I draw in a huge breath.

And then I run to the trash can to vomit.

I can hear Fiona yelling for Mom and Dad but it sounds muffled and far away. I can tell she has my phone because she's responding softly to Mrs. Styles. Somehow I can hear that more clearly than anything else. Everything around me has turned into a buzzing sound. The room is spinning and I can't hear anything but those horrible words. 

Harry's heart stopped during surgery.

He can't be dead.

The words come out of my mouth in a whimper, "He can't be dead, he can't be dead."

I'm shaking uncontrollably. Just as I'm about to start screaming, my Dad grabs my shoulders firmly and forces me to look at him. "Kate! Listen to me! Harry is alive, honey. He's alive, okay? He's alive. He's alive." He says it over and over until my heart rate begins to slow and I absorb the words. I slowly collapse into his chest.

Harry is alive.

Oh thank God, Harry's alive.

That's all I need to know.

"Why was his mom so upset?" I manage.

My dad takes a deep breath and begins, "Harry is alive. The doctors revived him, but he hasn't awakened from his surgery yet. They won't know if he has any brain damage until he wakes up." My dad pauses, but I know he still has more to say.

"Dad?" I urge quietly.

He completes his report in the gentlest voice possible, "If he wakes up."

I feel another wave of nausea and pull the trash can closer to me. I feel the room spinning out of control again and the buzzing sound is back.

In that moment, I remember what Harry had said to me about courage. I close my eyes and remember his voice, "I don't think anyone has the courage before they're faced with the decision to either move forward or give up. You can't do it half-heartedly."

I decide, then and there, not to let fear take over. I'm going to move forward knowing that my future husband is still alive. That's the only thing I know for sure. I won't know anything else until I get there.  

"Daddy," I whisper. "I need to be with him. I need to go right now!" I jump up and frantically start searching, "I need the keys to my truck. Where did I leave my stupid keys???"

"Katherine," my mom says in a stern voice, grabbing my wrist. "You're not going-"

"What?!" I shout, tearing my arm away from her. "I have to be there, Mom! You don't under-"

"Let me finish," Mom says sternly and loudly without actually yelling. "I was going to say you're not going alone. Fiona and I will help you pack and then we'll figure something out." Before I know what's happening, my mom has left the room and come back with a small suitcase. She opens my closet and nods towards Fiona. Together they begin folding clothes to pack into the case. Mom turns back to me and calmly says, "Go take a shower, honey."

I grab my jeans from last night, a fresh shirt and undergarments and head to the bathroom. The hot water feels so good that I almost forget that I'm in a hurry. I finish quickly and decide that I won't even dry my hair. I can let it dry in the truck and put it into a ponytail when I get there. I just need to get to Harry.

As I emerge from the bathroom, my mom hands me my suitcase. "Daddy is going to drive you to Madison. He took a few vacation days from work. He's waiting downstairs."

My heart swells as I squeeze her. "I love you, Mama," I say, using my childhood name for her.  "Thanks, I know...I'm...." I want to tell her how much I appreciate her unconditional support.

"I know, honey. Just go and be with Harry." My mom smiles as she gives me a peck on the cheek.

My dad hands me a travel mug full of steaming coffee and then we hit the road. Despite the caffeine, I fall into a blessed sleep in the car. I wake up about four hours into the five-hour drive. There is a thick layer of sparkling snow covering the fields, but the sun is very bright. I can hardly open my eyes to the brilliant shock of white around me. I can tell we're close to Madison by all of the billboards touting not only Madison's award winning academics and hospital systems, but also the university-themed businesses that abound in a town like this.

Madison is a charming city. I imagine that, if Harry had taken me here to visit his hometown, we would have gone to visit the capitol and the downtown destinations. I close my eyes and imagine us standing on the shore of one of the lakes that flanks the city. Harry slips his arms around my waist from behind me and kisses me on the cheek. We enjoy the brightness of the day together.

My reverie comes to an abrupt halt when Dad announces, "We're here."

I hastily brush my hair into a ponytail, apply makeup, freshen up my lip gloss. "I guess none of this really matters, does it?" I laugh as I realize that Harry won't care what I look like. Then I swallow hard when I realize that he might not even be able to see what I look like. He might not even know I'm there.

As if he's reading my thoughts, my dad says, "He'll know you're here for him, honey."

Harry is covered from head to toe in bandages and wires. His beautiful chocolate brown hair is hidden under a surgical cap. He is asleep – hopefully, he is just asleep. But he is alive and I rush to his side. I find his ear hidden under the cap and I whisper, "Harry. I'm here. I love you and I'm here and I'm not leaving until you wake up."

Mrs. Styles is asleep in one of two small but comfy-looking recliners that are smashed into the corner of Harry's tiny room. She has a small blanket over her shoulders. There is also a blanket along with a few small pillows in the other chair. Around the chairs, I see water bottles, miscellaneous food wrappers, and the tiny trash can is overflowing with used Kleenex. I wonder where Dr. Styles is. I'm sure he hasn't gone far.

I decide not to wake Harry's mom. I very cautiously climb onto the very edge of the bed and lay my head on his shoulder, being careful not to disrupt any of his tubes. I don't care what the doctors or nurses think. He has to know I'm here, and I'm not leaving his side until he wakes up. I eventually drift off knowing I am as close to Harry as possible.

It must be a few hours later when I wake up, still snuggled up to his shoulder. Someone has put a blanket over me, and apparently, they don't mind me sharing his bed. I slowly look around and catch Mrs. Styles' small smile.

"Hello, Kate," she says warmly. She comes to kiss me on the forehead. I'm overwhelmed with emotion when she says, "I'm glad you're here for Harry." Dr. Styles soon enters the room soon after. He simply nods and sits down.

I don't make any attempt to move from my position as he resumes his vigil in the recliner. I can't find the courage yet to ask about his condition. Part of me desperately wants to know when he is going to wake up. The other part of me is content to know nothing at all. I close my eyes and try to drift off, hoping I will not wake up again until Harry does.

Only a short time later, a young doctor enters the room and begins talking with Harry's parents. I wake up, smooth down my hair and clothes and get down off the bed so that I can make my presence known.  Dr. Carbondale acknowledges me a few moments later, "You must be Katie."

"It's Kate, actually," I inform him shyly. "Only Harry calls me Katie."

"Well, I'm glad you're here, Kate. It's very important that you know what is happening, along with Harry's parents." Dr. Styles shifts uncomfortably, like he's trying to decide if he should address the doctor's bold assumption. Maybe he wants to tell him that I'm not part of the family, but I know for a fact that Harry wants me to be included on every bit of information about his condition.

They haven't seen the ring yet. And of course, this isn't the best time to tell them.

Dr. Carbondale looks at me and continues, "I've told Harry's parents that he is in a coma." My heart falls into my stomach and I have to push back the nausea. I suspected that was the case, but to hear it said out loud is shocking. I bite my lip as he goes on. "He has been unresponsive, but the neurologist will do some more testing in a bit to determine the severity of his coma. So, this means that for now, he is unconscious, but not necessarily unaware. There is a lot of evidence to suggest that he has some understanding of what is going on around him."

I am so intent on listening to the doctor that I barely notice my father entering the room. There is a heavy feeling in my chest as I try to wrap my mind around what the doctor is saying. Harry looks like he's sleeping. It seems so bizarre to me that I can't just go over and wake him up? It doesn't seem possible that he's alive, but yet I'm not sure if I can connect with him. It's already starting to break my heart that he can't respond to me.

The doctor continues, "Harry is young and very healthy. I think there is a good chance he'll come out of this completely."

I'm surprised at how young Dr. Carbondale is. He must have just finished medical school. I would surmise that he and Harry had hit it off not only as doctor and patient, but also as friends. After all, Harry was able to talk the doctor into letting him leave the hospital to propose to me. Maybe one day, when Harry is a doctor, they will be friends and colleagues and play golf together.

"So, he can hear me if I talk to him?  Does he know that I'm here?" I ask.

"No one knows for sure, Kate. Most people who recover from a coma will say that they had some recognition of what was happening around them. So I'd say there is a very good chance that he can hear you."

I bite back the tears for a moment longer, until the doctor leaves the room. When my dad comes to embrace me, they flow freely.

"Kate," he says, voice cracking. "I'm sorry. I told you everything would be okay. Harry is such a strong young man, I couldn't imagine something like this would ever happen."

"I know, Daddy," I say squeezing him tight. "It's not your fault. Thank you so much for getting me here."

* * * * *

He's alive! :D