Chapter 18: A Terrible Mistake

The air around the Eiffel Tower was bitter cold that night, seeping in through the pores in Ladybug's suit. But she didn't care. Not after today.

According the Tikki she'd passed out against Chat Noir's chest in a fit of tears and he'd left a long while later. She closed her eyes and envisioned the way he held her. She didn't understand why it affected her so, but just the thought of him holding her sent alarming tingles through her body.

She'd never felt so embarrassed. First, she'd been humiliated in front of the school when she was rejected and then in front of her own partner when he had to console her. She couldn't help but wonder what he'd been thinking.

Or what he'd do if he knew the same weak girl was the one beneath the mask.

The pain was still fresh, the wound too deep. She hadn't wanted to move, but Tikki assured her the fresh air would do some good. Ladybug was the hero of Paris. She couldn't afford to be weak, especially if her people needed her.

The mask kept her identity secret and, along with it, all the baggage of her normal life. It was easier to stop crying as Ladybug –to find strength –and Marinette was sure it had something to do with Tikki's presence being a part of her in this form.

Ladybug inhaled deeply and looked over the blinding lights of the Parisian buildings. Noise from the streets buzzed and voices from cheerful people echoed all around. The city of lights, the city of love –it never slept.

She unhooked her yo-yo from her waist and readied herself to take off when someone landed behind her. She smiled bitterly, "I was wondering when you'd show." She turned around to face him, but unlike all the other times Chat wasn't smiling.

His ears were flat, his tail was limp and his entire demeanour seemed filled with fatigue. He didn't even look at her. "I did something awful." he muttered, staring down at his silver-tipped boots. He ran a clawed had through his unruly blonde hair and slumped down against one of the beams.

Ladybug frowned at him. "Chat, if this is about your civilian life then –,"

"I know what we agreed on." he snapped. Ladybug stared wide-eyed at him and he gritted his teeth. Fisting his hair in his hand, he sighed, "I'm sorry, Ladybug. I just make a terrible mistake and I could really use a friend right now."

Ladybug would've denied him. She herself was hurting inside, but when she saw his eyes illuminating in the light she couldn't find the strength to turn away. They were so dull and pained. Her heart ached for him and she seated herself in front of him.

"What happened now, Kitty?"

Chat flinched at the nickname and turned his head away from her. "I thought I was helping her. I thought I was doing the right thing. This girl –," his jaw clenched and his hands fisted in his lap, "And I had to break her heart."

Ladybug's heart fluttered anxiously in her chest. "What are you taking about? You're not making much sense."

Chat buried his face in his hands and groaned. "I told a friend of mine to confess to the boy she likes. He rejected her and now she's miserable. I pressured her, I –," he pulled his hands away and tilted his head back against the beam. "I should've just left it alone. And now she's down there crying because of my big fat mouth."

She didn't know what to say. She wanted to comfort him –to reassure him, but she wasn't supposed to know about his visits to her alter ego. She had to use her head, not her heart. "Does she know who you really are? Behind the mask?"

He shook his head, "No...she doesn't know who I really am."

Ladybug reached out for his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "Chat, this isn't your fault. You encouraged your friend to take a risk. That's a good thing."

"But you didn't see her." he whispered. He looked so dejected, so wounded that Ladybug struggled not to relive her own pain. She swallowed it down, tracing patterns along his hand and focused on the task at hand.

No one knew about Chat's double life but her. He needed someone to talk to and with no one else left it had to be her. "At least now she can finally move on with her life." replied Ladybug, "If she hadn't found out the truth about him she would've just kept wondering."

Chat's head lolled towards her and she breathed in deeply. "It would've all been shattered in the end anyway. At least now she had a chance to heal."

"You're right." Chat leaned forward and groaned, "You're always right, but...just seeing her like that. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget what I've done to her."

Ladybug dropped his hand and her body tensed. It was better this way. He was too close. "It goes to show, Chat. Our lives as superheroes are dedicated to capturing akumas and protecting Paris." The words felt foreign to her, but they were true.

"Are you seeing her as your true self or as Chat Noir?" she asked. He didn't answer, not that she needed him to. His ears drooped and his lips pursed. "Then maybe you should stop."

"What? No!" Chat glared at her so furiously that she would've flinched if she had the energy.

"No? What do you mean no?" asked Ladybug. "What if she develops feelings for you or you for her? You can never reveal who you truly. This is one-sided and it's dangerous for the both of you."

"You don't think I know that?" he growled, "I've tried to stay away and I've tried to stop, but you don't know her. Not the way I do." He stood up from the beam and Ladybug instinctively followed, afraid that he'd run off before she had a chance to explain.

"Think about it. Seeing her, like this, isn't a good idea."

Chat scoffed and turned his back to her. "You sound like my kwami." he muttered.

Ladybug froze. If his kwami had been telling him to stop than why hadn't he? Why did he keep coming back to her?

"Chat..." she whispered. He didn't turn around and Ladybug's lowered her head in defeat. "Just –just be careful. You're my partner and I don't want you to get hurt if something happens to –,"

"Nothing will ever happen to her." he snarled. He spun around to face her and within an instant he was standing right in front of her, only inches away. His eyes were hard and his body was tense. "I won't let it."

She nodded solemnly, terribly confused as to his defensive behaviour. "I can't force you. It's your decision, Chat. But please," she wrapped her arms around him, "be careful."

He looped his arms around her and pressed her tightly against him. "I love you, Ladybug. I always have." he whispered, "But I won't abandon her. Not like this."

Ladybug clung to him tighter, unwilling to let him see the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. It was wrong to listen to him say these words –words intended for someone else's ears. But it felt so good to know that he was there for her, both with and without the mask.

"There doesn't seem to be an akuma around. Go home, Chat. Rest up and I'll see you soon again." But she didn't let go and neither did he.

"Ladybug, can I ask you something?"

She discreetly wiped away her tears and pulled away from him. "Yeah, what is it?"

He looked nervous then, shifting anxiously from one foot to the other. "Will –Will I ever see who you are behind the mask. I don't want to pressure you, but maybe after Hawk Moth..." Ladybug would be lying if she said she wasn't curious, especially after how close they'd grown.

Ladybug would definitely miss him once he was gone and their duties were over. But maybe then it would finally be safe for them to reveal themselves.

"I honestly don't know, Chat." she whispered. He looked down, dejected and forced a smile. But Ladybug had to make sure at least one of them slept peacefully that night.

"But I'd like to." she added, "You're a great partner, Chat Noir and I trust you with my life. I'd like to have you as a friend one day."

"Come on, Bugaboo. Just friends?" he huffed and smirked, something devilishly and so ironically him. There was the Chat Noir she'd grown to cherish. "We both know that one day you'll fall for me and when you do I'll be right there to catch you."

He winked at her playfully, just like all the other times, but something about him was different this time. It was something Ladybug more felt than saw, but she was sure it was because of her –because her heart was still yearning for Adrien.

But he didn't want her. He'd made that perfectly clear.

"Goodnight, Chat Noir." Ladybug threw her yo-yo across the street and leapt off the building before he could blink.

Her feelings couldn't change overnight, but the thought of still having Chat in her life afterwards made her smile. Alya, Nino, Adrien, Chat Noir and Tikki. She couldn't remember better days without them and she couldn't imagine her future being any different.

If only things were as simple as Chat Noir wanted them to be.


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