Chase's POV

Diego's deep set dimples light up his entire face as he smiles at me. His dark chocolate brown eyes trace my features as he reaches out a hand. I tense as his hand approaches my face. He halts, his hand hanging in mid air. I raise my head looking into his eyes. They are filled with warmth; a type of warmth and adoration that I've never seen before and I feel like I can trust him. I move my head towards his hand and his fingers brush against my cheek. He tentatively cups my face and I smile, letting out a sigh of content. He takes a step closer and my smile widens.

"Can I kiss you Chase?" His deep voice sends shivers down my body. I really want him to kiss me! I nod my head leaning towards him. His thumb gently brushes over my lips. His eyes flutter close and he leans towards me. Smiling, I close my eyes, ready to feel his lush lips on mine.

I open my eyes when I don't feel our lips connect. I blink quickly trying to adjust to the sunlight streaming through my window and sit up slowly in my bed rubbing my eyes. Woah! This is the first time since I came out of the coma that I didn't have a nightmare; the first time I wasn't transported back to that night.

My eyes widen. I can't believe I actually dreamt about Diego! And it was a dream about him touching me! Since that night, I don't like people touching me. It generally makes me feel uncomfortable and disgusted, almost sick. The only person that can still hug me is Jesse, not even Mason and Justin.

But I want Diego in so many ways. So many ways that I thought I would never want another man. And the scary part is that I only saw him for all of five seconds on a video call! Still, I want him. I want him to give me attention, to hold me, to caress my cheeks, to kiss me.

What is wrong with me? Did I not learn my lesson with Mike? How can I even think about trusting him! Let alone him touching my body!

I should have been disgusted by even the thought of wanting Diego. But I wasn't. In my dream I felt comfortable with him. In my dream, I wanted everything that he was doing to me. But in reality I know I'm not ready. I know I won't be comfortable. I know I won't even be able to have a proper conversation with him without panicking. I know I won't let him touch me.

I don't know if I can ever trust him, or anyone with my heart and body. I don't know if he'll even want me. I'm too broken. Even if by some miracle he does want me I know he won't wait until I'm ready. Mike proved that it's impossible to wait.

Despite the impossibility of it ever working out, I can't help but think about how alluring he was. When he smiled at me yesterday on that video call, I felt like I was seeing the secrets of the universe, like I was gazing upon the face of an angel. When he spoke, his deep voice enchanted me. I wanted to hear him talk forever. My name rolled off his tongue like it was meant just for him to say.

I smile as I continue to fantasize about dating Diego or even talking to him even though I know I won't do either of those. "Boo!!" I suddenly hear from right beside my ear.

"Aaaaaaaaahhh!" I scream trying to hide under my blanket. Jesse bursts out laughing and I swing my foot in an attempt to kick him which he dodges and counterattacks by jumping on top of my blanket covered form and tickling me.

"Aaahhh no Jesse stooooop!" I scream through a fit of giggles as I try to tickle him back. Jesse plops down next to me and I untangle myself from the blanket.

"What were you thinking about when I came in? You were smiling so I wasn't going to disturb you but I couldn't resist the urge to scare you," he says and laughs when his poke to my side elicits a squeal.

I pull the blanket back up under my eyes and quietly say, "Diego."

"Oh my god! You like him! He's definitely into you!" Jesse grins excitedly clapping his hands.

"I dreamt about him last night," I tell him, trying to avoid his gaze.

"Holy shit you had a wet dream about him!" Jesse pulls the blanket from my face when I hesitate a little in answering him. "Oh my god it was a wet dream!"

I quickly shake my head. "No, no, it wasn't! Though I did want him to kiss me in the dream but I woke up before it could happen."

Jesse's eyes widen then he grins. "Chase and Diego sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g," he sings and makes kissy faces at me. Again how is he even an adult!

I roll my eyes and smack his arm. "Stop, no it's not gonna happen. I'm not ready for a relationship but maybe we can eventually be friends?"

Jesse smiles then squishes me in a hug. "Baby bro, I love you so, so much! And Diego will be lucky to even breathe the same air as you."

I giggle and squirm out of his embrace. "I don't think I'm ready to be friends now though. I'm not ready to let anyone new in, not even as a friend." I frown then hesitantly ask, "Jesse, do you think I'll ever trust anyone again? You know, like a boyfriend?"

"Chase," Jesse starts and I know it's going to be serious. He only ever uses my name if he wants my undivided attention. "In my heart of hearts, yes, I believe you will but it's really up to you. You have to figure out how to heal and trust again and as much as I want to, I can't figure that out for you. I can only try to help as much as possible. But not all guys are like that turdface. So whenever you're ready, I'm sure you'll find someone who respects you and treats you like the king you are."

Jesse's voice sounds muffled. All I hear are the insults they spewed at me; their voices attacking me like the relentless wind of a blizzard drowning out Jesse's sweet words. "But I'm broken Jesse! I don't even like being touched anymore!" I scream at him. Why can't he see that no one will want me! I take a deep breath trying to focus on Jesse, willing the voices to recede.

"Relationships aren't all about sex Chase."

Their voice let up only to be replaced by my fears. "Yeah sure, says the one who slept with Bryan before even dating." I mumble and scoff, sinking into my blanket sulkily.

"Chase, we're 2 very different people. Even if my relationship started that way doesn't mean that yours has to. For most couples, the majority of the time couples spend together is getting to know each other outside the bedroom. Sex isn't everything."

I know logically that makes sense. "But what if I never want to have sex or be touched ever again?" I whisper.

Jesse just shrugs at me, "Well you just tell whoever you're dating that," he says matter of factly. "Sex isn't that important to everyone and if you both attribute little value to it then it's possible. You could also have an open relationship. I know these aren't your ideal views on a relationship but don't force yourself to do anything you're not ready for. If they can't wait or they can't accept you as you are then they're not that invested in you and that's their loss because you are fine as hell."

"Ewww gross," I smile a little at his fine as hell comment.

We stay quiet for a moment before I get the courage to ask. "I want to be ok. I really do. I have a favour?" My voice comes out quiet and shaky. I don't wait for him to reply and continue, "can you help me look for a therapist? A female one?"

I want to try going to therapy, I need to start getting ready to face Mike and his friends in court. But my main reason is so I don't have to burden Jesse with my problems anymore. He's already been too kind and with his new relationship with Bryan I don't want to put a damper on his mode. I want him to be happy.

"Baby bro, you had me worried for a second there! Of course I will help you look for a therapist!" He smiles warmly before he continues, "Just so you know, because I know how that brain of yours works sometimes, you seeing a therapist doesn't mean that you can't talk to me about your problems or how you're feeling. I will always want to hear whatever you have to say no matter how sad you think it'll make me."

Angel. Jesse is an angel! He really does deserve the best! "You really mean that?"

Jesse smiles at me and reaches out his arms for a hug and I comply, hugging him tightly. "Of course, baby bro, I'm here for you, you're not alone." I smile at that. I really have the best brother.

Thank you so muck for the 1K reads!! It really means a lot! This book is like my brain baby and I love all these characters so much! I'm so grateful to anyone who decided to give this book a shot! You're all angels ❤

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