Today's class went pretty well, but lately I've been unable to focus on anything. My chest felt tight all the time and I was getting anxious every time I looked at my phone.

Changbin

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He's been giving me message after message for the past few days, but I just couldn't bring myself to open them anymore.

Me and Changbin started off completely annoyed with each other after being forced to work on a project together, but that brought us close. We noticed our interests were similar and started hanging out, ultimately hooking up after a party we both went to.

College is great, right?

Ever since that party, we would hook up ever so often, but I knew I was one of the many girls he was seeing. We never really discussed what we were, but he had a reputation to keep, I guess. He was the fuckboy who never caught feelings for anyone. He'd sleep around until he got bored, and ultimately drop who he was seeing and find a new face to keep him company during lonely nights.

Knowing that that's what's gonna happen to me, I tried to keep my distance. I really did. I wouldn't meet him whenever he asked, and I promised myself I would never catch feelings for him and would just treat him like a fuck buddy. Just like he treated me.

But of course, things don't always go as planned.

Resting my head on one of the hallway's walls and closing my eyes, I started thinking of how I ended up in this situation. How was I so stupid to allow my heart to beat faster for someone who doesn't give two shits about me?

I breathed in deeply and relaxed. The hallway was silent, since most students were already in class.

"Why are you avoiding me?" a way too familiar voice echoed in front of me. Opening my eyes, I've seen the boy I was so desperately trying to forget so close to me, our noses were almost touching.

"Changbin, I-I wasn't avoiding you." I dropped my gaze and looked away from his questioning look.

I was.

"Drop the bullshit, Y/N. Why are you avoiding me?"

He lifted my chin.

"I'm sorry. I've been feeling a bit... sick lately." I lied through my teeth, hoping he wouldn't notice.

When I glanced at him, I could almost see a bit of concern plastered on his face. Almost. Or at least, that's what I hoped I'd see.

"And now?"

"I'm feeling better."

"Good. My place tonight?"

"...Yea."

I couldn't resist him and that made me curse myself. Why was I so spineless?

Truth is, I wanted him. But I needed more than just sex. I wanted him to love me like I loved him.

~

Night was falling when I reached his apartment. He opened the door wearing some black trousers and a tight shirt, through which I could see all his muscles.

Without even a greeting, he pulled me inside and started kissing me passionately, pinning me up against the door. I complied and returned his kisses, our tongues starting a war against each other.

My lips were craving his so badly, it was almost as if ages passed without them meeting.

How much I wanted his kisses just made the despair I was feeling sink in deeper, and I became increasingly depressed each time I felt his wet kisses in my mouth, each time his tongue met mine.

I could feel his hands wondering on my body hungrily. He stopped his left hand at my breast and started massaging it, but that quickly became not enough for his state, so he took off my shirt and bra and started touching and pinching my nipples.

"I missed you." He said, while removing his mouth from mine and moving it down, towards my jaw.

He kissed it, going lower on my neck, starting to bite it violently, which was sure to leave marks I'd have to hide tomorrow. Then, he kept getting lower and lower, connecting his mouth to my breast, sucking on it gently.

I was so drunk with pleasure, that I hated myself for wanting his touch so desperately.

He doesn't care about me. Echoed through my head repeatedly.

He got up and told me in a stern tone: "I want you. Now." While he unbuttoned my jeans and almost ripped them and my panties while taking them down.

He then went lower, connecting his mouth to my sweet spot. He started licking it, eating me out. I put my hands in his hair and moaned, which seemed to make him smirk.

His tongue was magical. He was swirling circles and moving up and down, causing my knees to grow weak. I was barely able to stand.

Changbin seemed satisfied with my fucked-up state, as he got up once again and lifted me in his arms, taking me to his bed.

We started off in missionary and after a few thrusts and rubbing my clit, making me cum, he got bored and turned me on my stomach, with my ass in the air.

"Your ass is worth millions." I heard him say under his breath. "And you're so wet. Fuck." He continued, thrusting in me without warning.

He was big, and this position always hurt a bit, since I could feel his whole length, although it was never painful enough for me to use our safe word.

Changbin's thrusts were getting rougher and rougher, he was going in and out of me with full force, and I grabbed the sheets to support myself. His way of fucking me made me remember why I didn't want to meet him again in the first place.

Because I was just a fuck-toy to him. Nothing more. I was just one of the many girls he'd fuck and drop.

Changbin never made love to me, and God knows love and sex are so different...

All these thoughts were killing me slowly, and soon enough I couldn't focus on anything else anymore, and tears started dropping uncontrollably from my eyes.

I didn't want him to see me like this, so I buried my head in the sheets and tried to stop crying. This time though, my feelings were too powerful to supress.

Out of nowhere, with a desire to spice things up a bit, Changbin grabbed my hair with his right hand, pulling me up, and gripped his left hand around my neck.

"Do you like that, slut?"

Ah, yes, I'm just a slut for him, after all...

"C'mon sweetie, let's see your pretty face while I'm fucking you."

I started sobbing even worse than before. Changbin forcefully grabbed my chin and made me look at him.

All of a sudden, his grip on my hair loosened and he let go of face, pulled out of me and supported me by grabbing my waist. He faced me and asked me concerned:

"Baby, what's wrong?"

I just continued to cry and put my hands on my face, covering it and turning away from him. I knew how badly I was shaking, but no words would come out.

"Baby, baby, come here. Was I too rough? I'm so sorry if I hurt you."

He embraced me, turning me once again to face him, his big arms powerfully around me, and started petting my hair slowly.

After I've calmed down a bit, he looked into my eyes, caressing my face.

"Hey, are you okay? Did you use the safe word? Oh God, I didn't hear it if you did. Fuck."

"I- I didn't. Sorry for ruining the moment."

"Babe... ruining the moment? Are you serious? Never worry about that with me. If you don't feel good, I also don't feel good. Got it?"

I nodded.

"That was too much though, wasn't it? I'm so sorry. I will be more gentle next time, okay? Sorry." He apologised again, kissing my forehead.

"Changbin..."

"Yea?"

Looking into his eyes, my heart broke in a million pieces. I knew I had to put a stop to this, otherwise I'd keep getting hurt. But shit, did saying it out loud hurt like hell.

"I think we should stop seeing each other." I said in a quiet voice, looking away from him.

I'm such a coward. I'm not even able to look him in the eyes.

"What? Why?" he seemed genuinely surprised by my statement.

A few tears made their escape once again, but Changbin was quick to wipe them away with his thumbs.

"I- I'm sorry. I...can't tell you."

It was like if I said out loud how I was feeling, it would make it real.

I wouldn't be able to pretend anymore.

And that was even scarier than him knowing.

I also knew that once I would admit my true feelings, he would just drop me like the other girls, and I was scared of how much that would pierce my already broken heart.

"Please do. Was it because I've been too rough today or...?" Changbin hesitated to ask.

"No, it's not that..."

"Then please..."

I looked him straight in the eyes and mustered all my courage for just one simple sentence.

"I'm in love with you."

Changbin was silent for a moment.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me?"

"... yes."

"Y/N..."

"I'm sorry for catching feeling. I know you don't do relationships and shit. So let's just stop seeing each other so I can get over you, yea?" I continued, trying to seem sure of my decision and to show even a bit of confidence, although I had none.

"No. I don't want to stop seeing you. In fact..."

Without saying anything else, Changbin closed the distance between us and united our lips. His kiss this time felt different. It was deep and passionate.

We continued kissing and I pulled him closer with my arms. We laid down once again, with Changbin above me, and for the first time ever since we started hooking up, I could feel him treating me differently.

His touches were gentle, his kisses too.

He broke the kiss and looked me in the eyes.

"Y/N, I truly like you too. I've just been too much of a coward to tell you. Truth is, I know I have a bad reputation around campus, but ever since I met you, I haven't been seeing anyone else. I was just scared because you seemed to have your walls up so high, I thought you just wanted to have sex with me, nothing else... But now that you know how I truly feel about you, could you give me a chance to show it to you?"

Without sparing another second, I've connected our lips again and we made love for the first time.

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(A/N) I'm so sorry if this was trash, it's my first time writing like this lmao

What did you think?

<3

-Storm