"If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash, then crash and burn

You're not alone"

Crash and Burn, Savage Garden

Arundhati's POV

Would it be enough on my part to say that I hadn't expected this in the least? That I was so shocked that I sat down on the bed with a thump? That I stared on ungracefully for a long time?

He sat there on the armchair, head in his hands. His shoulders shook a bit, as if he was trying so very hard to control his....his what? Emotions? The clock ticked on, and he didn't raise his head, and I didn't speak.

"Should we leave?" out came a sound from my mouth that didn't resemble my voice in the least.

No reply. His shoulders heaved once and he remained silent.

"Neil" I ventured hesitantly. Lord above, what was one supposed to say in a case like this? Yes, please marry me? Yes, let's get together? No, give me some time? What does one say to get out of a situation as awkward as this? Does one even say anything? What would Penny say? Penny would...yes, this would work. Penny would distract.

"I was never like this" his voice was so low, and I was so lost in my own overworked mind that I almost missed it. "I was never so talkative, or so desperate. I was...I was always...calmer than this."

"It's alright, Neil" I replied impulsively, "It's...shall we leave? You don't seem...right..."

He didn't. Not only had he still not looked up, but his knuckles were getting whiter too. He was clutching onto his hair with inhuman ferocity. Was this man so worried about what had happened all those months back? Did he regret it to this extent?

An inexplicably warm feeling flooded my chest. He might not mean it to the extent I was imagining it to be, but he did feel some, and that was a start. Silently, I got onto my feet, and walked over to the armchair. I didn't know what to say, so I simply raised my hand, albeit apprehensively, and rested it softly on his head.

He jerked, and his fingers unclenched imperceptibly.

"Come on" I felt a smile creeping up my face, "I'll drive you home."

He had a wonderful apartment. Converted, he had told me, when he noticed that I couldn't stop looking around. He hadn't recovered well from whatever form of meltdown he was having, and had uncomplainingly handed me the keys and taken the passenger seat. Not before helping me into the SUV, mind you. He had closed his eyes and had fallen into an uneasy sleep.

Meanwhile, my mind was racing at a hundred miles an hour. Buried memories kept whizzing by, mingling with Neil's words and a whole lot of other "meets" where I had been turned down unceremoniously. Michael's words mingled with Seth's, my father's voice melded with someone else's. After a point, I sincerely felt that I would go stark staring mad. This man provoked too many emotions in me. First, of hope, and now....I couldn't even understand this confused, convoluted feeling.

He told me he had never been like this, this talkative, this desperate. I wished I could tell him back that I too had never been like this. I had never been so hard and uncommunicative or serious. I was branded crazed as those who knew me, and no because of my workaholicism. I was as fun as the next girl. I'll bet I was funner.

He made me serious, with his grown-up ways. His sensitivity and his accommodating nature. I didn't gel well with it, I realized on the drive back. If only he was a little less serious, a little less grown up. I knew nothing of his character, his likes, dislikes, nothing.

He was a stranger, and yet I felt as we had this indefinable bond. If only I could see a little more of who he was, rather than this all-accommodating buffoon who made me feel like I should be all serious and grown up.

Neil woke up right before I entered his locality. Dazed, he looked around, noticed me and stopped. Stopped doing anything, mind you. I couldn't even hear him breathe. I shot him a look and he straightened in the seat, and started giving directions. If it hadn't been so dark, and he hadn't been staring at the windshield so steadfastly, he might've seen a small smirk-like smile up on my face.

I parked in his spot, and we went up the elevator, which is when I saw his apartment. It was beautiful, have I mentioned already? Minimalist, yet not stark. Colorful, yet sated. Designed, yet homely.

"I did it myself" he spoke softly. My eyes were glued to the high ceiling, I wasn't really paying attention to his movements.

"I thought you were just a structural engineer with a middling salary" I whipped around, surprised. Every corner of the place has class emblazoned on it.

"Software money" he shrugged, "Some friends and I had developed a software for structural loads under wind load...basically to help in unique cases. Sold it to a drafting software developer for some and then more."

"Not much of a catch, eh" I found myself remarking.

"What?"

My felt started feeling hot. He obviously didn't remember it. "You...you had told me that you weren't much of a catch..."

He chuckled, "Yeah, it wasn't all that much money. Barely much left. I wanted a nice house, I put in a lot of into this place."

"It shows" I looked around some more, "it's done up exquisitely."

He sat down on the couch in the living area, as I, forgetting my manners kept ogling at every detail of the house. I couldn't help it. I was an interior designer. Good interiors got me excited. It was only when I wandered and reached the bedrooms that I realized how out of line I was. I was supposed to help him out – he wasn't well – not wander around his house like Charlie in a chocolate factory.

Face aflame with embarrassment, I power-walked to the living room where he was slumped in the couch. What in the world was wrong with him? He opened one eye when I stood a few feet away, and almost comically shut it back.

This kid.

"Neil, what about food?"

"Are you making some?" pat came his reply.

I almost snorted in amazement.

"You're feeling better I see" I said testily.

"I am, thank you for asking." His eye opened again to evaluate my reaction, "Dinner please?"

Was this guy bipolar? An hour ago, he was all serious and weepy and grown-up, and now he was answering back like a bloody adolescent. Playing me, was he?

"I'm not that great at cooking." I fibbed.

"As long as it isn't burnt." he shrugged, closing his eye again. I wanted to gouge it out.

"You're going to get toast and tea." I warned.

"That's my usual breakfast, fear not." He knew exactly which buttons to push. And he did not sound like the Neil I thought I knew.

But I had promised to help him out. What would one night hurt?

I marched to the kitchen. It was a guy kitchen. A rich guy-kitchen. Damn, I wished it was mine. All chrome and steel and the air of disuse. Instant foods were crammed in cupboards, packaged stuff in the fridge. This guy practically lived out of packets. I sighed. This would be easy. Where were the goddamned instant noodles? Or those frozen mac and cheeses every singleton kept?

I saw instant ramen packs and got two of them down. That's what he's going to get for being a bloody kid. In went hot water, and five minutes later, I placed a cup of noodles on the living room table and retreated to the dining room. He sat up, and blinked a bit. I saw his mouth turn up at the sight of ramen.

"I like ramen" he remarked simply, looking up to where I was standing near the door to the dining area.

"Not your breakfast, I presume" I said caustically.

"Naww, it's a treat in its own right" he chuckled, "it's always a treat when someone else makes you something to eat."

I smiled involuntarily. As I watched him tuck in uncomplainingly, I remembered another time, in another era when I had made ramen for a man, a man I had loved uncompromisingly. I remembered how he harshly he had spoken about my inability to put up something better, not caring that I was as dog-tired as he was.

I blinked myself out of my memory to see another man in front of me, a man who seemed to appreciate the effort that went in adding hot water to a ramen cup.

**

Neil's POV

I never knew sickness could reel in a woman like this.

She should've never even given me a chance after whatever had happened between us, and between our families. She should've refused dinner. She should've thrown me out of the hotel room with an aspirin.

But here she was, sleeping in the room next to mine, while I, supposed to be resting, was unable to catch a bloody wink. It wasn't the tossing-turning type either. I lay like a log, too tired to move, mind racing too fast for me to calm it down and sleep.

She got me home, she offered to stay the night, and she made me dinner. Who in their right minds would do so? I knew very little of this girl and I wanted to know more. Really, really wanted to know more.

I was committed to my first girlfriend Karen for over a year. She used to stay over occasionally, and definitely not in the next room. Forget Karen, Stacie, my next girlfriend used to stay over too. But in neither of their cases was I rendered sleepless due to worry.

Was she sleeping okay? Did she need water? Oh god, I didn't offer to get her a bottle of water before I came over to sleep. Should I check up on her?

You see? Absolute desperate, stalkerish thoughts. I wondered what rendered me so crazy. I was supposed to light-tempered, casual, cool...nothing like this imposing, stalkerish mother-hen that I was feeling like.

I swung my legs out of the bed and sat up. The bedside clock read 3:41 am. Moonlight mingled with streetlight as it came in through my window. The city lay still, as far as I could hear. I sighed, and my sigh felt too loud. A walk around the apartment won't hurt right? My killer headache had settled, and now my skull hurt from the continual throbbing it had suffered through for almost the entire day.

A walk won't hurt. I'll just make sure that she was sleeping okay.

I tested my legs, and stood up gingerly, all the while feeling as if I had aged years and years. Hell, even the doorknob sounded too loud to me as I twisted it open and stepped out.

I sliver of light caught my eye, and I turned. There was a glow coming from the living area, a soft white glow. Now, I'm not superstitious, but I'm no testosterone-buffed super male either. What the hell? I cursed as I walked up to the living area gingerly, looking around to see if there was anything I could use as a potential weapon. There wasn't.

I shouldn't have bothered. The soft glow came from a laptop, and behind the laptop sat a woman.

"You need something?" asked Arundhati, not even looking up from the screen.

I managed a shaky laugh. "It's my home, I should be asking you that."

"True" she glanced up, "But really, need anything?"

I shook my head. She had changed into a pair of sweats and a ragged t-shirt. At least that's what I could make out from the strong moonlight-streetlight combination that flooded my living room.

"What are you up to?"

"Work, darling."

I stopped. Say what?

"Sorry" she chuckled nervously as she looked up again, "I'm...used to my roommate....Penny and I talk like that all the time..."

"Yeah" my voice was hoarse, "Darling and all...yeah, I... get that..."

"I was checking another interiors project" she offered by means of explanation, "Penny sent over this residential thing...this bloody owner..."

I was bored and sleepless. She was working. Well, why not?

"Can I help?"

She looked up with an inscrutable expression on her face, as if she was calculating something at top speed. After a few moments, she nodded imperceptibly.

"The bloody owner wants a large hall on one side, but there's this column that we can't shift...."

I sat down next to her, and together we slowly worked through the entire layout. Wherever she had a problem with the structure, I managed to guide her. I had no idea how the time slipped by. She told a few tales on difficult clients. She had me giggling like a small girl by the end of it. I told her of this really irritating client we once had who wanted a house on a single column.

"Oh God, what...what did you do?" she was laughing so hard that she could barely speak.

"We gave him that" I was half sprawled on the couch, tired from laughing. She laughed louder than ever, her body racking with mirth.

"A column of five metre diameter, no less."

"You practically gave him a part of a bridge!"

"A locomotive bridge, yes" my grin was making my jaw hurt. She was still laughing, taking in deep breaths to stop from bursting into a fit of laughter again.

I turned my head to the side, only to see that maybe, just maybe, the sky was a little lighter that I remembered. I sat up and looked around for the clock. 5:52 am. Had it already been more than two hours?

I looked back towards her, only to see that she had sobered down and was looking ruminatively at me. In just one second, the entire situation turned awkward. She turned to the blasted laptop screen again and refused to look up. What could I do now? I stared at my hands.

"Would we have been like this?"

If it had been any lower, I would've missed the whisper.

I shut my eyes at that. I couldn't comprehend what was going on. Sometimes it felt as if everything had sorted out, and then I would wake up to realise that everything was exactly where it was. She was single. I was single. And we had this pathetic awkwardness between us.

I knew what I wanted to ask her. And I knew that if not now, I would never be able to muster up courage to ask her later.

"Arundhati..."

"Yes, Neil" her voice was hushed, a bit dejected.

"How long will you stay here?"

"Oh" she seemed startled, "Oh, it's almost 6...you're right, I should get going..."

"No" I looked up, "If I asked you to stay here, at least till we sort out that Seattle project, would you stay here?"

"You're opening up your house to stranger?" confusion flickered in her beautiful light brown eyes.

"I don't want you to be a stranger." I looked her in the eye, "Let's not do this to ourselves. Let's not let this awkwardness kill our chances to be friends."

***

Hi reader,

I apologise, but this kind of humor actually has us architects and structural engineers laughingXD Perils of our business, what can I say...and some clients really are too funny!

Keep reading and voting:) I'll keep writing:)

Ciao