Me? Alive? Now?

Title: 🌍☄️👽🚀👨‍🚀🌠

Summary:
Kakashi Hatake wakes up on a Tuesday morning to find himself not only in the hospital, but in another dimension to boot. One where Minato-sensei and his old teammates are alive and the Uchiha massacre never happened. All of them claim that he's been in a coma since the Kanabi Bridge incident. That none of what he's remembering is real, or ever hapoened.

(His Sharingan eye begs to differ.)

Notes:

-Basically, Kakashi goes to bed normal one day, only when he wakes up, he wakes up in a hospital bed instead. And we all know Kakashi fucking hates hospitals so like, instant whammy.

-Kakashi freezing the moment Minato walks in wondering wtf drugs they gave him: 👁️👁️

-Dawg would be tripping out and distressed. Or maybe just numb? Like an "oh ♥️ this must be a dream! How cute and fun!" mentality.

-No because I can see him being in denial about it being real for at least a solid week. He would just assume he got hit in the head really hard and this was the result. 

-Naruto was never born in this universe which is heinous and insane in Kakashi's opinion, because Kakashi obviously loves and adores Naruto with every fiber of his being because I said so.

-Dadkashi for me, dadkashi for you. Dadkashi for all of us.

-Ft. Kakashi actually being a good sensei who engages with and teaches his students instead of just reading porn in a tree all day to cope with his PTSDIZZLE or whatever the hell he has going on. Also because I said so. I can do that.

-Kakashi loves and misses his dead teammates but he's got genin to worry about now. Fatherhood waits for no man. Homeslice is gonna find his way back no matter what.

-Problem: everyone is hovering because they think he just woke up from a coma. You shove your teammate out of the way of some rocks, get brained, and fall into a thirteen year coma ONCE and suddenly no one will leave you alone. Honestly.

-Kakashi has coped, moved on, and is happy, healthy, and stable! He has healthily grieved and processed the deaths of his sensei and teammates and is a fully functioning adult!

-(I'm kidding his life is a fucking nightmare and he never catches a break)

-Kakashi is 100% not shy about telling the truth. He's straight up like "I am not from here, I have babies to get back to, they are stupid and will die without me"

-Everyone is like "Haha no, that's the brain injury/coma talking!"

-Like hello wouldn't he be mentally thirteen still if he'd been in a coma all this time? Y'all the ones that need to wake up.

-They just think he's weird because he got whacked in the head. Kakashi also "lost his eye" in the accident, leaving him with an eye patch to cover it. The MOMENT Kakashi is allowed out of that bed, he's in the bathroom looking in the mirror pulling that bad boy off.

-Lo and behold his Sharingan is there. Aka he is NAWT crazy, thank you very much

-He's sort of wary of showing it though, because what if they try to gouge it out of his skull? The Uchiha clan is still around. Obito still has two eyes. There is no explanation they'll believe for where he got it.

-Kakashi Lowkey doesn't care if they believe him. He believes himself, which is the most important part

-"Kakashi, I didn't know you dabbled in seals."

"I got into them after your son was born. Naruto. Ball of sunshine. Light of my life. Has the nine tailed fox sealed inside him."

"Now Kakashi, you KNOW Kushina can't have kids, you silly goose!"

-Like, Minato. Brother in arms. Pookie bear. Where would he have learned all this complicated seal shit if he was asleep the whole time?

-"Maybe he was waking up to train when no one was around and not saying anything all this time because he didn't want to be bothered!" —Obito, probably

-Anytime someone tries to tell Kakashi he's crazy, he just starts waxing poetic about his dear genin. Oh how he misses them. Sakura, the sensible one. Sasuke, the emo one. Naruto, practically Kakashi's son.

-Kakashi names Naruto his heir 2k24 in 4k Ultra HD

-Speaking of Sasuke, he was born in this universe, unlike Naruto. And this version is so fucking weird. Like, imagine a Sasuke that never lost his clan. He'd be so chipper. He'd still be following Itachi around like a puppy.

-Kakashi would probably physically recoil from him, seeing him smile for the first time. It would be too unnatural. He might start dry heaving. He needs out of this place. Lunatics, everywhere!

-Rin trying to do the hair tuck lip bite on Kakashi but Kakashi is just like "my babies 😭 MY BABIES". He has no time for romance‼️ His children await‼️‼️

-"Are you oka—" he is never going to be okay again if he loses his genin

-Kakashi goes back to his universe? No. Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura come to the universe he's in?

-YALL KNOWWWW ME

-Naruto would fr just sniff him out. AU where he has heightened senses thanks to the fox, plus he's a chakra sensor because baddie Naruto or no Naruto. Turn up, disco party, hit the Dougie

-Imagine Kakashi is just mid sentence and suddenly they turn the corner and he's just like "🧍‍♀️"

-"I told you guys he was this way! Believe it!" Followed by "KAKASHI-SENSEI! We thought you DIED!"

-Actually, Naruto thought he died. Sasuke and Sakura thought he got tired of their shit and finally abandoned the village to be free of them.

-Kakashi would be so relieved oh my god. He'd lose his MIND. His children. They lived somehow. And now they're here and he has them. And he also has his previously dead sensei, that sensei's wife, and his old teammates. Talk about completion.

-"Sasuke whatever you do, do not kill Itachi"

"Hn 🗿"

-Minato would be fucking flabbergasted. Everyone would be. What do you mean he wasn't lying? What happened to their Kakashi, then? Like, hello? What? Who?

-Minato and Kushina who always wanted a child but could never have one staring at Naruto like 👁️👁️

-Kakashi gonna be fighting them off 🤺🤺🤺 this is his child now. Begone.

-"How did you even get here?"

"Okay so I begged Kurama— that's the nine tails by the way we're totally best friends now— like nonstop until he got so annoyed he helped! And he's like totally chill!"

-☝️😦✊😐

-Another day, another heart attack

-Happy Sasuke vs Unhappy Sasuke, FIGHT!

-The Itachi angst would be so incredibly real bro. Naruto would be so annoying too. He's make it at least ten times worse at a minimum.

-"Hey isn't that your older brother that killed your whole entire family?"

-Itachi would be like "what 🧍‍♀️"

-Everyone tweaking out when Kakashi not only reveals he has a Sharingan, but also kicks ass and levels the battlefield because he's a baddie like that

-Obito would be mad but only because Kakashi only has one Sharingan, isn't even an Uchiha, and STILL manages to use it better than him. Stay salty

-Basically more dimension travel as usual 😩 Same story, different font. I cannot be stopped

Now onto the most important PART:

They're so fat my babies ugh