"Oh, this is a deadly thing," Holly said as she pulled a lacy black dress out of my closet. Her eyes shone with delight as if she had pulled out a trophy.

And she was right. The dress was amazing, one that was well loved and often used. I had worn it on many occasions and it made me feel like a goddess. I got almost as many stares in that dress as I did in my skimpy outfits that I wore on stage. I'm sure that this dress would impress any man. But I still wrinkled my nose at it and shook my head. It wouldn't do, not for tonight.

"Come on," Holly groaned, throwing her arms up in frustration, "Why are you fighting this so hard? Don't you want to look good?"

There was a part of me that wanted to look breathtaking. When I thought of seeing Ajax again I imagined making his jaw drop with my amazing make up skills and sultry clothing that hugged me in just the right places to give the illusion of a full bust and nice butt. But then rational thought hit me and I would be disgusted at the idea. How could I be dressing up for a guy that I had met while dancing? It seemed too absurd for me to even consider.

"Maybe I shouldn't go," I said, settling myself on my bed.

"What?" Holly gasped, like I had just told her I might drop out, cut off all my hair, and move to Croatia.

"I don't even know this guy," I explained, "I don't even understand why I agreed to this. What on Earth could come from me meeting up with a man I danced for? He's probably going to be like all the rest of them and just think that it's going to be easy to get in my pants." With a defeated sigh I threw myself backwards, down onto my unmade bed, and stared at the ceiling. "What the hell was I think, Hol?"

"You can't back out now," Holly protested. Her voice was so passionate, so certain that it made me sit up again.

"Why do you care so much?" I demanded. She never pushed me this hard into a guy before. Ever since I had told her about Ajax and how I made all these impulsive decisions around him- like telling him my name and agreeing to coffee- she was delighted with the man she had never met. It was very unlike her. "Shouldn't you be the one telling me that I should take pepper spray and a pocket knife with me? What if he's dangerous? And what's the most that could come out of it anyway? If he wants cheap sex he's going to be really disappointed when he finds out I'm actually a virgin. And if I do end up liking him he said that he's leaving in a couple days anyway."

Holly's face turned to a dark shade of red and she turned to face the closet once more. "I just think that you've worked really hard is all. You always told me that you didn't have time for men and it's true. You have school and work and you're so committed to both. But don't you think it's time? You're almost done college and you haven't slept with a single guy. Hell, you haven't even kissed a guy."

"I don't need a man to be happy," I defended, feeling like a teen male arguing that his virginity was a choice not something forced upon him. "I am a perfectly successful woman."

"I know that," Holly agreed, "I'm not trying to say that you need a relationship or that you need to sleep with him. I just think that you should go out and spend some time with a hot guy who had some interest in you. You said it yourself; he's leaving in a couple days. You don't like him then you never see him again, simple as that." She was right. I met her gaze evenly as she watched me but I had no words of denial on my lips. She held up the dress in triumph, "Now, put this on."

At that I stood up and slipped towards my own closet. She might have convinced me to go and have coffee with the handsome man but she couldn't convince me to play into his fantasies. If he was expecting Chastity to show up he was going to be disappointed because he was going to get Keiko.

An hour later I was on my way to the coffee shop we had agreed on. Ajax had insisted repeatedly that I give him my number, but I had just told him an address and time instead. I didn't need a man like that harassing me for lap dances or more.

But, as I walked I became insecure about my choice of clothes. Sure, I was comfortable, but it was certainly a step down from what he had seen. Yes, it had been what I wanted to portray at one point or another.

Now, I wasn't so sure. I was wearing my university hoodie, the one I had gotten just after I had been accepted over three years ago. The old grey thing had worn sleeves and had always been about two sizes too big. My leggings hugged my body nicely, but there wasn't much to show off anyway. My black hair was loose and straight, like it always was. I was just thankful that I had forced myself to put on a swipe of mascara before I left and stuffed a nude lip gloss in my pocket. I had at least three layers of lip gloss on now, but I doubted it compensated for my lack of effort.

I ended up at the café well before I would've liked. I knew that I was supposed to be feeling anxious about meeting a virtual stranger here, but I was only nervous about what he would think about my underwhelming appearance. Still, I had too far to back down now and part of me knew I would regret it if I went home without trying. I pushed the door open and went inside.

I made it about ten feet inside. I barely had time to debate whether or not it was best to actively seek Ajax out or just let him come to me before he spotted me.

"Keiko."

There were people I had come to know over the three years I had been on campus and I couldn't identify them by the way they spoke like I could with Ajax. Just the way he said my name was enough for me to feel weak in the knees. I wondered if I would ever forget the sound. My god, coming here like this had been a terrible idea because I clearly had no control. My legs carried me towards that heavenly voice.

He was sitting at an intimate table at the back of the café. He already had two steaming cups in front of him and when my eyes met his I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I had known that he was handsome in the dim, red lighting of the strip club. Seeing him here, in the sunlight, was almost otherworldly.

There was subtle stubble on his jaw, like he hadn't shaved in a couple days. Instead of looking unkempt like it did on some men it was incredibly sexy on him. It made him seem rugged. So did the scar that dragged down his cheek. But there was also easiness to him. The way his auburn hair peeked under his baseball cap was almost boyish and though he was so clearly tall and muscular there was a confident laziness in the way he held himself.

Dear god, here he was, looking beyond handsome. And I had thought showing up with next to no makeup on was a good idea.

"Hey, come sit," he whispered softly, like he could sense how tense I was. Maybe he could read my mind and he knew how close I was to fleeing.

But my body did as it was told; dropping into the padded chair though I wished I would just run out of there. At least when I was out of his line of vision I wouldn't feel so plain, so unsexy, so bland.

But he only made it worse by sitting up as I looked away. I pretended to be focused on something outside, but I knew that his eyes were running over my entire form. Or, at least everything he could see above the table. I was sure that none of it was worthy of his attention, but he refused to look away.

"Wow," he whispered, almost to him, "You look so..."

He couldn't seem to find the right word but I could think of many to fit the transformation out of Chastity and into Keiko.

Average.

Typical.

Worn out.

Pale.

Different.

Different was the nicest way of saying that I was not what he expected. But how could I be? I had been confident then, giving him lap dances in little clothing. My makeup, my outfit, and my pole turned me into a person I wasn't. beat up sneakers and cheap mascara didn't have the same effect as heels and pricey eyeshadow and thick eyeliner.

I knew coming here was a mistake. I knew that he only wanted the woman who twirled around on stage with sensual grace. He didn't want stereotypical Asian features, a flat chest, skinny legs, and a natural face.

But then he shook his head, a stunning smile spreading across his face. Even his teeth were perfectly straight and white.

"Keiko, you're beautiful."