#SAT9S

DEDICATED TO : JOVELYN MAE AMANTE

CHAPTER 51 : SHINN

I grew up in the lineage of tyrants, resembling oppressive rulers in the crude use of authority and power. We are born and raised by domineering and overbearing parents who never asked what their children want. Our demands are their disposal. We are all controlled and restrained by our bloodline's tradition which made me feel like a helpless prison who never committed a single crime. It was watertight and nobody dared to break the rules, no one 'til the time I initiate. Hindi ko gustong makulong sa diktasyon nila sa mahabang panahon. Hindi ako papayag na magpagamit sa iba. I wanna run my own life.

Kaya naman mas lalo kong hinangad na makawala sa kanila. Gusto kong putulin ang rendang nagtatali sa akin at sa mga Aslejo. As I grew up, I couldn't help but crave for my own freedom, like a vampire who haven't sucked fresh blood for centuries. I couldn't ask them to give us a liberty, neither wish for a privilege to make our own decisions. My family weren't compose of understanding gentlemen and thoughtful mothers. Tao sila pero hindi sila makatao. They seemed respectful prominent people in society but they would never be a good exemplar for the likes of me who had been deprived of exemptions. I lived in huge, spacious houses but it definitely feels like living behind the bars. I couldn't even call it home. Kaya habang tumatagal ay mas tumitindi ang kagustuhan kong lisanin ang mundong ginawa nila.

My brothers were forced to work under their power to continue the legacy without any complaint. My only sister was forced to marry the man of her darkest nightmare who was, of course, chosen by our parents. Ayoko matulad sa kanila. Iniisip ko palang ay gusto ko na pumatay. Their sight wasn't focus on me yet because I'm one of the youngest, but I know for a fact that they will eventually do the same thing to the rest of us. Lalo na sa parte ko. Hindi ko na gusto umabot pa sa puntong 'yon.

Though, I didn't mind it at first. I still consider the idea. Maybe, it was really the best, for the sake of the whole family. To strengthen the business, to gather more power and to leave our own trademark. The second time it enters my mind, my comprehension tightens. I think of it over and over again 'til I no longer understand its significance. Ang babaw ng rason. Lahat ng gusto nilang makuha ay lumilipas at nawawala. Hindi ko gustong sayangin ang buhay ko para sa katuturan na sila lang ang makikinabang. What about my own satisfaction?

Good thing, I endowed transcendent mental superiority which separates me from the rest of young legatees. Even at my young age, I tend to see things in black and white and I used it as a way to unlashed the rope in my neck that suffocates me for years. Wala akong pakialam kung kakaiba ako. Ang gusto ko lang ay makalaya.

"I want to escape, nanny."

"You can't, Elis. You'll only make your parents worry." She countered in a deliberate, calm and soothing manner. She's always like that. Sometimes, I wonder where she gets her patience while serving this monstrous family. I have my share of misbehavior, I admit. I admire her forbearance.

"They never cared anyway." I answered drily.

She sighed, didn't even dare to defend my parent's side because she instinctively knew that I won't waste a second to believe her. I've stated a fact, not just a matter of opinion. Hindi siya kailanman nakialam sa problema ng pamilya pero hindi siya nagkulang sa pag-aalaga sa akin.

"Nanny, teach me to speak your language." She's a Filipina. My father is a Fil-Am but I never heard him speak other than the usual languages we use. I've heard nanny quite a few times when she talks with the other maids and I got curious.

"Sigurado ka?"

I frowned. Hindi ko pa alam ang lenggwahe niya noon, "Huh?"

She laughed. "I said, are you sure?"

I nodded hesitantly. Sa kanya ko natutunan ang lengwaheng hindi pamilyar sa ibang myembro ng pamilya. Hindi nila alam na sinusumpa ko na sila nang harap-harapan. Those were the times that she tries to ease my anger towards my family. There were only three person who luckily got my affection. My eldest brother, my only sister and nanny. She was the only person whom I consider my best friend aside from Armour and Rome. She's old but kind enough compare to the rest of my family who never seemed to care. More likeable compare to my own mother. The barrier between me and my other siblings had grown thicker when the whole clan knew my excessive gift on learning.

Perhaps, because of insecurity. Ang kaibahan ko ang nagpalaki ng distansya sa aming magkakapatid. I excel most of the time. May mga bagay akong nagagawa na mahira para sa kanila. Getting close with them was hard. I never had friends either. I had this adverse thought that my parents casually destroyed my 'supposed-to-be-childhood-memories and they weren't even guilty upon doing it.

My initial rebellion starts when I was twelve. I intentionally failed my grades to make my first bad impression. I wasn't use to it but nevertheless a real thriller. My back receives the first fourteen lash of whip afterwards given by my own father. He lashed me in front of my younger siblings. They thought they could make me bow down by using slash-and-burn tactics. Sad to say, I didn't. Hindi ako magpapapigil. Gagawin ko kung ano ang gusto ko, hindi ang gusto nila. I won't give them satisfaction, not after what they'd already done. I've gone that far and to pass every record had been my goal. I don't wait for moments. I create them.

"Get a grip, my boy." Armour playfully ruffles my hair. My eldest brother. Sa tatlong lalaking kapatid na nakatatand sa akin, siya lang ang nakakausap ko ng matino. He tolerates my whims. "You're giving us a hard time. Seems like trouble has more significance to you by now."

"Yeah." I croaked. "Along with a series of whip."

Concern dashes in his silver colored eye, but he was holding it back. He was more conspicuous than me. I prefer mystery than drama and I refuse to be showy, so did he. Armour gave up a sly smile instead. "What made you do those things?"

"I want freedom."

"Badly?"

"Desperately."

He sighed. "You're only fourteen."

"And you're a thirty year old puppet on the string. What difference does it make? Who's in the worst case?" Umiwas ako nang tingin at pinagtuunan ng pansin ang librong binabasa ko.

He smiles again. I boldly stared at him. "A smart kid with a bad mouth. Dad says you are getting worst and you just proved him right."

"I'm smarter than you but I refused to be use. I'm not going to take your footsteps. I won't even dare." I grinned.  "If father couldn't handle me at my worst, then I feel sorry for him. Because my worst isn't even as bad as I can get."

"You sounded like a man who's willing to commit a crime. You're still young Elis."

I didn't answer Armour. I looked up to him, admiring him in each and every way but I suddenly realized that he is not that beau ideal. I wondered why brother let my parents control his life when he could defy them a long time ago. Kung ako 'yon, pinabagsak ko na ang lahat ng negosyo namin nang makita nila ang hinahanap nila. Armour was smart. As the eldest son, he gets a bigger share of inheritance. He could've use the money and power which has been legally entitled to him when he turned twenty-one. I question it once and I didn't expect the reason behind it. There was a hidden agenda. My brother planned something. Planong para sa akin lang.

Armour was diagnosed with brain cancer a year after. He didn't let us know, not until it got worse. He didn't want to go through series of surgeries. Pinipilit siyang magpa-opera ng buong pamilya pero ayaw niya. It was like he was already expecting his death. I got mad at him. So mad that I didn't bother to visit him. Not even once. Hindi ko kasi matanggap na maspipiliin niya pa ang mamatay gayong kaya naming magbayad sa kahit na sinong doktor para mabuhay siya. He should've considered the operation. Maybe, he wasn't that smart at all. I want him to live but the fool wants to die sooner than the doctor's prognosis. Sinong baliw ang gusto ng gano'n? Obviously, Armour.

"Listen, Elis." Rome talked to me hours before Armour dies. "Armour wants you to escape. I don't know why but. . ." My sister closed her eyes as tight as she could, trying to keep her tears at bay which she fails miserably. Umiyak siya sa harap ko at nakatulala lang ako sa kanya. "This is the least thing I can do for him. He never asked me any favor 'til today and I don't want this plan to fail."

She handed me a brown envelope. I froze. Sa bilis ng pangyayari ay hindi maiwasang maguluhan. "Don't waste your chance." She gathered me in her arms. "Take a good care of yourself."

I had a chance to escape but didn't had the luck to see my brother even at his burial. Wala akong natanggap ni isang abiso. Hindi rin naman ako matatawagan ng ibang mga kapatid ko dahil iniwan ko ang phone ko sa opistal. Nabasa ko na lang ang mga balita. It was printed in social tabloids along with the news stating my disappearance. They taught I was kidnapped.

My brother assigned a few people to help me get out of Las Vegas. My escape is well-planned. Kung paano 'to nagawa ni Armour habang nakaratay siya sa ospital ay hindi ko na inisip. I got a new name with legit papers, valid ID, passport, visa and multiple bank accounts with large amount of money. I feel like a prisoner who easily slipped out from jail. It was polished perfectly. My breakout. I should give my brother's sources a credit. Eliscent Aslejo is gone. My name was replaced with a new one. That's how Shinn Ace existed.

I went to New York. It was surprising that Armour managed to plan this flawlessly while lying on his deathbed without my parents being aware of it. Guilt rushed into me. I finally figured out why he seems suicidal. It was because his death is my survival. His trusted lawyer sent me files that I'll be needing along with a short letter from my deceased brother.

'Hi, Elis. Enjoy your freedom. Consider that as my lifetime gift. Cherish it. I hope you like your new name. It was from Rome.'

A sly smile formed in my face. No sentence of drama.  Ahh, I remember. We both hate it. "Very like Armour."

But it stings. That's gonna be the last letter I will get from him. The idea hits me hard. Even in he's death, he tolerates my selfishness. This is indeed a lifetime gift in his case. He's gone.

"Fuck you, brother." I hissed as I felt the heat in the corner of my eyes. Sa pagkakatanda ko, iyon ang huling pag-iyak na ginawa ko. Fuck the drama.

Starting that day, freedom has been my most important possession. Just like what Armour wanted, I cherished every second of it. I exposed myself to the world using my new identity. I learned to love it 'til I master the rules of liberation. No addiction. No commitments. No attachments. All for the game and thrill that I crave for. Nakuha ko ang bagay na matagal ko nang hinihiling.

"Wild at sixteen. Nice." Komento mula sa isang estranghero.

I shouldn't have shared a room with anyone but the dorms we're maid to occupy by four people. That means I have to share with three other assholes and Ryan Marval was one of them. I was the youngest among the boys. What do you expect for a sixteen year old college student who've been accelerated twice? Being a genius sucks at some points. Ryan was the eldest. He definitely enjoys being the leader figure. Madalas ko siyang nakakasagutan. Who cares about age?

"Twenty and boring. No fun at all." I said before I yawn.

"Girls in boys dormitory is strictly prohibited." He said as shakes his head while mixing the shades of blue paint in a bottle. Fine arts ang course niya at siya ang madalas na nagkakakat sa kwarto namin pero wala namang naninita. Now, he's trying to preach me. Great. "You brought some, didn't you?"

"Twenty and prude. That sucks."

"We have rules here. If you get caught, all the four of us will-" I cut his load of bull craps.

"I was born to break the rules and I'm not as careless as what you think." He didn't answer back. Good for him.

I spent my college days with them. Not a bad idea after all, though I admit I was quite a bad influence. One of my roommates was kicked out because of multiple offense, and the other two voluntarily dropped before the committee was able to discuss their violation. Karamihan do'n ay dahil sa pakikipagpustahan ko sa kanila. I was just plain lucky. I haven't been caught on act. They even think our room was cursed. Funny, idiots.

And to my surprise, our new roommates was Ryan's brother.

"A new stiff?" Inilapag ko ang backpack ko sa kama. The new comer turns to his brother.

"Anong pinagsasabi ng gagong 'yan?" I was taken by surprise. Not by what he said but on the langugage he used. Are they Filipinos? Naintindihan ko ang sinabi nila maliban ro'n sa salitang 'gago.'

"Don't mind him. That's his usual attitude." Ryan said in a calm voice, but his stares defines otherwise. He glared at me.

"Are you Filipinos?" Walang sumagot sa kanila. So, I ask them again, "What's 'gago?'"

Nagkatinginan sila. After a few seconds, Ryan's brother burst out laughing and the stiff grins mischievously.

"A word made for you." The new comer answered. Kahit hindi ko naintindihan ay may pakiramdam akong hindi maganda. It was as if he was mocking at me.

"I'd rather be a stiff." Ryan added.

I didn't get along with them at first. If I'm oppressive type, they are the anti-socials. Roy and I mostly fight over petty things and ends up throwing punches to each other's faces. Ryan plays as the referee. Our room was no longer cursed but doomed. Later on, nalaman ko kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng 'gago' at pinagtawanan ako ng magkapatid.

Eventually, I cope up with the two of them. Ryan graduated while I took up another course related in chemistry. Roy is on his second year. May mga kaibigan kami sa labas ng NYU at puro kabulastugan ang ginagawa namin. They were not as stiff as what I thought. They had their share of games. Hindi sila kasing liberated ko pero may mga trip silang masmalala pa sa mga nagawa ko na.

They vandalized a store wall and got chase by cops. That was pretty cool but I don't want to push my luck. Ang mahuli ng pulis ay delikado sa pagtatago ko.

"Lakas mong makapanlinlang, ah? Ilang taon tayong nasa isang dorm tapos lately ko lang nalamang may dugong Pilipino ka rin pala?" That was Ryan. Tinawanan ko na lang ang sinabi niya. Isang araw na naisipan naming uminom.

"You didn't bother to ask." I shrugged my shoulders.

"With your sarcastic mouth? Hindi ka naman sasagot ng matino."

"Why did you study here? Hindi ba maganda sa Pilipinas?"

"Okay lang din pero masmaraming opportunities dito. Nakapunta ka na ba sa Pilipinas?"

Umiling ako. Why I haven't think of that? I should've considered that country. In vivid glimpse of my memory, I remembered my nanny. I clenched my teeth. I couldn't take a risks by contacting her. I was also tempted to contact Rome but I always changed my mind. Isang pagkakamali lang ay mawawala ang kalayaan ko.

"I'll try. Maybe this year."

"Maganda ro'n. Maraming mapapasyalan. Pwede kitang patuluyin sa amin." Wala pang limang segundo ay binawi niya na ang sinabi niya. "On second thought, huwag na lang pala."

I laughed. "Hey, that's a tempting offer. Is there someone I can bang in your house?"

"Gago." I smirked. Is that their new name for me? "Baka mamatay ka ro'n. There's no one to bang but someone will castrate you for sure. Sagutin ko pa ang kamatayan mo."

"What's with your ancestral house? May serial killer ba ro'n? Ghosts?"

He grinned. "Huwag mo na alamin."

"Do you have a sister?"

"Wala!" He snapped. Kinuha niya ang wallet niya at hinagis sa akin iyon. May picture sa loob no'n. Kinuha ko 'yon at tinignan ng matagal.

A middle age man with Ryan, Roy, another teenage boy and. . .a little boy who looks like girl. "Lahat kayong magkakapatid, lalaki?"

Ryan laughed so hard. "Siguro."