L I V

Finding a strong, bad word to describe my last encounter with Adi's brother was impossible; any word was not enough. Since then, these past months, I felt like I was cursed. 

After New Year's, not a month went by when I didn't coincidentally meet him. It was like he was everywhere. It was annoying! 

The first encounter after my birthday was days after New Year's. Val and I were planning to hang out since there were only five days remaining until they returned to Australia. I wanted to savor the moments we were together because who knows how long we would see each other again.

I had always been the type who lives the present as if it were my last. That way, I could appreciate the beauty in every day and if it were really my last, I wouldn't have any regrets. 

It was a Saturday afternoon when we decided to spend a quiet hang out in a cafe. Tamang tama'y malapit lang sa 'min 'yong bagong sikat ngayon. It was a bookstore and a cafe in one! I loved reading while drinking coffee, and Val as well. A place like that was heaven for us!

"Ito na 'yon, diba?" tanong ni Val sa 'king tabi habang tinuturo ang naka-display na sign sa labas. 

Tumango ako at hinila ang kanyang kaliwang pupulsuhan para makapasok na kami. Excited ako no'ng sandaling 'yon dahil ang tagal ko na ring hindi nakapunta sa gano'ng klaseng cafe. Ngunit naudlot agad 'yon nang makakita ako ng isang malaking asungot. 

"Hala, may asungot," sabi ko no'ng magkatamaan kami ng mata ng kuya ni Adi. Ito yata 'yong sabi niyang trabaho niya na malapit sa 'min. Kita ko ang paglingon ng ulo ni Val sa 'kin nang sinabi ko 'yon.

"Sa'n mo natutunan 'yong asungot?"

Hindi ko na siya pinansin at nagsimula na kaming maghanap ng uupuan namin. At syempre, hindi ko kinalimutang maglakad nang mataray no'ng nalampasan namin ang kuya ni Adi. Tsaka, may binibigay rin siyang order kaya hindi ko rin siya mabuwisit. Sayang!

Sa totoo lang, hindi naman talaga ako ganito. Usually, hindi ko pinapansin ang mga taong nasaktan ako gamit ng kanilang matatalas na salita. Pinapatawad ko sila agad kahit alam kong hindi nila karapat-dapat matanggap ang patawad ko. Pero ewan ko ba! Pagdating sa kanya, lumalabas 'yong pagiging mataray ko. 

Napansin kong maliit lang ang cafe kaya kaunti lang ang mga lamesa at upuan. Shades of lavender at mint green ang kulay ng mga pader at iba pang gamit sa loob. Favorite color ko ito kaya hindi siya masakit tingnan.

Dahil sa kaliitan ng cafe na ito, kaunti rin ang nagtatrabaho rito: isa sa cashier na siyang waiter ng cafe at isa na tagagawa ng order. At dahil naabutan kong nagbibigay ng order ang kuya ni Adi, I assumed he was the one in charge sa cashier. Which he was.

"You order," utos ko kay Val. Ayaw ko siyang makita! Ayaw ko namang umalis at maghanap ng ibang lugar. Sabi rin ng iba na masarap ang kape rito kaya gusto ko ring subukan. 

"Ha? Ba't ako? Ikaw na! You know I hate ordering," pagtanggi niya. Nakakainis naman! Wala rin akong choice at lagi naman akong talo sa tuwing mag-oorder kami sa mga kainan. Bahala na nga!

Matapos kong kunin ang order ni Val ay dumeretso na ako sa counter para sabihin ang order namin. Nang nasa harap na niya ako ay napansin kong umiiwas siya ng tingin. His eyes were focused on the cash register, waiting for me to say something. 

I wore my mastered sweet smile even if he wasn't looking. "Hi! Can we get an iced salted caramel and iced matcha? Oh, and add two brownies na rin pala," I ordered.

He continued to do his job, pressing on the cash register as he input our order. He still wasn't raising his head to look at me. Wasn't it rude to not look customers in their eyes?

Pati ba naman sa work, he's rude? Jeez.

"One iced salted caramel and iced matcha, and two brownies," pag-ulit niya ng order namin. Tinaas na niya ang kanyang tingin sa 'kin. Nakaramdam ako ng malakas na pintig sa 'king dibdib nang magtapo ang aming mga mata. What was that?

"Is that all?" he asked, still wearing the stern look on his face. Uhm, hello? A little smile could suffice?

"Yes, that's all. Dine in nga pala."

Sa loob ng halos isang oras na naroon kami sa cafe ay hindi ko hinayaang mainis sa presensya ng kuya ni Adi. Instead, I shifted my focus on the moment Val and I were having. Andito ako para mag-enjoy at hindi para mainis. In the end, I did enjoy hanging out with him in that cafe, thinking that it might be the last time I would ever see Adi's brother again. 

Not until I saw him once more the month after.

It was the month of February. Isinagawa ang monthly charity ng barangay namin malapit banda sa 'ming bahay. Bilang tradisyon sa 'ming pamilya, sumali kaming tatlo as a volunteer. Nagalak ako no'ng nakita ko rin si Adi roon. Katulad ko, mahilig din siyang sumama sa mga ganitong programa. 

"Ah! My Adi!!" I exclaimed, running towards her with open arms and she did the same. Our hug lasted for almost a minute before we both pulled away.

"Andito ka rin pala? Sino kasama mo?" magkasunod na tanong niya sa 'kin, hawak-hawak ang aking mga kamay.

"Oh, kasama ko si ate at ang hubby niya. Kaming tatlo lang. Ikaw?" I asked as I swayed our intertwined hands. 

Tumingin muna siya sa kanyang kaliwa't kanan bago sumagot. "Si kuya." 

Oh.

Oh.

My hand slowly unclasped her hands after I heard her answer. Coincidentally, I saw his figure in my peripheral visual field. He was looking around, probably looking for Adi. When his eyes landed on our direction, he shouted, "Adi!"

I watched him make his way toward us, with his signature blank face. Does this man ever smile?

Napatingin si Adi sa kanyang likod nang marinig niya ang boses ng kanyang kuya. Agad na bumalik ang tingin ni Adi sa 'kin para magpaalam. "Tawag na ako ni Kuya. See you around?"

Tumango ako at ngumiti. "Yup! I'll see you around!" 

Mabuti na lang na hindi kami nagpansinan ng kanyang kuya habang tinatapos namin ang mga gawaing nakatakda para sa 'min. Baka ano pang masabi namin sa isa't isa at baka hindi ko rin matapos ang gawain ko dahil kakaaway sa kanya. 

After that day, I prayed I never cross paths again but I apparently, my prayers weren't heard. Another encounter with him occured at the month of March. I wasn't expecting to meet him again at a mass without Adi. It would've been better if she was there.

Seeing him wasn't the worst part of the mass. It was sitting beside him. It felt like the longest mass that I had ever attended. The urge to request Ate to switch positions with me was strong but I didn't bother asking. I was afraid I may disrupt her focus in listening to the priest that was speaking. 

Just as I thought three consecutive months of unexpectedly meeting was enough, the month of April came. And guess what? Yes, I did meet him. Again. 

If this is our fate, then I don't want it.

It was the night of April 26th when I decided to go to a near convenience store. I was about to buy some snacks when Ate insisted that we should go to a mall instead. Mas marami raw pagpipilian. I refused, of course. Sayang pa ang gas papunta sa mall kung pwede lang naman lakarin. 

As soon as I arrived to the nearest store in our place, regrets immediately engulfed me. Andito na naman siya! Bakit ko ba siya laging nakikita? 

I didn't want to show I was affected by his presence, so I continued to enter. His head popped up as the chimes rang, but instantly bowed down when he realized I was the one who was getting inside. Tch.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad patungo sa shelf kung nasaan nakalagay ang mga tsitsirya. Naabala ako sa pagpili ng mga bibilhin dahil maselan si Ate pagdating dito. Sa sobrang abala ko ay hindi ko na napansing may tumatawag pala sa 'kin.

"My Liv! Andito ka rin?" masayang bati ni Adi sa aking kaliwa. Kumislap ang aking mga mata sa tuwa nang makita ko siya. 

"OMG? Hello Adi! Naparito ka?" bati ko pabalik habang naglalakad palapit sa kanya.

"Wala kasi ako magawa sa bahay, kaya naisipan kong guluhin si kuya sa work. Ang saya rin pala no?" she replied, which made me chuckle. Totoo nga namang parang ang sarap niyang guluhin. Masyado kasing seryoso! 

Nag-usap kami ni Adi tungkol sa mga gawain namin sa school habang naglalakad sa cashier. As expected, hindi ako tiningnan ng kanyang kuya no'ng iabot ko sa kanya ang aking mga pinamili. Nagulat na lang ako nang biglang hinampas ni Adi ang braso niya. 

"Aray ko! What the heck, Adi?!" galit niyang sumbat habang nakahawak sa parte ng kanyang braso kung saan pinalo ni Adi. 

"Be nice!" she hissed. I smiled at the thought of Adi being concerned that maybe her brother will something that will offend me again. 

"I'm not even doing anything," he mumbled as he continued to punch the snacks I bought. 

Mabilis niyang natapos ayusin ang aking pinamili. Siguro dahil ayaw niya na rin ako makita. Well, ako rin naman.

Nang palabas na ako ng store ay bigla kong narinig ang tawag ni Adi sa pangalan ko. 

"Sabay tayo pauwi!" aya niya. "Same lang naman tayo ng way!"

Walking with Adi at night would definitely be one of my core memories here in the Philippines. It was peaceful and loud at the same time. Pakiramdam ko dinadala ako niya ako sa ibang dimensyon sa kanyang kakaibang kwento. Minsan napapaisip ako kung paano ba tumakbo ang isip ni Adi dahil ang dami niyang nasasabi. Though, I wasn't complaining. I loved hearing her thoughts; it was intriguing. 

It was fun until our topic went to why her brother works so much. I regretted asking that question to Adi but I couldn't help my curiosity. It had been my observation that most of our encounters was him working. 

"About that...It's quite messed up," she said.

"You don't have to answer my question, Adi. It's okay. I understand," I assured her. Hopefully, I wasn't prying too much with my query. 

Umiling siya habang nakangiti. "No, it's okay. It's just that I don't know if Kuya will be okay if I share our story with you."

Despite her doubts, she continued. By the end of it, it dawned over me why he acted hostile to me and how he could spit out absurd words like saying I was spoiled. 

I wasn't sure why I felt sorry upon hearing their story even if I was the one needing an apology. Alam kong iba naman ako sa mga mayayaman na nakasira ng buhay nila pero hindi ko siya masisi kung bakit gano'n ang tingin niya sa 'kin. O sa 'min. One experience could sure change a lot of your perspective. 

And hearing their story changed mine, too.

Nevertheless, I still deserved an apology from him for judging me before actually getting to know me. I didn't want to be included in that kind of narrative. Besides, he was at fault. 

"Max! Wait up!" I shouted as I chased after my dog who got away from my hold. I was taking a walk with Max at the vacant basketball court near our house. Another month has passed by after Adi shared their past. To be honest, it helped me understand her brother a bit more. 

Max stopped and sat down in front of a man who has his hands in his pockets. Siya na naman? 

He knelt down, allowing himself to be of eye level with Max as he petted him. It was quite a view. The moonlight illuminated the place as well as his figure. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming but I saw his lips twitch while he was petting Max. It became expected of him to go back to his stoic self after seeing me. 

"Ah, it's your dog," he stated as he stood up. 

"Ay hindi ko po aso 'yan," I sarcastically answer. "Tinatawag ko nga po kanina, e. Malamang akin po," I added, masking my irritation with a gentle tone. I called Max to come near me but he refused to leave his side.

He scoffed with my response. "It seems like your dog has taken a liking of me. Sure ka bang sayo 'to? Parang ayaw naman sa 'yo?"

Humakbang ako palapit sa kanila nang hindi na sumusunod si Max sa mga utos ko. Mahina kong hinila ang leash ni Max para ilayo siya kay asungot. Ang yabang! Porket nagustuhan lang ni Max, e. Well, nagustuhan ko rin naman siya noon, but that's not the point! Focus, Liv!

"Let's go, Max. Masamang espiritu 'yang taong yan," I whispered but I made sure it was loud enough for him to catch what I said. 

Max and I continued to walk toward the exit of the court. Ang laki ng court at ang galaw rin ni Max kaya natagalan kaming abutin ang exit. Narinig ko rin na may sumusunod sa 'min.

Lumingon ako at nakita kong naglalakad din ang kuya ni Adi paalis ng court. "Are you following me?" I shamelessly asked. At that moment, I thought that it would be better if I had kept my mouth shut.

His brows furrowed and a smirk followed. "'Di ka lang din pala spoiled no? Assuming din."

I watched him walk pass me as I stood there, dumbfounded and loss for words. Having enough of the mistreatment he gave me, I bursted my feelings out.

"Can you stop being judgmental?!" I shouted, not minding if any of the neighbors would hear our conversation. He stopped his tracks and faced his body toward mine. "How could you spit that out when you know nothing about me? Just because I'm rich, it doesn't mean I fit in your self-made stereotype about people like us!"

"Remember when you told me I can easily get what I want without having to work hard for it? Well, guess what kuya? I do know how it feels! I have been climbing up the mountain of standards my mother has set upon me my whole life! The things I have, I earned it, kuya. Kaya you have no say on what kind of person I am." 

Being angry and fighting back wasn't something I was taught of when I was young. It was deemed improper as per Mother. My entire years of living, I had always bottled up my feelings and let it fade away as time passes. I may have bottled them up for too long that it felt nice releasing my thoughts about Adi's brother. It felt like a huge boulder inside my chest was lifted. 

With my last remark, I didn't waste any second to get out of there. Hindi ko na rin hinintay ang kanyang sasabihin, kung mayroon man. All I could think of was how I wished I could hate him, but unfortunately I couldn't. No matter how much he infuriated me, I couldn't bring myself to do so because I was reminded by how he also had his struggles too.

Napabuntong-hininga ako nang maisip ko muli ang nangyari nang gabing iyon. 

That felt like a long night.