Taehyung pushed open the door to the dressing room, weaving past the man who guarded it and walking towards the back wall.

It was a fairly spacious room, the walls a pleasing baby pink that was disrupted by clean mirrors and a thick oak counter that ran across the length of the wall, chairs were strewn somewhat randomly across the counter and other places in the room as required.

There were benches and a sofa too but they had become more storage than seating areas. Instead, the couple other people in the room were busy getting dressed and preparing for the night.

He spotted his friend on the far end of the room, a thin robe currently covering his almost nude frame as he prepared his makeup for the night.

"Baby J, guess who's ex bestie I just fucked," Taehyung said in an undisguised snarky tone and let his bag fall with a thump onto the wooden counter, the dark cloth pressed up against the mirror as he tugged the zip open.

In the mirror thin white stripes glowed, reflecting the bright lighting in his irises. His eyebrows were slightly raised as he took in his friends foul mood. "Who?"

Taehyung pulled a small fluffy towel from his bag and set it on the side with a sigh. "Jeon Jungkook ring a bell?"

Jimin paused, mouth agape as he turned to face Taehyung fully. "I- You what!? How!?"

The bag was pushed onto the floor and he pulled up a chair to sit, running his fingers through his hair to neaten it in the mirror. "Wednesday, after you left the bar he came in. Started talking, saying he would top. Of course I couldn't let that slide,"

Jimin shook his head and slouched in his seat. "Sorry I need a minute to process this,"

"Understandable," Taehyung muttered, slipping the buttons of his shirt free.

Jimin slowly reached to pick up a small make up brush that he had abandoned beside an eyeshadow pallete. "I can't believe that. What are the chances... And him being gay too? Why didn't I see that coming?" He rubbed the brush into a dark red square, a little too roughly than he probably should have and causing the compressed powder to spill over the plastic rim.

Taehyung shrugged and loosely folded his shirt. "Maybe because he thinks gay people are weird and different and doesn't want to be one of us, Jimin,"

His friend pursed his lips, tapping away the dusty red eyeshadow from his brush. "He hasn't changed then," He let out with a sigh.

"How come you never told me about him? Seems like he was a big part of your life Minie," Taehyung said lowly, thankful that the walls were thick enough to block the noise from the bar and allowed for quiet conversation.

Jimin leaned closer to the mirror to continue working on his eyes rather than making eye contact. "Just never came up I guess... Sometimes I thought of saying something but then I'd have to explain it all and you would get pissed off. Didn't seem worth it when I'm never gonna see him again,"

"Why? What did he do?" Taehyung uttered. "Why should I be pissed off at him?"

"No offence Tae but it seems like you're already pissed off at him," Jimin sung, a smile teasing his lips. "I'm over it already anyway,"

"Tell me," He insisted, frowning when Jimin started placing hair products in front of him.

"I'll tell you about him if you stop wasting time and get ready," Jimin started, waiting for Taehyung to take a bottle before he continued.

"We met when we were about eight,"

Taehyung nodded to show he was listening before he looked back to the mirror.

"It was at this kids dance class we both went to, he was pretty shy but I always chose him to partner with. Turns out his parents chose it as a random club to keep him busy on Friday evenings, they didn't consider that he might actually like it,"

Taehyung hummed in acknowledgement, focus on his own make up.

"But he did, he loved it. They allowed him to keep dancing as a hobby for years, we would always practice together.
But eventually they decided it had gone too far. Jungkook wanted to be a dancer and they wanted him to be a lawyer,"

"Ouch," Taehyung muttered. "They had to go and pick the most boring career, huh?"

"They made a deal with him," Jimin sighed. "I think it was just to make him think he had a chance, that it was his fault he failed. They said that if he could get a well paying dance job before the deadline for university applications rolled around then he could do that instead,"

Taehyung nodded, watching Jimin with a frown.

"He couldn't. We both tried but there aren't well paying entry level jobs in dance, you know? His parents knew that. There was, what, maybe a week left when I found this job? I told him about it,"

Taehyung set his jaw, having a hunch on where this was going.

"He said he'd never stoop so low to parade around like a whore around a bunch of fags for money," Jimin continued, glancing at Taehyung for a second. "And I said his parents didn't love him, among other things,"

Taehyung wet his lips, noticing that Jimin wasn't finished.

"We both said some shit but neither of us wanted to be the one to reach out first. And you know how these things go, it only gets harder with time. Before you know it two years has passed and you've lost your best friend for good,"

"Did you mean it?" Taehyung asked softly.

"I think we both did to an extent, his parents try their best but even he knows he was conceived for traditions sake, they weren't prepared for a child, expected too much of him. And he's never had an issue with gay people all I knew him but I think the idea of disappointing his parents is too much for him,"

"Don't make excuses for him Jimin. He's homophobic,"

He nodded slowly. "I'm sure he'll come around... How did he seem? Was he happy?"

Taehyung shrugged and turned to the mirror, messily spraying his hair. "His dick was pretty happy with my cock up his ass,"

"Tae, I'm serious. I want to know if he's okay,"

"I don't know Jimin, I fucked him; I didn't ask for his life story. He seemed fine? Said he didn't like business but who does?"

"Are you gonna see him again?" Jimin muttered, Taehyung could already tell he was hopeful.

"Probably not, he asked me to call him after my shift, don't know if I will. I'm not gonna keep hooking up with a guy who insults my sexuality, Jimin,"

"Come on Tae, you can't act like you weren't rude about gay people at some point in your life. There's no way you instantly accepted yourself,"

"Yeah but the difference is I kept it to myself. I didn't hurt my best friend and fuck someone just to say they're weird after,"

Jimin looked down, teeth hooked on him bottom lip.

Taehyung felt guilt creeping up on him seeing his friends expression. For whatever reason he clearly still cared about the guy and maybe he was just a little harsh. "What do you want me to do?" He uttered.

Jimin looked up, uncertainty shining in his eyes. "Call him... And be patient with him, he can be a little thick headed but I promise he's a good guy,"

"Fine," Taehyung sighed. "Only for you. And if he pisses me off again I'm not giving another chance,"

Jimin leaned over to hug him, draping from Taehyung's shoulders as he pressed his cheek to his chest. "Thank you,"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't get sappy on me we have work to do,"

Jimin grinned at him. "I still can't believe Jungkook let you fuck him. He must've been desperate,"

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

Jimin just cackled and gave his shoulder a rough shove before he sauntered off to finish dressing.

From there the night went smoothly or at least as well as he could have expected. Long and tiring but lucrative.

Taehyung laid back in his bed with a loud sigh. He had gotten home early at half three, showered, eaten and changed his bed sheets.

Now, his muscles throbbed with a dull ache when he moved, his activities finally catching up to him. It was a relief to finally stop, lay back and sink into the mattress.

He closed his eyes and lazily tapped his arm around the nightstand until he found the button to switch off the light.

Dreams were practically calling out to him as he twisted on the bed and tugged the blanket over him but then he heard Jimin's annoying voice in his ear.

Jungkook.

Taehyung didn't see a reason to give him a chance, it's not like he was attached to the man. He was a good fuck with a less good ending, usually he would leave it there.

Even so, he found himself reaching for his phone. The bright light burned his eyes when he turned it on, the screen displaying '04:32'.

He clumsily tapped at the screen until Jungkook's number was ready, holding it to his ear while it rang.

Taehyung was about to give up when Jungkook answered.

"Hello..." His voice was groggy and slow, he must have woken up to the phone.

"Hey Jungkook, it's Taehyung,"

"Oh! Taehyung, you called..."

He waited a moment, silence stretching out over the call. "Jungkook? Are you still there?"

"Hm...? Yeah... I'm awake, wait a sec,"

There was a faint rustling and a groan from Jungkook's end before he spoke again. "I'm back," He sounded a little brighter but still hazy with sleep.

"Hello again,"

"Why did you call?"

"You asked me to," Taehyung reminded him softly, rolling onto his back. Oh how much he would rather be sleeping than having this conversation. Jimin better be thankful.

"Oh yeah... Sorry I'm a little foggy. I um, I wanted to apologise,"

"Hm?"

"I didn't like how we left things, that's why I asked you to call," He muttered. "But I thought about it... I panicked and was rude. I'm sorry. I don't wanna be gay and I can't help that but... I didn't mean to offend you,"

"You don't get to choose these things Jungkook, you're gay,"

He could've sworn he heard a whimper down the line. "Yeah I uh, I'm still accepting that one... I just wanted to say sorry,"

Taehyung pursed his lips. He sounded genuine so he tried to be understanding.

"Don't worry about it, I shouldn't have let it get to me. I knew you were only experimenting and it's kinda normal to reject it at first, lot of people do,"

"They do?" Jungkook echoed.

"Course, people don't like to be discriminated against, being rejected by people. It sucks. But we have our safe spaces and communities, you aren't alone with this Jungkook,"

Jungkook seemed to ponder this in silence for a second. "Thank you,"

"No worries baby, is that all?"

"Um... I also wanna ask,"

"Hm?"

"How- how uh, do you meet your hook ups?"

Taehyung paused and shifted to sit up. "Depends, I don't sleep around that much. Had a couple fuck buddies, sometimes I meet a guy at a club or bar like you. Why do you ask?"

"I um, I wanna experiment some more..."

Taehyung sighed. "Be careful with that, you don't wanna get an STD or anything,"

"How do I make sure?" The man's voice lowered to a whisper. "That's scary,"

Taehyung pursed his lips. "You haven't asked if you can call me again, did you not have a good time?"

"I- I did I just assumed that you wouldn't want to hear from me again..."

"I called you didn't I?"

"Yeah but-"

"Jungkook," He interrupted. "Why don't you just stick with me. It's safer, no offence but you're too naive to pick up men, people will take the piss,"

"You don't mind?"

Taehyung bit his lip. "It's fine; just call me. I have to go sleep now but I'll hear from you, yeah?"

"Okay. Sleep well,"

"You too," Taehyung hung up, squinting at the phone as he pulled up Jimin's contact.

Taehyung: You owe me >:^(

♡

Jungkook rocked his phone in the air, letting it dangle from where he held it in the corner as he watched it.

"Are you gonna call him?" Namjoon asked. He was taking a break from his work, looking up at his phone to speak to him.

"You think I should?"

He had told Namjoon the next morning that it went well and that Taehyung had mentioned calling him again. He didn't think it was necessary to include anything else. He knew his friend would be upset to learn he spent the night in a cheap hotel with suspicious stains on the bed sheets and carpet.

"Well yeah, it's been a couple days, don't wanna leave it too long, do you?"

"I have dinner with my parents tonight, it's Sunday,"

"He might be busy too, gotta check eachothers schedules, Kook,"

He hummed in agreement. "I'll call him after,"

Jungkook wet his lips at the thought of seeing Taehyung again, for a while he thought he wouldn't and he would have to find someone else, it was a relief.

There was something about him that Jungkook found addicting, he hadn't left his thoughts since they spent the evening together, always looming in the back of his mind and reminding him what he had done.

He was growing more comfortable with his sexuality too. Namjoon accepted him and people in his classes weren't particularly judgemental either.

He started to realise he overreacted, he was lucky that the people in his life were understanding, that he was safe.

Still, Taehyung lingered around his subconscious for the day, as he attended lectures, studied, ate, every now and then the man would pop into the forefront of his mind.

Jungkook didn't mind, he would let his thoughts wander, he thought of their time together and wondered what Taehyung was doing, mostly he thought of all the things the man could show him if he just called.

By the time the evening had arrived and he stood outside his parents house, ready to ring the doorbell, he was more on his mind than ever.

Should he tell his parents about Taehyung?

He shook away the idea. They definitely wouldn't approve of a hook up.

Would they approve of him being gay?

Initially he was sure they wouldn't but as each person he breached the topic to responded with overwhelming positivity his expectations shifted.

If the barista at their local coffee shop could handle his obscure confession with positivity then surely his parents who love him could at least learnt to be fine with it.

His finger pressed into the cool plastic of the door bell and a muffled chime from inside followed.

Jungkook's mother opened the door with a smile. "Come in, we're just dishing up now," Her long back hair was twisted into a neat bun and she was dressed nicely, nicer than usual.

As he stepped into his old home and removed his shoes he noticed three new pairs, they didn't match his parents size or style. "Mother, do you have guests?"

"Ah yes sorry for not letting you know, it's just two old friends of your father's and one of their partners,"

Jungkook nodded dismissively. His father seemed to know a lot of people, a lot of people that seemed to know everything about him before they had met.

He knew this wouldn't be an exception but he didn't really mind, he was used to his father bragging about him.

He walked down the hall into the dining room, the room was minimalistic, the walls white with a large abstract piece of art taking up the longest wall. The floor was a clean, pale hardwood and the dark table sat on a patterned cream rug.

In summer the room would be lit with natural light from a large window but during these colder months the room was articially lit, blank curtains drawn closed over the wall.

"Jungkook!" His father called. "Here he is, handsome isn't he?" His father chuckled nudging his friends side. "This is Jang Dong-gun and Jung Woo-sung,"

Jungkook smiled politely and took a seat as his mother and their other guest brought in the food. "It's nice to meet you,"

"You too, we've heard a lot about you. I wish my son was more like you, he's a mess," Woosung sighed, quickly giving a thanks for the plate of food that was placed in front of him.

His father spoke before he could say anything in response. "Well we can't all be lucky now, can we?"

Jungkook hummed in agreement.

During the meal he sat in silence, occasionally speaking when someone asked him something but not going out of his way to join the conversation.

He had learnt quickly when he was younger that speaking freely in front of guests irritated father quickly. He had a reputation to protect after all.

Jungkook briefly wondered whether his mother and their other female guest felt the same way as they too kept to themselves, letting the three men dominate the discussion in whichever way they pleased.

As the meal was winding down, only a few scraps left on plates and conversation lighthearted due to the faint buzz of alcohol that had been served alongside the rich steak, Jungkook decided to ask.

"Father?"

The man looked up at him stiffly but the remnants of a smile still lingered on his lips.

"What do you think about gay people?"

There was a few seconds of silence, the previously relaxed atmosphere stamped out a replaced with a crippling suspense.

Until there was a loud laugh.

His father's friends cracked up, one of them slapping the table. "Oh don't you worry about them, son. Just attention seekers. Leave em to do their business and they'll die out eventually, get bored of being freaks and come back to us like all weirdos do,"

Jungkook felt his stomach twist. He looked to his father who hadn't spoken.

"What are you asking that for, Jungkook?" He finally spoke, looking down to saw at a stray piece of steak on his plate that had been previosuly abandoned.

"Oh I uh... I have a gay friend from class. We never spoke about it so I was wondering," He lied, lifting his glass to his lips and allowing the acidic tang of red wine distract him.

Woosung spoke instead of his father. "Stop talking to them kid, it's like a virus. They go around flaunting their lifestyle to you, say they aren't hurting anyone, before you know it you're one of them," He scoffed, downing the wine left in his glass.

"I agree, son," He spoke calmly. "Better not to talk to gays, we don't want you hanging around those kinds of people,"

Not long after Jungkook excused himself under the guise of studying and getting a good night's sleep for school.

After saying his goodbyes and leaving the building he was suddenly aware of the tension that had built around his neck and shoulders.

He lifted an arm to lazily rub circles into the muscles while he started walking, making his way to a bus stop.

Maybe he shouldn't call Taehyung.

He had believed the man when he said there were spaces and communities for people like them, but he knew there was never going to be a space in his father's heart for him if he knew the truth.

It dawned on him that he allowed his hopes to get too high. He forgot who his father was.

Even if the whole world was somehow able to accept him he knew he would still hide it for his father's sake. How could he not? His life was formed by his wishes and expectations, without them he had nothing.

Besides he had been pretending for twenty years already, forgetting Taehyung should be easy.

Jungkook sat at the bus stop, the cool evening breeze brought a chill over him and he pressed his coat close to his body.

His thumb hovered over Taehyung's contact, ready to press delete.

He gritted his teeth and lowered his thumb onto the screen.

A message popped up.

'Are you sure? This contact will be permanently deleted'

"Fuck it," He whispered, returning to the home screen. He might still need to call him, he would keep his number just in case.

There was no way he could delete it in that moment. The comfort he had felt from their conversation was more than he could recall experiencing in two years.

When he got home he wasn't in the best mood but Namjoon didn't question it, it had become a sort of routine that they wouldn't speak on Sunday evenings when he returned.

Usually he was tired from talking to his family, updating then on his studies, being lectured.

But this time it was different. He could hear their mocking voices ringing in his ears. Was being gay really that bad? If it was why did everyone else act like it was okay?

Why couldn't he just stop when he first thought of it, when he knew it was bad. Why did he let anyone convince him it was okay?

Jungkook felt a familiar numbness engulfing him as he got ready for bed, showering and brushing his teeth dejectedly.

As he got undressed Namjoon spared him a short glance and a closed smile which he ignored, rolling into bed with a quiet grunt.

The next morning he tried to continue as normal. There was the nagging thought in the back of his mind but he brushed it away.

He forced himself to get dressed and eat something, attend lectures and study.

Even so, minutes dragged by like hours and the heavy weight that lodged itself in his chest didn't budge.

He cursed to himself as he got up to make a cup of coffee. This wasn't a big deal. He made a mistake and he was going to live on like it didn't happen. There was no reason to get stuck on it because of his brief lapse of judgement.

Those moments of acceptance he allowed himself had long passed and recalling them left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Sure it had been nice, gave a strange stillness and a relief as though a mask had been dropped, but it wasn't an option. He needed to let it go.

The scent of coffee filled the air as he poured it, the brown liquid lapping on the edges of his mug and spilling over as he absentmindedly tipped the jug too far, leaving some mess on the counter that he would clean up later.

Work was more important, always had been, it's why he was here.

He shuffled through the mess on the desk surface until he found his lecture notes that had already been buried since the morning and started to read over them.

After reading them four times, each time having less comprehension than the last, he let them fall back onto the desk with a slap. He checked the time to see only fifteen minutes had passed. He caught his bottom lip between his teeth, why did time take so long?

He pressed the rim of the warm porcelain mug to his lips and his mind began to wander again, finding solace in the way the scorching liquid left a burning trail down his throat.

He thought about his work, everything he needed to get done, how he needed to start applying for summer internships and other things he didn't care enough about to get started on.

Some of his classmates enjoyed the topics they covered which confused him, they would complete extra reading purely from interest and talk about the aspects of the syllabus that they found fun.

Fun.

If there was one word Jungkook could use to describe this course it would not be fun.

Tedious? Maybe. Boring? Numbing? Downright depressing?

He couldn't help but consider how his life would be if he didn't do this.

Would he live on the streets with Jimin, with no job or family to speak of, getting by purely on street performances and pity?

Would that be better than this?

Jungkook shook away his thoughts, downing the hot coffee in a few large gulps. He needed to focus.

He knew it was hopeless but that wasn't going to stop him from trying.

That's how he found himself three days later, sat at his desk once again 'working', staring into an empty mug that marked his fifth cup of coffee.

He was definitely not drowning his problems in caffeine. Definitely not.

Jungkook swirled the dregs of coffee around the base of the cup, watching with slight amusement how the free grains that slipped through the filter floated around the liquid before sticking to the dry edges.

He remembered how Taehyung had swirled his tea around his mug, his whiskey too, maybe it was a coincidence or maybe it was a small habit the man had. Not that it mattered.

But still, days later his thoughts had found a way to circle back to Taehyung, pressing him to see him again.

He clenched his jaw as he fished his phone from his pocket, the few swipes of his fingers to bring up Taehyung's contact well practiced as be had been on the verge of calling and deleting his number dozens of times over the last week.

Jungkook wet his lips.

Would it hurt to have a fling with a man? It didn't mean anything.

He could stave off his curiosity in secret, still have a girlfriend and one day a wife...

With that in mind, he called.

Thankfully, Taehyung picked up quickly before he could change his mind.

"Hello one sexy mother fucker speaking," His deep voice drawled, sounding a little breathless. "Was starting to think you left me hanging, darling,"

"No I uh, I had some personal issues. It's fine now,"

Taehyung hummed dissmively. "Is this a break up call or a 'please fuck me daddy' call?"

"Neither," Jungkook grumbled. "I mean, I wanted to know if you're free anytime soon,"

"So it is a 'please fuck me daddy' call?" He clarified smugly.

"I didn't say that,"

"But you will,"

"Make me," Jungkook gritted, quickly realising his mistake when Taehyung laughed.

"Don't worry about that part, sweetie. I'm free all day today but I know that's short notice. I could do Saturday instead but you can't stay the night then,"

"I can do today," He let out in a squeaky whisper.

He was really doing this again.

"Great, just give me a ten minute heads up. There's some things I wanna try on you this time,"

"What kind of things?" He asked hesitantly, checking behind him to make sure Namjoon was still out.

"Nothing crazy, I know you're still practically a virgin," He chuckled, noticing Jungkook's nervousness around the topic. "We don't have to do anything you don't like,"

"I'll try it..."

"So cute," Taehyung cooed.

"I am not cute," Jungkook frowned, toying with the empty mug on his desk.

"Sure you are. Especially when you're shy, hmm and when you're needy or screaming because daddy knows what's good," Taehyung spoke slowly, thinking over his words. "Can't wait to fuck you again, baby, you're so sexy, watching you come undone beneath me, fuck,"

Jungkook was thankful it was just a phone call and Taehyung couldn't see how his ears tinted a pale pink because he would no doubt mock that too.

"I did not scream,"

"Oh you were loud, I'm surprised my neighbour didn't complain, apartment's aren't sound proof you know,"

"Shut up, I can be quiet if I want to,"

"I don't know, I am pretty good at getting sound from stubborn brats. Besides, I want you to be vocal, turns me on,"

"I'm going now," Jungkook said quickly, holding a hand to his heated cheek. "I can come at four?"

"Four is good. See you then, baby,"

Taehyung ended the call, leaving Jungkook alone in the silent dorm room.

What the fuck was he doing.

09/02/22
A/n How are you guys finding it so far? I know it's quite different but I hope it's flowing better than the original. I'd appreciate any feedback :)