ANOTHER Naruto draft??? I had to do it guys this has been pinging around in my brain too long. Shout-out to my friend Solar who brainstormed with me. We were laughing too much bro 😭

Idk if I like the cover BUT I have a moral obligation to make one every time so

Title: 🧺👕👖🗓️

Summary:
In the aftermath of his clan's death, Sasuke is allotted an apartment and left to his own devices. Eight years old and with only half an idea how to take care of himself, Sasuke is utterly alone, traumatized, and plagued by bitter hatred that only continues to grow in the face of his solitude.

At least... until his neighbors help him figure out how to do his laundry, and realize a literal child is living alone next door to them, with no one to watch him.

Or: Five frat bros living in a too small apartment find out the last Uchiha is their neighbor. They can hardly take care of themselves, but he's small and he's sad. What kind of bros would they be if they just left him hanging?

Notes:

-It would be so funny. Like I say that all the time, but imagine if Sasuke Uchiha was raised by a bunch of frat boys next door. Literally frat boys.

-For anyone who doesn't know what a frat boy is, think stupid college boys living together, sorta like a club. Like nineteen year olds— they do stupid shit like steal shopping carts to race down hills, drink cheap beer, live off cheap ramen noodles, stay up until 3AM

-They're not in a super formal frat but they're all bros and they're all idiots. The five main ones are jammed into the apartment next to Sasuke's, but there are others within the same apartment building as well.

-Okay so plot:

-After the Uchiha massacre, Sasuke is essentially cast to the side. Sent to live on his own and given no way to cope with his trauma, he grows bitter and incredibly depressed.

-Like, think about it. He went from having a massive family to having nobody at all. From being loved to being a novelty within the village, whispered about and admired simply because he survived.

-Itachi rocked little man's SHIT and then left him in the hands of people who did absolutely nothing but let him stew in his negative emotion.

-So the premise is that Sasuke, having grown up with a loving mother and present(ish?) father, really has no idea how to take care of himself. His mother did the shopping, the cooking, his laundry, etc. He's eight years old and has just lost his family, and now he's thrust into this whole new world where he's gotta learn to function.

-Sink or swim

-He's given a small apartment. Pretty cheap— nicer than Naruto's, but not great. This apartment complex serves as home to many of the attendees of Konoha's in-village university, including around 60 young men who identify as being in the same fraternity.

-Not all of them are focused on though, our main boys are the five directly next to Sasuke, who has the corner apartment

-They all came from a small village outside of Konoha, but journeyed in to get a specialized education. Complete civilians, not ninja in the slightest. They're even a little redneck compared to the Leaf, a village that's considered to be "modern" at the time

-They're loud, stupid, always playing music, always staying up late making noise, always out in front of the apartment playing football and soccer, and for some reason, any one of them is in their rawdog boxers at any given time and nothing else. Sasuke despises them.

-For now 😀

-Two of them meet him for the first time down in the laundry room after about a month of Sasuke living there though. Little bro has two laundry baskets and no idea how to use the washing machine, and he's absolutely distressed, sobbing because... you know. His entire family is dead and his clothes smell bad

-So, they help a homie out. They'd be so nice and supportive about it too and not make it a big deal. Mad casual, and Sasuke would have his first "maybe they're not garbage" train of thought

-Frat boys are also mad gossips though, so you know they went back upstairs after that and were like:

-"Bro. Our neighbor is a literal eight year old."

"Word?"

"Straight up, bro. I think he's the one who like, had his whole fucking family killed or some shit. And he's like living alone."

"Dude, that's fucked."

"We should get the little man some apple slices. Kids dig that shit. I fucking love apple slices."

-They would force their way in. They're extroverted, have no real social tact, and are basically a bunch of 18-19 year old boys living alone for the first time. They barely know what they're doing.

-But they totally know an eight year old isn't supposed to be living all by himself, especially after his whole family died. Facts.

-"Bro, I'm literally a psychology major, and he's like, traumatized or some shit."

"You don't need to be a fucking psychology major to figure that out, you moron. Slice the fucking apple and go give him a hug."

-Sasuke would be so resistant to it but who cares. They'd haze him into it. They're his fathers now. His actual fathers.

-They would dramatically recount birthing him from their own nonexistent wombs non-stop. Sasuke would be so embarrassed but also secretly pleased a little bit.

-They would hype him in EVERYTHING too. Sasuke used to crave his own dad's validation, but now he cooks some rice on the stove and they're like "Yo, little man! Turn up!!!"

-Like what

-They're not ninja but you know they'd kick ass for him anyway. And they'd be weirdly good at it too. Frat boys are resourceful I swear.

-Sasuke would be so confused. Confused enough to get adopted against his will and barely realize it. Yo holla

-No, but imagine the gravity of them being frat bros. Imagine the shit they'd get up to. Sasuke's entire childhood would be so wild.

-They'd take him to a club and he'd have the time of his actual life. Endless free orange juices from the bartender. Loud music, flashing lights, and where is Sasuke?

-On someone's shoulders with drunk college kids chanting his name not because he did anything in particular, but simply because he's there, he's eight, and can chug orange juice

-"CHUG, CHUG, CHUG" and the entire crowd loses it. Sasuke, who can make a gigantic fireball, which his own father scoffed at, would be absolutely dazzled bro

-Imagine the entire frat has a super complicated secret handshake that Sasuke of course learns, and then one day on a D-rank he gets hired by a former frat brother

-"My man, Sasuke. Just the fuck to get the job done. Consider your pay doubled, brother. You've grown like the goddamn weeds you're gonna be pulling out, little dude." Followed by the most fucking elaborate series of hand movements literally ever

-The irony is the frat bros could probably do ninja hand signs better than most chunin because of how complex their handshakes are. It would be so funny

-Kakashi and the rest of Team Seven watching their aloof and distant teammate chat it up with this random dude that hired them like they're old pals

-"Bro, Sasuke used to live in the apartment right above me. We're tight, bro. Like we're totally tight. You don't even know him. Little man has the reputation. Bro got up to some heinous shit. Yo, remember two years ago, Friday the 13th, the fucking finger incident—"

-Like Kakashi, with his file that says Sasuke is isolated and has the potential to one day go nukenin based on evaluations, would be so fucking lost

-Them bringing Sasuke to a shady house party because he "needs to get out more"

-No because the chunin exams would come and like the entire fraternity would be in the stands. The main five in the front. Shirtless, covered in poorly painted Uchiha fans, gigantic hand made banner held over their heads.

-They'd do that obnoxious woofing thing guys do to hype one another up during sports it would be hilarious

-They'd lose their minds. A whole section of the stands would just roar. Like, inappropriately so. They'd treat it like a football game and everyone else would be like "uh... Anyway..."

-They'd be so worried about him when he was little too. Like they would not be able to stop thinking about it

-"Can the little man reach his own mailbox?"

"Bro... that's a good question."

-"Wait, he's like a baby ninja right? Do you think he has his own workout routine and gear? Who's spotting him?"

-Gym bros for lyfe

-Sasuke shows them a new training thing. Simple stuff, academy level. They just insisted they really did care and really did wanna see, which his own father never did, so Sasuke reluctantly shows them and they're like:

"LITTLE MAN IS ON THAT BEAT"

*Obnoxious college football levels of cheering and woofing. An entire celebration. A special dinner.*

-Frat bros only need the vaguest excuse to party and then they're there

-Instead if designated driver they have the designated sitter who stays sober for the sole purpose of keeping track of Sasuke at parties

-They feed him but it's like broke college kid food and the occasional vegetable when they remember he needs those

-Sasuke, used to being held to the literal highest of standards, suddenly getting praised for doing what he considers actual baby stuff: 👁️👄👁️

-Eight year old Sasuke having another canon event watching four regular dudes duct tape another dude to the ceiling just because, and the entire ceiling coming off and breaking the sprinkler system, drenching the entire apartment

-He thinks they're trying to make fun of him at first, but also like, these dumbasses don't seem smart enough to do that either.

-Them: "Bro, you gotta be zen and like, let go of hatred. You gotta rock on and all that shit. Shanti, or whatever."

Sasuke, who has grown to look up to them: "Okay."

-And then he just like does. He's like "I will be mad no longer 💞" and the frat bros are like "Fucking sweet, bro. This rocks."

-Sasuke letting go of revenge because they show him the value of living his own life and nobody else's, and following the path he created for himself. Hating itachi for what he did, but never letting it control him or his choices.

-More "CHUG CHUG CHUG" but it's literal apple juice at an ordinary breakfast

-Lowkey want them to unironically go up to bat for Sasuke and completely kick ass on accident. Like against someone they should've stood no chance with.

-*Hairspray and a lighter on Orochimaru and surprise, he happens to be super allergic to it in addition to the fire*

-They join Sasuke's training regime as he grows, supporting him because little bro ain't doing it alone, and are surprisingly competent in the end

-I should give them super advanced degrees they're studying that play into said training. Hence the surprising competence.

-"Bro, this cursed seal shit is basic math. It's fucking geometry. No, fucking look, when he channels mojo into that shit— yeah, see? We can fucking crack it. It's like a safe. Remember that party back in—"

-"No, bro. Physics is like my thing. Throw it at this angle. Straight up, swear on my meemaw's grave."

-The chemistry dude learning to combine certain jutsus to create others because naturally if you mix this, that, and that, you'll get this. So Sasuke shows up to training and is like creating literal fucking explosions and poison gas and Kakashi is like "what"

-Also, you know they realized like late one night: "oh shit, we're all like platonic dads now" and frantically read every "so your kid wants to be a ninja" book. They'd be more dedicated to that than their actual coursework and that's for real

-One bro was undecided, but decided to go into child psychology

-It's like when college roommates adopt a stray cat together but the cat is Sasuke! Or something

-"I'll be the therapist. Who wants to be the mom?"

"I call dibs on the dad."

"No bro, he's studying engineering and he's tallest, he's the dad. If you can fix a sink you're a dad. That's dad facts, bro."

"Fuck. I'm the oldest, maybe I'm peepaw."

-Another is a med student with specialization in trauma wounds and is the designated patcher-upper.

-No because the way Sasuke would go to the frat boy doctor first and the hospital second

-Them punching Itachi but then one of them is like "No bro, I have a good bullshit meter. I have a good bullshit meter, bro. He loves our little man. You can fucking tell. Watch, watch."

-Sasuke gains a very strange smattering of knowledge across very weird subjects. Some of which no child his age should know.

-He'd be weirdly knowledgeable about alcohol. Not that they're letting him drink, but like, he's witnessing. He'd be able to throw together a killer cocktail like SMACK.

-Tazuna shows up. Sasuke recognizes the brand of alcohol and is just so judgemental. Like, there's better brands for the same price? Why's this man drinking borderline poison?

-Dude, the frat bros would be fucking obnoxious while he's in the academy. They'd hang up all his graded assignments. They'd show up to any and every event. They'd be relentless.

-Iruka when five idiots pile into his office for the parent teacher conference of an orphan: 😐

-They'd hate the government too. Like even if they didn't before, they absolutely do now because their little man was abandoned. He's becoming a child soldier. That's fucked up.

-And him being left alone after his entire family got killed like what.

-But they're not going to let Sasuke know they don't like his life choices, naturally. Not his fault he was brainwashed. They're gonna support his ambitions to the end. If he wants to be a ninja, pop the champagne, bitch.

-Sasuke having that same aloof, cold personality but every so often he slips something in that makes people do a double take.

-Like he'll be talking like normal and outta nowhere he'll be like "you look like you have a micropenis" and then continue like nothing happened. The most immature, random shit. Random slang too.

-"The enemy is approximately six foot, highly capable. Highly trained in taijutsu and ninjutsu both, with fire and wind nature. Gives a weird as fuck vibe. Was last seen heading towards—"

-His team would be doing double takes. The random profanity. The random use of bro, dude, yo, and other stuff that seems super uncharacteristic of him to say.

-"He was smoking a boge."

"A what."

"A boge."

"????"

"A cigarette! He was smoking a cigarette!"

-Itachi almost grabbing Naruto but getting caught off guard by Sasuke standing at the end of the hall, squinting and saying something like: "Yo, what the fuck."

-The frat bros realize that Itachi doesn't actually want to be in Akatsuki because he has the same micro expression as Sasuke when doing something he doesn't want to. Like the faintest twitch and these five dudes are like "yoooo... Wait a second."

-"Did you fucking see that?"

"Bro, I fucking saw that."

"He did the face."

"He's doing it again."

"Shit, bro."

-When Itachi comes home, because we save him in this house as y'all know, they'd treat him like a bro and he would not know what to do.

-Like, what happened to his baby brother after he was gone? Why is Sasuke unfazed? Why's he living with these five random dudes wtf???

-Sasuke can shotgun anything. He doesn't drink soda like a normal person anymore. He pokes hole in it. Like, his parents never allowed him soda, and it's just how he's always seen his frat dads do it.

-Sasuke somehow thinking that cannonballing is an acceptable way to wake someone up. Which if you don't know is leaping into the air, tucking your legs, and landing on someone who's dead asleep. Props if they're passed out on the couch

-"Where's your kunai pouch?"

"Oh. I left it on the fratio."

"The what?"

-Like come on, Kakashi. He left it on the frat patio. Get with the times.

-Him referring to cheap beer as frat water would be so funny

-Tazuna being super drunk and Sasuke saying he's "gurked" instead of "wasted" like any normal person

-The way Sasuke would be able to roll up to sex ed class and be like "I already know... All of this."

-Not because he experienced it but come on. He's living with frat guys. They're gonna give him the rundown, as is their duty as his new parents.

-"It's called Gonorrhea, Sasuke. We don't refer to it as the... clap."

"It's the same thing."

"It's also Chlamydia, not the... clam. And I see you wrote down "Hi-five" instead of HIV. Sasuke, I can't pass you on this test."

-Like there are dangers out there and as frat bros, it is their solemn duty to make sure Sasuke knows.

-Sasuke following the rules of the frat to a T. So when something is awkward, he announces that it's awkward out loud. He also never argues with Naruto or Sakura for long, and when he does it must be done with empty threats along the lines of "you wanna go?"

-Sasuke actually loving parties. He'd be THE party animal. The moment he's old enough to drink, the frat bros would be losing it.

-By the time Sasuke graduates the academy it will have been like four years, so maybe they buy a house by then. Like a criminally small one, but still a house. 

-I just want frat boy Sasuke and his frat dads. It would be so fucking funny. Five dudes who know nothing about responsibility getting together to try and raise a single, traumatized child. And morphing him into this weird ninja-bro combination. It would be glorious.

Anyway, now onto the most IMPORTANT part that you all love and adore and it's the only reason you're here, haha, I caught you:

I present... Princess Pamela

Omfg she's a chunk have another one. Idk how she hasn't like died yet she's literally 14 going on 15

We need a Snowflake too here:

Ft. my bed but anyway I love THEM. I literally have a cringey Instagram for them too and I like line up the photos so they connect. I'm that person. I have a whopping 51 followers on there and I am completely fine with it at least someone is witnessing my raw talent in graphic design