So far, so good. The kid hasn't cried for whole afternoon and has been most of the time asleep or eating his fingers in the crib. Now, you're probably thinking: 'Wow, Nate, you're doing so good! While the baby was asleep, you must've done some extra important project too, because you're so naturally awesome!'

Thank you, thank you, I appreciate it, but no. I've been glued to the crib watching the meatloaf sleep, like I am some creepy Mr. Pedo.

As I am glaring down at like, like he's my Bella and I'm his Edward, a smile tugs at my lips. He looks so peaceful, so innocent, so soft and fragile it begins to melt my heart. Of course, babies are innocent, what the hell did I expect to get? A-star pornstar?

I shake my head at all of this and continue to observe him. He's been so still and sleepy, I panicked every now and then if he was still breathing. To my luck, he's a healthy baby, just resting his poor head, so he could shit all over mine when the time comes.

I try to lift up my spirits and it springs to me that won't happen, if I keep sitting at the crib. That's why I leave the room, keep the doors open, just in case something might happen and decide to give in to temptation and accept the drink I've offered myself before.

What the fuck have I been thinking and how the fuck could a fucking bartender get me to do this shit?

Deep down, I know bartender only gave me a summary of our conversation when I was coma drunk. Not to mention, he meant adoption in a sarcastic manner. Nate, you're such a fucktard, I swear to fucking hell.

I pace around my apartment, swallowing down the burning liquid, hoping to get lightheaded soon enough, so I could cope with this idiocracy I unleashed upon me.

As I continue to drink alone, lonely and frustrated, my intercome starts screaming, scaring the shit out of me, so I nearly drop the original Jack Daniels glass. Shit, the baby!

I quickly run to answer the intercom and find out who decided to come and ruin my self-loathing afternoon. I press the button on the intercom and say "Who is it?"

"It's Austin, let me in." I hear the disembodied voice and bite my lip in pain.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Without saying anything, I press the button that opens the door and living here for few years, I know he'll be up in about two to three minutes, meaning I have that much time to prepare for his ultimate scolding.

First things first, I have to hide the baby. I rush to the room, check if he's asleep or if he's awake or whatever the fuck he's doing, then leave the room and close the door. That should do, I mean Austin won't just walk around the apartment and search it, right?

I don't mind how screwed up my apartment looks, Austin has seen it in a worse state. I stroll to the front door and just when I'm about to open it and meet him, he's standing right in front of me, ready to barge in, like he is a character from a movie Scream.

I jump back and cuss my way through the stress "Jesus, Austin!"

"Are you out of your damn mind?!" He yells at me. No hello, no what's up, just yelling and only yelling. He marches in and I close the door behind him, I believe we're gonna need some privacy for what Austin has in store for me.

"You'll wake the baby!" I warn him in a quieter voice, so I wouldn't end up looking ironic.

He glares at me in disbelief, his green eyes unnaturally wide "So it's true?!!"

"Will you shut up?!" I warn him a bit louder and sigh after silence is finally present. I rub my face and nod "Yeah, it's true."

"You have a fucking kid?"

I groan "Yes, Austin! I adopted a kid! Is it so hard to believe that?" I bark at him, unleashing all the panic from before.

"Actually, it is!" He cries and sits behind the counter on one of those barstools I own. He shakes his head and I offer him a drink, which he accepts with happiness and need. I hand him a glass and before I open the fridge again, he murmurs "Leave the bottle."

So I sit down next to him, having nothing better to do and I empty my glass, while he fiddles his in his hands. None of us says anything and we just sit silently and drink. It looks sad, but at least I'm not drinking alone.

Suddenly he scoffs and sarcastically exclaims "Shit, a kid! Next week I'll probably find out you went on a trip and got married in fucking Vegas!"

I roll my eyes at him and say "No, you don't have to worry about that."

"Oh, so that's still the same, then. Joy!" He adds even more sarcasm and it affects my mood, making me angry. Austin... C'mon, man!

I have to stop him from being like this. It's making me irritated, even more, aggressive and even more regretful "Austin, I already hate myself enough, okay? I know this was a bad move, but your sarcasm isn't helping here!" That is all I manage to say, probably still trying to bring myself to believe in the next room there's a sleeping baby.

"Nate, what you did can't be described as a 'bad move', but a complete fuck up of judgement!" He tries to raise his voice, but when he remembers silence is now very valued, he stops himself. If only that meant he'd shut up completely.

"I'm your boss here." I remind him he better watch what he says. He's my best friend and I'd never fire him. Hell, if I could, I'd give him a sky-high raise, but I had to make him chill down somehow.

"And I'm the only rational one, here!" Austin fights back and glares at me very intimidatingly. 

I glare back at him in disbelief he actually said that to me and I browse through my brain to find a good response that would make me victorious, like the usual. But I'm blank, even all the practice I had with May and Daniel fail me and prove to be of no use. "...Point taken." I hate myself for admitting my defeat, but at the same time, I've known this all along. I am impulsive, Austin is cautious. 

Austin's eyes don't leave me. Even when I look away, I can feel his look on me "Why, Nate? And when did it happen?"

I sigh and shrug, a sign of my desperation "I wanted to keep it to myself, okay? I didn't want to..." I sigh again and buy myself some time to compose my response. I don't want him to know how much I hate it when people tell me I'd be horrible at doing something or becoming someone. "Patty took Aidan from me..." 

"Yeah, I know." His voice is now expecting to hear more, but there's the after tone of suspicion in it "But you said she was gonna cool down."

I nod, agitated. I told myself the same thing back then and it only made me more miserable, because it was nothing, but a false hope. "Yeah, but... I thought... She didn't call or change her mind." I lean back against the barstool as much as I can and my voice rises "I missed Aidan and I missed being invited over to their place, I missed my brother! I... I don't know, I hated how it affected me and it was hard for me to even sleep with women, like what the hell?!"

Austin chuckles, but not mockingly "You didn't know what to do with yourself, huh?"

I don't want to admit it. I don't want to admit it to him, to Danny, to Patty, to Justine, to Lenart, not even to myself. But I end up nodding. 

"And you didn't think to maybe call Annabelle? You had to go straight for adopting'" Oh, Austin, not right now, please. 

"No." My response is short and it gets to the point. I just hope he won't try to drill more out of it. 

He clasps his hands and refills his glass, slowly sipping on his drink. Everything goes silent and when I look at him, he's staring at one spot on the wall, not moving his eyes from it. He is thinking about something, but from recognising the determined look and eventually squinting eyes, I know he's onto something and I'm not really eager to find out more about it. Finally, he shrugs, finishing his drink. When the glass hits the counter, he says "Caitlin said she barely recognised her sister, when we went out together. I take it, Annabelle must really like you." 

I scoff to myself and sigh. Annabelle obviously told Caitlin nothing and I respect that. Some things just aren't that sharable. I am still surprised by the information, after all, Caitlin and Annabelle are sisters, but maybe they aren't as close as I thought. Not that I blame Annabelle for keeping her distance, she's sweet and lovely and Caitlin is... shiver-worth. 

I think about explaining to Austin what happened after Annabelle and I stayed alone, but then he interrupts me with the most unusual request "So, where do you have your baby, Daddy?"

I cringe beyond my imagination and sigh as I get up "Please, don't do that ever again." 

With my hand, I usher him to follow me. We walk to the other side of the apartment and before I open the door I warn him to keep quiet. He lifts his hand and presses it against his chest on his heart as to vow me his silence. Yeah, I wanna see that. 

I slowly open the door, praying to the whatever gods above that door wouldn't shriek, even though they're brand new. I let Austin in and he slowly comes closer to the crib. I follow him and when I'm next to him, I see him peeking at the baby. He stares at the fat meatloaf inside, then leans back and runs his hands over his face, saying nothing, but I see how much he wanted to break my nose and knock me out. At this point, I was ready to take on everything. 

"Holy fuck." He cusses in a whisper and sinks down to the floor with his head in his hands. "What the fuck, Nate!"

"Can you not cuss, right now?! I didn't let you in, so the first word kid will say would be 'Fuck'!" I scold him, doing it all in a whispery manner. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I hate myself for letting him in and seeing the baby because that only reminded him how angry he was with me.

"Shouldn't you be happy for me?" I bark back at him, fed up with his bipolar and indecisive shit. 

"Happy?!"

"Yes! Happy! You were going all gangster on me because I didn't get a girlfriend!" I don't think I've ever said girlfriend for so many times in my whole life, especially in one single day. 

Austin scoffs in that sickly sarcastic way and lifts both brows "Yes, Nate, I wanted you to get yourself a girlfriend, not a freaking kid! That's a big fucking difference!" 

Our argument dies down, we both go silent, which doesn't mean we seductively look at each other like people in movies usually do. Oh, if only that were the case... But, no. The thought of Austin and me being all romantic is already disgusting enough to me, but what follows our cussing is something much worse, something I never imagined I'd have to go through so soon.

The baby... He woke up... 

Devon's face starts cringing and grimacing as the deafening sound comes from his mouth and makes my ears pop. Both Austin and I lean forward over the crib, trying to be all cute and sweet. 

"Shhh, shhh, little baby. It's okay." Austin says and looks down at the baby with big eyes. Let me clarify, his eyes aren't big because he is looking at the tiny baby, but because of fear and panic. 

"Devon, Devon, don't cry, C'mon," I say and caress his head with my hand. And wow, is my hand big... It looks like a frying pan and Devon's head is like a freaking egg. 

The kid doesn't stop crying. He continues to torture and killing us slowly with his baby voice. 

"Take him in your hands," says Austin, nudging me in my hip with his elbow. 

I glare at him "What? No! We'll just calm him down and he'll go back to sleep." Surely, there's no need for lifting him, right? I lean closer and try to do exactly that - calm him down "Look, Devon, uncle Austin came by. Say hi." 

I believe the kid had a choice right here. He started screaming, so loudly I could see the windows vibrating at the sound of this screeching. 

Austin looks at me and yells at me through the noise "Good job, Dad!"

"I didn't even do anything!" I try to defend myself with the worst excuse to ever fall on the Earth, but I have a hard time finding the right words to shut Austin up. The good plan would be to do that with Devon, first, but I'm Nathan Price and I complicate things. 

"Just take him in your arms, already! Babies stop crying then!" Austin peers at me judgingly. 

Before I do anything, I want him to understand I did what I did by my choice and not because he told me to do so, but the kid's crying is messing with my brain and probably killing my neuro cells too. I carefully, but in a hurry, cradle him in my hands and lift in my arms. I press him against my chest, like Sue did earlier, praying to gods, devils, spirits, fairies, unicorns and all other crap, so Devon would become a happy baby and stop screaming. 

For a second he stops and Austin and I are filled with hope. But I make a mental note, to call adoption agency and ask them to put a big sign on their building saying: Abandon hope all ye who enter here. 

"No, no, no, please, stop," I whisper silently to him.

 I try holding him really close, I try swooning with him, I try rocking with him. NOTHING HELPS. It's just a big loop of nothing, except for having his screams right next to my ear. 

I look at Austin who just stands there, looking terrified and rooted in the middle of the room. I yell at him "Will you help me or what?!" 

"What do I even do?!" he yells back at me and panicky wails with his hands around the place. Yeah, that ought to help, you fucking moron! 

I dismiss him, knowing it'll be probably easier if I handle this by myself. I hate being mean to Austin, but right now, he's a deadweight and I have a crying baby in my arms. 

He slides his hair back in panic "Okay, what do babies do? What do babies do?!"

"I don't know! They sleep! Which I'm trying to make him do!" I yell at him as Devon's inconsolable screams blare in my left ear. I turn my face in direction of Devon's and I whisper gently "Stop crying, baby, I'm here, all is good." But nothing happens. Everything stays the same and it makes me so exasperated I let out my anger on my friend right here "Well, do something!"

"I'm trying to think!" He yells back at me and tries to pat Devon on the back, which only causes the kid to lose his shit and start crying even more. 

"Oh, now you fucking did it!" I scream at Austin, who returns me a poisonous glare. "Jesus, we gotta think of something!" I say it out loud, maybe more to myself, but Austin hears it as well. 

"Maybe we gotta change the diaper?!" 

When he says it out loud, something in my head clicks. If Austin wasn't a witness, I'd walk to the window and teach Devon how to fucking fly. 

Before I did that, the last bit of common sense said: But Nate, shouldn't you check it first and be sure about it?

And I said to myself: Absolutely not! 

Better get rid of it, before it's too late. I wanted to say 'Before you get too attached, but I don't know who could get so loving of this. Emotional, sure, I am freaking emotional, 'cause I'm on the brink of committing suicide! I checked anyway. If I only knew how... I pat his diaper with my palm, hoping to hear any weird noise coming from it, but because somebody wouldn't stop screeching like some half-dead crow, I can't hear a thing. 

I look at Austin, my eyes wide and scared. Please, not the diaper... Not yet! "How do I check?" 

He says something and I try to remind him I can't exactly hear him, but I abort the mission. There are bigger things at stake here. So, poop... Poop smells, so... I sniff? 

I lift the baby above me and first get a good kick in my chin by his wailing legs. I stumble back and hand the kid to Austin in the last second, as I grasp for my chin. If it wasn't for him, I'd give Devon a kick in the chin as well, that little son of a bitch. 

"Well?!" Austin yells through the crying, ignoring that I probably lost a few teeth due to the kick. 

"Well, what?" I mumble a bit louder than usual. Austin points at Devon's ass and I shake my head "I don't think so!" 

Austin frowns in defeat, but to me, that's a big victory. I don't think I could handle shit already, all of this is overwhelming enough! 

"Your love is like bad medicine! Bad medicine is what I need, whoa! Shake it up just like bad medicine! There ain't no doctor that can cure my disease! 

Both Austin and I look at each other bewildered. He, because he has no idea what's going on and I, because how the fuck am I going to handle a phone call?! "What is that?" He guts out, but I have no time to answer him and I rush to my phone. 

I look at the screen and when I see the caller's ID, I want to punch the wall with my head. I lift the phone to my ear and answer as sweetly as possible "Hey, Annabelle!"

"Hey, Nathan..." She says and her gentle voice is a welcoming contrast to the monster in Austin's hands. 

"How did... you get my number?" I ask, jumping to conclusions Austin sent it to her as he sent hers to me. 

There's a brief silence on the other line and it feels like baby's crying is growing and growing. At last, she's back, her voice resonating good mood "Oh, you're in a telephone directory. Look, uhm, I know it was really shitty how I behaved when we met at the mall and all." 

Oh god, woman, you have NO sense of timing at all! "Oh, it was nothing, we had a pretty bad start in general." 

"Yeah, but... I just wanted to apologise for being so mean." I hear her giggle and now I finally understand why Austin wanted me to find a girlfriend first and then get the baby. 

Devon's crying intensifies and dangerously increases, so I try to hide it with a forced chuckle "Mean? The cologne you gave me was pretty damn good." 

She laughs, purely and loudly. I can almost imagine her putting a hand over her mouth to suppress it.  "I'm glad you liked it." She says, "To be honest, I've never even smelled it, but the name was very suiting for you." 

"So, it was about sending a message," I say, chuckling again, nearly forgetting behind me there's Austin with a baby. My baby. 

"Sometimes I do stupid things like that," Annabelle mutters apologetically. Don't notice the crying. Don't notice the crying. Don't notice the crying. "Nate, is everything okay there?" She asks weirded out. 

Shit. 

"Yeah!" I answer, almost too enthusiastically and puke-worthy. I sound like a freaking 19-year-old virgin who got the first offer to see tits. "Why wouldn't it be?!" 

"Well - wait." She stops in her track and I close my eyes tightly in sync with her suspicion. "Is that a baby crying?" 

"Uh-" 

She laughs, but not as pure as before, but more like in a really bad surprise "Oh! Oh, erh, so that adopting thing you mentioned... That was... Do you have a baby? You adopted?"

With every word she says, her voice is getting higher and higher and my confidence is getting lower and lower "Kinda." 

People in my life really have no sense for a good time at all and exactly at that moment when I'm at the excruciating point with Annabelle, Austin shows up behind my back, demanding to know who is it. No, not now. People, stop barging in my life like that! 

I check my phone's screen so see if Annabelle hung up, but when I see the timer still running and settle for her silence of shock, I say "Annabelle, can we talk some other time, Devon, I mean, the baby is very... Well, he's crying a lot and-" 

She doesn't let me finish the sentence "Did you check his diaper?" 

"Yeah, I did and I found nothing." 

"Did you maybe check if he's hungry?" She asks and I want to slap myself three thousand times for not thinking of such a typical thing for a baby.

"Right, uh, how do I check?" I ask for more instructions, knowing she'd help me out, unlike a very specific friend that is currently in my apartment! 

It doesn't take her long to tell me what to do "Is he smacking his lips or making sucking motions?" 

I look at Austin and gesture him to turn Devon around so I can see this satan's face. When I do, he is all over the place and it feels like I'm a pirate sailing into a storm. At some points, I see him muffling his crying, which never stops, with his small fists made of fat little fingers and I quickly grasp for the phone "He's just stuffing fingers in his mouth, but he's been doing that all day." 

"Then it's about time you give him something to eat." She says and when I recommend to give him a bottle of milk, she yells at me "No! How old is he?" 

"Hell, I don't know, a few months?" How am I supposed to know that already? Especially in this circus! 

Annabelle's voice is strict and I'm surprised how much she knows about baby things. The last time I checked, she didn't even have a boyfriend, but in the end, the last girlfriend I had was Patty and I have a kid right now. "No milk. Do you have any fruit? Apples or bananas?" 

"I think I have bananas, yeah?" I run around the kitchen aisle, opening cupboards and drawers in search of something. I even check in the places where I never keep food, I am that stressed out! "Found it!" 

"Okay, feed him pureed banana, it would be better than giving him cow's milk." She says more on the topic, but I'm so concentrated on mashing the banana, I hear absolutely nothing of it. The one thing I hear is I shouldn't give this little brat milk until he's one year old. 

I mash banana as sloppily as possible, but not intentionally. I just want the kid to shut up. I usher Austin to come closer, when it's finished, tell Annabelle to stay on the line in case anything else goes wrong - in my case, that's absolutely possible, and with a small spoon I put some of the banana in Devon's mouth. 

I can almost hear Allelujah and see Virgin Mary appear before me when the only sound in the apartment is smacking of Devon's lips and relieved breathing of Austin and me. 

"I take it, it worked?" Annabelle is the first one to say anything and if she was here, I'd hug a woman without any greater purpose for the first time in my life. 

Austin and I exchange looks so happy, I nearly start to cry and I shove another spoon in Devon's mouth "Yeah... It worked." 

She smiles on the other side of the line and to me, it sounds like she's excited about solving the situation. Well, she should be, she's a fucking saviour. 

"Annabelle... Thank you.." I whisper and feed Devon some more. I'm gonna make you so fat, you're never gonna cry for food ever fucking again. 

I am awarded another giggle of hers "It's no problem, but Nate?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Maybe... You should do some research on the part of being a parent. It's just an advice to benefit both you and the little boy." The way she says 'little boy' almost forces me to hang up. 'Little boy' was also the name of the bomb that landed on Hiroshima and I can see why they named it so! 

I chuckle in response, but this time it wasn't forced because I had nothing to hide. Just days ago, I was bothered by the silence in the apartment. God, am I happy to hear it now! "I think that's a pretty good advice." I take a small pause, then say "But really, Annabelle, about the mall - no hard feelings." Heh... Hard. 

Austin's eyes shoot to my face when I say her name out loud and my stomach clenches when I foresee the future and predict how many questions he's gonna throw at me. 

"Okay, hah, thanks. I'm glad we worked it out." Annabelle says very contently and without being aware of it, it brings a smile on my face as well. "I better leave you at feeding the kid, I think."

"I don't know what I would've done if it wasn't for you. I think I should just keep you on the line permanently." I say, laughing afterwards. 

Annabelle giggles some more while Austin cringes his face at my remark "I hope you won't have to. You two have fun, okay?" Yeah... We're gonna have LOTS of fun. 

I give Devon a glare, who's completely unaware of anything that isn't food "Yeah, thanks again." 

We say goodbye and I hang up or is it her, I don't know. 

Austin's been waiting for me to end the phone call, so he could start with his interrogation "So, Annabelle, huh?"

"Hey, she was the one to call, okay?" I say in my defence and I don't even know why. I never looked for excuses for talking to women, why should I look for one now? 

Austin lifts his hand in the defeat, He'd probably lift both, but one was holding the punk. "I didn't say anything." 

We sit like that in silence, feeding Devon and not talking much. He came here to scold me and he ended up in the same pile of shit with me. The thought makes me chuckle uncontrollably and I raise some suspicion in him. 

"What?" 

"Nothing. Just what a day this has been." I say, shrugging and filling the spoon with more banana. 

He nods in agreement "Yeah, that it was. Man, am I just glad this one stopped crying."

"Don't even..." I shake my head, relating to his feelings on a deeper level. 

After another few minutes of silence, Austin says "I think you should prepare everything in advance. Like, before he even starts crying or even thinks about crying, you're prepared. The food, the warm blankets and all other stuff babies cry for. Especially diapers." 

I drop the spoon and slowly lift my look to meet Austin's. I am on the brink of tears and violent rage. "I don't.. have the diapers..." 

Austin's face falls and again I relate to him on a deeper level when he says "Fuck."

A/N: I'm a little late, but I wish you all happy happy holidays! I hope you start the new year the best way possible! I hope this chapter brought smiles and grins on your faces. While writing it, I was very panicky (see the pun?) if it ended up good or not. I'll give it a shot and publish it, so please, share your opinions with me :) I'll also do my best to update the story more frequently.

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Nathan's ringtone: Bon Jovi - Bad Medicine

https://youtu.be/eOUtsybozjg

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~Blackie