For those of you who might not know Jar of Heart. Hope you enjoy the chapter! ❤

Chase's POV

"Baby bro! Where's your tent?" Jesse yells from the back of the house. I shake my head. It's already after 10 p.m. he'll wake up the whole neighbourhood if he keeps this up.

"Right here," I say, entering the walk-in closet and wriggling past him to rifle through it.

I really love camping! I used to go once a month with Mason but he slowly decreased how often we went once he started dating Aerial and then stopped all together when they got married.

I miss hanging out with him, especially our camping trips. But I get it, priorities change. Of course we talk a lot on the phone and there is the occasional visit but it's not quite the same.

When Jesse and Bryan get more serious, I wonder if Jesse is going to stop hanging out with me and our relationship will be reduced to phone calls and the occasional visits. I quickly dismiss that thought because I'm way too amped up right now to dwell on that. I really love camping! And even though it's only in our backyard, I'm still really excited!

I pull out the four person tent that we bought ages ago when Mason, Justin, Jesse and I decided that we should all go camping together. We've used it maybe 3 times and it has been collecting dust for the last year.

"Great! And the sleeping bags?" Jesse says as he takes the tent from me.

I rummage through the closet again. "Hmmm I only see two. Can you share with Shawn?" I ask Jesse, tugging on the sleeping bag wedged into the corner of the closet.

"Of course! We'll also need to grab some blank-" Jesse burst out laughing as the sleeping bag I am tugging comes tumbling out of the cramped corner it was shoved into and I go crashing to the floor. "You ok?" He asks between laughs.

I roll my eyes and take his outstretched hand so that he can help me to my feet. I grab the other sleeping bag, which was much easier to pry free, and follow Jesse out of the room. We dump the stuff in the living room next to Shawn, who from the overly cheesy stuff he's saying is talking to his boyfriend Dean.

Jesse heads to the bedroom to get some blankets and I go to the kitchen to get the marshmallows, gram crackers and chocolate. While there I start cutting up some hot dogs, burgers, onions and sweet pepper and shoving them onto skewers.

"Hey, want some help?" Shawn inquires. He doesn't even wait for me to answer and immediately goes to the sink to wash his hands before coming over to help.

"Thanks," I tell him. I bite my bottom lip as I work up the courage to apologize to Shawn. "And I'm sorry for being a terrible friend! I'm sorry for ignoring you. That was an awful thing for me to do. Thank you for coming today with hardly any notice and for being so supportive. It honestly meant so much." I was a complete jerk to Shawn and he's honestly been nothing but an angel. There are no words to express how grateful I am to him and how sorry I feel for blocking him out.

When I told him what happened I was a mess, like I am every time I think about that night. But Shawn was super sweet!

Since Jesse informed him that I still can't deal with people touching me, he brought one of those giant foam fingers and used that to stroke my head, arm or back when I was talking. It was very silly but in a weird way it helped. I started focusing more on the ridiculousness of his antics than on reliving the horrors and that helped calm me.

"Don't be sorry and you don't need to thank me! You had a lot on your plate and besides that's what best friends are for! I'm here for you whenever you need me." Shawn replies cheerily with a wide smile plastered to his face and I can't help but return his smile. How did I get lucky enough to have both Shawn and Jesse in my life!

"What is it you love about camping?" Shawn questions, after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

What do I not love about camping! "I like that I can quietly appreciate nature. I can spend time with whoever I go with without any distractions. Usually I'd go fishing too! And that's really peaceful. My mind is clear and I just focus on the water and feeling the air around me, just living in the moment. I even love sleeping in a tent! Playing games or even just singing, it's like I'm a child again.

"You know before everything, our dad used to take me camping; mom, dad and I would go, since we are the only ones who actually enjoyed it. As you know, Jesse hates camping. And Mason and Justin were angsty teens at the time so they weren't interested."

I can talk about camping for hours! I just love it so much! I remember on one of my favourite camping trips with my parents, we spent three days at the campsite. I would fish with dad during the day while mom would chat with some of the other families.

Then in the evenings, I would help mom and the other ladies prepare the fish that was caught during the day. They always chatted away about their lives, TV shows and even some juicy gossip like who was sleeping with whom! But, I never joined into their conversations though I loved listening to all the gossip!

At night, I would go for a swim in the river and just revel in the serenity of the moonlight. Looking up at the stars and listening to the babbling river were always a welcomed sanctuary.

Replaying this fond memory in my mind brings a smile to my face. I truly didn't know I had any fond memories of my parents left.

I try not to think about them too much, especially my father. Whenever I think of him, all I seem to be able to recall are his verbal abuse and him beating the living daylights out of me. That pain, both mental and physical, will forever be etched in my brain.

"Well I promise I'll try to make you have as much fun as possible! I know how much you love camping!" Shawn replies, pulling me from my thoughts.

I smile because, knowing Shawn, he will go all out to ensure that I am having fun. "Thank you for everything Shawn. I truly mean it." Shawn grins and flicks a marshmallow at my face which I surprisingly catch in my mouth. My eyes widen and I can't help the tiny giggle that escapes me.

"Again! Again!" Shawn squeals. He throws a few more marshmallows at me but I am only able to catch about half of them. We giggle and joke around until we finish preparing the makeshift skewers and head out to the backyard where Jesse is trying to start a fire.

"You have your own fire pit!" Shawn exclaims, examining the fire pit basket.

"Yeah Chase bought it a few months ago but we've only used it once," Jesse replies, jumping backwards as the flames try to engulf him.

Shawn and I start setting up the tent and Jesse helps once he's done wrestling with the fire pit.

"Let's eat!" Shawn screams excitedly as he grabs four skewers and hovers them over the flames. Jesse picks up two and sits next to Shawn and I grab two as well and sit next to Jesse.

"I know you're supposed to tell scary stories around a campfire but real life is scary enough so how about we tell jokes instead!" Shawn suggests bringing one of the skewers to his mouth.

"Don't eat that yet! It's not cooked," Jesse scolds before agreeing with Shawn's suggestion.

I smile at the two of them as Shawn again tries to eat the undercooked meat.

"Ooh I have one! Knock knock." Jesse and I groan as we look at Shawn. "No, it's good!" Shawn defends.

"I have never heard a good knock knock joke," Jesse argues scrunching up his face.

"No it's good! Knock knock."

Jesse rolls his eyes. "Who's there?"

Shawn grins bouncing slightly on his seat trying to contain his excitement. "Voodoo!"

"Voodoo who?" Jesse replies.

"Voodoo you think you are runnin' 'round leaving scars," Shawn sings, struggling to get out the lyrics to Jar of Hearts.

Jesse rolls his eyes but is grinning like a fool and a smile spreads across my face. I shake my head as I watch them. I love these idiots.

"Collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart. You're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul..." we all belt out in unison through our laughter.

We continue screaming out song lyrics at the top of our voices. We look up at the sky in silence. We dance and eat way too many s'mores. We tell jokes and run around in the backyard. I'm sure our neighbours all hate us but we smile and laugh into the wee hours of the morning.

As I'm sitting here, laughing with these fools I realize that the voices in my head are quiet. For the first time since that night, I don't feel broken or disgusting or pathetic. I'm simply enjoying the moment.

In this moment I feel like a child again. In this moment I am happy. In this moment I am free. 

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