"So kiss me where I lay down, my hands pressed to your cheeks"

I chocked down a sob and continued singing, pretending that the the hot water from the shower was why my eyes were red.

"A long way from the play ground"

I had curled up on the floor of the shower cubicle by now, shivering inspite of the warm water. And for the first time in ages, I let myself cry freely.

And why? Because Zayn Javed Malik was no longer a part of one direction. I would never get to listen to his Vas happenin', or hear his perfect voice. I would never hear his perfect vocals, or see him joking with the lads, his honey colored eyes sparkling with mirth. I would never see them perform together, as a band. I would never-

"No." I mentally chided myself. "Don't you dare start getting depressed. It's just an ordinary band, this one direction!"

Now that set me off again, as I knew that they were anything but ordinary. They were special, and even though I have never met them or seen them ( apart from the posters, internet, etc. ) I knew that the lads were my family.

I snorted to myself. "Get a grip woman" I growled at myself as I turned off the shower and stepped out of the bathroom, wrapping a towel around myself.

I pulled on a pair of track pants and an off- shoulder one direction top, which I only wore when I was alone at home.

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My body began to shake with suppressed sobs as I curled up in my bed. No one knew what I was going through, not even my friends. I am the type of person who is always laughing and being weird; the one who doesn't feel; who doesn't care.

I couldn't stand it anymore. Grabbing my set of the flat keys, I all but dashed out of the door, quickly texting my mom before chucking the phone on one of the sofas.

I stepped out of my building,eyeing the setting, feeling a lot more calm. It was cloudy, and it looked as though it would rain any moment. It began to drizzle slightly, thus effectively evacuating the streets from the annoying teenagers and gossiping mothers.

"Typical Bradford weather" I thought as I made my way to the playground. Almost immediately, my mind began to play 18, making me flinch. I felt someone watch me, making me quicken my pace. It was quite dark pretty soon, making me wonder if I should just turn around. I quickly rejected that thought, suddenly remembering that my mom would come home late today.