#SAT9S

DEDICATED TO : Choco Myu

(Note : mabilisang ang phase ng chapter na 'to. Questions are left unanswered but I'll assure you, masasagot din 'yan.)

CHAPTER 50 : THROW IT

"Don't ever give Rhea to that asshole."

He bolt from the blue. He states it like an absolute bombshell. I was taken by surprise, not expecting him to care after all. It requires a few seconds before the whole idea penetrates my damped brain. Firstly, I don't have any idea how he was able to know Shinn. Secondly, based on his conviction, he seems well-informed about him. Thirdly, I could sense revulsion and it seems like he's disgusted by the idea of Shinn having his ex-girlfriend. Lastly, if that idea supposedly affects him, does that mean he still has a torch for his ex or it's just a matter of concern for someone who used to be his and he simply doesn't want Rhea to fall for the likes of Shinn Aslejo? Especially when they share the same characteristics. It was like competing with your own shadow, if there's any competition to begin with.

"Why do you care? It has nothing to do with you. Ang sabi mo wala kang pakialam kay Rhea."

Tumiim ang bagang niya. "I didn't say anything like that."

"But your actions clarifies it. Alin do'n ang totoo?"

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Akala ko ba mahal mo?"

"Akala ko rin mahal mo kaya nga pinaubaya ko sayo, di ba?" I clenched my teeth. "That's how I remembered it. And now, what are you trying to imply? Parang inuutusan mo akong bakuran ang dating teritoryo mo."

"Dati." Pag-uulit niya.

I couldn't help but stretched my lips into a simper smile before I sarcastically slips my remark. "Why don't you just drop your rebound and give yourself a chance with Rhea? You're so stupid, Ren."

Nagdilim ang mukha niya at kitang-kita ko ang pagkuyom ng kamao niya. "You don't know the whole story, Coby. Don't drag George into this mess. Kung ano man ang nalalaman mo, sinisiguro ko sayo na wala pa 'yan sa kalahati ng kwento. This isn't about my relationship with her, neither my past with Rhea." Mariin niyang bulong. "This is about Rhea. Alone. I'm giving you a warning but you're too skeptical to notice it that way. Who's more stupid?"

"I can't trust anyone, Ren. Not Shinn, not even you. I only have myself. I can be independent and I can protect Rhea in my own ways. I don't need your so called 'warnings.' Don't tell me what to do." I countered with equal conviction. "Sana hindi ka magsisi na hindi siya ang pinili mo."

"Fine." He sighed lazily. "Do it in your own." Naglakad siya at nilampasan ako habang may binubulong. "You know who to blame if her trauma got worse."

I froze. Nang matauhan ako ay nakalampas na siya sa akin at tuluyan nang pumasok sa opisina ni Tito Loren.

Ren knows about Shinn. He also knew what Rhea has been going through. What the hell is happening?

Gusto ko sanang harapin ulit siya at harap-harapan siyang tanungin tungkol sa mga bagay na 'yon pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. My pride kept me on the same grounds. Bumuntong hininga ako at nilisan ang building na marami pa ring katanungan.

Sa trabaho ay hindi ako masyadong nakapag-concentrate. From time to time, tumatawag ako kay Rhea para kumustahin siya.

"Kumusta na ang pakiramdam mo?"

"Um-ookay na." Okay daw pero halata sa boses ang tamlay. Huminga ako nang malalim at sinubukan siyang i-cheer up.

"You have to be fine. I'll give you something when you fully recover." Sandali akong natigilan nang maisip ko 'yon. I whisked the thought away from my mind. This isn't the right time to think about that.

"I'm excited." She let out a lifeless chuckle. She coughed after. Anxiety strikes into me.

"I think I'll visit you again before I go home."

"Huwag na. Maaabala ka pa. Baka maaga rin akong matutulog."

"That's what you should do. Give your stubborn traits a break."

Nang matapos ang team sa shoot ay papagabi na. Sandali pa akong nakipag-meeting sa mga scriptwriters kaya alas otso na ako nakapagbyahe pauwi. Nang marating ko ang bahay ng mga Marval, tulog nga si Rhea pero naabutan ko sa kwarto nito si Shinn na tinitignan ang isang photo album.

He just gave me a quick glance before darting his eyes back to the album. "Don't wake her up." He said.

Nagtuloy-tuloy ako sa kama ni Rhea para pagmasdan itong matulog. Pinatong ko ang aking kamay sa kanyang noo para sipatin ang temperatura nito. Mas lalong tumaas.

"Na-check up na siya?"

"How the hell would I know? I just came here 15 minutes ago."

"Can you answer without being caustic?" I asked, quite annoyed by his tone.

"That's me being naturally incisive. You're just too sensitive and weak for my remarks." He said drily. "No match."

Tinitigan ko siya nang mabuti. Naalala ko ang nangyaring pag-uusap sa pagitan namin ni Ren kaninang umaga. Bumalik sa akin ang mga katanungan.

"Ren knows you." I blurted out.

Hindi nag-angat ng ulo si Shinn na parang wala lang sa kanya ang sinabi ko. "What's new about that? Everyone knows me. Maybe, he's a new fan."

Hindi ko alam kung maiinis ako o matatawa sa sinagot niyang walang kakwenta-kwenta. Mas lalong nakapagdududa ang kawalang reaksyon ni Shinn. Contrary to Ren's repulsion and obvious disgust, Shinn acts reversely. But I refuse to be deceived by his innocence. He's a social artifice. Did he start doing his plotted scheme? Hindi kaya't nagsimula na rin siyang umatake kay Ren?

"Or a hater." I added drily.

He smirked smugly. "Isn't that a kudo on my part? Intends to prove my greatness and I'm quite better than him."

Why am I wasting my time talking to this arrogant and self-assured arrogant brute?

"I have no time for deception, Shinn. What are you planning?"

"Interested?" Isinara niya ang album at tumayo. "I'm not going to share it with some coward sucker who refuse to join my scheme."

"I did not refuse. I won against you. Kasalanan ko bang natalo kita?"

"You should've quitted. It's a win-win case. Sinira mo lang."

"I'm not a quitter."

"But a coward. Ba't hindi mo na lang aminin na isa kang talunan? Hindi mo kayang makipagkumpetensya sa isang dating kaibigan. A friend who betrays you secretly is a form of treachery. You should've won." Ngumisi siya at matalim na tumingin sa akin. "I mistreat people. You better stay away from me. Huwag ka na lang rin makialam kung ayaw mong ma-involve sa gulo. 'Coz whether you like it or not, manggugulo at manggugulo ako."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Anong mapapala mo pagtapos?"

"Marami." Mas lumaki ang ngisi niya. "But I won't tell you."

He turned his back and left the room. Naiwan akong hindi siya naiintindihan. Umabot pa sa puntong napatanong ako kung normal pa ba ang pag-iisip at kinikilos ni Shinn? Is that a side effect of being a genius? Absurd idea. I don't think so.

The next days passed like a fast train. Bumalik sa normal ang lahat ngunit pansamantala lang. Hindi ko magawa-gawa ang plano ko dahil laging naaantala. Wala akong ibang pinagsabihan dahil ayokong magsalinan ng opinyon ng iba ang desisyon ko. I want to have at least one steady decision for myself. No influence of other people, disregarding the past and the future, the possibility and impossibility, and the percentage of certitude and uncertainty. Just this once and I'm nearly done. Whatever happens, the choice will be made and may fate leads us on where we rightfully belong.

Napakaraming nangyari sa mga sumunod na araw. Nalaman kong nag-away si Rhea at Shinn dahil nagkairingan si Ren at Shinn sa isang company party. Wala ako no'n at nabalitaan ko na lang kay Rhea kinabukasan. Rhea confessed what was the real story behind it. Nang malaman ko na ay napabuntong hininga ako.

"Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko siya mapapahinto." Isinubsob ni Rhea ang mukha niya sa kanyang palad. "Shinn doesn't want to go home. Mag-iisang buwan na siya rito. He doesn't want to listen to me."

"He doesn't want you to end up with Ren. He hates to see you at your worst. Ayaw ni Shinn na magmukha kang desperado sa kahahabol sa ex mo." In that case, I understand Shinn. Ayoko ring nakikita si Rhea na nanlilimos ng pagmamahal. On the other hand, irony mixed in my thoughts. If Shinn doesn't want Ren to have Rhea back, Ren doesn't want Shinn to be her last man in the end game.

In fairness to Ren, unti-unti kong nakikita ang concern niya kay Rhea pero ang alam ko ay sila pa rin ni Georgia.

Pumikit nang mariin. "Hindi niya ako naiiintindihan."

"No, Rhea. Kung gugustuhin niya, matagal ka na niyang inintindi. The thing is he refused to understand your reasons. He has his own analysis. Kung ano ang gusto niyang paniwalaan, 'yon ang pipiliin niya."

Natahimik si Rhea. She bit her lower lip. "I can't let go."

Iyon ang mahirap pag mahal mo. Martyr na kung martyr. Masokista na kung masokista pero hindi mo maalis agad ang katotohanang nagmamahal ka nang totoo. Just like me, but I'm being discreet about it. Kahit ilang beses kong sabihin na magmomove on na ako ay hindi ko pa rin magawa. Rhea is giving her all. Ren already gave his.

Sinabi kong gusto ko magkaro'n ng isang permanenteng desisyon para sa sarili ko pero hindi pala gano'n ka-consistent ang lakas ng loob ko. Urong-sulong ang plano kaya hindi mapulido nang maayos. May pagkakataong nasa tabi ko lang siya at nag-uusap kami ng casual pero hindi ko mabanggit ang tungkol ro'n.

Lumagpas ng isang buwan ang pananatili ni Shinn sa Pilipinas. Rhea stands with her own choice. Wala naman akong balita kung ano na ang estado ni Ren. There were progress. Progress that I refuse to acknowledge. While I got stuck in the middle. Neutral. Nonpartisan. Pinanindigan ko ang pagiging independent. Pinapakiramdaman ang sarili kung kaya pa ba, kung hanggang saan pa ang itatagal ko.

Hanggang sa naulit ang engkwentro sa pagitan ni Ren at Shinn. Wala ako sa mismong pangyayari pero nang ikwento 'yon sa akin ni Rhea ay umiyak siya ulit. Halos isang buwan na rin nang huli ko siyang makita na umiyak. She's trying to be strong but just like me, her bravery has limits. Hindi na kailangang kwestyunin kung gaano siya nagtyaga para makuha ang gusto niya.

"Leave him." I told her. "Leave Ren. Wala kang aasahan sa kanya. He's committed."

Hindi ko na mabilang kung pang-ilang beses ko na siyang pinayuhan tulad ng ngayon. Umiling lang siya,

"I can't. He needs me."

Napapikit ako. "No, he doesn't. Wala lang siyang-"

"Hush it. I don't wanna hear it." Pumikit siya nang mariin.

"Oh, come on. Don't deceive yourself. Alam nating dalawa ang rason. Stop it already." Frustrated kong sambit. "What about Shinn? Galit na galit siya, Rhea. You two should talk."

"I'll talk to him." She assured. "But I'll stay with Ren."

The circumstance has been more complicated. Sa dami at sunod-sunod na pangyayari, nakasasawa ring magpaliwanag. What I want right now is peace of mind for all of us. Shinn needs to keep his defense down or at least, get a grip of his rage. Rhea needs to leave at least a little respect on herself. Desperation could destroy her. Ren needs to find himself. I think he's on the state of turmoil. And me, I have to make to untie the all the strings except for one. I would leave just one and let Rhea decide if she's going to cut it or pull all the strings back.

Paglipas ng dalawang buwan ay marami nang nagbago. The changes were as cold as winter. Nakapanlalamig sa pakiramdam. Shinn went back to America while I didn't have any news about Ren. I'm going back to Korea in two weeks time. Rhea. . .she's fine now. I guess.

I've realized that a moment of silence are different with peace. When silence is dull and boring, that isn't peace yet. Peace isn't just a word. Neither a place to wander. It's a kind of choice that brings you to your own happiness. Staying in your safe zone won't strengthen you. Taking risks will. A painful choice but the most effective one.

Bago ako umalis ng Pilipinas. Dinalaw ko si Rhea. We had a chance to talk.

"Aalis ka na talaga?" Tanong niya sa akin. Yumuko siya at tinago ang malungkot na ngiti. "Lahat ata kayo, iiwan at iiwan ako. I thought you won't leave. Na-delay lang pala."

I smiled. "Pwede naman ako bumalik."

Tumango-tango siya at tumingin sa magandang tanawin na nasa harap namin, "Sana nandito pa ako pag bumalik ka."

"May balak ka pang bumalik sa NZ?"

Bumuntong hininga siya. "I'm thinking about it. Pauwi palang ang mga kuya ko. I'll consult Kuya Rex first." She paused for a moment. "Sa ganito pala magtatapos lahat."

"No."

Umangat ang tingin niya sa akin. Nginitian ko siya. Kinuha ko sa bulsa ko ang isang bagay na dapat ay nung mga nakaraang buwan ko pa binalak ibigay sa kanya. Maybe, Shinn was right. I'm a coward. I got scared. I don't have the same guts like his and Ren's. Sa aming tatlo ay ako ang naiiba. Ako yung hindi gaanong lumalaban tulad nila. I didn't dare to make shortcuts, cheat and win by breaking the rules. Kung meron man akong nag-iisang lamang sa kanila, that's the time that I've waited. I was the last one who stayed. I was finding a perfect timing but there was none 'til today.

Kinuha ko ang kamay niya at sinuot 'yon sa palasingsingan niya. She got stunned for a moment.

"Throw it if you disagree. Throw it if you're going to chase him again. Throw it if you find someone else. Don't give it back 'cause I'm going to throw it myself and it won't make any difference. Rejection is rejection."

"C-Coby. . ."

"I know this won't make any sense. Bakit pa ako magsasayang ng pagkakataong magpropose kung aalis rin naman ako?" Bumuga ako ng hangin at pagtapos ay tumikhim. "Kasi sayo na nakasalalay kung babalik pa ako o hindi na."

Umawang ang labi niya. "W-what do you mean?"

"Six months. I'll give you six months to decide. If it's yes, call me as soon as you consider my proposal. If it's no," Inayos ko ang buhok niyang hinahangin. "You don't need to call me anymore. Just throw the ring. After the given time with no call, I'll find my other half. . .if it's not you."