Should I move?

Why?

Oh my God!

He just announced my name!

Suddenly I heard whistles and loud claps from the crowd. I looked around to see both my friends Jai and Kasturb jumping on their feet whistling loudly.

"You go girl!." Kasturb shouted making others laugh. Suddenly the deafening silence turned into series of applause as people clapped loudly. I still couldn't move my body. Suddenly I felt someone take my hand in theirs. Looking up I saw Dr Amogh taking me on to the stage. I walked on my own with head held high no matter how nervous I am.

"Congratulations Mrs Upadhyay." our Chief guest spoke as I posed with my certificate and prize money. How will I answer people now? They will want to know why I hid things? People will bully me that I scored these marks coz of Dr Amogh and my uncle. Hate towards me will increase! Won't faculty make fun of me??? I had no reason to be cheerful now. Looking at my certificate I read my own name with guilt filled eyes.

Dr Anagha Upadhyay

I was forced to change my surname as my mom felt its not respectful to have my own. Dr Amogh never asked me to do anything, he never cared for these things as well as my presence until recently. Suddenly I felt exposed in a wrong way, my life was going on with people around me being assholes but now it's 10x times the pain I am going through.  Walking down the stage I gave a stern look to Dr Amogh whose smile fell flat. People were busy gossiping among themselves as I walked past them. Thankfully our graduation photos and group photos were taken before ceremony. Collecting my stuff, I walked out of auditorium unable to bear peoples judgement. My most important day was ruined in a very beautiful way.

"Anagha!." I saw Dr Amogh running towards me with my Dad behind him. Not caring much,  I speed walked through parking area to meet my uber driver.

"Anagha! Please wait!." He shouted pulling my hand. Dad walked behind him and had angry look on his face.

"What is this? It's been 3.5 yrs since you both married. What's wrong if he announces it to everyone? He doesn't need to stay calm now that you passed your exams. People will react in same way if they know about it after this ceremony." My dad spoke looking at me.

"Uncle please, it's between us. Please leave her alone. It is not nice to talk so harshly with her. To begin with it's my fault." Dr Amogh intervened,  Dad asked for my pin and went home in the uber I booked.  Standing few feet away, I didn't know what to say. He silently walked to get car and waited for me to get in. Opening back door I sat exactly behind him so that he doesn't see me through mirror.

"Anagha, I asked for your uncle's permission. I thought there's no better way to tell the world that you are mine. Especially after what Sanjay did today, I just couldn't delay this announcement." He spoke looking behind. I didn't want to talk, Yug and mom decided to go out of station after my ceremony as she had to attend someone's wedding tonight. Dr Amogh was supposed to be dropping them not me.

"Anagha! Please talk with me!." He begged but I didn't. He started taking his home route which irked me but I stayed silent. Fine. I will lock myself in Yug's room. Atleast he has interesting life with all the toys, comics.

"Please, Anagha! Say something." He spoke while parking his car. Opening the door, I did not care to help him.  With the spare key I opened his house door and walked inside. He ran behind me but I locked myself in Yug's room. Saree started falling off but I didn't care. Wiping my face clear from all the make up, I slept on his bed.

I don't know how long he was banging on my door but when I opened my eyes, my room was pitch black. Adjusting myself to my surroundings, I got up to switch on lights.

"Anagha! Are you awake??." I heard his voice.

Should I talk with him?

Am I overreacting?

I always wanted him to accept me infront of everyone but now when he did it, I don't feel good. Walking out of his brothers room, I looked around to find him sitting on the floor with few buttons off his shirt.

"Anagha!." He immediately got up. I showed him my hand.

"I know you are very sorry, extremely apologetic and all. Have you ever considered me as part of your life or were you always this emotion less? You married me for your own good, hid our marriage from everyone to stop rumors, did not care much for 3.5 years coz you are scared. Scared after these many years?? Have you ever felt what it feels like to see your husband infront of you but you are not allowed to acknowledge him like that?." I questioned.

"Anagha.." he trailed.

"Yes,  you feel so useless when I don't open this door, doesn't reply back to you. What about you? Your declaration of so called love? Why? Why now? When I am ready to leave this college, find something for myself why do you have to do this to spoil my reputation? Wasn't it the main concern for you when you married me? I was not well educated so you decided to ignore me, now that I scored good percent you decided to own me infront of everyone?????." I shouted pushing him back.

"Anagha stop it! That was never my reason!." He held my hands as I hit him. After a point, he pinned me against the wall holding my hands.

"Enough! You don't know anything about me!." He shouted. I held back my tears. Calming myself down, I wanted to come out of his grip.

"No. I won't leave you. Atleast listen to my reason then you do whatever you have to. I always wanted to marry you since my dad introduced me to you. After his death, I know what kind of trauma I went into. The reason I decided to keep our marriage hidden is because, I didn't want you to feel burdened to excel just like I did coz of my dads pressure. I never wanted people to point fingers at you coz I have good reputation. Not that you are a dummy, I just didn't want you to loose your essence and focus on competing with my reputation to live up to someone else's standards. Anagha I never wanted you to be another me!." He spoke looking into my eyes.

I looked away from him not saying a word. He always insisted that it's his reason that led to this decision nothing related to me. But now I understand, he has faced same problem with his dad's reputation which led him to forcefully excel so much at a very young age just like his dad.

"Anagha, please say something. I..I want us to be together. Although you felt I have never taken care of you, please don't take away that privilege from me. I might have never showed  my way of loving you,I don't ever intend to stop doing it. Give me a chance, I am trying to change for you. " He whispered with tears in his eyes. I looked at him, his troubled face those unsaid tears. Everything has a meaning behind it.

"Then show me now. " I stated. His eyes went wide with my words. Leaving my hands, he stepped back looking away.

"Your saree seems to be falling off." He said in a shaky voice.

"Then remove it. Aren't you my husband?." I questioned him. His eyes went out of his sockets.  Walking close to me, he held my hand taking me to his room. Bolting it up, he turned around assesed my pins and started taking them out one by one. We both were silent through our the process. He only touched me whenever it is necessary trying to be careful with my mood swings. As I stood thinking about all the time I had with him.  I was jealous of women hitting on him,  jealous of people being lovey Dovey whereas me? I was forced to admire him from afar. He's always been my support behind my back with time, I think he understood what it means to love someone. I don't know what all feelings he's through right now but I wanted him to touch me, kiss me and show me how much he missed my presence in his life.

Am I bipolar?

"Did loosen up here?." He asked pulling part of my saree near my hips.

"No. " I replied.

"Hmm there's some hidden safety pin here somewhere. Let me check. Don't move around much, it might poke you." He bent down on his knees searching for pins. I looked back,  touched my waist and found something poking me. He opened few pins as I unhooked few on my own. Suddenly my saree at the back fell from my waist making me come in direct contact with my underskirt. He jumped back looked around with red face.

"Huh. Sorry. I didn't mean to, you know." He cleared his throat. I smiled at him. I decided to give him a chance right? I reminded myself the same. No matter what I feel, I will convey it to him.  He needs to know how exactly he makes me feel. No matter if it's good or bad.

" I don't mind you looking at me." I replied casually. He took sharp intake of breath.

"Or touch me." I added looking back at him. He gulped visibly with a very red face.

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