"Everything is better with than you."

~

Stuck on You: Kapitel Fünfundzwanzig

Do I even have friends anymore?

Probably not.

I know they were probably thinking that I used them, that we were never friends, to begin with. It appeared as if I only got close to Demetrios so I could take the information that he told me about his step-sister and use it against him.

Believe it or not, I was just scared of them finding out my sexual nature.

It was sad because I finally found the people that I wanted to surround myself with, people that I thought I could confide in and tell all of my deepest and darkest secrets. I thought that with them, I'd be able to break the confines of who used to be Anthony Thorpe and live a life just as Brad. I thought I would be able to but life as we know it came to bite me in the ass. It came to remind me that no matter what I would do, I could never escape my past. It wasn't that I wanted to. I merely wanted to forget about Santiago.

But now that he was back, did I even need to anymore?

I had no answer.

No friends.

I wasn't even sure if I had Santiago anymore.

It was just like the same I came here to Manhattan. I had taken a one-way trip from Baton Rouge, eyes stained with tears and nothing but the pregnancy test that I had used and two suitcases. Santiago had not come with me to Columbia, but we frequently visited each other when we had the time and the willpower. I was alone when I first came here and now I was alone again. 

The only consistent factor was that I had Ivory.

My baby girl.

I sat in the living room of my father's house on the outskirts of Manhattan, waiting for my daughter to grace me with her presence. She had cried when she heard that I was heard and my father all but shed a couple of tears when he realized that Genevieve was behind it. I was already sad, so I told them to stop crying and make me happy. 

Ivory thought nothing of it, but my father noticed my attitude. "Bradley, what's with the aura of sadness around you?" Noah pointed around me, wrinkling his nose up. "Nothing, dad. I'm fine," I sighed, sinking into the plush couch. I wanted it to swallow me whole so I could forget that I existed. "What did you do now, son?" My dad folded his arms, fixing me with a stern look. I huffed, not knowing what to say. I lost all of my friends and I potentially lost my boyfriend, by the way, can you make me some cookies? There were many things that I could say.

But nothing was coming to mind.

Sure, I had Alex. Alex was a bro of mine. He was my partner and I was sure he had vague ideas about everything. He was so damn sharp, that it was unreal.

He still talked to me so I wasn't too worried.

"I am twenty-eight years old and I have lost everything," I stated in a casual tone, trying to hide the pain behind a smile. "My friends found out that everything I told him was more or less a lie, and Santiago feels that I don't know how much he loves me, the dire straits he's willing to push himself through for me." My father took in my words, ignoring my sarcasm. "Well, have you tried fixing anything, Brad?" My father was so accommodating, calling me by the name that I wanted him to, not the name that he gave me.

"They aren't giving me the chance to."

It was true. Demetrios all but avoided my calls and texts. They all did. I was sure that they wanted space to think, but it did hurt my feelings. I felt alienated. Santiago refused to talk to me even after I sat outside his office, ranting to him and telling him that I was sorry and that I'll never understand how much he loves me. He still didn't say a word. I slowly crept my way over to my father's, hoping to find solace within him.

"There's my child," I managed to force a smile as Ivory came rushing down the hall, jumping into my arms. "Son," Noah stood, cracking his neck. "I would say give it time, but time burns all wounds. You go and you make them listen to you. At least then you would know where you stood with them." My father gave me a nod before he descended down the hall. "Daddy, how are you doing today?" Ivory checked on my wounds and bandages, making sure that I was okay. "I'm fine baby, I'm fine."

But the line in my heart wasn't.

"Daddy," Ivory fumbled with my fingers as she looked up at me, her brown eyes twinkling with wonder. "How did you meet Papa?" She asked and I leaned back against the chair, eyes scraping across the ceiling as a faint smile tickled at my lips. "Baby girl, that was a long, long time ago," I ran a hand through her curls. "I met him when we were in kindergarten. Some boy was picking on him and you know daddy doesn't like that," I scowled and she shook her head, folding her arms as if she was agreeing with him. "Did daddy fight the mean boy?" I chuckled at her words, shaking my head.

"No, I did talk to him though. I became friends with the boy that he was picking on and that's how we became best friends." To others, it might seem like an innocent memory but to me, that would be the moment that changed my life forever. It was the day that I would come to realize that this was my first love, my only love entering my life permanently. He left a mark on my heart, one that'll never fade. "So how did you guys love each other? You know, in the way that mommies love daddies, romantic, right? I heard on one of those shows that grandpa watches," She giggled as I pulled her close to me.

"That's the funny thing about it, Ivory," I let out a sigh, playing with her hair. That was one thing she didn't inherit from me. "I can't remember the time that I fell in love with him." I shrugged. "It just happened." A soft smile came to my lips as all of the memories flashed through my mind. "I can't remember if it was the first time he held my hand, the first time we went to an amusement park together, or the first time we took a walk under the night stars." Ivory was fully listening, ears open and eyes wide. I wanted to reach out and ask Santiago, 'hey, do you remember the time when we fell in love? Did I fall first or did you?' Those were answers that the world or we would never know. 

"I like to think that I was always in love with him, Ivory. I probably just never knew it until I did." I stated and Ivory tilted her head, a grin coming to her lips. "What about Papa?" She asked and I felt my smile droop a little. "Does he love you as much as you love him? Did he love you when you first loved him?" Those questions were mind-boggling because I had no idea how to answer them. I had no idea if he still loved me as much as I did. I knew it was too late to be questioning such things because I was scared. "Ivory, when you get older and you finally meet the right person, I'm not distinguishing anything," Her eyes widened. "You'll come to realize that there are obstacles that you must face if you want to be with that person. For me, I," I bit my lip, thinking about everything.

"I'll have to learn how to keep my integrity as a cop and keep his secret. I'm a man of the law and the same day that I took my oath as lieutenant, I promised that I would do right by the world, no matter what." It was hard, so fucking hard. I was keeping so many secrets for a man who I was supposed to hunt and kill as stated by the law. He was my natural born enemy. I fought crime for a living and here I was, shacking up with a crime lord.

"It's not that I don't trust him and his word to keep me safe, it's not that I don't mind harboring this secret for him because I do love him that much, and it's not that I fear him because I never did," I began, tears filling my eyes. "It's the simple concept of the fact that I don't want it to ever come to a day where I'll have to force my hand on him." I didn't want to have to pull the trigger when he became responsible for so many deaths in the city of Manhattan. I didn't want him to have to kill me because I was a liability. I wanted to keep my integrity, dammit! "I don't think low of him at all," I remembered his words and how wrong he was.

"Quite the contrary, Ivory," I leaned my head on hers. "I think incredibly highly of him. He's someone I look up to," Syndicate leader or not, breaker of laws he was, he was still the same Santiago that promised me that he'd be there to protect me from all foes. "But I'm not even sure that matters anymore," I lamented, closing my eyes. "I might've just lost him for good," I mumbled to myself, unsure if she heard it or not. She furrowed her brows, trying to get herself to understand my words. 

"That didn't answer my question, daddy." I stared in confusion as she huffed, folding her arms. "Did he love you when you first loved him?" My brows flinched. "Do you know if he loves you as much you love him?" I had no idea why she was asking these kinds of questions and I went to answer, but I was cut off.

"I loved him way before he loved me."

My eyes widened in alarm as my head slowly turned to the doorway, dread coating my skin. I heard the slam of a door as crisp footsteps clicked against the floor, a large body making its way towards Ivory and I. "This is where you were hiding. Man, do you know the trouble I had to go through to find you?" A voice drawled as if nothing fazed him. "Don't do that again. Drove me fucking crazy, Anthony," The man of the year took a seat next to me, the smell of his cologne invading the air as I felt the urge to move into his arms.

What the fuck?

"Papa!" Ivory jumped out of my lap and landed in his, peppering his face with little kisses. I was still shook by what was happening. Why was he here? Why now? "Hello love, I missed you." I watched as he cuddled Ivory in his arms, pinching her cheeks, giggles filling the air. "Hey, can you do me a favor, Ivory?" Santi peered down into her face as she nodded enthusiastically. "Can you give me a few minutes with your daddy? He seems to be a little sad so I need to cheer him up." Ivory nodded with glee, hopping up. She fixed me a stare before running off into her room.

It was silent until the demon spoke. Wasn't he supposed to be angry with me? Why was he here, sitting this close to me?

"Anthony."

I flinched just a bit at his voice, slowly turning my gaze over to him. "Yea?" I replied in a small voice. "Why'd ya go runnin'?" He asked and I let out a sigh. "Because you were mad and I was trying to find a way to apologize before you got tired of me." It was hard to keep my feelings from permeating my words, so I looked away, finding my fingers to be more interesting. It was silent before I heard a grunt and my hair was being ruffled by a large hand. "Ah, I suppose that this is what happens when I let you stew for too long," He shrugged nonchalantly, using his free hair to push his hair back, a grin on his face.

"Y-You still want to be with me?" I hated how my voice cracked but I had to be sure. "Uh, yeah?" Santiago turned his head and stared at me like I was stupid. He raised his brow incredulously. "You're pretty much sold for me, considering you're the only one I wanted all these years," He snorted, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Don't get it twisted. I'm highly pissed off with you, that's for sure, but don't ever think that I'll give you up just because I'm mad." That was all I needed to hear and all of a sudden, he had a lapful of me and his lips were captured by me as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close to me. His thick arms came around my waist, giving into me as earnestly as I was giving into him. 

I pulled away from him, placing a soft kiss on his lips. "I'm," Another kiss. "Am so," Another deep kiss. "Fucking sorry," A deeper kiss onto those chocolate lips. "For everything. I didn't mean it." I kissed him again and this time, it was a meaningful, shared kiss that exploited our connection with each other, how deep our love ran. 

I wanted him to know that I knew how much he loved me. I knew it because I knew how much I loved him and I knew that despite everything, his love for me was higher. "Please forgive me, Santiago," I whispered against his lips, looking into his eyes. "Anthony," He breathed. "I already did." He smiled softly and I could feel my heart skipping a beat. "Besides, how could I not when you sat outside my door telling me why you felt this way? I'm sorry for not seeing your point of view on this. I promise I will listen to your side on everything from now on, okay?" He gripped me tightly as he looked into my eyes, nothing but adoration and love resonating within the cocoa orbs.

"Hey," I whined, pouting. "I'm supposed to be the one being sweet here," Santiago chuckled, all tension removed from the air, as he leaned up to kiss my chin, eliciting a chortle from me. "Yea well, tough shit." I rolled my eyes as I stared at him. "We're okay, right?" He nodded, a smile on his beautiful face as he stroked my back. "Yeah, we're okay, babe." He hugged me and I let out a breath of relief, happy that I got my feelings across. I put my head on his, relishing in his touch and breathing in his scent and finding comfort in the fact that he was here to stay.

I felt my phone buzz in my back pocket and I took it out, seeing notifications. My phone buzzed again and I looked at it, eyebrows furrowing. I saw the name pop up and I slowly pulled away from Santiago. He was talking to me? Now? Really? I tilted my head, wondering if I should answer. I didn't want to be too eager but at the same time, I was dying to mend our relationship. They were the first real friends that I had, considering that Luzia was a traitor and my boyfriend was my only best friend. I didn't know how to get them to see it from my point of view. I was a liar, that was true and nothing would make up for that. I used Demetrios's weakness against him, and it had cost me beautiful friendships.

Bottoms Up

milkshake: Hey Brad.
hey hey asshats: are you referring to me?
hey hey asshats: you are talking to me, correct?
milkshake: Yes. Do you think you can meet at La Eme?
hey hey asshats: ...if i'm not mistaken, that's where Ramone's syndicate is
milkshake: yes
hey hey asshats: are you trying to kill me?
milkshake: no! Just come and bring Santiago with you.

Is this a trap? Was this a trap? It felt like a trap. He and the rest of the squad were going to skin me alive and roast my flesh, feeding it to the savage beasts that Ramone kept in his underground cellar for murdering purposes. He was evil like that and I wouldn't put it past him to have formed some sort of plan in which they would steal my clothes and throw me in the cellar. 

It was official.

I was going to die.