"Still clinging to that cute little story"

"You'll admit the truth when you feel ready"

Quinn's words were still occupying my mind. I wondered if it was that obvious that what I told them wasn't my actual reasoning.

It's not like it was an entirely made up lie. Although I wasn't interested in the boys solely because I was gay, I wasn't making up that I had a childhood crush who didn't leave my mind. The things that I had left out were that the person I had a crush on was a girl and might only exist in my dreams.

Although I couldn't exactly recall what happened, my mind was replaying the scenes in my head.

Memories of a sunny day at a park in Tampa, Florida were filling my head. I was like six or seven years old, and Dad had to run some errands for work, so Mom and I decided to tag along and look around the city.

The little me heard the words "fun" and "playground," and just like that, she was convinced. But I was bummed out because Quinn and Ida couldn't come with me, I liked having them around me just as much as I did now, maybe even more than that.

At some point, I ended up at the park which was no simple "playground." What I found there was way bigger than anything I had seen in my short life. It had everything a small child could imagine, and even more. I had the fun that was promised to me, but as I was still suffering from my congenital heart disease back then, I became dizzy after being active for an extended period of time.

Thus, after enjoying myself for quite a while, I started to feel sick and tired. As that was something that happened quite often, I was used to it. Usually, all I had to do was rest for a moment, and I'd be okay again.

I sat down beneath a large oak tree, the grass tickling my legs, and the green leaves hiding me from the sun. As it was quiet and comfortably warm, I became very sleepy, and shortly after, I gave in to the pleasant feeling and fell asleep.

But when I woke up, my head was hurting while Mom was holding me in a tight embrace. Apparently, I played with some other kids after waking up, and when I tried pulling myself up on a rope at the climbing frame, I fell down head first.

I had vague memories of talking to a girl who handed me a small braided bracelet which had the same color as her long, light blue hair. I couldn't recall her face or any details; the only thing on my mind was beautiful blue hair and a soft voice telling me, "Keep this. Until we meet again."

When I asked Mom about her, she answered that there was no girl with blue hair, which made me realize that, due to me falling and injuring my head, my mind might have mixed up the colors of the bracelet and that girl's hair. Meaning, the blue-haired girl who I had a crush on probably only existed in my mind.

I didn't want to believe that because it didn't feel like a fantasy at all, but at the same time, it was dream-like, as, although I couldn't remember her face at all, I had the feeling that everything about that girl was... somehow perfect. Not that I could recall any describable details, it was just a feeling of flawlessness that came with this girl.

It was at that point that I realized I was gay. Not that I knew that it was called being gay or that it was something special, I thought it was normal for me to like that girl. Luckily, I also didn't know what a crush was back then, else I might have come out to Quinn and Ida by accident.

As soon as I understood what exactly all that meant, I realized that it sounded absurdly stupid, so I never told anyone about it. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know what to say. The only thing I mentioned to Ida and Quinn was that I had a childhood love who I couldn't forget, as that was a pretty good excuse for hiding my disinterest in men.

"Hellooo? Brea? Are you there?" Ida's voice pulled me out of my thoughts with her hand waving in front of my face.

I looked around and realized that I was sitting in my seat inside the cheer squad's clubroom, all girls on the team looking at me. We had arrived at the meeting, but I got lost in my thoughts after sitting down; I had been spacing out for quite a while probably.

"I thought we had lost you, you kept on sitting there, staring into nothingness with a dumb expression on your face for several minutes," said Zarah, the head cheerleader, chuckling.

"Sorry..." I started but sighed while looking down, "I got lost in my thoughts..."

"You probably didn't hear a thing of what we were talking about, did you?" asked Zarah chuckling and I simply shook my head lightly. She then sighed jokingly before continuing with a mocking voice, "How could our school's 'straight-A honors student' sink so low? Disappointing..."

The girls started laughing again, but so did I. There was this running gag in our group about me being a disappointment whenever something like this happened. The reason for that was that at school I had the best grades and was an honors student, so everyone believed that I was studying hard all the time. But, I was kind of a lazybutt who couldn't be bothered to study a single bit. I just had been lucky enough to be able to easily remember things, so hearing the stuff in class was enough to deal with tests.

Day after day, I'd either work out with Quinn and Ida or just lie around while watching series and movies. But that part was unknown to the public. The cheer girls were the only ones who knew about me being lazy and not studying at all, but besides my parents, only Quinn and Ida had knowledge about me being a nerd in disguise.

This group of girls were the only people in my school who were more than fellow students to me. Becoming friends with Quinn and Ida in kindergarten just sort of happened, but becoming close to the rest of the cheer squad was inevitable, as I had to spend lots of time with them. And dealing with five teenage girls and all their problems at the same time was exhausting enough for me, I didn't want more friends than that.

But I liked being around the girls, it's not like I was forced being with them against my own will. I enjoyed working out with them, and not only because I could watch a bunch of highly attractive girls in cheerleading uniforms bounce around. At least not solely because of that. It just felt good to be physically active from time to time and to hang out with people I was close to.

My daily life consisted of sleeping, school, hanging or working out with Quinn and Ida or the cheer squad, lying in bed watching series while eating snacks and sweets, and finally going to sleep again. There was no room for things like studying.

Then Zarah started talking again, "Okay, I'll sum up everything you need to know. First, like every year, we'll be training two or three times a week, on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It's compulsory to at least go to two of the three training sessions, starting in the second week of summer break. We won't be meeting up in the first week, so use that time to relax. But make sure to be ready to give it your all starting second week."

"Second, we don't have a date for the 'summer club meeting' yet, I'll message you as soon as the day is decided," continued Zarah.

"And what is the plan for that? Same as last year?" I asked.

Zarah nodded and replied, "Yes, we will meet at the beach behind your house and host a small party among us."

I usually didn't go to parties nor did I drink alcohol, because I had some unpleasant experiences with both of those.

I had seen enough people mess up their life because of drinking too much, and at some point, there had even been problems within my family because of it. And as parties with sixteen- to eighteen-year-olds mostly consist of music and alcohol, I usually wasn't interested.

That didn't mean that I didn't enjoy partying with the girls, or that I never had drunk alcohol in my life. I did go to the parties of the cheer club and the ones which were organized by my friends because those were usually girls-only.

A year prior, I had been to one party where some guys showed up, and that was one party too much. I didn't like boys in general, but after they get drunk, it gets way worse. They suddenly gain some courage they didn't have while sober.

So, at that party, I got hit on by some dudes. That wasn't anything new for me, there had even been one funny guy, I didn't know him, but he had without a doubt been way too drunk. He came over to me, tapped on my shoulder and said a slurred "Heyyy" before stumbling back to his friends.

But the problem was someone else. One guy was persistent. He couldn't accept the fact that I didn't want to go home with him. After trying countless times, he grasped my arm, pulled me closer and grabbed my chest.

I wiggled myself free and slapped him with all my strength that I could accumulate in my shocked state. I left that place immediately after, and never wanted to go to a party with guys again. It's not like I felt fear or anything like that towards them, I merely felt disgusted.

That was the first time in my life that I slapped someone. It felt sickening having this random guy grab me on such a spot. I mean, I had been touched there before, by girls from the cheer squad, but that was different. When any of the girls placed their hands on my chest, it was merely to mess with me for fun while getting dressed in the changing room. For one reason or another, the girls did that from time to time. Not only to me but to everyone on the team.

Not that I did that to anyone. It didn't feel right for me to do it, I was gay after all. It was the same for looking at the other girls while changing. The girls looked at each other and commented on their bodies, comparing their stomach, breasts, and muscles with each other. But I tried to avert my eyes from them as much as possible.

"As we all can obviously see, Brea's mind is drifting off to the distance again. She clearly wants to start the holidays," Zarah chuckled as I had been spacing out again, "but there isn't anything else to discuss anyway. Have a nice summer, girls. Oh, and if you still have some stuff in your locker that you want to take home, please don't forget to take it with you. We won't be able to use our building until the second week of summer break, remember?"

After that was said, most of the girls got up from the big table we all sat at, and some girls went into the changing room to get their stuff from their lockers. I just turned around in my seat without getting up, now looking out the window. I could see some students running across the schoolyard through the rain; just like us, they probably had their last club meeting, and now wanted to get to the school bus as fast as possible.

I suddenly realized that the stupid me forgot to pack an umbrella in the morning, so I too had to run through the rain to get to my car now. I did park right beside the entrance, but that wasn't of much use to me. The cheerleading club had its own building that was separated from the school, so there was no direct connection to the parking lot. Generally, that wouldn't be a problem, as there was a backdoor on this side of the school, but as school had ended already, the entrance on this side was locked.

Two years ago, the school was extended, and we cheerleaders got our own small gym, more than big enough for us to train. Connected to the gym was a big changing room with lockers and this club room. As the head cheerleader of two years ago helped to design this room, it looked quite lovely, not at all like a building belonging to a school. A U-shaped table was in the middle and could fit ten people, it's wooden surface being dark brown. Six comfortable white chairs were positioned around it, one for every cheer member we had at the moment. We had shelves with different trophies and other awards on them, and banners hanging on the walls. There were also photos from all the cheer teams of the last years.

Hanging on the wall at the top of the U-shape was a big blackboard, but we never used it up to this point. We usually only used the screen that could be let down in front of it. In most cases, we just used it to watch movies or YouTube videos. While Quinn, Ida and I preferred to hang out at home, the other three girls often spent their time in this room.

Except for the first week of summer break, where the whole school was being cleaned, we could use the building freely whenever we wanted. One time we six went to a drive-through at two in the morning on a Saturday and went here to eat and watch a movie. After that, we had a sleepover and stayed here until Monday for school.

Because of stuff like that happening from time to time, all of us had sleeping bags and clothes stashed here. But there was one holy rule we all had to obey: Absolutely no boys allowed.

I knew I wouldn't be breaking that rule anytime soon. But to my knowledge, Ida broke that rule already. She told Quinn and me about having sex inside the gym once. But now that I think about it, that might have been with a girl; that technically wouldn't be breaking the rule. I still couldn't wrap my head around Ida being bi and sleeping around with people she didn't even know.

Initially, Zarah said that she "doesn't want to barge in on someone having sex in the club room, which she cares about like her own home." And she really did. She cleaned it regularly, bought furniture and ensured that everything got fixed and replaced whenever something broke. Of course, she didn't pay for everything herself, we either split the costs among all six of us, or the school paid for it.

It wasn't hard to see that the school was fond of the cheer squad; after all, we were the team with the second-most tournaments won, right after the chess club.

The girls came out of the dressing room with small bags, and I asked, "Quinn, Ida, do you want to come over?"

"Sure," both of them said at the same time, which made them look at each other and start giggling. I took my bag, pulled out my car keys and said, "Let's go for a run then."

I got up and went to say my goodbyes to the other girls. First, I went into the changing room, saying bye to the raven-haired Amanda and hugging her lightly. Then I went back into the main room where the blonde Zarah and Kelly with her crimson-dyed hair were standing and did the same with them.

Right after, I went out the door and started running, Quinn and Ida following behind me. We ran as fast as we could, trying to stay as dry as possible. While the sisters probably just didn't want to catch a cold, I aimed to keep myself dry, so I didn't wet my car too much. After running to the other side of the school building, my eyes finally fell on my car.

Even in this rain, my neon blue Nissan GT-R was shining brightly. I got it from my grandfather for my seventeenth birthday and loved this car more than anything.

"Of course, the spoiled blondie drives an expensive sports car that her rich parents bought her," is what many people that didn't know me thought or even told me to my face.
Wrong.

Neither my parents nor my grandparents were nearly wealthy enough to buy such a car for me just like that. I wouldn't even want them to spend so much on a car for me. We did have enough money to live well, but like my father and grandfather always said, "Spend it, not waste it."

Meaning that if you want to buy a car, get one that has what you need, not waste money on one that is unnecessarily expensive.

And my car definitely didn't fit into that picture. The reason for that is that it was a gift for and from my grandfather. He worked a long time for Nissan in a very high position and helped design that car type. So after retiring one year ago, he got this car as a parting gift from the company. And because he is such a fantastic person, he had it painted it in my favorite color and gave it to me.

After reaching my car, we all hopped in, and I revved my engine before pulling out of the parking lot with a small drift.

"Hold your horses, little girl, I want to at least reach my eighteenth birthday before dying in a horrible car crash caused by you showing off. And tomorrow is yours, so it doesn't seem like a good day for you either," warned Quinn. Although she jokingly said that in an alert tone, I knew that she was used to my driving. She was lucky that it was raining because usually, I would drive a lot faster.

When we arrived at the modern house which I called my home, I drove us to the garage that was beneath the building; to reach it, I had to maneuver down a path right beside the house.

The garage was on the same level as the small beach which was behind my home, not far away from the ocean. It was a secluded shore with small cliffs going all around, even in the water rocks were blocking the way; only a tiny opening between the stones let in the water of the ocean. The only access to our cove was the path beside my house, so this was my family's private beach.

Not that my family would buy a property like this, it just had been passed down for generations, starting at the first mayor of this small town. All my parents did was renovate the house and add a second story because they were planning to have children.

Luckily the cliffs and rocks blocked the waves, so even in a storm like this, the waves didn't reach our home.

I parked the car in the garage before getting out, the girls following my actions. It was a big building; there was enough room for three cars. But as my family only owned my car and my dad's dark red Range Rover Evoque, a third of the garage was stuffed with random items.

My mom had no car of her own because for work and business trips my parents would get picked up by the company anyway, and if one of them did need to go somewhere, they still had my dad's car.

I went to the door which connected the garage to the staircase of my house, but when the door refused to open, I realized that I made a mistake.

"Um... girls?" I was sure they wouldn't like what I was going to tell them, "When my parents leave for a longer while, they shut the doors of the house using the electronic lock. I didn't think about that in the morning, so I don't have the key for the staircase inside the garage..."

"So... what you are trying to say is, that we have to go in through the front door?" Ida was trying to sound calm, but I could see it in her eyes that she was pissed.

"Looks like it," I shrugged and made my way to the open gate of the garage.

I made a few steps outside, walking the path we drove down. It was covered by a roof, but there was still a lot of water running down the road.

Before going up the hill, I stopped and looked at the beach; I was still sad that my summer break started with this rain. If the weather wouldn't be such a pain in the ass, then I would have been lying there, enjoying the sun and the warm sand.

Suddenly I got pushed from behind and landed face first in the wet sand, salty taste entering my mouth. I got up and looked at Ida who took a photo of me covered in dirt, getting poured on by the rain. She was laughing and said, "That's what you get for forgetting the key."

After doing that, she tried to quickly make her way up the wet path, closely followed by Quinn. Just shortly after, I heard a slipping sound and saw Ida falling while screaming like a little girl. She landed on the road and slid down a bit, taking down Quinn with her.

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Quinn cursed while getting up, completely drenched, then continued, "If you can't heave your fat ass up that hill, then at least don't take me do-"

At that moment, Quinn froze. I looked over, just to find Ida not only wholly wet and dirty but also bloody on her forearms.

"Oh, shit," I cursed because I knew what was going to happen. Ida and blood were a bad combination. A terrible one even.

When she was a little kid, Ida always clung to either Quinn or her older sister, until one day when she was in a car crash with her family. A semi-truck hit their car, and they flipped, being trapped in the car upside down. Both of Ida's parents died instantly, while her sister got stabbed by a metal piece in her stomach area and was slowly bleeding out. Ida witnessed the whole thing, unable to help her sister because she was stuck between some bent car pieces.

Since that day, Ida was traumatized and gets panic attacks when seeing either her own blood or that of someone close to her.

"Ida, look at me... look at me, Ida. It's fine... you're fine," Quinn tried to calm her down, but without success. I witnessed this twice before, and it really wasn't a pleasant sight. At first, her breathing gets heavy, then she starts to scream at the top of her lungs as if she would be feeling immense pain and fear. Once she even passed out because she didn't breathe while screaming.

"Dammit girl, don't go screaming in my face!" Quinn slapped Ida hard. As she didn't show any reaction, Quinn hit her a second time, which made Ida snap out of it. She blinked a few times and held her head while cringing like in pain.

Ida started crying, and Quinn hugged her tightly, speaking, "It's fine, Ida. I'm here."

Ida hugged her back, sobbing into Quinn's shoulder. They let go, and, before anything else could happen, Quinn grabbed Ida's hand and pulled her up the hill. I followed and, after I unlocked the front door, we went inside.

"We look completely messed up," I couldn't help but chuckle at the look of us three. We looked like we lived in the jungle for days. Dirty, soaked and roughed up. I continued, "You two hop into the shower in my parents' bathroom, I'll go wash in my room. I'll bring you some clothes when I'm done."

"Brea? I just thought of something," started Ida, while Quinn was wrapping Ida's still bleeding forearms into a towel, "Why exactly didn't we just wait in the garage for you to open the door from the inside?"

I felt really dense because that didn't cross my mind at all, so I said, "Honestly, I just didn't think about that."

"You know, sometimes I could just-" responded a pissed Ida but was cut off by Quinn, who put her arm around Ida's waist and pulled her into a hug.

Then she spoke, "It doesn't matter now, does it, Sis? What's done is done. Now come on, you need to wash your arms."

Ida sighed but then turned around, walking in the direction of my parent's room alongside Quinn, who still had her arm around Ida's waist.

I started in the direction of my room, but overheard Ida say, "Thank you, Quinn... I love you..."

"I love you too, we are sisters after all," replied Quinn.

After a moment of silence, Ida responded, "...right."

Hearing that conversation made me smile, their friendship really was something else.

When all of us were done showering, I got a first aid kit from my bathroom so Quinn could clean Ida's wounds properly. After that, we watched TV until we passed out late at night.