Jeno sat at the table quietly, kicking his legs back and forth as he slowly ate his slushy. He watched the wall intently as Jaemin walked around the kitchen, cleaning things up but still staying close by as the older spaced out. It was as if there was a certain radius around Jeno that he wasn't willing to leave.

There was.

He just wanted to stay nearby in case Jeno needed him, that's all..

At least, that's what he told himself.

Truly, he was terrified. He had no clue anymore who he could trust and considering how many people he had just found out were a part of that, there was still a chance for something to go wrong.

Yangyang had called shortly after they had gotten home and reported that Mark had been arrested, a couple of the employees were also facing charges but Lucas was among the lucky ones without any. Chenle had been rushed to the hospital and was in a stable condition but they were still clueless as to what happened. The boy hadn't woken up yet so they couldn't get any answers from him, and of course, none of the employees had admitted to being responsible. But currently, Jeno was just peacefully eating his slushy, his gaze distant as he tried to block out the memories from the recent events.

Jaemin sighed as he looked up from the pan he was washing, seeing that Jeno had once again spaced off, the drink in his hands slowly melting.

"Jen, your slushy is gonna turn to syrup if you just keep ignoring it like that," Jaemin said softly. Jeno blinked a couple of times and looked down at the drink. Carefully he tried to pick up the spoon that Jaemin had given him earlier, shaking as he lifted it to take a bite. Jaemin watched with pity, rinsing the soap from the pan and putting it on the drying mat before walking over to Jeno. He pulled out the chair beside the older and smiled softly.

"Do you want Nana to help?" He asked gently, taking Jeno's free hand in a comforting manner. The older nodded enthusiastically.

"Can Nana feed it to me..?" Jeno asked sweetly, his words delicate as they fell off his tongue. An adorable pout made its way onto his lips as he spoke, his dark eyes sad like a puppy. Jaemin chuckled, ruffling the older's hair.

"Of course Nono." He said softly. He was hesitant to use too many pet names, remembering the way Jeno had gotten scared last time. Mark must've used them a lot, and it made Jaemin sick to imagine that horrible man calling his Jeno those things.

He carefully spoon-fed Jeno the icy treat, the older giving a satisfied smile at the flavor. The first couple spoonfuls he was as expressive as normal, but then after a little bit, the blank look came back. It was like fear had mixed with a numbing sense of safety until Jeno was left to feel nothing- an empty void of strange loneliness filling him in the most empty way possible. An oxymoron, I know, but it's the only way that the feeling could be described. His eyes lost all look of life as he numbly ate the slushy, Jaemin whispering small words of praise as he ate.

Sometimes, Jeno didn't understand why he was still alive. As emo as that sounds, he didn't get it. Why hadn't he died yet? He was nothing more than a burden to Jaemin, ruining his peaceful life without even having to lift a finger, but for some reason, Jaemin was still here.

For some reason, Jeno was still here.

And we all know it's partially because the author doesn't want to kill off her bias and make her friend's bias suffer, but for Jeno's sake, that's not the only reason he's alive.

"There you go, baby.." Jaemin said, the name rolling off his tongue without another thought. He rubbed gentle circles onto Jeno's back, the older flinching slightly at the contact before he relaxed again. "Do you wanna go to bed? Or if you want there's still time for is to watch a movie." Jeno didn't answer, his gaze remaining locked on something non-existent. Jaemin sighed softly, pity and sadness invading his mind. They sat there like that for a moment, Jaemin massaging Jeno's back gently as they both remained lost in thought until finally, Jeno spoke.

"Jaemin.."

"Hm?" The younger hummed, watching as Jeno turned to look at him. He felt himself slipping into the sad pools of Jeno's dark eyes, feeling the emptiness grow in his own chest just by looking at the older's expression. It had once been so alive, only days before it had been filled with hope and joy as he had proudly delivered the news of their child. But now it was just an overwhelming sadness, the pit of worthlessness holding Jeno hostage as he sat there.

There.

He wasn't really there.

Jeno was sitting in the chair, he was right in front of Jaemin's very eyes, but mentally he was elsewhere.

Mentally, he was trying...

He was trying not to lose himself.

He wanted so bad to let go. To scream and cry like a baby, to let Jaemin take care of him, to not care about anything anymore. But he also didn't want to disappoint Jaemin. He didn't want to make the younger feel like he had lost everything. He wanted to be there for Jaemin..

"What is it Jen?" Jaemin asked softly, once again breaking the silence between them. Jeno blinked, hot tears trailing uncontrollably down his cheeks, tracing his jawline delicately before gravity graced them once more, pulling them down to fall on their joined hands, the sparkling crystals falling so beautifully but expressing something so sickening,-

"Why am I alive?" He asked softly, his voice breaking.

Self-hatred.

He was growing to hate every part of himself.

If he had willed himself to hold on just a little bit longer, then maybe nothing would've happened, maybe he could've stopped Mark. He hated that all it had taken was a doll. All it took was a little sack of fabric stuffed with cotton and smothered in the scent of his lover for him to fade into the fragile yet powerful headspace that he called safety. He found it so gross, so disgusting that after everything that Jaemin had done for him, he was still that weak.

He felt weak.

He felt so weak, and worthless, and so incredibly alone despite the love of his life sitting right beside him.

"Oh my god Jeno.." He watched carefully as Jaemin slowly broke, his face slowly falling, the tears falling without him even blinking, the slow and gradual shaking as he heald onto Jeno tightly. "Jeno, please... Never ask me that. Never ask yourself that please.."

"Then answer me." He said firmly. Jaemin looked up at Jeno with a pain-filled gaze.

"Because, if you weren't alive Jeno,

I think I'd be asking myself the same thing."

Jaemin honestly knew that had Jeno not been in his life, had the older never needed him, he may not be alive. Even if he was, he knew for certain he wouldn't be anywhere near similar to who he was now.

"J-Jaemin.."

"What is it Nono?" The older suddenly crumbled, his expression turning from blank to devastated, his posture falling, his mouth opening in a silent plea as he let out a small wail, falling into Jaemin's now open arms and crying harshly.

"I-I'm so sorry a-and I really l-love you b-but he ruined it for us and I-I wanna try but I need you and Jaeminie I f-feel so lost and worthless.." He cried, clutching Jaemin's sweater tightly as he slid off of where he sat haphazardly on Jaemin's lap, his knees on the floor as he clutched the younger's sweater desperately. Jaemin stood up a bit, moving his chair out of the way to kneel on the ground beside Jeno. He pulled the older hurriedly into his lap, holding his shaking body close, clutching Jeno's head to his chest, slowly rocking them back and forth as he whispered small words of love and endearment to him.

"It's okay baby."

"You did nothing wrong."

"You're safe now."

"I'm here."

"Jaemin's here...."

The older cried for probably a solid three minutes before he just sat there, tired out of his mind and missing their bed.

"Come on baby. Ready to go to bed now?" Jaemin asked calmly. Jeno nodded, wanting to lay down and cry into Jaemin's chest until he fell asleep harder than he ever had before. The younger helped him stumble into their room, helping to lay him down comfortably on the bed. He got in beside him and immediately embraced the older, letting the crying continue on and on until finally, it stopped. The crying stopped and all that remained was the occasional soft sniffle from the boy's body.

It was 12 o'clock when Jaemin finally fell asleep, his arms wrapped securely around the older's waist as they drifted off, letting fatigue take hold of their exhausted brains and pulling them into sleep.

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