You better appreciate my drawing above, drawing water is HARD 

Trigger warning: Mentions of self-harm, panic attack (V brief), and sex

"I've got a joke," was the welcome Abigail got to Andy's hospital room, and she sat down, waited for him to continue. "So," he went on. "A horse goes into a bar and asks for a drink, and the barman goes, 'why the long face?'" Andy grinned like it was the best joke in the world, and Abigail couldn't help but to laugh. 

"Biersack," she said. "I will never fully understand how the hell your mind works." 

"Wait, I've got more. Okay, so listen to this. Two goldfish in a tank, one says to the other, 'how do we drive this thing?'." 

"Heard that before." 

Andy huffed. "Get out," he playfully demanded. "I only talk to people who find me funny." 

"You've no idea how funny I find you." 

"Is that a compliment or a horrible insult?" He sipped the hot chocolate a nurse had brought him and said, "Well, is it funny that I had a stroke? Because I find a certain humour in it. You know, they all thought I had one the first time I overdosed. Also, I have, like, no clue what I'm saying, because I accidentally and quite badly bit myself like an hour ago and they gave me something that's made me feel, like, slightly numb and also slightly like I'm full of electric. And my mind is like a fucking bag of fireworks and they're all going off at once - like, bang bang bitch -  so, like, ignore everything I say." 

Abigail didn't quite know how to respond to that, and decided after a moment on, "What happened for you to bite yourself?" 

"You're asking like I have the words to tell you right now. I think I might have been having a panic attack, but I also have no clue, and all that I can think is that how come everyone draws cows with black spots when hardly any actually look like that? I mean, unless I've just never seen a normal fucking cow. Which is very possible because - I don't even know why. I feel so floaty, like, is this bed made of nothing?" 

"Do you know what they gave you?" 

"They said something about pain medicine or something, I don't know, I was too busy being fucking panic attack-y. But now I think I'm, like, flying, or floating, or something not normal. Are you always that short? And also why did I get Batman tattooed so big on my arm, like Batman better fucking appreciate my permanent dedication to him. And did you know that baby rabbits are called kittens?" 

"I did know that, yes," Abigail said, trying not to laugh. "Did you know that a flock of crows is called a murder?" 

"I'll do a murder on whoever decided that salt and caramel go together. Like, it's basically just like eating something made out of cum. Like, just such a dick if you want that. And also, don't offer to suck someone's dick if you know your gag reflex is bad because someone threw up on me while doing it and it really dampened the mood." 

Laughing, Abigail shook her head, collected herself. "I didn't realise you had such strong opinions on salted caramel," she said. "What about strawberry with black pepper?" 

"Strawberry with what now? Oh no, woman, you're talking insane right now. Strawberry with black pepper, who fucking eats that mound of shite? Should you get the straitjacket or shall I? Or are you already wearing one, because no offense, but also take offense, that coat is hideous and if you came into my office wearing it, I'd make you leave. Also, right, why in Jesus fuck do fingers look so weird? Like, look at them, they're like testicles. Wait. No. Tentacles. Not testicles. Fingers are nothing like testicles. Also do you think the sea is salty because whales and whatever else are horny bastards who, like, are always cumming? Like, how much cum would one whale make? A lot, right? Like, whales are big. They're so big. Why are they so big? Who was like, 'I know what I'll do today,' and then made whales fucking huge? Was it God? Because God, what the ever-loving fuck? Why is God so insane, also I don't think he exists. Like, imagine how weird it would be if he did exist. Like this massive guy watching everything you do. Like, fuck, do you think he saw the guy who made himself sick from my cock? Wait. Did God make that happen? Because doesn't he control everything? Like, is he making me say all of this right now? Oi, God, stop making me sponsor you. Get back in your own lane, you slut." 

"You think God's a slut?" 

"He impregnated Mary, and technically he made all of us, so of course he's a slut. He's the very meaning of slut. You hear that, God? You're a slut. Also why are there so many fireworks inside me right now? Like, I didn't consent to getting banged this many times, did I? When did I consent to this many bangs? Also, can you hear that, or is there a little tiny whale cumming inside me right now. Wait. I should clarify. It's cumming inside my head. Not inside me inside me. Because you know I always top. No one's ever cum inside me. My god, I feel so strange. Am I saying all of this because I genuinely have no idea in hell, and if I am, I apologise and I wish I could stop, but I don't know how. Just like how Oasis didn't know how to stop releasing god awful music. Who actually likes Oasis, they suck ass. Like, anyone who listens to Oasis deserves to only eat cum caramel for the rest of the life."