So I've been thinking about YOI

Especially episode 12, the final episode.

And I just...

The saddest thing about this episode is not that it's the final. Not at all. No, no,no, it's the fact that, Yuuri from the very beginning wanted to retire. The very first scenes in the show is everything telling Yuuri to retire. And he has this on his mind through the whole of the show.

Episode 9 is when it's shown clearly that he's still considering it. Airport scene, he's almost regretful in his tears. He doesn't want to stop skating but in his mind it's that his end is near. All this skating with Victor is temporary to him. He feels like he's just a passing fad to Victor.

And then we're at the beginning of the last episode, we see Victor crying at Yuuri telling him that he's going to retire. Yuuri's surprised by this only because he had never seen Victor cry at this point. Though he expected the tears in some way. Maybe even some kind of anger. Which does appear.

But he probably expected Victor not to care which is why he got so angry when responding to a frustrated and crying Victor. It's the why do you care? Type mindset that he had. I'm just temporary. Thing too.

This doesn't mean that he doesn't love Victor or doesn't acknowledge everything that's happened up until that point. No, he is completely in love with the man. It's just that it feels unreal to him. Victor needs to go back to the figure skating world. He's clearly missing it. Yuuri knows this. So, he just thinks that Victor wouldn't need Yuuri. That it was fun while it lasted type thing.

Yuuri really sucks at picking up on people's emotions. He only knows his own which is why it's confusing to him when Victor starts crying. He doesn't know Victor's perspective until then.

While Yuuri retiring would be an act of selflessness, Victor saw it as selfish for the only thing to get him to want to jump back into the game was Yuuri.

The truly saddest thing is when Yuuri for the final time skates Yuri On Ice. Not only is this what he thinks is his last time to skate but his last time to declare his love to Victor. He pours his all into it. And when he finishes, and starts crying. It's not just the stress of the competition getting to him, it's the weight of this being the last he does.
But right before we see Yuuri crying, we see Victor crying. He got the message that Yuuri was first trying to make the night before. That it was all for Victor.

This is the saddest thing in the entire goddang anime to me. The very moment where all this mess, all that started the adventure ends. It's the climax of the story to me. The turning point.

Most would say it's Yurio skating but no, no. Not to me. I say it's the moment where Yuuri ends his skate because it ends all the major plot lines and it relieves all these emotions. That's what a climax should do.

Tbh it's really late and I ended up thinking about this.