I am an asshole, but I'm not a non-observant asshole. I make my way to Alpha Romeo and drive home once I've made sure Annabelle was safely in the cab, driving towards her home. She screamed at me for a few times, hoping she'd get me to go away, but I stayed with her and I don't think she hated me for it.

When I climb in my Alpha Romeo, I feel my chest sagging down. It's hard to believe, but I've been turned down before and I've never felt that shitty about hurting the girls afterwards. Some showed it, some didn't care and some just hid it, but I never gave it much thought. I've blamed Austin for being cliche, but I find something different about Annabelle. She's not like other girls of her age, I've said that before. I'm not saying Annabelle is something special that is comparable to a goddess, but she doesn't give me the vibe of being empty-headed. The way she spoke about her career during dinner, she didn't seem too thrilled and happy about it, so she's also ambitious. Not to mention charming with her full cheeks, bright eyes and classical Irish beauty. Annabelle is very attractive and I am not afraid to admit it.

When I come to my garage and I park the car, I sit in it for a while. I meet my own eyes in the rearview mirror and I almost ask myself out loud why am I feeling like such a piece of shit. Worse things happened to me and girls and I never felt like this. After I've decided I had spent too long in my car, I get out, enter the elevator and soon I am standing on my doorstep, unlocking the apartment.

When I enter, the smell of cologne is still lingering in the air. I am reminded of what length I  am ready to go to get laid. Appearing like this before Annabelle, who is clearly looking for a serious type of guy, must've sent her on a rollercoaster of sensations. That cologne, my clothes, the nice gestures, no wonder she thought it was all for real.

I sigh and try to calm myself down by saying out loud it's better we've cleared the air before we actually did anything we might both regret afterwards.

The sentence isn't completely true, for I regret making her believe I am the keeper, the man of her dreams, knight in the shining armour. 

I walk around my place, taking off my jacket and unbuttoning my shirt. For the first time in forever, my first stop isn't the fridge or the kitchen counter. First, I want to go to my bedroom and straight to sleep, but when I turn on the light and I can see the room clearly, I actually wish there was someone with me tonight. It would be for one night, of course, but sometimes I do need to feel someone is close to me, right next to me. We can't always get what we want, now can we? No matter how much I tell myself this is how I always go to sleep and how I've lived ever since I've moved in here, I don't want to stay in that bedroom. While staring at one of my rooms, I remember tomorrow I am supposed to deal with Lenart or Jed, whichever will be first at work, about energy efficiency updates – they believe I've been keeping track.In complete desperation, regret and guilt, I leave the creepy room and just sit on my sofa in the living room. I lean my back against it and stare at the turned off the TV. I ask myself a few times should I watch it or should I just try to fall asleep, but I never get the answer.

***

Buzzin of my phone in my trousers wakes me up, as I am stretched out on the couch, still in the same sitting position as the time when I stared at the black screen of my TV. As I start waking up, I nearly choke on my own saliva. My head's leaned back when I fell asleep last night, so it's kind of understandable. Not attractive, but understandable.

Once I stop coughing like some loon who's been smoking cigarettes for forty years, I reach for the phone and see Austin has sent me a text.

Thanks for doing this, girls had a great time.

I stare at the screen and I quickly glance at the calendar and then at my watch. Are we talking about the same evening, when I broke-ish Annabelle's heart? I don't see how that counts as fun unless she hasn't told Caitlin a thing. Or, you know, Caitlin only told him about her feelings, which wouldn't really surprise me. As I read his text and I remember Annabelle's fat tears and her rush to cover herself and leave the damn car to escape from me, I start feeling like shit first thing in the morning. Seriously, these last six months have been the crappiest time of my entire life. Well, my early teenage years still beat it, it's when my Dad moved out and got divorced.

I don't bother changing my clothes as if anyone is going to notice. The only thing that proves I haven't completely lost my faith in this world, is when I brush my teeth and wash my face.

Today, I decide there's no point in taking Alpha Romeo anywhere and honestly, I am afraid Annabelle's perfume still might be filling it. I do have some time before my job officially starts, so I take a stroll towards the company I work at. When I enter, the receptionist smiles brightly at me. Normally, I'd return the smile, but today's not one of the normal days. What I want to do is just bark at her to do her fucking work instead of smiling like an idiot. I am excessively grumpy today, I know. 

When I get in the elevator I am happy to see I know absolutely no one who enters it along the way. That way I don't have to talk to anyone. I reach the floor in which my office is located and the first thing I see is Justine. Oh, brother, not this, not now.

"How was your date?" she asks me, following me around the place as I get to the coffee machine to fix myself a cup. I've learned Justine won't bring me coffee for anything in the world, so I might just save myself unnecessary problems.

"I don't think I am obliged to answer that," I say like I couldn't care less for her. 

She leans against the machine, studying me "Something happened, I can feel it."

I get the mug and I barely hold myself back from sniffing the lovely smell that will keep me awake for this whole day "Well, keep feeling then." Without listening to her, for she doesn't shut up, of course, I get in my office and lock myself in. Not today, Justine.

***

This day turned out to be better than I expected it to be. Neither Jed or Lenart found time to pay me a visit and of course, I wasn't the one looking for them. I've been playing the busy card whole day, so I think they just left me at it while it lasted.

When I leave my office, I see Justine still behind the computer, checking some things and writing the others down. "What are you still doing here?" I ask her and I hope she'll satisfy my curiosity. She's never stricken me as the working type of a person.

She turns to look at me and lifts both brows at me "I'm the only one here who actually works."

"Funny." I bark back at her and I'm already on my way home.

It's been a weird day and I've done absolutely nothing, so one could say I am paid just for sitting and eventually picking up phones. Bunch of fresh engineers have been coming my way and to my disappointment, I realised I'll have to go to meetings with them at least two or three times a week. Now, that's depressing.

The only highlight of today's day has been Daniel's call. He told me he'd like to see me after work in that Countis bar where we celebrated when he got a job. I'm really looking forward to seeing him again. The last time I saw him was... well when I was invited over for dinner. Shit, has it really been that long?

I am relieved once I take a step out of the company. I've said before that today just hasn't been my day, but seriously I downright hate it. The last thing that could save my mood from becoming any worse, is Daniel who could maybe bring some good news. Right when I think of receiving good news about Patty, for example, that she's maybe changed her mind, I hear my inner voice laughing at me and mocking me. Yeah, this isn't going to be that easy.

I walk past a few avenues and as I do it starts to pour. Rain catches me, but not for long. I reach Countis bar and get inside, safe from the rain. I see Daniel sitting behind the counter, waiting for me and without taking my jacket off or looking around in search for nice women, I take a walk straight down the bar and meet with my little brother.

"Danny," I say to get his attention.

He turns, holding a glass of what looks like apple juice, and smiles "Nate!" He puts the glass down and gets up to hug me. We probably look like an interesting homosexual couple which could ruin good opportunities for me later in the evening, but I don't really care. I am finally reunited with my baby brother. "It's so good to see you." He says and keeps hugging me, tighter than before.

I smile widely and when we let go of the hug, I can't help but feel... happy and warm. "I can't believe the last time I saw you was nearly three months ago."

Daniel shakes his head with an exasperated look, slowly sitting down "Don't start on it, otherwise I'll need something stronger than juice."

I chuckle and take a sit, ordering a doubled whiskey "Why don't you then?" All I get from him is a small smile, indicating he'd get in trouble with his wife if he does. When I get my order, I take a small sip, though I wish I could just swallow whole. I don't do it for Danny's and my sake, he might start talking about things I don't want to hear, like our mother. "What's the special occasion?"

"Special occasion?" he furrows his brows and stares at his juice before he looks at me with the same expression "I just wanted to see you."

So, no good news. Although I've been hoping he'd tell me I'm invited to Aidan's birthday, I am not disappointed. I mean, Daniel is here and he called me to come here the moment he could. Deep down, I feel even better than I would if my hopes had come true.

"You came all this way just to see me?" I ask, smiling small-like.

He furrows his brows, but smiling as well "I know what you're doing and I want you to stop!"

I innocently roll my eyes like I'm a little angel "What? I'm doing nothing!"

Daniel chuckles "You want me to say how much I've missed you and dreamt of you and just wanted to spend some time with you, so you'd get your necessary ego boost."

I laugh and drink some of my whiskey "Missing me and wishing to spend time with me is an ego boost, but dreaming of me is more of a paranoia boost, so just don't, okay?"

We both smile and for a brief time we just sit in silence, until he says "I really missed this." I look at him and he continues speaking "You and me just... joking around."

"Yeah, like brothers," I say, taking another sip, for I feel a heavy subject closing in on us.

"Man, she's been like a Godzilla at home." There it is! "I don't whether I'm worried more about my fiance or my kid." He shakes his head and calls the bartender "Can I get a beer?"

I smirk "Show him your ID first."

"Fuck you, Nate." He chuckles and looks relieved when the bartender serves him with something stronger than alcohol. "I'm serious, though. It's like Soviet Russia at home or Nazi Germany, whichever is worse."

I listen to him and as I do, I don't really know what to say back. I don't want to say the wrong thing, 'cause I've been doing that a lot lately. "She just needs more time than other women. Besides, aren't women a bit quirky when they're pregnant, all those hormones and shit?"

"She is kind of moody, yeah, but she was different the first time with Aidan," he says and puts that in consideration. "But really, Nate, what happened with you and Pats that she hates you so much?"

"What do you mean by that? I took Aidan on a rollercoaster, I fed him junk food then I asked her if he's mine and she found out I've spent a night with a woman, while Aidan was in the next room sleeping." I explain, shrugging it all off. Now that I've put it that way, it does sound pretty horrible, at least the last two parts do.

Daniel stays silent, then takes a large sip of his beer "I know what happened four months ago. I've been asking about the time before I started dating her."

I shake my head "I'm not talking about it." I sigh loudly, a desperate chuckle escaping my lips "And it's not fair for you to listen to the things I did with your fiance. I think none of us wants to be in that situation, me as a speaker and you as a listener."

"Fair point." He finishes the beer and orders another one "Why don't at least you two talk about it? Maybe it'll clear some air between you two." I widen my eyes at my glass and that's when he remembers "Right, she doesn't answer your phone calls."

I look at him from the side and even though I've been trying to keep it all cool, I erupt like a volcano for which it was believed it has been dead for thousands of years "Does she really intend on inviting May over?"

He snorts and nods "I don't like it either."

"So she is serious?" I squeal at him.

"As far as I know." He puts his beer bottle down and turns with his whole body to make eye contact with me "When she told me May is her new big plan, I thought she was joking. But Nate, I hear them talking every day, discussing birthday party and other events. May's family keeps coming over for dinner and they really seem to get along."

"You can't be serious..." I whisper and stare at him like he's turned into a werewolf right in front of me. "But they hate each other," I add with the same breathless voice as my position as the cool uncle is soon to be replaced by the uptight aunt.

"I thought so too. Unless they're both hiding what they want to say or they actually got over it." He shrugs and leans on one of his elbows.

I bend my head down and look at him from under my brows "Do you seriously believe they just became besties? I mean, I ask her out of worry if Aidan is mine and she starts to plan how to bomb me with atomic bombs, while May called her a whore right in the face multiple times and she was forgiven just like that? If that doesn't smell fishy, I don't know what does."

"I didn't say I like it, Nate. All I'm saying is things are pretty weird." Danny stares at another empty bottle.

"Want another one?"

"No, no, I shouldn't. I don't want to kill myself on the way home." After a few seconds, he adds "On the other hand..."

We both chuckle at his little joke that is relatable to both of us more than we like to admit.

"You won't be mad if I go to the bathroom?" he asks, already getting up.

I lift a brow at him "I'm not Patty."

He gives me a wink and walks off in a slightly drunk manner. Oh, boy, I'll have to order him coffee when he comes back, he can't go home like this.

I call a bartender, who seems kind of familiar to me, but I brush it off "Could I get another one of this," I lift my doubled whiskey glass, "And a coffee for my brother?"

The bartender smiles politely "No problem." The first thing he does is to fix a strong black coffee for Danny, then he pours me more whiskey into the glass "You come here often?"

His question makes me feel a bit suspicious. I've seen enough Criminal Minds and Law & Order to know better. "Every once in a while, yeah."

"I think I remember you," he says and keeps pouring the drink.

What in tarnation...? "Uh, you do?"

"If I remember correctly you called me a douchebag, 'cause I didn't want to pour you more whiskey." He chuckles and takes the bottle away once my glass is almost full. "And you asked me for a few times in three hours if I think you're old. At least, I think that was you, I could be wrong, though. We have a few customers as handsome as you."

I lift my eyes the moment he tells me about asking him of being old. Shit, that's the guy. I clear my throat when he says I'm handsome. Not that I'm not aware of it, it's just weird to hear it from a random male bartender. "Yeah, I'm afraid that was me. Not one of my best nights."

He smiles knowingly "You could've gotten it worse. You only came here once to get coma drunk. We had some examples who used to come here 3 years in a row to do exactly that." He shrugs and gets to drying the washed glasses. "So, you figured it out, then?"

"If I figured what out?" I look at him, not exactly understanding what he asked me. I don't even remember the whole night!

"Well, your problem with women and dealing with age."

I scoff and lift the glass to my lips "I have other things to worry about now." I look at him and remember he's the one who always has to deal with people's problems one way or another. Maybe he's dealt with mine as well and I just don't recall it well enough, which is quite possible. I lean forward, clutching the glass in my hands "Sorry for asking this, but uhm... I don't remember well that night and, I'm not proud of it, but could you lighten me up a little?"

The bartender glances my way and chuckles, his voice booming around the bar and I thank god the place isn't crowded too much "You're one of the rare guys who ask what happened when they were hammered."

I shrug, smiling a little "You said it before I'm not like other guys, so I don't see why you're so surprised."

He glares at me until he scoffs at himself a little "You're smooth. Girls must've liked it."

"They still do." I lift a brow at him and take a sip bigger than the last one.

"Then why were you crying that night about girls turning you down? Don't tell me you don't remember how desperate you were about getting your life together." He chuckles.

I blink a few times at his answer "Wait, what?"

He sighs in a relaxed manner "Look, I'll tell you what I told you that night. At some point, we men aren't up for partying anymore. Some know when the time comes, some don't and some just don't want to confess it to themselves. Now, I don't know about you, but you belong into one of the last two categories."

»What?« I squeak and laugh "Oh, no, you got that wrong. I enjoy being with different women. All this boyfriend thing makes me sick more than less."

The bartender nods at me with his lips pressed together "I know. That's why one of my advice to you was you should adopt a kid." He chuckles and goes back to serving drinks when new people come to the bar "I see how that worked out."

As he goes back to following his job description, I slowly remember pieces of that night:

"And yo' want me to dew what?"

"Hell if I know. Find a girlfriend, adopt a baby, I don't know. That's up to you. You just need to know what you want first."

The more I've been thinking about it, while Daniel fell in the toilet, the more I've realised bartender's advice wasn't that bad after all. Since Becca the Turn-downer called me old, I noticed I've changed some ways. I've said it for multiple times, I got turned down before for plenty of different reasons, but with Becca declining my offer, something stopped working. Like fucking common sense.

I got drunk just because one girl didn't want to sleep with me, like what? That is so not me! If I was in my right mind, I'd go in the other club and seduce a girl even hotter than the picky little bitch. Why did I even want her, anyway? She only asked me if I was okay after some idiot's bumped into me. I know the answer is I was pulled to her because she seemed to care about me, but that doesn't mean suddenly I want to father seventeen children to one woman who'd carry my surname. Nu-uh.

And how can anyone explain how I've been feeling for the last few months? Why have I been so empty and cold and just weird overall? My ambitions have suddenly evaporated, I began to hate going to work, 'cause I've no idea what to do there... I've always been hardworking and stubborn and I loved doing my job. So, Patty and I had an argument, but even if she's ever to forgive me or not, I know this hasn't been the last argument yet. And honestly, I am more in pain because if this will go on, I don't know when will I see Aidan again, if I will anyway. So, it's about losing some kind of family.

Daniel comes back and he seems to have woken up a bit from his drowsiness. "Did you fall asleep on the toilet, or what?"

"What?" he asks and sighs. "Yeah, almost." He rubs the area between his eyes and once he sees coffee before him, he looks like Aidan when I told him I'll take his to the theme park no matter what.

"You're welcome," I say, taking a sip, leaving half of the whiskey still in the glass.

"I shouldn't have ordered a beer." He complains and sips on his coffee like I did when I had that horrible hangover. But that time I drank two bottles of whiskey, while Daniel drank two bottles of beer.

I smile at him, nodding a little, but my thoughts keep slipping away. Pats has been convincing me to try and have a relationship with anyone, so has Austin, but I listened to none of them. Then the bartender told me twice to try something that I 'deeply down' desire and let's not forget how Kenzie was fond of me dealing with Aidan.

"What did you do while I was gone?" Danny asks me, slowly glancing at me.

"Uh... I've been thinking about stuff." I nod, taking a small sip. He eyes me weirdly and I see he doesn't believe a thing I've just said "For work, all the energy efficiency. If I go into details, I'd bore you to death." I force a smile.

Daniel finishes his coffee "Maybe you should. I'm forbidden to see my brother, 'cause god knows what, my bride's been delusional.«

My smile slowly fades and I find myself squinting my eyes at the counter as I think about my situation some more. Last night was the first night I ever went on a date.Before Daniel met Patty and was actively looking for a girlfriend, he'd begged me to come with him as his wingman, but I didn't go. Then why did I go with Austin? It's not because I'd care more about hi more because Justine's been aggressively pushing me to go somewhere. If I don't want to do something, then I don't do it. But I went on a date anyway.

"I don't know about Aidan's birthday, Nate, but when it comes to our wedding, you'll be there even if she won't be up for it," Danny says, not looking at me but at some distance.

"You think?" I ask him, kind of mockingly. He's been her puppet ever since she got pregnant with Aidan, which was soon after they've started their relationship and suddenly he's ready to fight for his big bro?

He shakes his head and drinks some water he got along with coffee "I don't have to think about it because I know it."

"You sound confident." Even though I want to stay interested in what Danny and I are talking about, which is one of the biggest events in one's life, I find it hard to keep up.

I've always liked to check out what a woman is wearing and I loved it when she was sexy. But I liked Annabelle's outfit for being exactly the opposite. She looked attractive in that dress, not sexy, but attractive and cute. Now, that I think about it, I don't even know what her cleavage looked like or how the hem of her dress used to dangle at the moving of her behind. I only remember her full cheeks and how shy she looked. Why did I look at the wrong cheeks whole evening?!

"I can survive if she insists on you rarely seeing Aidan or doesn't want you to come to dinner. I don't enjoy her usurpations, but I can survive. Now, wedding... The wedding isn't just about her. And guests aren't there to see her becoming my wife, but to see us exchanging vows, meaning wedding is about me as well. And so, I want you to be there. Like, man, you're practically the one who raised me."

I look at him slowly, kind of in awe and flattery altogether. I swallow down my feeling of pride "You can't say that. Dad's been around too, remember?"

"Yeah, for you. I don't remember doing things with him once I got older because he was away. When he left, you were nine years old, meaning I was five at the time." He looks at me and shrugs "I only remember you taking care of everything."

"That beer really hit you hard, eh?" I ask, putting on my playful smile to avoid the topic as much as possible. I'm not emotionally stable right now to handle that kind of conversation.

"I'm not that drunk, Nate. And it's not like it's a top secret, I've told you that for plenty of times." He shrugs and orders another coffee.

"Why do you need another one?"

He groans to himself "I gotta drive home and I don't want to fall asleep behind the wall. Another possibility of dying and getting rid of responsibilities and drama!" He exclaims, causing me to laugh.

In the middle of my laughing session with Daniel, a bitter taste comes to my mouth. He's said he only remembers me taking care of everything. I somehow wish that have been an exaggeration, but I know Dad has tried to keep up with us, visit us as frequent as possible, but his business trips made it really tough for him to do so. I should call Dad soon.

"If you're too tired, you can always crash at my place," I recommend, offering him an easy way out.

His eyes are suddenly wide in panic "And tell what to Patty?"

"You could always call her and then I'd do the talking." I lift both brows a few times in a row, chuckling.

"Yeah, like she wouldn't hang up." He laughs and starts drinking his second coffee.

Yeah, she would. And let's not try to imagine how screwed up Daniel would be if she learned we've had this secret meeting. That's one of the reasons I don't like the idea of being in a relationship. You always have to explain yourself, give others reasons to do something. Like, why? I do what I want, I'm a free guy and it's none of anyone's business and when do I get home, if I get home.

I dwell on those thoughts before I am taken away on the familiar path – how I've changed. The bartender wasn't that wrong about mentioning adoption if I think about it a little harder. I wouldn't be in a relationship, I'd still go out with women, everything would still be hunky dory. Okay, a kid comes with a responsibility, but I've watched over Aidan for plenty of times. If anyone can vouch for me, I know how to take care of children, it's Daniel who has nothing but sweet memories from his childhood, I made sure that's the thing now.

So, adopting a kid, huh? It would be something constant in my life, like school bills. I'd have my own kind of family and I wouldn't have to worry about Patty deciding to ruin her nephew's life by cutting me from their lives. And girls... Oh, girls. Kenzie never complained about my age, because she was approximately as old as me. We all know a bit older women like men with children, I remember how they were all looking at me, maybe even trying to flirt, when I went with Aidan to the playground.

"Daniel?" I ask like I'm in some kind of trans.

"Yep?" he replies, finishing his coffee real quick.

I turn at him with the whole body, looking at him challengingly and playfully "What if I adopted a kid?"

Daniel glares at me until he places the cup of coffee down very slowly "Where's Nathan and what have you done to him?"

"I'm serious!"

"So am I!" He seems to forget to breathe and starts choking a little as he tries to speak "Where did that come from anyway? I thought you-, I mean I was certain you don't want-, Nate what the hell is going on?!"

He screams at me and I am surprised. I chuckle "Nothing, I'm just rethinking my life decisions."

"That won't bring Patty back," he says with a hint of jealousy if I've ever known it.

"Like I care." I roll my eyes.

"That's what you've been obsessing over for the past four months!" He sighs and runs a hand through his face, rubbing his eyes in the process "Let's approach this like two adults, okay?" He sighs again and it looks to me like's trying to recollect his thoughts "I don't even know what to say at this point." He throws his hands in the air to show defeat.

I grin "How about Congratulations Nathan for becoming a father."

Daniel slowly lifts his look to glare at me in an exasperated and worried look that also says how done he is with every bit of his family.

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