Once I was on the road it was hard to believe I had ever allowed myself to be restricted. The sense of freedom that overcame me was so intense it almost made me cry. I was doing this. I was leaving behind my overprotective mother and abandoned my friend with confusing intentions. This was about me. For once it was all about me and what I wanted.

I hit Albuquerque late at night, but was still able to get a hotel room. In the morning I wandered around the town but found that- though it was nice- it wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to be stagnant right now. I needed motion and to be out in the open air, instead of cooped up in museums or malls.

I need to live.

So I hopped in my car and drove towards the city that seemed to extravagant to be real. I needed the famous lights, the glamour, the excess that was Las Vegas. But then I saw the signs of Grand Canyon and I just had to stop. It was an icon that I felt everyone had seen. Everyone but me. Now, it was time to do all the things I had never done before, all the things that caused envy to sprout in me when others spoke of them.

And it was beautiful. The land had been carved away, bent around in amazing, smooth curves that seemed strangely soft for something so large and powerful. Seeing something so impressive made me feel small and insignificant, like my problems could just waft away at any second. The world was so much bigger than college, helicopter moms and stripping.

So it was there, at the top of the canyon that I decided to turn my phone back on because I could face it now. It buzzed almost constantly for a nearly a minute with all of the notifications that streamed through. I knew that it would take me a while to delete all the voicemails, missed calls, and text messages, but for right now it didn't seem like an issue. The guilt that I was supposed to be feeling was nowhere to be found. My newly found sense of freedom ran deeper than I thought.

But I couldn't put this off forever.

I dialed my mom's number and braced. There was a lot of yelling for a while. I stayed silent with the phone against my ear but I wasn't listening. I didn't want to know that she thought I was irresponsible or negligent towards my studies. Not now, when I felt so wonderful.

"Keiko?" My mom whispered, sounding a little anxious after a few moments of me not saying anything.

"I'm not coming home yet. And I'm sorry if I scared you, but I need some time to myself. I don't know what kind of game you and Holly are playing together, but I don't really care right now. I'm keeping up on my schooling so don't worry about that and I've called my work to tell them that I will be gone for at least a week."

"A week?" my mother shrieked, "You're by yourself with almost nothing and you're staying wherever you are for a week? Are you crazy? You'll fall behind. You just told me that you can't afford to work less hours and now this?"

"No, I'm not crazy," I replied stiffly, "I'm doing what I feel is best for me at this time. It's a shame if you don't approve."

There was no sound coming from the other end for a while. I wondered if I lost her, but I didn't feel terribly inclined to check. Maybe she had become furious and hung up before she said hurtful things. Oddly enough that thought didn't bother me either.

"Did you remember to take your pills with you?' she asked, her voice soft. "I don't want you getting sick out there."

"Yes mom," I answered. And it wasn't a lie. Somewhere in my frantic and panicking state I had thought to put two pills in my bag. Now, I couldn't really understand why I had made time to do such a thing.

"Okay, Keiko. I think that when you come home we are going to have to sit down together and have a conversation, but we won't worry about that right now. Could you just text me every day to let me know that you are safe?" she asked.

"Yeah," I whispered, "And before I come home could you and Holly hash out whatever is going on between the two of you? I've never been torn between the two of you and I hate it. then, I think moving forward will be easier."

I told my mom I loved her before I ended the call. Then, it was on to Holly.

"Hey, Keiko, where are you?" Holly asked.

"That doesn't matter," I replied, knowing that she would immediately offer to come after me. Or, better yet, she would send Ajax and his goons after me. The thought made my stomach knot with anxiety.

"You don't have to worry, I'm not coming after you or anything," she said, like she had read my mind. But what did I expect from a girl I had known the majority of my life? "And Ajax got on a plane back to Germany this morning so he won't be coming after you either. I just want to know that you're somewhere safe."

"I am safe. But why would you side with him?" I whispered, feeling a little hurt now that she had brought it up, "I know that I don't have concrete proof of what he did but he makes me feel really unsafe now. And you just went along with him like it was nothing. It was like you were loyal to him."

"I can't be the one to explain this to you. I promised I would keep my mouth shut. I regret making that promise now, but I can't undo it now anyway."

"You're my best friend, Holly," I whimpered, "I don't understand."

"I know. I wish I could give you all the answers but I can't. just let me know when you come home. I want to make sure you're okay. In person."

"Yeah, okay. Listen, I have to go and find a hotel that I can stay in for the night."

"Of course. Be safe. I'll talk to you soon," Holly murmured. Then she hung up.

I said nothing. I moved back onto my feet. For a while I did nothing, not even aware of the other tourists that moved around me. I just stared at the beautiful rock formation before me. Something as mundane as a river had carved away rock for years. It worked tirelessly, but the outcome was worth it. Before me was a masterpiece.

Maybe this was the beginning of my own journey to becoming a masterpiece. Maybe the city of sin would be where my real life began.