It was hard, it was so hard to act like you were happy after hearing Yoongi's announcement. You merely knew him for a week, why did it affect you so much? It shouldn't have but it did.

"That's great, Yoongi! I'm sure this will be a life changing step for you, right Y/N?", your best friend looked at you for a response but you had none. "Y/N? Where are you lost?"

In Yoongi's eyes, you were lost in them as the two of you just stared at each other in silence. The silence was deadly but very much needed.

After what felt like eternity, you finally got out of your trance and averted your gaze. "Congratulations, Yoongi. I'm happy for you." You weren't entirely lying, you were happy for him.

You just weren't happy for yourself.

---------------

That was a month ago, yet your heart still hurt everytime you thought about Yoongi. It was beyond you how a week could change your life so much.

After coming back, you only met Yoongi once when Namjoon invited you and Sarah over for lunch at their apartment. Even then, Yoongi ignored you like plague and yet you couldn't stop thinking about him.

"You know, I haven't seen you smile even once since we got back from the trip. It was supposed to get your mind off things and yet it somehow stressed you out. It's been a month, Y/N. You need to let it out."

You knew Sarah was right, it was time you told her your worries but you were scared you would look like a fool telling something that made no sense. With a defeated sigh, Sarah took the matters in her own hands. "It's Yoongi, isn't it?"

Your wide eyes must have given away your answer because she just sneered. "I saw the two of you on the...ummm..bed that morning."

Oh God, your life was a series of embarrassing events lined up. "And you didn't say anything till now so why bring it up at all?"

"Look, I wouldn't have brought it up if you didn't look like a little lost puppy in love. C'mon the two of you are adults, just go tell him that you've fallen for his arrogant personality."

"He's NOT arrogant. Besides, how do I say it without sounding like an idiot? Who the fuck falls in love in just a week, Sarah? I don't even know why the pull between us is so strong. I can't stop thinking about him, I want to spend so much time with him and when I think about him leaving, I just...I want to cry."

"You're not going to see the light just sitting here by yourself, you dumb ass. Go tell him how you feel, atleast you can get over it then if he doesn't feel the same way."

He referred to that night as a mistake so you were sure he didn't like you but Sarah's words stuck with you. You needed to confess in order to get over this and so you tried to calm your heartbeat as you picked up your phone and texted him a time and place to meet you at.

----------------

You know when you're going on a stage for the very first time and you're scared that everyone's going to judge you, you hear your heartbeat go crazy and your palms start sweating. This was what was happening to you right now. You were going to confess to Yoongi and knowing that he was sitting right infront of you was not helping.

"So...how have you been?", your voice was shaky and you only realized it when you spoke.

"Good. You?" This man right here felt like a total stranger and it was making you uncomfortable.

"I..I've been good too."

That was it, nothing else. The silence from his side was deadly and it was killing you. He kept on touching the opening of his cup while you observed him and that was when you realized it. He wasn't quiet because he didn't want to be here, he was quiet because he didn't have the guts to face you after that night.

"Umm, Yoongi. You wanna get out of here? It feels kinda stuffy."

With a single nod, he was following you outside and you could finally breathe.

--------------

Yoongi kept on adjusting his beanie even though it was perfectly in place, he was just so nervous. Guilt, sadness, nervousness, so many emotions were attacking him all at the same time. He just wanted to get over with this night and go back in the comfort of his home.

"I wanted to tell you something." The two of you said it at the same time and you smiled a little at the timing.

"You go first." You said as you took a spot on a nearby bench, Yoongi setting down beside you.

"I...I wanted you to know that I'm happy."

Something in your heart clenched at his words, not knowing what he meant.

"I don't want you to worry about me. I see a ray of light, Y/N. I feel like...I feel like going to the US is a chance for me to turn my life around, I'm happy that I'm using this chance to get out of my misery. So..don't worry about me."

While his voice got soft at the end, the voices in your head got louder. You loved him so bad that it hurt, it hurt because loving him meant you had to let him go. Loving him meant you had to choose his happiness over yours. Loving him meant...just loving him.

"I'm happy for you, Yoongi. As I said on the trip, I'll be cheering for you." You faked a smile as you hugged him tight, he hugged you back with the same intensity because after all, he did love you too.

You broke the hug as you lightly patted his shoulder in comfort. "So what was it that you wanted to say?" He asked and you simply smiled in return.

"I wanted to say that it's getting late, I should get home."

---------------

You closed the front door of your apartment and found Sarah sitting on the couch with her legs crossed.

"How did it go? Did you confess?"

She didn't need an answer because you were already falling to your knees, sobbing as every inch of your heart and mind hurt. It felt like someone was ripping your insides off and you just wanted to breathe.

Sarah ran over to you as she engulfed you in a hug. "Shh, it's okay, Y/N."

"I..I couldn't tell him, Sarah. God, I love him so much, I love him so much but I couldn't tell him."

"Calm down, Y/N. We'll talk about it later."

"I just...I want him to be happy and...I'm not his happiness."

---------------

"She's your shot at happiness, hyung. I really don't understand why you didn't tell her that you love her. You don't even want to go the US!"

Namjoon's anger was justified, he only wanted the best for his best friend and yet in Yoongi's eyes, he could never understand why Yoongi was doing what he was doing.

"You won't get it, Namjoon-ah."

"Then make me get it! I literally saw you crying while you looked at her picture in your phone and I know you well enough to know that if you were crying, your feelings must have been piled up to become a mountain."

"One person crying is better than two of them crying. Y/N's water and I'm the fire that even burns the sea down. I love her but...but I'll burn her down, Namjoon-ah. I can't do that, I can't ruin her life because I fell in love."

Namjoon raised his arms in frustration and let out a sigh. "You're being too harsh on yourself right now."

"Do you remember when I tried committing suicide and lied down on the cold bathroom floor?"

"Hyung! Please...that's in the past. You're better now."

"You've spent the entirety of our friendship worrying about me, Namjoon. What makes you think I won't be like that in the future too? I can't..I can't make Y/N a part of my miserable self. I can't be selfish like that."

Despite saying all of this, Yoongi couldn't deny that you indeed were a part of him. A part of him that was going to let go, a part of him that will no longer be his.

-------------

You felt like you were dying, both emotionally and physically. You could understand the emotional aspect was due to the fact that Yoongi was leaving tomorrow but it somehow did not explain why you had to go puke after every hour.

"You know, Y/N. Such consistent vomits are not a good sign, we should take you to the hospital."

"I'll be fine."

Rolling her eyes, she was already pulling you out of bed. "Stop being stubborn for once, I'm so sick of you I swear! I don't want a dead best friend just because her love life sucked, you'll fall in love again! This isn't some love novel where you only fall in love once, stop acting like this. God, I wanna smash an egg on your face right now."

Your mouth was hanging open at her outburst and you were about to respond when the room started spinning. "Sarah, hold me! Shit, I..the room is spinning."

"WE'RE TAKING YOU TO THE DOCTOR, YOU FUCKER! YOU KNOW I'M NOT READY TO GIVE A SPEECH AT YOUR FUNERAL YET!"

---------------

"Are you feeling better now, Miss Y/N?", the doctor asked as you nodded. The medicines definitely did their work.

"I just got your test results here and..."

"Oh my God, she's going to die, isn't she? I didn't even get married yet, she was supposed to be my bridesmaid. I told you to take care of yourself, you careless piece of trash!" The doctor smiled widely at your best friend throwing a fit for something that wasn't even true.

"Don't worry, young lady. Your friend isn't going to die, her symptoms looked like that of pregnancy and so I got her tests done. Congratulations, the tests came back as positive. You're 8 weeks pregnant, Y/N."

The room started spinning again and you suddenly felt like you couldn't breathe. This wasn't due to the fact that you were pregnant but because your life just took a huge turn. You didn't finish your undergrad yet and you were pregnant, so many thoughts were running in your head but one particular thought made you panic the most. You weren't very sexually active and only had sex with one man in the entire past year. The realization hit you like a truck as you broke down in tears.

You were pregnant with Yoongi's child.