Steve was at his wits' end. He swore he was going to break down, fall apart, go insane; all were likely scenarios.

His baby girl was gone, missing. His husband, too. Those he cared most about were out of his life, and he didn't know for how long.

So he tried to ignore it. He tried to ignore the photographs of his smiling daughter on the walls, from a baby up to almost grade three, now. He tried to ignore the gaping emptiness on the left side of the bed where Bucky always slept. He tried to ignore the silence of his apartment, so unfamiliar and deafening.

He failed; over and over again, he failed.

Then he tried to keep himself busy. Folding and refolding laundry, taking more missions than usual and taking less care while he's at it. The apartment was sparkling. There wasn't a moment Steve wasn't shaking anymore.

"So," Nat says softly, leaning against his fridge. "How've you been doing?"

Steve takes time to consider his answer, avidly avoiding eye contact. "Best I can, I guess," he finally mutters, concentrating on washing the dishes that really didn't need rescrubbing. Nat eyes him carefully.

"Yeah?" She looks down at her nails for a second. "Spent a lot of time, cooped up here. I thought we could go for a walk or something. Get you out of the house."

"Yeah, yeah, that'd be good," Steve replies distantly, still not looking over. Nat shoots him a knowing gaze. "I just need to finish this, okay?"

"Come on," she says, keeping her tone a gentle murmur. "You've been washing that plate for almost five minutes."

Steve shrugs indifferently.

Nat didn't like this for many reasons. One, Steve was harder to read than usual. He was hard to read anyway, but now, he'd built up such high walls around himself, Nat was afraid he would lose himself among them. Two, if and when his family came back, he wouldn't be the same.

Nobody was ready for that.

Nat places a hand on his arm and notes the slight tremor in his hands. She sighs and runs a hand over her hair, thinking of what to say.

"You can't just bury yourself in work and pretend everything is fine," she finally says. Steve purses his lips, blinking hard.

"I'm not, it's just -- these do need to get done eventually, and I've got some time now -- "

"No," Nat sighs, shaking her head. "I know. Okay? I know what it's like. It isn't... healthy, or -- "

"What, washing dishes? You can't be telling me that -- "

"That's not the point. You're not listening -- "

"I don't see why it's such a big deal. Why does it matter to you? I'm doing what I usually do, and -- "

"Steve, distracting yourself from what's happened isn't -- "

"I'm not, okay, I'm just -- " Steve slips while washing a knife, his hands shaking too hard. He pulls back, hissing a curse under his breath and dropping the knife in the water.

Nat watches him, a concerned frown on her face. An uncomfortable silence settles over them and neither dare to break it.

"I-I'm just trying to -- " Steve swallows the lump tightening in his throat. "Excuse me."

He walks out briskly and locks himself in the bathroom, taking a breath and pinching the bridge of his nose with his good hand. Overwhelming emotion hits him like a brick and he ducks his head, exhaling shakily.

He couldn't do this. He was losing it. He wanted to go charging out of the house to find his family; he had tried, weeks ago, but all that got him was into trouble. So he was placed under "gently persuaded house arrest", because it was thought that he would go off and do something dangerous, willing to do anything for his family.

They weren't wrong.

"Open the door, Steve." Nat doesn't demand, but Steve feels obligated to open it anyway, though all he wants is to be alone. The more sensible part of him argues that him being alone right now isn't the best thing.

He opens the door wordlessly. Nat says nothing, but pulls him down into a hug, balancing on her tiptoes to reach around his shoulders.

"They're going to be okay," Nat says softly, rubbing his back. She pretends, for the sake of his pride, not to notice when he starts crying against her. He would do the same for her any day.

////

"He's going to kill me," Bucky mutters to himself as he holds their little girl, Annie, in his arms. Nat tilts her head a little.

They had been found, safe and relatively okay -- a couple bruises and scrapes here and there. S.H.I.E.L.D. had been able to track them down after almost five weeks.

Bucky's heart leaps when he sees Steve down the plane runway, walking towards them. Then tears run down his face when he watches Steve run towards them as he gets closer, looking both afraid and hopeful at the same time.

He only slows down enough so that when he meets them, he doesn't crush them both. He lifts Annie into his arms and hugs her close, kissing the top of her head. She giggles and clings to him tightly.

Steve turns to Bucky and chokes on a sob. Bucky hugs him tightly, burying his face into his chest. Steve holds them both close, tears streaming down his face.

"I love you both so much, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he chokes, trying to wipe his face clean. Bucky gives him a sad smile and kisses him desperately.

"It's okay. We're okay," he assures, cupping his cheek. "We're okay, Stevie."

Steve just kisses him again, the relief overwhelming. They were both here, they were alive. Steve couldn't believe it.

////

"They stormed through the gates, swords raised and teeth bared. They would do anything to save their world," Steve reads aloud, looking over at Annie as she snuggles deeper into her blankets.

"Like what Papa did?" Steve smiles and bookmarks the page, nodding. "When he came to get me?" She frowns a little, confused. "Why didn't you?"

Steve pauses, placing the book in his lap, feeling guilt rise in his throat. Annie shakes her head before Steve can say anything in response. She hugs him and Steve holds her close.

"I love you, you know that, right?" Steve says softly. Annie nods against his shoulder.

"I know. Love you too."

Steve says goodnight and goes back into his and Bucky's room.

Bucky says nothing as Steve climbs in next to him. When he's settled, Bucky curls in close and kisses his cheek.

"You did what you could, Steve," he murmurs. "It's okay."

They'd be okay in due time.

////

I just wanted to write angst. *shrug*