this stuff has literally happened to me

Me: You're a dumbass

Guy: hey that's a bad word you shouldn't say that

My gf (in response to the guy) : shut the fuck up

now during gym this happened (summarized)

Me (playing ping pong): yeah communism amiright 

Guy: ha yeah

*two guys walk up*

Guy 1: hey you and this guy should hook up

Guy 2: yeah it'll work

Me: *bursts out laughing*

*bit of nothing*

Me: Yeah I have girlfriend

Guy 1: what

Me: yeah I don't care about gender

Guy 2: oh are you like trans or bi

Me: I'm bi 

Guy 1: okay okay so if you could fuck both the hottest guy and the hottest girl at the same time, would you?

Me: hell yeah

Guy 1 to Guy 2: at least she's honest

I had a great time

Me and my friends talking about club penguin

Me: I'm so sad that club penguin is shutting down!

My friend: yeah, club penguin was great

Me: YEAH I WAS A SLUT ON CLUB PENGUIN

History teacher walking by: *turns around* what

talking about (shitting on) religion during lunch

My friend: Yeah so my brothers gay

Me: oh really?

My friend: yeah and my mom was like super religious and then he told her he was gay and now she's not religious

listening to music and my parents hearing it

Me: *is listening to Kill Yourself*

My dad walking by: What the fuck are you listening to???

Me: *looks up* music

telling a guy i know about Yuri On Ice with my boi Evan

Guy: so you're telling me it's not lesbians?

Me: yeah but it's still gay tho

Evan: yeah like this one guy literally jizzes on the ice

Guy: what the fuck

my life is funny