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I waited up for Devin for five hours. Once I heard the door close and saw the room was missing an important person, who was supposed to be cuddling me, I couldn't go back to sleep. Just sitting in bed, going through everything I did the past few weeks or yesterday, trying to understand if I did something to make him mad or not want to share a bed with me. Then, coming through my initial insecurities and remembering he has a job to do, he is here to investigate, not to catch up with friends. My mind cleared a bit at my self-reminder, calming down much easier when I realized he wasn't seriously mad at me and I had done nothing. Of course, the momentary relief wasn't long lived. Him leaving in the dead of night means he went to investigate, which has the possibility of ending poorly if he finds whatever he's supposed to find.

He could be hurt, perhaps even killed, and I wouldn't know where to look if he didn't come back. This is when my mind goes overboard in overthinking, I get overwhelmed by the possibilities of what could happen to my amazing boyfriend. Scenarios play out in my head when I find him torn to shreds in the woods, having to care for and help him when he returns without a limb; to what I'm going to say to his sweet parents at his funeral. I know I'm overreacting, but it's hard not to. I don't know what's in those woods or what his mission is, if he is safe or when he'll be back. It's disconcerting to wake up with Devin gone so suddenly. I'm accustomed to being warned when he leaves, either for a deployment or just when he knows I won't pay close attention to my surroundings because I'm focused on other things. Usually, he'll get my attention, tell me what he's doing and where he's going. This is because I've lost him on more than one occasion and I got nervous if he had gotten upset at me and simply left.

I have abandonment issues, this I admit and I get anxious when those I love disappear without warning. Axel, a man I have known for most of my life and had told everything to, I love him like a brother. He knows me inside and out, has supported me so much more than anyone else in many ways. When he disappeared, it was a different kind of anxiety. I knew I wasn't the cause of him being gone, that another messed up person took them. I was still a mess, but for a different reason rather than my mind making up reasons why I forced Axel to leave me. However, Devin suddenly leaving our shared bed without warning while I sleep is an instant trigger for that insecurity, and I can't control what I end up thinking. When I remembered his job and mission once my drowsy brain came back online, all I could think about was the dangerous possibilities.

Even if I didn't want to get up, I got off the bed and checked the windows and door. The windows were locked, the curtains pulled shut tightly to avoid any peek of the outside world. The door was locked as well, from the inside. I would be confused by that, but Devin has proven he can pick a lock efficiently before. It feels like he purposely blockaded the room, keeping visibility in or out to a zero and the entrance locked. Either keeping me in and safe, or keeping whatever it is he's here for, out. This thought in the middle of the night, the room so intensely dark I can't see, is scary. The only option I have is to sit and wait, because with how many concerning thoughts float in my head and the nerves, sleep wasn't even considered. Hours passed, without any sign of him. The clock seemed to slow down, minutes ticking by slower. The slower the time, the faster my mind made things up. Hoping to calm myself down enough to think reasonably, I laid down and covered my head with the blankets.

Being under something warm reminds me of Devin, because it's warm and comfortable, and provides a nice comfort. It's dark in a calming sense, this one voluntary and I can trick my mind into thinking Devin is back with my eyes closed. I feel ridiculous getting so worked up over him simply leaving the room, he could've gone anywhere in the house and be safe. I haven't gone looking because I don't want to disturb the others, they're sleeping and it wouldn't be fair to interrupt them the first night staying with them. Besides, Devin kept the door locked for a reason. He may not want me going outside of our temporary bedroom and if the rest of the house is as dark as this room, I want to stay on the bed.

Five hours I go between sitting up and trying to distract myself, to laying under the covers and thinking of positive things; cute puppies, getting fucked and Devin's hugs. I watch the sunrise light the sky slowly through the curtains, my eyes heavy. I've sat myself at the headboard with my knees to my chest, and a pillow hugged between my thighs and stomach. The room is lit up now with muted oranges and pinks as the sun rises, the curtains block most of the bright light, but I like it how it is. The clock says it's close to six- thirty in the morning, I yawn when I see that, yet I'm unable to sleep knowing Devin is still gone. I'm about to lay down again when I hear a faint, clinking and jiggling, I almost miss the sound, would have if not for the doorknob shifting. I perk up, head rising off the pillow to watch the door. If it's not Devin, I need to be able to run past whoever it is, or hit them with something. Unless it's one of my friends.

The opens gently, pausing at any sudden noise before the person slowly steps in. I relax instantly seeing Devin, dressed in his uniform pants and a thick hoodie. It feels like my body sags at seeing him safe and unharmed, the relief taking a heavy weight off me. He doesn't see me yet, taking his time in checking the hallway as he creeps into the room quietly, a vain attempt at not waking me. Only when he closes the door fully and relocks it, does he turn around. The second he sees me, he startles, as if me being awake isn't what he expected and I get that, I felt that five hours ago. Then he processes how I'm sitting on the bed, not laying down, not just waking up. I've been camped out in one spot in the middle of the bed, and it shows. The blankets all fluffed around me like castle walls, I have my dead phone thrown somewhere to my left, one of Devins hoodies on and I haven't slept. I, no doubt, have bags under my eyes or look incredibly high.

"Robert, how long have you been up?" Devin walks over and sits at the side of the bed, looking concerned as he studies my surroundings on the bed. Eyebrows furrowed, eyes light and a small frown on his lips.

I find the answer very simple and obvious, that is the tone I use to respond to his incredibly stupid question. "I was waiting for you. So, like, hours."

My boyfriend shuffles closer, properly on the bed and invites himself into my tiny safe place at the center of the blanket castle, after he kicks his boots off. I'm softly pulled into his side with his arm securely over my shoulder, the little gut I have is rubbed soothingly. Devin kisses my head, lingering for a long second. "When did you wake up, Baby?"

I keep any answers short, not believing he deserves more than that. I'm not upset he went to investigate, that's his job and I understand that, I support him. The problem I have is him leaving when everyone is asleep, when I'm asleep. He has training and can defend himself, I know this, but there are hundreds of things that could happen to him. Lewis and Seán can defend themselves, yet they still got kidnapped. Devin could get seriously injured and I'd never know where he went or where he is, unless he took his phone. Which he didn't. I tried calling him when I woke up, the damned device was on the nightstand. I'd rather him wake me up at one in the morning and tell me he's going out to do whatever his job entails, not just leave without warning.

"When the door closed." I'm not adding his title, because I don't feel he deserves being Daddy right now. He is still my Dominant, but I'm sure he understands that I'm upset and he's getting a mini punishment with my attitude and lack of respect.

Devin sighs, the faint air of it shifts my hair. He fixes the blankets over my legs and softly tugs me closer, if possible. "Did you stay up or did you sleep some?"

I huff, crossing my arms. "I couldn't sleep."

He hums, pressing another small kiss to my hair. "Why is that?"

I know he's only asking these questions to gauge how upset I am, to know how much he needs to fix or apologize for. He is aware he messed up, as soon as he saw me, he knew I was upset. I'm not angry, if I was angry at him, I would've started questioning him or starting a fight that would end with him pinning and fucking me. He can read me well enough to see I'm just disappointed, getting over my initial anxiety and insecurities. I'm exhausted as well, I only got a few hours of sleep and my body is unaccustomed to that. Devin normally wakes me up before my alarm to make sure I'm ready for work, that's at Eleven in the morning. The club doesn't open until sunset, but there's still things to be done like any other job. So waking and staying up doing absolutely nothing isn't what I'm used to, unless Devin is present and we do things. Even if I know what he's doing, doesn't mean I think the questions aren't stupid, because they're ridiculous.

"I was worried." I state it with a tilt to my voice to make it clear what I think of that particular question. Stupid.

Devin huffs, a tiny laugh that he cuts off quickly. He had always found any attitude I have cute or funny, I'm not surprised he found that response amusing. I get it, he had most likely dealt with much more intimidating things than a short, bratty submissive that he can pin to any surface without an effort. I'm not intimidating, Axel says otherwise and Devin always laughs when I use that to prove I'm scary. Apparently, best friends and boyfriends see differently on the intimidation scale. It's a shame, really.

"Why were you worried?" He winces at the look I send him, one that speaks just how idiotic I find such a question. "I know why, Bert. Don't give me that. I'm asking you to tell me what you thought was happening."

Sighing deeply, I answer in what feels like a rant. "You disappeared in the middle of the night without warning. I thought I did something wrong, then remembered your job. I tried to check in on you, but your phone was in here. I didn't know where you were or if you were safe, and it made me anxious."

I feel him nod, squeezing me in a small hug. His voice takes on a firmer tone at the end of his sentence. "I leave for deployments, how was this time different enough to make you anxious? I'm only asking to plan ahead, don't give me another look and think I'm stupid."

I would roll my eyes, but he doesn't like that on good days. Right now, with avoiding saying his title I'm already on ice that has the chance to break with another disrespectful action. So, I pick at the blanket to distract me from the urge to roll my eyes. Normally, I would roll them, just to annoy him. However, I am genuinely upset he left without warning me and not thinking to take his phone. He could have gotten injured or attacked by whatever is in the woods, it's serious enough for the military; him being out there alone is worrisome. I don't want to report him missing as I did my friends or go through everything they did, it was scary and stressful. I don't want to fall into the deep depression Tommy did.

I don't want Devin to go through whatever traumatic experiences our friends did, he shouldn't have to. Lewis and Seán shouldn't have gone through it, but it seems that every good person is abused or kidnapped and Devin is the greatest in my eyes. I just want him safe and to be able to check up on him as we normally do when he's deployed. He calls and texts whenever he can, I'd like it if he kept doing that. It doesn't matter we're at our friends house, that the woods are close and I could go looking. Devin doesn't want me near the woods, let alone in them. It'd be enough to wake me up and warn me, 'Hey, I'm gonna go do my job. Get some sleep, love you.', and to get little updates through the night. 'Hey, I'm alive.', 'It's creepy out here', or even, 'A horse just shit.' Literally anything. I don't care if I'm asleep, the text messages will be there when I wake up with or without Devin and I'll know he's safe. That's the only thing I care about.

"You always tell me when you're leaving and why you are. I know you have a job, but when I heard the door close and woke up without you, I thought you were leaving me because I did something bad or made you mad and that made me anxious. Then when I remembered what you're doing here, I got anxious about your safety. You didn't have your phone and I wouldn't know if something had happened. So, yes. Anxiety." It feels as if I word vomited, but I'm tired and want a long nap.

Devin kneads my thigh fat, leaning down to kiss my forehead. "Thank you, Baby Boy. I'm sorry I didn't think to take my phone, or wake you up. That was bad thinking on my part and it won't happen again. I'll tell you when I leave before bed and text you. I didn't mean to make you anxious, I didn't think you'd wake up and figured I'd be back before you got up."

He pulls me on his lap, situating me to where I'm straddling his hips with his arms around me. My face is kissed obnoxiously on any patch of skin he can reach, until I giggle and turn to hide into his throat. He chuckles, his voice contrasting against the silly action. "I'll never willingly leave you, Robert. I promise. I love you, please don't worry about me walking out on you, it won't happen. Do you believe me, Baby?"

Nodding, I do believe that. He had never lied to me before and I don't see him looking at other people, he keeps his focus on me. I'm shown he loves me everyday and it never once feels forced or faked, he's genuine. He hugs me tightly, "Good. I'm sorry I did that. But you need to know that I'll need to go out and do my job, the best bet I have for doing it is going out at night. I wanted to leave while everyone slept to see if I had a better chance of finding my targets. You understand?"

I nod, even if I have some questions. "Targets? There's more than one?"

Devin shrugs a shoulder, pulling at my hips to bring me closer. "I was only told that there are dangerous creatures here, not how many. However, there is a high chance there are more. My report states they come out at night, that's why I need to go and search after bedtime."

"What happens if you find it? More than one and they send one person? That doesn't seem very safe." I have a feeling the more questions I ask, the quicker he's going to distract me. I get it, I know I can't ask about work, but it sounds dangerous and our friends live here, I want everyone to be safe. Including Devin.

The Dominant sighs, rubbing at my lower back. "Bert, I can't reveal what could happen. I don't know what happens after I send my reports in, especially with something classified. That's above my pay grade. It's also why I'm the only one here, it's classified and I have a good background in following orders. I'm sorry, I know you're curious, so am I."

Then, before I can respond to that, he flips the conversation. "Tell ya what, for freaking you out and not thinking through my actions as I tell you to do, you get to punish me once. Nothing sexual, no spankings. How's that?"

I perk up at that, completely forgetting the previous topic in my excitement, sitting up and looking long and hard at him as I think. No kissing is boring and anything else I think of doesn't sound fun, I need an idea that he'll hate the way I hate rice timeouts. While I think, I feel his hands naturally and subconsciously slide to my butt to rest there. I grin, getting an idea that I know will be torture for him. Grabbing his hands, I pull them away from my butt. "Your punishment is not touching my booty. Ever. For a whole day. You are not allowed to touch, for whatever reason. Nope."

As soon as I say it, his eyes darken and he goes to grab at my butt. "Panda, I thought we agreed I own this ass."

I laugh, keeping his hand in my grip. "Not today, you don't."

Devin growls, not liking this punishment. He probably assumed I'd do something small that wouldn't be hard, that would be boring and I rarely ever get to punish him for real. I do little things to punish, or annoy, him. Taking away kisses, refusing things, that one time I refused sex. He never gives me permission to punish him, and probably never will again, after this. He loves touching my butt, does it whenever he can wherever we are. It's a subconscious action at this point, his hands naturally move down to grab it no matter who is around. His most favorite is when we play with ropes and he ties me up in a cute little rope harness that runs down to my private areas, the rope always squishies the fat on my butt. It creates little hills that when smacked, jiggle individually and Devin absolutely adores watching it. He even uses it as a pillow. Whenever he's home and I'm on my stomach, he'll come and lay his head on my butt as he watches TV. I find his obsession adorable, I love that he enjoys my body. However, this will be the only punishment I can think of that will feel like I'm punishing him. He won't like it, will most likely get frustrated, but it's a punishment. He's not meant to like it.

"You're gonna regret this, Pumpkin." In words it sounds like a threat, but all I hear are promises.

Pecking his lips, I grin. "Can't wait for that."

He smiles, then laughs when I yawn and use his big hand to rub at my eye out of habit. Devin takes our locked hands away from my eyes, smiling at the little noise that escapes my throat at the action. "C'mon, Baby, let's lay down. You're gonna get some sleep, I'll wake you up in a few hours."

Before I can nod my agreement to that, Devin is already gently laying me down on the mattress and positioning us. I'm cuddled into his chest as he wraps his arms around my waist, my eyes close automatically once I'm comfortable. Yet I open them and look up at him, seeing him relaxed with his own eyes closed. Devin is still dressed, his pants feel thick and he's wearing a hoodie, being under the blankets with that on must be uncomfortable. "Daddy?"

Instantly, he smiles at the title and hugs me closer. "Yeah, Doll?"

"Don't you wanna change?" My question earns a chuckle.

"Nah. I'll change later. Got a cutie that needs cuddling." I earn a kiss on my forehead for giggling. "Go to sleep, Giggles. I'll stay here."

I lean up to kiss him again. "Love you, Daddy."

"Love you too, Baby Boy. Sleep."