Pairing: Chan x Felix
Genre: Angst and a lil bit of Fluff
Warnings: mentions of self harm and attempted suicide

Chan had built walls around his heart, and he became cold to the world around him. He began smoking, experimenting with various drugs with so called friends, and his grades plummeted. His adoptive parents kicked him out, his real ones leaving him at an orphanage when he was five years old.

Not long after, he began selling drugs for money simply to buy more. In a way, he became an addict. He craved the feeling; the, although fake, happiness it gave him. It made him relax, it made his problems seem like a distant memory...until after the high when it all came crashing back down on him ten fold, causing him to take another dose of whatever drug he felt like at the time.

The whole Soulmate thing was something Chan never believed in. He thought it was just a bunch of bullshit, until he started seeing it for himself. Someone whom he thought of as a close friend, Changbin, had completely stopped doing drugs and even cut ties with Chan completely because of his Soulmate Jisung. This also happened with Hyunjin and Seungmin, and again with Woojin and Minho.

Chan then decided he hated the idea of Soulmates, because all they did was cause the people around him to leave him. Chan became lonely, sad and depressed. He started to go to random bars, drinking himself into a stupor and sleeping on the streets. His past was quickly catching up with him, and he realised that Changbin, Hyunjin and Minho weren't the only ones who left him.

He wasn't always so cold and harsh. There was a time when he was simply a curious child that just wanted some friends. He was different though, because he didn't come from Korea so his Korean was basically non-existent. All he wanted was friends but he was constantly laughed at, beaten to a bloody pulp by the older kids almost every day for not being respectful to them. To be fair, he was only five and he had no idea of how the Korean culture worked at all. However,Chan remembered one certain boy who became his friend for the first year Chan was at the orphanage and that was BamBam. BamBam was also a foreigner, coming from Thailand. However, about a year later he was adopted, and Chan hadn't heard from him since.

Without BamBam there, the abuse only got worse. It couldn't really be considered bullying, because the adults who worked at the orphanage were horrible to him too, using him for their own sick fun, simply because he was different and couldn't understand them anyways. From age six, Chan decided he'd teach himself Korean, and thank goodness for the internet.

4 years later, Chan was adopted by a kind family who did everything to make sure little Chan was happy, even transferring him to a new school for a fresh new start. At this school, he had tried to make some friends, and for a while, he did. However, once again, those so called friends had left him. Well, it was more of a slow process really. At first, it started out as them not even bothering to talk to him at lunch or send him hilarious messages during class like they usually did. Then, they had completely changed their sitting spot without telling Chan. Why would they do that though? It was because of the new kid. They left him in favor of the new kid, because Chan's humour was too dark for a ten year old.

That's when the bullying started. Without having friends, Jaebum and Jackson saw him as an easy target. The would beat him to the point he was almost unrecognizable, and he'd almost died a couple of times. He met Changbin, Hyunjin and Minho when he was 13, and they were smoking behind the gardeners shed at school. Changbin had offered him a cigarette, saying it would help with the stress, and he just shrugged and agreed. Jaebum and Jackson stayed for away from him then, because Changbin was also a well known street fighter, even though he was only 13.

This went on for the next five years, until his adoptive parents kicked him out because of his destructive habits when he was 14 and his friends had found their Soulmates and left him. For the next three years, Chan was completely alone, practically killing himself with all the cigarettes he smoked and the drugs and the alcohol. He barely ate, and he lived on the streets.

It was the 3rd of October on his 21st birthday when he had met Felix, his Soulmate

It was raining, quite heavily mind you and Chan could already see people in nearby apartments hanging up the Halloween decorations in preparation for spooky month. For the moment, Chan was completely sober; he hadn't had any drugs nor alcohol at this point when someone had sat next to him on the bus stop bench.

"Hello" the surprisingly deep voice spoke.

"Sup" Chan replied, glancing over at the person who spoke.

He nearly stopped breathing; this other male was beautiful, and had the most beautiful smile (as this other boy was smiling at him). Chan felt warm, even though Ines's quite cold due to the rain and all he was wearing was a tattered muscle tee, black jeans and faded black shoes. He didn't know why, but he fell comfortable being near this boy, almost too comfortable...

"What's your name?" The other boy spoke with a cheeriness to his tone that Chan hadn't heard in a long time.

"Chan, Bang Chan" Chan answered simply, "what's yours?"

"Lee Felix, but my friends call me Lix. Binnie hyung likes to call me Jikseu for some odd reason, but he's just weird. I don't even know why Jisungie hyung is dating him-sorry, I'm rambling" Felix giggled.

Chan felt his lips twitch, a small chuckle escaping him.

"You're an odd one..." Chan trailed off.

"Obviously in a good way though" Felix grinned.

"Obviously" Chan scoffed, before he looked back down at the ground, staring at his worn shoes.

Felix frowned, the air suddenly becoming sonewhat...sad. it took a while for Chan's to register who Felix meant by the name 'Binnie', but as soon as he came to the sudden realisation, his head snapped up and turned to Felix.

"Binnie...you mean Seo Changbin?" Chan asked.

"Yeah...you know him?" Felix asked.

"Rather...I knew him" Chan sighed, looking back down at his shoes, "I haven't seen him in three years" Chan frowned, and all of a sudden a wave of sadness overcame him.

Chan took in a shaky breath, reaching into his back pocket and taking a pack of cigarettes out, taking one if them out of the pack and lighting it, taking a long drag and blowing the smoke off to the side.

"Hm...do you wanna see Changbinnie hyung again?" Felix asked, excited by the mere prospect of old friends reuniting.

"I doubt Changbin would want to see me, ever again. He cut ties with me Felix" Chan felt his heart grow heavy.

"....well, do you wanna come back to my place? I'm sure Minho and Woojin hyung wouldn't mind" Felix grinned, "they're my housemates by the way"

Chan hesitantly agreed with Felix, not having the heart to tell Felix he also knew Minho, but he'd soon find out anyway. Of course Minho was reluctant to allow Chan to stay even one night, but Minho agreed because Felix had begged him with those cute puppy eyes no one could resist.

That night, turned into a week, and that week turned into two weeks, and those two weeks turned into a month.

Over that month, Chan could feel himself growing close to Felix, but he couldn't allow himself to do that to Felix. He was basically the living breathing epitome of danger; the painful thorn stuck in the roses side, Felix being the rose in this instance. He was also scared, because he knew that one day Felix would leave him.

The day Chan realised Felix was his Soulmate was the day Chan had the worst of his withdrawal symptoms. He hadn't even thought of smoking, drinking nor taking any kind of drug in a week, and it all cane crashing down on him as soon as he saw Minho having a morning cigarette.

He was in the far corner of his bedroom that he had ended up sharing with Felix, his knees against his chest, his hands gripping his hair and his head bowed. He was shaking as he tried to resist the urge to go back to his self destructive ways. Felix had made him promise, and he kept that promise, but it was hard to keep. Old habits die hard as they say.

Felix had come back from Uni, kind of exhausted as he waddled up the steps like a child. He yawned as he walked down the hallway towards the room he shared with Chan. The door was open, so he figured that Chan was in there, which he was, but he wasn't where Felix thought he was. Felix saw Chan's shaking figure, beginning to slowly and cautiously walk over.

"Channie hyung, are you okay?" Felix called out softly.

Chan's head snapped up as he looked at Felix, dried tear tracks on his cheeks.

"D-don't come near me Lix, please" Chan begged.

"Chan, it's okay" Felix kneeled down in front of Chan.

"No, it's not" Chan swallowed back the lump in his throat, "I'm such a fucking disaster, I'm sorry" Chan whimpered, bowing his head once again.

"Channie, look at me" Felix shuffled closer.

It took a couple of minutes of Chan breathing heavily and hesitating, but he finally lifted his head back up to look at Felix. Felix had to hold back his own tears at how vulnerable Chan looked. Chan had always seemed like the cold, unfeeling type, and also someone who was dangerous and wasn't someone to be messed with, but here he was, a broken mess.

"You're not a disaster Bang Chan, you just...need a bit of help and guidance and good friends" Felix smiled softly.

"T-they always leave...everyone eventually leaves me...just like Changbin did, and Hyunjin, and even Minho. They cut ties with me for a reason Felix; I'm not a good person by any stretch of the imagination" Chan explained.

"Everyone has good in them, even those who think they're broken beyond fixing" Felix's smile dropped, "we all have a dark side Chan" Felix looked down as he rolled up his sleeves and showed Chan his arms.

Chan sucked in a breath, frowning. All over both of Felix's arms were scars and burns, obviously causes of self harm.

"This isn't all though" Felix ran a hand through his hair, sighing shakily, "I tried to hang myself last year, now there's like this permanent bruise on the right side of my neck. I think I busted something in my neck, and now it's just...there. It's like a constant reminder of what I almost did and I hate it"

"I've done things I regret too...looks like we're more alike than I thought" Chan managed a small smile.

"Yeah...looks like we are..." Felix trailed off, staring deep into Chan's eyes.

That's when it hit Chan like a ton of bricks. There was a reason he instantly felt comfortable and safe around Felix, like nothing else mattered, and why everything felt like it just melted away into nothing and all he could think about was Felix, and also why he tried so hard to keep a promise he made to someone he barely even knew.

He and Felix were Soulmates.

Chan stretched his legs out, his hands letting go of his hair and falling to his sides. Felix climbed into Chan's lap, giggling softly, a sound that warmed Chan's cold heart. He didn't know what overcame him, but Chan's hands suddenly found themselves resting on Felix's waist and he had leaned forward and captured Felix's lips in a gentle kiss. For the first couple of seconds, Felix didn't respond to the kiss due to shock, but he quickly relaxed and kissed back.

The kiss lasted roughly two minutes before they pulled apart for air, their foreheads resting against each other. The two ended up staying in that position for a while, talking in hushed voices and eventually moving to the bed and cuddling.

A week later, Chan relapsed, and he relapsed hard. He came home blind drunk, basically being carried back in to the house by Minho. The two had just gone out for a drink or two, but Chan had ended up doing a few too many shots with some people he knew from his past, and he got so drunk he knew he definitely wouldn't remember anything in the morning.

The next morning, Felix and Chan had their first argument, because Minho had told Felix about Chan's heavy drinking the night before. Chan and Felix had both said things that they regret, but by the end of the argument, Chan's fear of Felix leaving him had come back ten fold, causing him to basically collapse onto the ground and (although he wasn't proud to admit this) begged Felix to forgive him.

"Of course I forgive you, ya big baby" Felix shook his head, a soft chuckle escaping him.

Chan shuffled closer, latching onto Felix's leg like a child would.

"Please...don't leave me..." Chan mumbled quietly.

Felix nearly didn't hear him say it, but he did. A sad frown overtook his expression, and he sighed.

"I'm not going to leave you Chan" Felix spoke softly.

Chan let go of Felix's leg, his head bowed. Felix kneeled down in front of Chan, gently grabbing him by the cheeks and forcing Chan to look at him.

"I have a surprise for you by the way" Felix smiled softly.

Chan frowned in confusion, wiping his eyes. Felix let go of Chan's cheeks and pulled the neck of his turtleneck shit down, turning his head to the left. Chan gasped softly at the sight.

There was a rose tattoo covering that bruise from Felix's attempted suicide, and even more surprising was that it was the same exact rose tattoo that Chan had on his left upper arm. Chan reached one of his hands up, running his fingers over the tattoo. Woojin and Minho watched their interaction from a little ways behind Felix, both of them smiling softly.

"I kinda always wanted a tattoo, and I low key just wanted to cover up that stupid fucking mark" Felix chuckled, turning back to face Chan, "I know you've had a horrible past, I know people have bullied you horribly, and I know that the people who were your closest friends left you behind" at that, Minho winced as guilt overtook him, "but I promise you, I won't leave you behind Bang Chan. We're Soulmates, we're meant for each other. I knew that the moment I saw you sitting there at the bus stop all alone. I wanted to hug you and kiss you and comfort you and tell you everything was going to be okay, and now I can do all that. I know it takes time to break these kids of habits, trust me, I know. I saw Changbinnie hyung go through this, I saw Hyunjinnie go through it, and I saw Minho hyung go through it. Hell, you already know I'm still going to therapy. Chan, I'll help you okay? I'll help you help yourself get through this and break those habits" Felix explains.

Chan just nods wordlessly, wrapping his arms around Felix's middle, the two Soulmates sharing a hug and a soft kiss.

A few days later, Chan had agreed to go to therapy sessions with Felix, and they helped alot, because five years later, Chan and Felix got married and moved into a house together. They also adopted a four year old child named Jeongin. Chan could still remember his past, and he made sure Jeongin never went down that path. Finally, after years of suffering alone, everything was great...

All because of The Rose Tattoo...