If I knew how much shit I had to do, to adopt one damn meatloaf of a baby, I wouldn't do it. Yes, I could have chosen the easy way and just impregnate whichever girl would agree with it, but I'm Nathan Price and I complicate things. And because of who I am, I knew exactly who to call.

I am waiting outside the office of Heartfelt Adoption Agency, praying to whatever gods above to hear my prayer and let the meeting end quickly, so I can speak to Sue Nixon and get that baby. Sue used to be my schoolmate and sometimes, let's say, we got funky. I know she'd remember me one way or another if you know what I mean. As I am sitting there, I have nothing better to do, but to look around and try to make the time run faster.

The adoption agency is small, but workers are constantly running around, lifting phones, looking for papers and pens. Offices of social workers are small, like box offices, but not as open, they are an actual room. Doors of most offices are open and I am surprised to see how many people decided for an adoption. Then it strikes me, they probably have problems with infertility and I begin to feel like a total outsider.

The room in which Sue operates finally clears. A family of two parents and two children leave, walking down the hallway to the exit before they disappear. Sue comes out as well and until they are gone, she keeps looking at them, sometimes waving and wishing them all the best of luck.

I get up from my seat and at the sight of her, I am not as impressed as I thought I would be. Man, she used to be hot, now she is all long pencil skirts and knitted sweaters like she's some old grandma.

"Lovely family," she says and I think I'll have to bring her a box of tissues. That woman is getting emotional. Before I have to do any of that, she tears her eyes away from the family of four members that visited her before and she looks at me, blushing dark red, looking like a cooked lobster. "Nathan. Hi."

Wow, this is awkward. "Hey, there," I say and don't even try to hide my smile.

Sue is all awkwardness and hand-shakes, holding and shaking my hand for longer than usual as she is busy telling me how long has it been since she last saw me and how am I doing. She doesn't give me a chance to answer.

I decide I should take advantage of her weak meat, big eyes and wobbly knees and I hug her like an old schoolmate who used to be intimate with her that one time that it happened. To put a cherry on the top, I reach out to her some more "It's good to see you, Sue."

She stutters and hugs me back. Her fingers tremble on my arms and she can't seem to decide if she'd like me to keep hugging her or let go of her. "O-oh." she would say, sometimes whisper it. Maybe she thinks I couldn't hear her and I let her believe that. No need to get this in a more awkward position that it already is.

When I let go of her, which is soon enough and not too long, Sue fixes her bun at least six times and can't decide where to leave that one strand of her front hair that is framing her face. "So, uh, shall we?" She asks at last and shows me to her office.

The offices seem decently spacious from what I've observed from outside, but holy crap, when I am inside, I have no idea where to put my legs when I sit down. Sue has a giant office chair parked behind her table that is filled with papers, maps, files and sticky notes. The computer she has is giant, but at least it is a part of modern technology. I don't know what I expected to see, to be completely honest.

"I'm sorry that it looks so indecent." She apologises, trying to order some papers, but she doesn't really put her heart into it.

"It's okay, I really don't mind," I answer because it is the truth. Give me the baby, woman!

Sue giggles in her way and I feel sorry for her. She has a cute smile and sweet laughter, too bad she looks so plain. She looks at the computer monitor and does some typing before she looked at me "You have the papers I told you to bring?"

I nod and without saying anything, I hand her the papers I fished from my briefcase. I had to bring all bunch of them, including my health and tax records, income statements, insurances, birth certificate and criminal record.

Sue checks it all out and it seems she really loves her job. She takes precision in everything. At some points, she'd write something down and then circle it. From the movement of her eyes, I gather she has read the records at least three times and I am impressed how fiercely she looked while doing it.

I am getting really nervous there, but she doesn't seem to notice it, even though my deodorant is beginning to fail me. Once she is done with reading and rereading documents I handed her, she'd immediately go to typing it in the computer. No encouraging words, no 'everything is fine' looks, nothing. It feels like an eternity just sitting there and waiting for fate to smile up to me after the last dreadful six months.

Sue's eyes finally fix on me, but they are empty and almost exhausted from the deep concentration.

"Is something wrong?" I ask her and lean forward for unknown reasons.

She smiles and shakes her head "No, no, everything looks great. I just thought you hated math."

Oh, really. "I learned to love it." I smile bitterly at her and hold back the details of my mental state whenever math exam was coming up. I was a boy, becoming a man, but I had PMS nonetheless.

"You'll need to come here a few times more for an interview. It would be great if the first meeting would only be between us, but for the next one I advise you to bring someone along for a reference." The nervous, awkward and plain Sue Nixon is gone. She is being all professional and fearless, ready to accept any challenge to come her way. I am getting worried my smile might won't work anymore!

As I listen to her, I am giving up more and more. Then she mentions it could take up to three to six months just with interviews and I nearly get up from my seat and leave. "Woah, Woah, six months? Why will it take so long?"

Sue looks at me as if I have fallen from a pineapple tree "It's a protocol for both your and child's safety. We need to make sure you're the right fit."

"Sue," I chuckle "You know me."

There is that blush again and hope from before has returned. "Yeah, I do." She shrugs and looks back at the monitor shyly "But I can't be so unprofessional because we shared some moments when we were in high school."

And the hope is gone.

My shoulders feel heavy and gravity begins to pull my arms down more than usual. My frown follows it. My only thought is what if I change my mind till then and I remind myself that might not be the best thing to say. If I do, I'll still be living alone in my apartment after the agency's period of time for protocol.

Sue can see the spirit of me leaving my body. She notices how I'm not as excited and ready to buy fake boobs thing and feed the baby as I was before. That must've triggered a feeling of guilt in her chest and have a soft spot for me helped the situation too. "Look, I can't promise anything, but..." She sighs and checks the papers again, then eyes me warily. Her look isn't like that one from before when she was almost perfect for the role of Wonder Woman, but more of I'm going to regret this, aren't I? "I could try to fasten the process a little. You'll still go through the same protocol, you'll still be checked and we'll still have to interview you. The only thing I can do is I can put you on the front lines of the people who'd like to adopt, meaning maybe you'll have to wait for 3 or 4 months."

"Is... this for real?" I ask her, looking at her from under my brows. The only thing I need is someone to pour a bucket of water over me and I'd become the newest definition of puppy face.

"I said, I can't promise anything." She exclaims while she is filling out some paper. I might be thirty years old, but that doesn't mean my eyes are already failing. I see the big title on the form that says: HOME STUDY. "I'll try to find some time to visit you and check your home or I'll find someone else to do it instead of me. But if I'm going to push you forward with the paperwork, that means I or someone else will visit you once in the upcoming three weeks."

I feel the need to award her and I give her the best smile possible. When Sue sees it, she nearly melts in front of my eyes. Deep down, I smile at myself and say I know, I'm dazzling. "So, that's a good thing!"

"It is, yeah. I'll just need you to sign here." She gives me a smile for which I hate her. She has gorgeous teeth, yet she is hiding them and the fact angers me.

I get up from my chair, lean forward and make few lines on the paper which I can call a signature. She mumbles something and I figure she must've said thank you for signing the document or whatever that was. Before I leave, I walk behind her and thank her with a kiss on the cheek "Sue, you're the best."

Her ears flush dark red and she begins to fix her hair again and clearing her throat. In reply, she stutters "T-th-thank you."

We bid each other goodbye and as I am walking down the hallway, I can only think about what a poor innocent soul Sue is.

***

I have to admit that I am really looking forward to having a kid. It makes me feel kind of fuller and I am overall more confident. Sue explained to me what home study meant and I realise I have a lot of stuff to do, like turn guest room into a baby room and throw away the bottles of alcohol in my fridge.

Mostly, I do the online shopping. I'm too fabulous, busy and dazzling to lift my ass and get it to the supermarket. But first of all, I check what all do I need. Just buying the whole equipment, like the bed and the diaper table are too much for me to handle. Thank God, I was promoted and my wage got higher.

Once I have everything delivered to my place and I have to put the pieces together, I a kind of... feeling a bit distant. I don't want to completely put my heart into it. If I try to do it, my only thought is 'Wow, Nate, doing it all alone, huh? Sad, man.' To kill the unwelcoming silence, I turn on my stereo and listen to some highly hyperactive songs, for instance, Dirty Little Secret.

Murmuring the lyrics and trying to read and follow the instructions at the same time, ss a very frustrating, but fun experience. Perhaps because I have a greater goal, who knows. But I won't lie. I gave up four times in the process and poured myself a glass of something much stronger than regular apple juice.

Once I am done with that, I have to decorate the room. If I suck at anything, it's decorating. I'd just place a closet against the wall and a bed in the middle of the room and I'd call it a job well-done. However, that would never be enough for adopting agency. These guys are strict like hell. That's why I don't complicate, type 'baby bedroom' in Google and copy paste the positions of furniture from the picture in real life.

All these days I've spent decorating and turning my apartment into a kindergarten, I am slightly nervous about the incoming visit. That being someone from adopting agency. Even when Sue called me in for an interview and we had a meeting, I was constantly thinking if I had made the right choice when preparing a room for a baby. I am slowly turning into a woman and it scares the shit out of me. Even though I already had every possible piece of furniture a baby would ever or never need, I was still thinking about other possibilities. What if I took the bed with a more curvy pattern, or would that be too much if I got a baby boy and not a baby girl? Will the baby even notice it? What if it will? When I say, the adoption and decorating got into my head, I really mean it. At work, I'd catch myself, absent-mindedly browsing the offers from various stores for babies, while handling a phone call.

The nervousness I've felt while waiting for Sue to arrive and do the home study is very comparable to the one I felt before my first job interview. What makes the comparison worse, is the fact I didn't get that job. But I have a good feeling about this home study, maybe because Sue's knees shiver whenever she sees me.

I'll whore my way through this if I have to.

I know Sue was only being professional and caring and I respect her for that, but some desperate measurements have to be involved in my case. I don't want anyone to think I'm not fit for caring for a child. For all I know, I am the best!

To get Sue to my side, even more, I pull some clothes from the wardrobe I hadn't worn since forever. I don't even know if I wore it at college. But they sure make me look good, almost irresistible. When I check myself in the mirror, I immediately feel bad for Sue. She could have a heart attack at the sight of me!

The bell ring announces someone is standing in front of my door and I put on my game face. Time to sweep her off her feet. Before I open the door, I put my body in a sexy pose that may or may not have shown muscles underneath my shirt.

I smile widely when I open the door, but the smile doesn't hang in there for longer than a second. I don't see Sue in her baggy, plain, stay-at-home clothes. I don't see Sue's boring haircut and excited hungry shiny eyes. What I see... is a male adopting agent. He is all glasses, bowties, polished shoes and long-ass nose.

I lose all my manners at the uninviting sight before me. Thank God, I tell the evil side of me to back the hell off or this male would get a peephole in the face.

The male lifts a quizzical brow at me and the manner nudges me back to my own senses. I force a smile on my face and that is one of those moments when I can't control my mimic, but emotions can. "Hi."

The nerd looks at papers he is holding in a map and eyes the name written on it "Are you Nathan Price?"

I cough a little and wish my saliva turned in a +40% alcohol. "Uh, yes." He stares back at me like he has already made the decision about me adopting a kid. "You must be from the adopting agency."

"I am." He barks back momentarily.

"Uh, yeah. Come in, please." I open the door and let him in, which I regret. I forget about pinot I poured in wine glasses in case Sue was to come. I was almost completely sure she would be the one to come here!

He walks in, saying nothing at all. The way he walks reminds of German Nazi soldiers. He spots the wine on the counter and reads all of my sins with a look. I go with the most logical decision and offer him a drink. I might as well get him drunk and get over with this. He doesn't see it as something usual, but absurd "Sir, are you trying to get me drunk?"

I lift both brows and act surprised. My voice is suspiciously squeal-ish. "What? No! I j-just t-thought you'd-you'd enjoy a drink after a b-busy day."

He eyes whole of me as if he were choosing a hooker for the night. What a comparison, eh? "Do you always stutter, Mr Price?"

You son of a bitch. "Occasionally." I have to make something up to throw suspicion off of me. To distract him from this topic of conversation that involved getting him drunk and me stuttering, I ask him what's his name.

He stretches his hand out woodenly "Brandon Ritchie. But for you, I am Mr Ritchie."

I shake his hand and I am this close to pulverize it "Oh, really?"

He doesn't recognise the obvious sarcasm in my voice "Yes. Really." He coldly lets go of my hand and heavy-handedly looks around "You live here alone, Mr Price?"

Everything happens so fast, I barely register the question is for me "Yes, uhm, I do?"

Brandon walks around the living room and I feel so awkward standing there, I figure I could at least offer him a glass of juice or coke or whatever I have. I walk to the fridge and check what wouldn't be marked as unprofessional.

I see cranberry juice and decide to go with that option. I want to ask him if he'd like some and I turn to look at him at the same time. I am left speechless at the sight of Brandon Ritchie sniffing my sofa. Uh...

I don't even bother to look away and pretend seeing nothing. Brandon is now standing up straight again and takes a deep breath "Fantastic material. Very nurtured as well."

UH... "Thank you..."

He stares at the couch for some time more, then suddenly shoots his glare at me, sending out icy spikes "Where will the baby sleep?"

Well, that escalated quickly... "This way." I show him towards the door and he enters the room in which I hope a child will live one day-

He looks around and to me, it looks like he is searching for mistakes. He sticks his finger in mouth and then lifts it up. "Good."

"Ehm, what is good?" I ask him kind of worried who the fuck did I let in my apartment?

"No moisture. Wouldn't be good for a baby." He remarks and tests the softness of the mattress in the crib.

I decide I should just keep my mouth shut. The guy is already weird enough.

"Tell me about your family." He says and his question sounds more like a demand. I am being interrogated in the most uncomfortable way and by the weirdest guy, I've met.

"I uh... have no other children if that's what you're asking." For all the 15 minutes that guy has been in my apartment, I know what he wanted to see. He wanted just an ordinary, lonely and ruggedly handsome, at that. "I have two younger siblings. A brother and a sister. Our parents divorced when I nearly entered my teenage years and us children stayed with mother."

Brandon listens intently and continues to look around. He inspects the closet that is still empty for now. "What about your education and employment?"

"I have an energy engineering diploma and am employed at Wells & Hether company." I notice how confused he looks when he sees the empty drawers and hangers. "I left it empty until I'll know what gender the baby will be."

He squints his eyes at me as if that will make me break under the weight of lies if I have told him any. "Where will the child play?"

Wherever he'll fucking want! "Well, he has toys here and... living room is pretty spacious, so..."

He leaves without saying anything else and goes to see living room once again. Obviously, sniffing couch wasn't enough. "And your marital status? What is your parenting experience? Have you ever even seen a child?"

I am offended to the moon and back. The man is mocking me and doesn't even try to hide it. "Just so you know, you don't need to be rude."

"Rude, Mr Price? You were the one who offered me alcohol! You don't like playing fair." He criticises me, only based on one mistake I have made. "Your chances of getting a child are already low, so don't make it harder for yourself."

I want to scream at him: "Low chances? Why the fuck?" But I listen to his advice and remain quiet. "I'm single and I alone decided for an adoption. And to answer your question, yes, I have seen a child. I've also held it and took great care of him. My nephew Aidan adores me and he loves to come around because when he's here nothing else matters to me."

Brandon glares into my eyes and spits the next question "Describe your daily life. Are you involved in any religious practices? Why did you even decide on an adoption?"

"Now, Mr Ritchie, you're just being greedy, asking for so many things. I told you I work as an engineer. I have plenty of time to be with a child. My working hours are not different than from anyone else's. So you'll know, I just want a child, okay? Offer a kid home and give him love and that. Now you answer me. Do I look like a religious person to you?" At this point, I am done playing nice. Okay, my intentions may have been a bit fishy at the beginning, but it's not like I made the crib out of corrugated cardboard!

Brandon isn't impressed with how I decided to handle him. You can bite, Ritchie, but I'll tear you apart. "I've seen enough." He heads for the door "I already told you what my opinion of you is, Mr Price. Goodbye and good luck."

I am left standing in my apartment like a wet and lost puppy that never knew how it is to be loved. I blew it. That is the only thing that is on my mind. And I did blow it in a most grotesque kind of way. At this point, I doubt even Sue could get me out of this shit. It is definitely too much for anyone to handle. When Brandon said I probably won't be one of the chosen candidates, it saddened me more than I'd expected it to. Sadness doesn't linger for long for anger takes the place. I am seriously pissed and to make things worse I am getting violent.

One simple thing couldn't go according to my plan. I am not even asking for that fucking much. I only want to adopt a baby! Oh, the sinner!

That must've been one of the universe's bad jokes because I refused to do it like people usually do. Get married and then fuck till they can't breathe. Universe better get used to this: I ain't like anyone else. And I was certainly not going to change!

Author's note: Yikes, things were kind of harsh here, huh? But will that change Nathan's point of view on life or only make him more stubborn and angry?

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The song Nathan listened to while building cribs and other parts of furniture: All American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret

https://youtu.be/gPDcwjJ8pLg

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~Blackie