"Faggot," Azazel cough-says as he, Alastair, Crowley, and Dean walk by Castiel at the end of the day.

"Unimaginative," Castiel cough-says in response.

"What did you just say?" Azazel demands, stopping in front of Castiel.

"I didn't say anything," Castiel replies. "Just clearing my throat. I think I have a cold or something."

"Stop fucking with us," Crowley growls.

"Again I ask, why would I ever fuck with you?" Castiel replies with a small smirk that he's unable to hide.

Alastair goes to knock over Castiel's wheelchair — which Castiel would not be excited for — but Dean grabs the boy's arm before he can.

"What the hell, man?" Alastair demands angrily.

"Seriously? You're picking on him?" Dean asks.

"Damn right we are," Azazel replies.

"What, you afraid he's gonna give you another mini speech?" Crowley teases. "Puh-lease. That was just a pathetic show of the fact that he can speak, nothing more. Big deal. Just gives us something more to strive for. His pleas." Crowley gives Castiel a teasing smile, to which Castiel rolls his eyes.

"No, I just don't want to pick on the handicap guy," Dean replies.

"Aw, both the Winchesters going soft now?" Azazel asks.

"No, of course not," Dean says. "But if you fuck him up more, he'll never get out of that thing, and where's the fun in that?"

"Oh, true," Azazel agrees. "It's your lucky day, Cassie."

"Looks like," Castiel replies. "I mean, I don't have to spend as much time with you sociopaths. That's a win for me any day." Castiel wheels away before they can respond, somewhat satisfied with how that went.

He finds Gabriel and Garth already waiting for him in the car. His brother hops out to help Castiel before sitting shotgun again.

"What took ya so long?" he asks as Lucifer begins driving.

"A battle of wits with people that very clearly have none," Castiel replies.

"Ooh, a run in with the jock squad?" Gabriel guesses.

"That's the one."

"You got out of there pretty safe," Garth observes.

"Dean stopped them from breaking me," Castiel tells them. Seeing their expressions, he adds, "Because it's less fun to beat someone up when they're in a wheelchair. He said it himself."

"I doubt that," Gabriel says. "Those exact words?"

Castiel tries to remember exactly what he said. "Something like 'If you fuck him up, he'll never get out of that thing and that's less fun,' or something like that."

"Seriously?" Garth says in surprise.

"Yep."

"I think you're exaggerating," Gabriel says.

"I'm not."

"I agree with Gabriel," Lucifer says.

"You're irrelevant," Castiel tells him.

"Okay, but I'm still betting on Destiel so I can't side with ya."

"What does that even mean?" Castiel asks.

"Is that their...?" Garth asks.

"Yep," Lucifer replies.

"With Dean?" Garth adds for clarification.

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"True."

"Okay, seriously," Castiel says. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Nothing that concerns you," Lucifer replies.

"This is literally about him," Garth reminds him.

"Shh. Don't question it," Gabriel stage whispers.

"What is happening right now?" Castiel asks.

"We are discussing famous ships that should be made into books, movies, or tv shows," Lucifer tells him.

"But not the Titanic," Gabriel adds. "Our cousin hates Titanic."

"Why?" Garth asks.

"Because, quote, 'That Celine Dion song makes him want to smite himself.'"

Garth laughs. "I like this guy. I don't know who he is, but I like him."

"Everyone likes him," Gabriel replies.

"Balthazar?" Castiel guesses.

"That's the one."

"Even I like Balthazar," Castiel says. "He's cool."

"I'm telling you, everyone likes Balthazar," Gabriel insists.

"I never said I liked Balthazar," Lucifer says, though the Novaks already know he does.

"You're still irrelevant, so shut it," Gabriel replies.

Lucifer sniffles. "From my own brother."

"Just shut up and drive."

"No." So, for the rest of the ride, just to annoy Gabriel, he turns on country music and sings alone, making Castiel begin to wish he could smite himself, too.

~~

Charlie: Halp I'm bored

Kevin: Gotta do hw sorry

Castiel: I should do homework but I don't want to.

Gabriel: Same Castiel

Garth: I don't have hw today yay

Charlie: Sam's supposed to answer now

Gabriel: Sam's at practice

Charlie: Oh right well who wants to hang out

Gabriel: Me and Castiel

Castiel: I guess I have no choice.

Garth: Me

Charlie: Kevin where r u

Charlie: Kevin

Charlie: Kevin

Charlie: Kevin!

Kevin: I'm muting this I have to do hw

Charlie: Ugh fine okay where do you guys wanna hang out

Gabriel: Our house?

Castiel: Anywhere but my house.

Castiel: Seriously Gabriel? Have you met Lucifer?

Gabriel: Anywhere but our house

Charlie: Can't at my house either

Garth: My parents say no too

Castiel: Well I'm handicapped and can't do much outside of houses so...

Gabriel: How bout we ask Sam when he comes back from practice?

Charlie: K

Garth: K

Castiel: You'd drag me along whether I agree or not.

Gabriel: That's true

Charlie: What time does practice end do you know

Gabriel: Four

Gabriel: But they usually end a few minutes early

Gabriel: So he'll probably check his phone around four

Gabriel: So we have like an hour and a half to wait

Charlie: I love how you know his schedule

Gabriel: Of course I do he's my boyfriend

Charlie: *fangirls*

Gabriel: *smiles proudly*

Charlie: *fangirls harder*

Garth: *starts crying because I'll never have a relationship*

Castiel: *sympathizes with you because neither will I*

Charlie: *is unsure whether to feel bad for Castiel or applaud him for using stars*

Castiel: *doesn't brother correcting Charlie by telling her they're asterisks*

Charlie: Wait these have a name

Castiel: Yep. Amazing, right?

Charlie: My life is a lie

~~

This is how their conversation goes. For the next hour and a half, they continue texting in this manner. They never discuss anything with any actual importance. It's mostly funny things, like Pen Pineapple Apple Pen. By discuss, it really means Gabriel forced Castiel to watch it. Finally, Sam shows up.

Sam: Woah that's a lot of texts. I'm so glad I had this on silent.

Gabriel: Ooh you're here!

Charlie: We're all bored and need somewhere to hang out can we hang out w/ you

Sam: At my house?

Charlie: Ya

Sam: Sure. Just give me a few minutes and I'll text you

Charlie: YAYYYYYY thank you Sam

Sam: Np gtg ttyl

Castiel: ?

Charlie: He said no problem got to go talk to you later

Castiel: Right, of course. How did I not know that. (That was sarcasm)

Charlie: Seriously get with the texting program

Castiel: Nah I'll pass

Sam: Okay I'm muting you guys. You text too much.

Charlie: I'm a teenage girl I do that

Sam: I see that.