I freeze up. His glance is so soft and addicting. I can't look away.

I'm not sure if this is a friendly look or a gay pickup. I haven't had much experience differentiating the two. I'm not as active in the online chatroom I joined. One for closeted teens coping with life.

I should've read more about eye contact. There's a whole thread dedicated to this on the forum.

I'm so stupid!

Then again how would I have known I'd need the lesson?! How should I have known Grayson was like me?

He's still watching. The softness in his eyes morphing into attraction. He usually looks at girls this way. The playboy, catcalling message in his blue eyes electrifies my veins. Static shock. Butterflies. Pressure on my chest. My heart races. My lungs shrink.

I haven't breathed since I noticed him looking. I hesitantly peel my eyes away. Not sure how to return the same energy he's using.

I'm too inexperienced to attempt flirting. Especially with the same sex. I'm a little scared to try it out. I pull all of my attention back to my assignment. I anxiously shift my weight.

But I still feel him checking me out.

Why is Grayson still showing interest? I blew my chance of flirting...yet he's still hunting me.

Maybe he'll give up soon. He better. We're alone in the library...but not for long. Others will file in eventually to work on papers.

I didn't see him writing anything down. Instead he was holding a book. Reading in an armchair. I'm impressed...maybe he's a little smart and not a typical jock. I wonder what he's reading.

I sneak a curious glimpse. Which was a mistake. This causes him to stand and walk my way. I squeeze the pencil in my hand so hard, that it snaps. I quickly hide the broken pieces under my notebook.

"Harrison, right?" His creamy, baritone voice is distracting.

I stand, deciding to offer a hand shake. Grayson finds this humorous. I'm being too formal. I tuck my hands into my pockets. "Yeah...that's me."

"Grayson." He introduces himself. "We have history class. No offense, I didn't ignore you on purpose."

"You were ignoring me?" Bewilderment enlarge my eyes.

"Yeah."

"Why?" I squint down at him, secretly loving the height difference.

"No one knows...about me." He sounds frightened. "If my friends or family knew. It'd be a disaster."

I hang my head low, and nod. "Same here."

"I wasn't sure about at first. You seemed straight...especially with your girlfriend."

"So do you." I bicker in retort. "Judging by all the girlfriends."

Grayson sadly narrow his gaze to the floor. "I have to keep up the appearance of being straight."

The connection to him is instant. But I have issues allowing myself to show it. I can't be vulnerable in public. I occasionally eye the door dreading someone coming in and discovering us. Grayson picks up on my paranoia. "Always playing the man our father wants." I admit while still being tense.

"Always." He returns a broken smile.

One that I wish I could show. But I conceal so much emotion. Scared of expressing my true feelings. Always hearing the word "solid man.", and never having the freedom to combat my father's brainwashing. I envy Grayson for having enough strength to be weak. My fingers ache to trace his gorgeous lips. I eye his luscious mouth, tempted to break the rules.

Something activates in my mind. A rush of sparking neurons. A splendid euphoria. A rolling wave of affection. My eyelids warm up.

I'm sure I'm returning the infectious attraction now...just as he is. We share the same energy source. The same electrical force field. The same frequency. I'm sucked into a whirlpool of sensation. A drug trance I never want to exit.

The door knob twists. I rush to my seat before it creaks open. I'm quicker than Grayson. His response is delayed. I think I filled his head with stars like an animated cartoon. Gray takes a few seconds to recover from the star struck look.

We both clear our faces of any sign of pleasure, turning on an expressionless switch to rid ourselves of any guiltiness.

A clique of girls giggle their way inside. It takes them a few seconds to realize Grayson...and me. They stop giggling and pause in place. Their puzzled expressions are concerning...and could became rumors in a heartbeat.

Grayson must be thinking the same. "If I could borrow your Aristotle notes, that'd be great. I didn't get them all." He thinks fast.

"Sure...no problem, man." I've never used the word man in my entire life. Eww. I hand over my blank notebook.

The group carrying on, going over to the bookshelves. Grayson is still uneasy so he keeps playing the role. "Thanks...I need my grades up or I'm off the team. Which would suck ass."

"Damn straight, go wolverines!" I cheer. If I could cringe I would. I'm laying on the macho man act a little too thick.

"I appreciate it." My crush walks back to the armchair, sitting and pretending to read my empty notes. His fake studying is believable enough.

The girls are convinced...we're in the clear.

#Gay
#MxM
#BxB
#LGBTQ
#Wattpride