, shooting bolts of fire out of it.

"Take cover!" Riley yelled.

"This would not have happened at a Bath and Body Works!" Kitty shouted while ducking out of the way.

"Big guy! Kick her ass!" Spike cheered, hoping for Toth to take out Buffy. But then one of Toth's firebolts hit the lamp Spike was holding it, shattering it. He scoffed, no longer liking the demon so much. "Oh, very nice! I was on your side!"

"Bye, Spike!" Kitty called as he stormed off, not sticking around for the fight. "We'll find a new lamp!"

The fight went on with Toth repeatedly trying to hit Buffy with his firebolts. Xander ran towards Buffy, seeing that she wasn't going to get out of the way in time.

"Watch out!"

Xander managed to shove Buffy behind him, only to end up getting hit with a blast right in the chest. He flew backward into a pile of trash, and everyone quickly ran over to check on him.

"Hey, you okay?" Riley asked, grabbing his shoulder.

"I'm okay," Xander said weakly. He was a bit dazed from the blast, but at least not dead.

Willow looked around the dump to see Toth was no longer around. "Buffy, he's gone."

"I'm fine," Xander said, trying to sit up.

"Easy, easy," Teddy said. He and Giles slowly helped Xander to his feet, and he groaned, his head swimming as they did.

Riley was now searching for Toth. "He disappeared." With the danger seemingly gone, they knew they had to get Xander home. "That had to hurt."

"Yeah, yeah," he said, leaning heavily on the men.

"Take it slowly," Giles said, not wanting him to hurt himself trying to move too fast.

As the seven of them left the dump, ready to leave this day behind them, they didn't realize something else was left behind as well. No one saw the other Xander knocked out, still lying in the pile of trash.

♡︎

When morning came, Xander let out a big yawn before inhaling. He cringed at the smell. "Anya, you trying to use the hot plate again?" Then Xander slowly opened his eyes to see he was still at the dump. "Uh-oh."

After lugging himself out of the pile of garbage, Xander fled from the dump. He ran all the way to his parents' house, wondering why the gang would've left him behind. He took the side entrance down to the basement only to find the door locked.

"Anya? Ahn?" he called, knocking on it frantically. Then he kicked it, which only hurt his foot.

Xander limped back up the stairs and found the nearest window. He crouched down and wiped the early morning condensation off to peer inside.

And what he saw was himself, getting dressed for the day and combing his hair.

"Oh my god!" he exclaimed, realizing that something stole his face. "What? No way! Who is... me? What am I doing in there? Buffy! Need Buffy." Xander quickly scrambled to his feet only to trip and fall right back down.

It was going to be a long day.

♡︎

Xander ended up following the fake Xander all day. He watched as the better-dressed version of him went to work and somehow hypnotized his boss into giving him a promotion. Then he went right to the apartment complex and used the raise money to secure the apartment — and also secure the apartment manager's personal number.

Whatever was living Xander's life was doing a better job than he was.

It all came to a confrontation when Xander ran into this fake him. That led to both Xander's freaking out and running to Buffy. The only problem was that this fake Xander got to Giles' apartment first.

Xander ran through the rain, soaked to the bone by the time he reached the apartment. He spied on everyone from the window, watching as fake him spoke to Giles, Buffy, Riley, and Teddy, who were the only ones present.

"No, no. He looked exactly like me," the Xander inside said. "It stole my face. We have to find it, and we have to kill it."

The outside Xander looked at Buffy pleadingly, hoping she wouldn't believe this other Xander's lies. "She sees it's not me. Please, Buffy, resist his spell. Do this for me."

But Buffy didn't resist the spell. She looked at the inside Xander with anger and determination. "Don't worry, Xander. Whatever stole your face, it has to deal with the Slayer now."

"Shit," outside Xander muttered. "Not Buffy. Willow!"

So, Xander booked it through the rain over to the UCSD campus. He burst through the door of Willow's dorm unannounced, startling her. He didn't give her a chance to utter a syllable before talking.

"Don't be scared, Will. Just listen. It's me, Xander," he said slowly. Willow slowly set her armful of books down on the bed, confused by his behavior and appearance. "And I can prove it."

"Um, okay," she said, sitting on the bed.

"Let's see," he said, beginning to pace. "Stuff only you and me know. Okay! On my seventh birthday, I wanted a toy fire truck, and I didn't get it, and you were real nice about it, and then the house next door burnt down, and then real fire trucks came, and for years I thought you set the fire for me. And if you did, you can tell me."

Willow didn't respond, though she didn't set any house on fire for Xander. Something told her Kitty would've if they knew each other back then.

"For a while last year, I thought I was lactose-intolerant, but it was just some bad Brie," Xander continued. "Oh! Every Christmas, we watch Charlie Brown together, and I do the Snoopy dance."

Xander then began to do the Snoopy dance with a big grin on his face. Willow watched for a minute, enjoying how he jumped and spun before getting up and stopping him.

"Xander, stop dancing," she said, grinning.

"Aha! You called me Xander!" he said, hoping that was a good sign.

"Xander, shut up! Why wouldn't I think you were Xander?" she asked, still confused.

It was then he realized Buffy hadn't called Willow to warn her. "Oh. Huh."

"What's goin' on?"

"Okay. I woke up in the dump this morning," he told her.

Willow shook her head. "Xander, the basement isn't a dump. It, it's more like a really nice hovel."

"No. The dump. The city dump. I got hit last night, fall down, boom — woke up this morning."

"Nuh-uh! We walked you home last night, remember?"

"You walked? Will. Did I do anything weird? Did I wave any shiny things around?" he asked nervously.

"Shiny things, what are you talking about?" she asked. "Are you doing a bit with Kitty? Trying to confuse us?"

"No. Last night, that wasn't me. There's a double out there. Some... thing has stolen my face, and it's going around pretending to be me, and it's hypnotizing people. It even got to Buffy and Giles and Riley and Teddy," he explained. "It's over there right now and they have no idea."

♡︎

Back at the apartment, Giles was pacing nervously. "What's intriguing me is that there are any number of demons with the ability to mimic a simple form, but, uh, this sounds like more than that."

"Hold up. Do we really have to figure out what it is?" Xander asked, frowning. "Let's just go kill it."

"Yeah," Riley agreed. "When the imposter's killed, the body'll probably turn back into whatever it really is, and then we'll know."

"Toth!" Buffy suddenly exclaimed. "The demon with the creepy stick thing."

"Toth," Xander said thoughtfully, thinking about the idea.

"Buffy's right," Teddy agreed. "It's gotta be. He hit you with that blast, and somehow it allowed him to take Xander's form."

"Couldn't that be what the creepy stick thing did?" Buffy asked.

"Yes, I suppose, yes, yes, it makes sense," Giles said, thinking it over. "A shape-shifting device."

Teddy moved to the bookshelf and grabbed the one Willow found at the shop earlier. "It'll probably be in the book. There might be a way to reverse it."

"It does make sense," Xander said, nodding. "It must be Toth."

♡︎

"It's a robot!" Xander accused angrily while wringing out his wet Hawaiian shirt. "It's an evil robot constructed from evil parts that look like me designed to do evil."

Willow nodded, trying not to laugh as she watched Xander. "Uh-huh. Or, it's Toth."

"Or, it's Toth!"

♡︎

"I was gonna look for Toth anyway. Guess now I start... looking for you," Buffy said, looking at Xander. "Kitty wants me to avenge Spike's ugly lamp."

"Should I go with you? I told Anya to meet me at my new place. I'd feel a whole lot better knowing she's safe from this creep," he told her.

Buffy nodded. "Go be with her. I - I mean, if you were out there looking for the double too—" Buffy paused, looking at Riley then back at Xander. "Let's just say that I wouldn't wanna run into you and kill the wrong one."

"Good thinking," he said. "When you kill this thing, you better make sure you got the one's who's actually a demon."

♡︎

"A demon! A demon has taken my life from me, and he's living it better than I do," Xander whined. He shook his shirt, flinging water at Willow accidentally, who cringed.

"Well, we're working on it. There has to be a way to get to Buffy to... unhypnotize her. I'll find a spell to snap her out of it," Willow said, going to her bookcase.

"Right. Whatever," he muttered sourly.

Willow turned back to him and frowned. "Xander, you sound a little — you have to help me figure this out, you know," she said, not wanting him to give up.

"But I never help. I get in trouble and Buffy saves me," he mumbled.

"That's not true!" she insisted. "Sometimes we all helped save you. And sometimes you're not in trouble. It's you and us saving Kitty! And hey, Mr. Perfect Cupid Teddy got kidnapped for the first time last week."

With a heavy sigh, Xander sat on the bed and Willow joined him. "I'm just another great humiliation. But this time it's even worse. This demon, he's like taking my life, and everyone's treating him - everyone's treating him like a grown-up! Will, I'm starting to feel like..."

"Like what?" she asked.

"Like he's doing everything better," he stated. "He's smarter, and I don't know, maybe I should just let him have it. Take my life, please."

"Xander, no!" Willow said, putting her hand on his shoulder. "You're just tired, and - and all soggy. That's why it seems so hard, but you can't let him just take your whole existence."

"Why not? It's not like I was doing anything so great with it. When I get to the pearly gates I'm sure the guy is not gonna go, 'Hey, what a kick-ass comic book collection, come on in!' No, what have I got that's even worth—" Xander suddenly cut his pity party short, his eyes going wide as he remembered someone. "Anya!"

"You think he's after her?" Willow asked.

"She won't know. He can just — no! No way!" he said, jumping up. "No way. He can take anything, but he can't have her. I need her."

Willow didn't know if she should be disgusted or smile at his love for Anya. "Really?"

"He could be with her right now! Figure out a spell, something... revealy. I gotta find her," he said desperately.

"Xander," she called before he could fully leave. "You already knew he was taking over your life, and you didn't think about Anya till just now?"

Xander looked at her pointedly. "Hey, wait till you have an evil twin. See how you handle it."

As Xander left, Willow pouted, recalling the evil, slutty, vampire Willow they had to deal with a few years ago. "I handled it fine."

♡︎

"So, you're saying there's an evil fake Xander out there?" Kitty questioned, leaning on the counter at the Magic Box. The phone was on speaker as she and Tara listened to Buffy explain everything. They had been unpacking more boxes but got sidetracked by Buffy's call, who wanted to warn them.

"Yeah," Buffy said. "We think it's Toth. We're gonna go find him, but you two don't let any Xanders into the shop unless one of us is with him. But I mean, Kitty you'll know right away it's not him with how close you are."

"Don't sweat it, B," Kitty said. "Just get the world back to the intended number of Xanders."

"Good luck," Tara added. As they hung up, Tara sighed. "God, I can't imagine what Xander's going through. To have something steal your face? Doing things you'd never do and people thinking it's you? It's horrible."

"At least we figured it out in time. Buff will stop him," Kitty told her. "And then we all can—"

Kitty was cut off by the phone ringing once more. She quickly answered, knowing it must have been one of the members of the gang. The Magic Box hadn't officially reopened, so no one was calling about buying things. "Hello?"

"Kitty? It's Willow," the witch said, sounding rushed. "Long story short, there's two Xanders. One evil and one the real one."

"I kn—"

"I'm with the real one, but the fake one is with Buffy and the others at your place. We're gonna fix it and kill the other. Don't let any Xander into the shop without me."

"But—"

Willow hung up before Kitty could even say anything. She stared at the phone for a minute before looking at Tara with a frown. "Buffy and Willow both think they have the real Xander."

"And one has the fake," Tara said, her eyes wide. "Toth managed to convince one of Xander's best friends in the whole world that he's the real Xander. Kitty, you've gotta find them and see if you can tell the difference."

"Woah!" she said, shaking her head. "Do you know what kinda pressure that is? Pick one Xander to live and one to die? What if I'm wrong? Ghost Real Xander would never let me live that down."

"W - well, we have to do something," Tara said, trying to think.

Then Kitty got an idea and pointed at her brain repeatedly. "Thought! I'm having a thought!" she said excitedly. "Uh, um, once we were gonna do a truth spell on Spike when he was our war prisoner, but we got distracted with Spike and me getting engaged and Giles going blind."

"What?" Tara asked, who definitely hadn't heard that story yet. Then she remembered they didn't have time and shook her head. "So, we do a truth spell? There should be one in some of these books."

Both girls quickly moved around the shop, searching the shelves. "Oh," Kitty said while flipping through the book. "And maybe a forgetting spell so that Xander's feelings aren't hurt for us not being able to tell them apart."

Tara smiled and nodded. "I'm sure we could manage that."

It didn't take too long before Tara found a suitable truth spell — and memory loss spell. Kitty wasn't sure how they worked, but she did run around and get the herbs Tara wound need. Apparently, anyone holding them while the truth spell was cast wouldn't be affected — it was easier and faster than tailoring a spell just to fit the two Xanders, especially since one was a demon.

"Let me just, uh, make sure I have the incantation right," Tara said, looking down at the book nervously. "Don't wanna pronounce something wrong — side effects may include brain-melting."

Kitty's eyes went wide and she quickly snatched a handful of herbs off the table. It made Tara smile, who'd been joking about the brain-melting. She also grabbed the herbs before clearing her throat and practicing the spell.

Tara spoke in Latin softly, and Kitty was silent as she watched. Then just as Tara uttered the final words, the bell over the front door rang as someone entered. Kitty looked up at Spike, who sauntered in as if the sign didn't say 'CLOSED' outside.

Spike hesitated when he saw the worried looks on Kitty and Tara's faces, clueless to the spell they just finished. They were wondering if it affected him. "What?" he asked defensively.

"Uh, nothing," Kitty said, hiding her hand of herbs behind her back. "What, uh, whatcha doing here?"

"Just wanted to see you," Spike said, shrugging. Then he frowned. "I... wasn't gonna say just because I wanted to see you. I was gonna lie and say I was looking for a thing for Clem — why am I telling you I was gonna lie?"

"I think the spell works," Tara whispered, now flipping the pages to find the reversal spell.

"What spell?" Spike asked.

"Don't worry about it," Kitty said, smiling. "And you don't have to lie about wanting to see me. Nothing wrong with that."

"Nothing wrong with me being in love with you but I don't tell you about that either." Spike's eyes went wide as the words escaped automatically. "Which I did just tell you. I definitely didn't want to tell you that yet."

"You're... in love with me?" Kitty asked slowly, still processing the words in her mind. Tara had gone still, part of her wishing to disappear and the other part wanting to stay and hear every word.

Spike got defensive, not happy about this sudden declaration that he did not want to be making. "So what if I'm in love with you? Mind your own fucking business."

"No, I won't," Kitty said, crossing her arms and stomping up to him. "What do you mean you're in love with me? That makes no sense?"

"How could I not be?" he asked, scoffing. "You like to paint my nails for me and put Weetabix in my blood because you know I like the texture."

Kitty glanced down at his nails, which were still sporting the one pink nail to match hers. "You think you're in love with me because I paint your nails?"

Spike sighed in disbelief. Did she really think it was so impossible for someone to be in love with her? He moved toward her, and Kitty stepped back. "I don't think I'm in love with you. I am in love with you. Have been for some time now, thanks," he claimed. "Know what I do think, though?"

Kitty moved backward until she hit a bookshelf. "What?" she asked breathlessly. She couldn't even begin to know what she thought about all this.

"I think you love me too," he boldly claimed. Kitty tilted her head and studied his serious expression. "But you're not ready to admit it to yourself because you're scared."

"Scared of what—"

"You love love, Kitten," he interrupted. "You thrive off it. You love watching your friends be loved and in love each day. You watch them grow and laugh and cry and work for it. You want it for yourself, but at the same time, you're too scared to find it. Because love can be happy and easy, but it's also hard and heartbreaking. You don't want someone to come along and ruin that perfect little idea of love that you have built up in your Cupid-wired mind."

Spike spoke in a softer tone then as he brushed his thumb across Kitty's cheek. "You're scared that I'll ruin it."

Kitty felt like she was suffocating in her feelings and Spike's own. On some level, Spike was right in what he thought. Kitty was only just learning to trust Spike again after Adam. It was no secret to herself that she had some kind of feelings for Spike, but love? How could she possibly know if she loved him?

"You... love me?" Kitty asked again, this time so quietly that he almost didn't hear.

"I'm drowning in you, Kitten," Spike said softly. "You're in everything I do, and I love you even if you're not ready to hear it."

"I... don't - I don't know what I - what I'm supposed - I think—"

Spike stepped back with a bitter smile. "I've gone and mucked everything up. You're not gonna be comfortable around me until you figure things out, and that's the last thing I wanted. I didn't — why did I even tell you?" he asked, frustrated at himself.

"Truth spell," Tara muttered when Kitty remained silent. She could only watch Spike, her brain a jumbled mess of thoughts. "You walked in at the wrong time."

"Of fucking course, I did," Spike muttered, kicking a chair. "Look, Kitten, I'll give you space if that's what you want even though I'd rather carve out my heart—"

"No," Kitty said softly. "No, I don't want space."

Spike studied her. "But are things gonna be alright between us?"

Kitty didn't have an answer either of them would like. How could things be normal with 'I'm drowning in you. You're in everything I do,' floating over their heads?

"Thought!" Kitty said, suddenly whirling around to look at Tara.

"Two in one day?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. Truthfully, Tara thought it'd be another hour before Kitty had a cohesive and comprehensive thought after Spike's declaration.

"Just, uh, do what we were gonna do with Xander, but to both of us. It'll be like it never happened — except you'll know. But you're a great secret keeper," Kitty said desperately, walking up to Tara. Spike had no clue what they were talking about.

"So you... want me to make you and Spike forget that we accidentally put him under a truth spell and he admitted to kind of falling in love with you?" Tara asked slowly. Kitty nodded in confirmation. "That plan seems like it has a lot of flaws."

"Well, this wasn't how Spike wanted to tell me, and clearly, I'm not processing this well because I'm asking you to wipe our memories," she said, rubbing her forehead stressfully. Then she sighed and spoke quietly. "Tara... there is something there with Spike. It's not one-sided, but I just need more time."

"You mean that? It's not one-sided?" Spike asked, his eyes lighting up with hope.

Kitty gazed at him for a moment, her chest tightening with all her overwhelming emotions that she had no idea how to sort through. "It's not," she told him. Then she looked back at Tara and frowned. "I know what everyone will think. I know they won't like it. So, please, just keep all this to yourself. Don't even tell us."

"I—" Tara cut herself off, not sure what to say. But after a moment of thinking, she sighed and nodded. "Okay. Yeah, okay. Just, um, b - both of you grab some Lethe's Bramble for the memory purging spell."

"We won't remember any of this at all?" Spike asked skeptically as Kitty handed him a small, white herb.

"Nothing," Tara assured him. "Though, I guess I could restore it if you two ever, well, g - get together."

Spike nodded in understanding then looked at Kitty, who was already watching him. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "That I can't say it back... not yet, at least."

"I'd wait a lifetime for you, Kitten," he said, managing a small smile. "And that's very long for my kind."

That actually warmed Tara's heart a bit, who was surprised to find Spike had a romantic side. She then picked up the spellbook. "Ready?"

Kitty started to nod but then dropped the herb on the table. They couldn't even question her before she turned to Spike and stood on her toes while throwing her arms around his neck. He got the idea and move down to help with the height difference, holding her tightly.

Then she kissed him — for the first time not under a love spell or in a dream. And no, she wouldn't remember how it made her heart hammer, and he wouldn't recall the taste of her cherry lipgloss that he always loved to smell. Neither would remember how right it felt in that moment together.

As they parted, Kitty couldn't help but smile. She reached up and wiped the glittery lip gloss off Spike's bottom lip with her thumb. He was staring down at her in awe, thinking he'd only ever get to do that in his dreams.

"Okay," Kitty breathed out, stepping back from him. He reluctantly let his hands drop from her hips. She reached for the Lethe's Bramble again and looked at Tara. "Now I'm ready."

♡︎

"Oh, hey, Spike. Whatcha here for?" Kitty asked, turning to see Spike had silently entered the store. They'd have to get that bell on the door checked.

Spike looked around casually at the shelves. "Just popped in to see if you had some kind of charm Clem might like. His birthday's coming up."

"That's not for, like, two months, and also we aren't open," Kitty said, snorting. "But okay."

Tara watched Kitty and Spike like a hawk as she walked him around the store, looking at little trinkets. She noticed things she never had before — how Kitty would naturally lean closer to him, how Spike would gaze lovingly at her as she excitedly and, admittedly, incorrectly described what certain charms and talismans did. Now it was impossibly obvious how the two felt for each other.

And that was not gonna fly with everyone else when those feelings came to light the second time around. Tara was already mentally preparing for the World War equivalent reactions — particularly from Buffy, Giles, and Xander. Just thinking about it gave Tara heartburn.

"This seems like a problem for Future Tara, and I am not Future Tara," she whispered to herself, looking back down at the spell books and doing her best to forget about Spike and Kitty. "Hey, Kitty. I think everything is ready to deal with Xander - s."

Kitty sighed in relief and went back over to Tara.

"What's wrong with the skiver?" Spike asked, leaning against a shelf.

"Got a bad case of Evil Twin-itus," Kitty informed him. "Gonna whammy them with a truth spell to find out which is the real one—"

The phone in the Magic Box rang for a third time that night, and Kitty rushed to answer it. "Hello?"

"Kitty!" It was Teddy on the other end, calling from the apartment.

"Hey, any Xander developments? Because Tara and I think we know how to tell which Xander is the real—"

"They're both Xander," Teddy interrupted. Kitty and Tara looked at each other in surprise. "Toth was trying to split Buffy into two — regular Buffy and Slayer Buffy. If he killed regular Buffy, then the other would die too. But he hit Xander instead."

"Teddy, please tell me both Xanders are alive," Kitty said, running a hand through her hair. She could not lose her best friend.

"Buffy and Riley tracked them both down at Xander's new place and stopped them from killing each other," he explained. "They took out Toth too. We're gonna meet at the shop to try and put them back together. Everything should be there."

"Oh, well, we'll be here," Kitty said, shrugging. Then as Teddy hung up, she pouted at Tara. "All that truth spell work and we didn't even get to find out any deep dark secrets."

"Yeah," Tara said, trying not to let her eyes fall on Spike. "What a waste."

♡︎

Spike, understandably, didn't stick around for the merging of the Xanders. Kitty stood in front of the two identical boys and looked at them. They were wearing the same outfit now, but the Xander on the right was much scruffier with greasy hair and covered in dirt.

"Look and admire, ladies," Scruffy Xander said. Kitty was joined by Buffy, Willow, and Anya as they looked at them.

"Look, there's a scar there," Buffy said, pointing at their foreheads, "and there's the same one right there."

"It's all double," Willow said in amazement. "This zit, and this kinda funny dippy thing. A-and this weird little hair that grows in the wrong way—"

"Okay! Back off, ladies," Scruffy Xander said, tired of the poking and prodding.

"So, this Xander—" Kitty gestured to Fancy Xander. "—is the one that knows what taxes are. And this Xander—" She looked at Scruffy Xander. "—is the one with a spot on Dick Solomon impression from 3rd Rock."

"Exactly," Fancy Xander told her.

"Psychologically, this is fascinating. Doesn't it make everyone wanna lock them in separate rooms and do experiments on them?" Riley asked, smiling. The smile dropped when he saw the odd looks they all shot him. "Just me, then."

"As someone that was experimented on, I think the Xanders will pass," Teddy muttered. Just Riley suggesting it made him upset, but he kept it to himself. Kitty moved to his side and leaned a head on his shoulder, knowing he still wasn't over what the Initiative did to him.

"So," Anya said, eying the Xanders hungrily, "you Xanders really do have all the same memories, all the same physical attributes?"

"We're completely identical," Fancy Xander assured her.

"Yeah, we checked out some stuff in the car on the way over," Scruffy Xander said. Kitty dramatically gagged at the thought. "Fingerprints!" he quickly said, holding up his hands.

Anya turned to the others. "Well, maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home, and we can all have sex together, and you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning."

Giles, who was busy drawing a pentagram on the floor, looked ready to vomit. Everyone else was fairly disgusted as well.

"She's joking," Fancy Xander quickly said.

Scruffy Xander spoke up, looking at Anya accusingly. "No, she's not! She entirely wants to have sex with us together. Which is... wrong, and, and it would be very confusing."

"Uh, uh, we just need to light the candles," Giles said, getting to his feet. "Also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk."

"Please," Kitty mumbled. She was all for people that wanted multiple partners, but two of the exact same person wasn't quite the same.

"Check. Candles and pretense," Willow said.

"It's not like it'd be cheating. They're both Xander," Anya muttered.

"Now, hold on a sec," Scruffy Xander said, eying his other half. "If you weren't putting a whammy on people with the shiny thing, how'd you do it? How'd you get the promotion?"

Fancy Xander shrugged. "Well, I'm good at that stuff."

"I am?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yeah."

"And hey, how 'bout that lady, huh? The apartment manager."

"How weird was it when she called me 'mister'?" Fancy Xander asked, making both of them grin goofily.

"We're ready," Willow said, having lit all the candles. "We should do it now."

"What'll we do if this doesn't work?" Anya asked.

"Kill us both, Spock!" the Xanders said in unison. They looked at each other and laughed in delight as Kitty giggled.

"They're... kinda the same now," Buffy noted.

"Yes, he's clearly a bad influence on himself," Giles muttered.

"Hey, summon the goddess," Scruffy Xander said, ready to be done. "Chant the chant. Let's do it."

"Actually, it's not that hard. Your natural state is to be together. Toth's spell is doing all the work of keeping you apart. I just have to break it. So you two—" Willow pulled the two inside the chalk drawing. "—stand right here. Side by side. We don't want you to end up with two fronts, now do we?"

"Are you sure you know how to do this?" Scruffy Xander asked doubtfully.

"Here we go. Brace yourselves," Willow said, taking a deep breath. Both Xanders shut their eyes. "Let the spell be ended."

Xander scoffed. "You gotta be kidding. 'Let the spell be ended,' that's not gonna work." But then Xander opened his eyes and saw only one of him standing there. "Oh!"

Willow smiled proudly, but Anya was pouting. "I liked it the other way. Put him back."

♡︎

With the world back to the right number of Xanders, the only thing left to do was move him out of the basement. While everyone was busy moving boxes, Anya was sitting on a stool and flipping through a magazine. Xander paused after sending Buffy upstairs with one of the heavier boxes and looked around. Riley and Teddy, who were busy filling up more boxes, stopped to look at him.

"Getting nostalgic?" Riley asked.

"I don't know. At first, it's just a place, then you start to make memories, and then you're like, that's where Spike slept, and there, that's where Anya and I drowned the separvo demon. Over there is where Kitty put a hole in the drywall trying a skateboard trick. Oh! And - and right there, that's where I got my heart all ripped out." Then Xander shook his head after recalling all that. "I really hate this place."

Buffy came back down with Kitty and both grabbed more things to take up. But they stopped at Anya's side. "Anya. I see you've joined the non-sling-wearing crowd," Buffy noted.

"Yes, I'm feeling better," she said, smiling. "And I anticipate many years before my death. Excepting disease or airbag failure."

"That sounds nice," Kitty said, shaking her head. They certainly weren't going to talk her into helping, so they moved on.

Xander walked up to Anya with a box, and she tossed her magazine to the side. "Ooh! Presents?"

"Not unless you want my collection of Babylon 5 commemorative plates," he told her.

"Oh, those sound sick as fuck!" Kitty called from up the stairs. "Dibs on those when Xand dies!"

Xander rolled his eyes playfully. "Which you and Kitty cannot have. I just thought you could help carry a little."

"Me?" she asked, pouting. "Buffy has super strength. Why don't we just load her up like one of those little horses?"

Xander didn't point out that even Kitty, the laziest and weakest, was helping because she cared about Xander. "Anya. Please."

Anya sighed before getting off the stool. "Fine. I'm just your slave."

The boys watched her go upstairs. "How is it that she can always make me feel Suave Xander's left the building?" Xander asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You two have your friction, but... she digs the whole package. It's obvious," Riley told him, smiling softly.

"Yeah, man," Teddy said, grinning. "She loves you so much that she wanted two of you to love even more. Not a lot of people have that."

"Still, I do envy you sometimes," Xander told Riley. "I mean for the sanity. Not that I'm still into Buffy. Not that I ever was."

"Hey, I'm well aware of how lucky I am," Riley responded. "Like, lottery lucky. Buffy's like nobody else in the world. When I'm with her it's like... it's like I'm split in two. Half of me is just... on fire, going crazy if I'm not touching her. The other half is so still and peaceful — just perfectly content. Just knows this is the one."

Teddy had turned his back to them during Riley's little speech. It hurt hearing him talk about Buffy in a way he never could. But he'd never do anything to jeopardize his friendship with Buffy and Riley, especially when he knew she didn't see him that way.

"But she doesn't love me," Riley said after a moment.

Teddy sharply turned his head to look at Riley in surprise. Neither he nor Xander knew how to respond to that. Riley had a sad, accepting smile on his face.

Then Buffy came back down, going right over to Riley. "Got something else for me to carry?"

"Uh, you can help me pack this," Riley said, nodding to a half-full box of bedding.

"Sure," she said. Then Buffy stood on her toes to sweetly kiss him.

Teddy and Xander watched the couple, seeing them in a new light. And both were silently wondering just how long the happy couple before them would remain happy if Riley wasn't willing to wait for Buffy to fall in love in return.

♡
︎

[ the way i covered like three main quotes in one chapter (spike, tara, and the fic description). even if you thought it was unrealistic, i love chaos and shenanigans, and i love the idea of a love confession then forgetting said love confession.

also, the parallel of riley not wanting to wait until buffy is ready to say i love you versus spike prepared to wait a lifetime for kitty to say it? delicious ! anyway, it's gonna get real angsty real soonish, so enjoy any fluff and fun i give to you ]